Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Embarassment & Praise!

Here on Life with Lynnie (LwL), I was involved in something that I haven't yet mentioned.

It wasn't something that would change my life. 

However, it was something that I was happy to be involved in.  I was asked to sing.

A Facebook (FB) friend, who is also a real life mutual friend of another friend of mine, works at Zehrs supermarket, in LaSalle, ON.  LaSalle, is next door to my city, Windsor.

D created an music event that was to be held at Zehrs, last Friday, February 13th. 

While D works for the supermarket, he is also a DJ.  He has professional equipment to play music for various types of events, like the one he was having that day, or weddings, parties, etc.

In any case, D had arranged for several people to join him in the coffee area.

While some would sing.  There was a fellow from the Toronto area, who was a poet, songwriter and musician who played a guitar and sang.  He's also a FB user.

To be honest, he was a very nice person to listen to.

Using his poetry, he went from table to table, using his poetry to entertain people.  Including me.  I enjoyed the poems he recited.

Then, D asked me to sing.  I did. 

The first (1st) song I sang was Love Is A Many Splendored Thing.  I'll tell you about it, another day.  However, I will say that I had been asked to make sure I sang about love, since we were heading for Valentine's Day, within a few hours.

When I began singing it, there were only a couple people in the area.  While I sang, people came and sat in the area.  And, I saw people standing on the other side of the coffee serving kiosk, who were walking around doing grocery shopping.

Even the store manager came through the area, as he headed towards the staircase, leading to the upper floor.  He smiled and gave a thumbs up, that I presume was to D.

The second (2nd) song I sang was You Raise Me Up.  This is a song I'm sure most of you are familiar with.

I was happy that people seemed to enjoy my singing.  Especially, since I was singing a capella... without music.

However, something happened that truly blew me away.  Almost literally.

D asked me to sing again.

To be honest, I was feeling stressed all that day, including when I was there singing.  I let him know I wasn't really prepared to do that.  And, I knew that he was aware I was freezing there, and wanted to leave.

He encouraged me to stay and sing.

I let D know I felt rather frustrated, since I knew I needed to leave.  And, with the stress, I couldn't even bring to mind a song I wanted to sing... even though I know many!

Seriously, my mind went blank, and panic began to come over me.

In fact, when I finally agreed and began to sing, my mind went blank once again.  This was truly embarrassing, because I couldn't recall the lyrics.

After a short time, I took a deep breath, apologized to everyone, and handed back the microphone to D.  And, I left the building.

Sigh...

This was truly an embarrassing moment, for me.

However, there was something else that was seriously upsetting to me.  It was the fact that the panic feeling stayed with me.  At least, for much of the rest of the day.

It was the same panic I felt years ago, when I had a few opportunities to have a music career, and couldn't do it, due to having stage fright... by way of panic attacks.

This panic had not overcome me for many, many years.  Yet, it happened, last Friday.  :(

To be honest, I thought God had totally healed me from this horrible problem.  I thought He healed me many years ago.

But now, I realize that I have not been fully healed, that way.

Even so, I trust God.  For everything in my life.

Just as we are told we should do, in Psalm 28:7, "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him."

Yes, the Lord is my strength and my shield.  My heart trusts in Him.  He helps me. 

And, my heart greatly rejoices in Him, for all He does for me.  I praise Him in many ways.  Including through any music I sing.

Just so you know, the panic left me.

And yesterday, I found myself singing for a group of people at a dinner I attended.  Without any panic, or any problem.

I praise God for this.  And, thank Him... for all He does for me!


Until next time...

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