Thursday, October 9, 2014

God's Will...

If you've been reading Life with Lynnie (LwL) for a long time, you'll be aware that it was on October 1, 2009 when my now deceased husband Gordon collapsed, and was brought to hospital, where he eventually was pronounced dead about 12:30 a.m., Saturday, October 10th.

This made me feel really sad.  Especially, when the hospital told me five (5) years ago, on October 9th, 2009, that they were going to unplug his life support that day... even though they agreed that it seemed his health was improving (they were afraid that possibly he may be a vegetable, when he woke up).  And, I didn't want them to do it.

It had been a while since he had been diagnosed as having an inoperable brain tumour.  And, even though we tried to get him gamma knife or cyber knife radio surgery, where they would blow apart the tumour, we could not get any doctor in our medical system here in the province of Ontario, Canada, to sign the form used and required, to apply to have him sent out of the country to have it done.

Looking back, when we first found out that Gordon had an inoperable brain tumour, I took him to the Occupational Health Clinic for Ontario Workers (OHCOW). They really didn't do anything for him, but they took his information.

There, they told us that they had files on many people who had experienced health problems, that they thought were related to their workplace; the same one where Gordon had worked.

At the time, it was shocking to hear how the government wouldn't allow each person's files to be related to any others, in an attempt to prove that the workplace environment was causing cancer and tumours in employees. We were told all cases had to be proven on their own merit.

It obviously didn't seem to matter to our government, that so-o-o-o-o many people who worked in that chemical filled plant, battled health concerns. Even if some lost their battle.

God helped me through the grief I experienced.  And, I thought I was healing from it.  At least, until this past July.

This is when I spent time with a friend I had never before met.  A friend who was only known on-line, prior to our meeting.

This person was someone who had also suffered greatly with health concerns.  And, had been treated many times, in the country where he lived.

During our time together, he asked me what happened to my husband.  I explained Gordon's inoperable brain tumour situation, and let him know that we did have in Canada gamma knife radio surgery, but because Gordon couldn't have a biopsy done to confirm if he was a cancer patient, we could not arrange medical treatment for him, here in Canada.

Just then, my friend let me know that there was an upgraded version of that sort of treatment, called cyber knife.  I was shocked when he said this.

I looked at him and asked how he knew this?  And, I let him know that I tried to get governmental healthcare permission to take Gordon to Michigan, USA to obtain that cyber knife treatment, but permission hadn't been obtained.

My friend let me know that one of the medical treatments he had received had been cyber knife treatment, for three (3) brain tumours he had. 

Believe me, when I say I almost collapsed when he told me this.  And, tears almost left my eyes.  :'(

He let me know that once he was connected up, the treatment only took about 10 minutes, to blow apart those three (3) brain tumours he had.

Ten (10) minutes?!  I felt like I was going to pass out.  But, I didn't.

I was truly happy for my friend, who I had just met in person.  Especially, since he probably would have been dead if he hadn't had that cyber knife treatment.

However, after our visit ended, I began feeling rather low in spirit.  All this happened just a few days prior to what would have been Gordon's birthday, had he still been alive. 

I thought I would feel better after what would have been his birthday, was over.  But, I didn't.

Heartbreak, continued.  Not just for a few days, but carried on with me, over and over.  I even wondered if what I was feeling was depression, and not just sadness.

The only thing that has helped me through this painful trial of grief, has been the fact that it was obviously God's will, that was done.

Just as we read, in 1 Thessalonians 5:18, "In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."

I was thankful that my friend had been able to obtain that cyber knife medical treatment that he needed. 

Even so, I must admit that even now, I feel badly that Gordon wasn't able to receive medical treatment, similar to my friend.  Especially, knowing that if he had obtained that medical care, after only a few minutes of treatment, he would still be alive, today.

The truth is, no matter what happened to Gordon, it was obviously God's plan for his life.

And, the pain, suffering and heartbreak I endured was obviously part of God's plan for my life.

So, all I can truly do, is thank God for everything.

For my time with Gordon.  For his life.  For his death, even.  And, definitely for the fact that I will once again see him, in Heaven.


Until next time...

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