Friday, January 31, 2014

My Cross...

In yesterday's Life with Lynnie (LwL) entry, I discussed my friend, Clark.

As I said previously, I am extremely sorry that I could not attend his funeral service.  But, I'm hoping that I will be able to attend his burial, in the spring.

That is, if God gives me enough healing, so I can do the very long drive up north.  Hopefully, it is His will to provide me with healing. 

I have been extremely sick since last Sunday.

When I left church, I felt like I had a chill.  By the time I got home, I didn't feel well. 

On Monday morning, I felt better. 

I decided to join my friends at the legion for dinner, since I seemed to feel okay.  Within a short time after arriving there, I began to feel nauseous. 

Not severely, at first.

This was only minutes after my friends and I discussed our friend Clark's death.  At first, I wondered if the mild nausea I was experiencing, was because of feeling badly about Clark dying.

To be honest, the nausea became so severe that I didn't eat much of my dinner.  Not eating more than a few bites, I got a container and took it home.

Feeling sick on Tuesday, I hardly ate anything. 

The nausea was tremendous.  And, knowing how vomiting had contributed to my emergency surgery for the incarcerated hernia in September 2012, I didn't want to have that problem, again.

Just so you know, my pain and swelling is not where my incarcerated hernia repair is located.  Instead, it is in the area of where I had the drainage tubes and all the leakage, last year.

I recall asking my original Windsor surgeon if that small swollen area could have been another hernia.  He told me and my daughter P, no.

I did the same with my current Windsor surgeon that I had been referred to.  He told my daughter P and I the same thing, no.

To me, it feels like a hernia.  And, when I was watching Doc Martin on PBS last Sunday, he did hernia surgery on someone.  I realize it is only a television (tv) programme, but it did show a swelled area that greatly resembles mine.


Of course, it could be one (1) of several other issues.  Time will tell.

Wednesday night was the worst.  Yes, I vomited, much to my dismay.

I began sweating to the point where I was soaking wet. 

I don't believe I had a fever.  If the doctor who helped me a while back with my lung infection was correct about having no fever but severe sweating, means it is an infection, then I at least know what's wrong.

Is this difficult to understand?  Not for me.  I already know I have infection inside me.

By Wednesday evening, the area in question had tripled and/or quadrupled in size.  I actually looked pregnant, there was so much swelling.

The redness was so severe that it looked like blood.  And the heat coming from the affected area was so hot, I could hardly touch it.

I was sweating so much, everything I wore and laid on, or sat upon was soaking wet.

My daughter P, wanted to take me to hospital.  I told her there was no reason to go to the Emergency Room (ER) at the hospital.  If they don't have a surgeon in Windsor to help me with my need for surgery, then what good would it do.  Especially, since it is definitely related to my gut problem.

On Thursday, I felt somewhat improved.  At least during the day.

I seemed to have less swelling, and it wasn't quite as hot, nor as red.  But, the pain was still there.

As I'm writing this on Thursday evening, I must tell you that the sweating has begun, again.  I'm sitting here soaking wet.

Some people may wonder why I've been suffering so much.  Even me, at times.

Then, I remind myself about how severely Jesus suffered, before he died.  He suffered far more than any of us, here on earth, could suffer.

I realize that we must bear our cross, for Christ.

Just as we're told in Luke 14:27, "And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple."

Even though I've been suffering big time, I want to bear whatever burden God has for me.  I need to be an overcomer.

The sad part for me, is the fact that I've been suffering with such severity.  So much, for so long. 

Lately, I have been feeling like I may never recover, here on earth.  Even though I've been praying for healing.

I have felt this week, like I'm having a hard time coping.  Even though I'm trusting in my Lord, for everything.

Does that sound terrible?

Think about it.  It devastates me, to think about how Jesus suffered, the way He did. 

Yes, He was a man.  But, he was also God. 

He had much more power to cope, than I, or any human could ever have.  For this, I praise God!

Me?  I'm only a woman.  I'm not God.  And, never will be.

So, I will continue to look to Him, to help me cope with this painful trial that seems to be never ending.  And, even though I've been feeling frustrated lately, I am trusting Him.

If you can find it in your heart to pray for me, I thank you, my friend.  May God bless you. 

Know that I pray for you.  Daily.

Until next time...

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