Thursday, October 17, 2013

How Could This Be?

For sure, if you've been reading Life with Lynnie (LwL) for any length of time, you'll know that I am a widow.

One week ago today, was the fourth (4th) anniversary of my husband Gordon's death.  Of course, if you read my LwL entry for October 10th, you'd know this.

What some people aren't aware of, is the fact that in 2009, October 10th was the Saturday of our Canadian Thanksgiving weekend.

It's unfortunate that the hospital where Gordon was in ICU decided to end his life, when they did.  In retrospect, if they had truly cared about me, I would think that they would have thought about doing what they did, on another day.  Why?

Ever since his death on that long weekend, I've felt like I suffer from grief twice.  It almost feels like he died on two (2) different dates.  Not just on the day he died, but also on the weekend when we in Canada celebrate Thanksgiving!

Will this ever change?  Probably, not.

It seems no matter how hard I try, I just cannot stop thinking about it.  Of course, if you were in my shoes, you'd probably feel the same.  After all we, living here on earth, are only human.

Even though I try to not focus on my pain or sorrow, regarding Gordon's death, it never seems to leave me. 

Oh, yes!  I have forgiven those involved, who contributed to his death.  And, I've accepted the fact that his life ended.  So, this shouldn't be part of my problem.

After all, God's Word lets us know that to be with Him, is much better than to suffer here, in life.  God told us this in various verses/passages in the Bible. 

One such passage is Ecclesiastes 7:1-4, "A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one's birth.
It is better to go to the house of mourning, than to go to the house of feasting: for that is the end of all men; and the living will lay it to his heart.
Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better.
The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning; but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth."

While I used to feel badly about feeling sadness, sorrow and grief, I no longer feel this way.  But, thanks to His Word, and to His teaching, I feel differently, now.

Now, acceptance seems to have crept into my heart and mind, regarding Gordon's death. 

Where there was a time when I could hardly think about it, without falling apart, I find that now, I can discuss it without feeling like I am dying inside, myself.  Even though I still miss him, very much.

For this, I praise God!

After all, as we just read, sorrow is better than laughter.  Plus, the day of death is better than the day of one's birth.  And, it's better to be in the house of mourning than to do other things and enjoy pleasure.

You might ask yourself:  How this could be?  Especially, since we are all human.  And, life is what we are experiencing.

The fact remains that we are only here on this earth a short while.  We are not here, forever.

And, the truth is, that... for a believer in Christ, to be absent from the body, is to be with the Lord.

Our Lord, Jesus Christ, gave His life for the sin of the world.  For the sin of all who will believe upon Him. 

So, for a believer in Jesus Christ, death is truly better than living on this sinful earth.  After all, being with Jesus is the best thing that could ever happen!  And, I praise God for this!

Until next time...

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