Tuesday, October 1, 2013

A Bottle?!

If you read yesterday's Life with Lynnie (LwL) entry, you'll know that it was a hard, but meaningful day for me.

It's not easy dealing with trauma that has affected and changed a person's whole life.

But, God has helped me through.  And, He provided for me in every way.

Yes, some tears flowed, yesterday.

More will flow, today.

Please bear with me.  Today, is the 4th anniversary of the day my husband collapsed and was hospitalized, before his death.

To be honest, for about a two (2) week period every year, I just feel sick in my heart.

It's not just from the post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and thinking about and experiencing flash-backs and trauma even in my sleep from time to time.  It's also about grief.

Anyone who has experienced a life-altering event that drastically changed their life, experiences grief. 

Yes, I experienced grief after the collision that changed my life.

However, with my now deceased husband Gordon's collapse in the late evening, four (4) years ago, I have ever since gone through grief, on this date, year after year.  And, it isn't easy.

Even though it seems I've worked through the cycle of grief, it doesn't mean that there aren't times when my heart breaks.  Today, is one of those days.

In a way, I'm grateful that both traumatic, heartbreaking times happened within about a two (2) week calendar time period.  At least, I don't suffer for a period of time, with one issue, and then again in another time of the year.

Well, I should say that I do miss Gordon.

Even though I feel that I'm ready to move on with my life, there are times when tears flow.  Like the time from today, until after the date of his death that happened on our Canadian Thanksgiving weekend, in October.

Talking about tears, God told us in Psalm 56:8, "Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?"

Yes, God saves our tears... in a bottle.

In a bottle? In my case, I sometimes think that God must have a huge bottle, in which to store up my tears. 

There have been times when I felt like He would need a lake, and not a bottle!

Even so, He told us that He loves us so very much, that He even saves our tears.  Wow!  This is utterly amazing, to me.

How grateful I am that God loves me.

How thankful I am that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.  For us... God's children.  Those who believe upon our Lord, Jesus Christ.

When I feel low in spirit, I may take the time to shed some tears.  However, after releasing some of the heartbreaking stress, I refocus my thoughts and look upon my Lord.

After all, His love is so great, that there is no love stronger.

Until next time...

If you would like to comment, please e-mail:  lifewithlynnie@gmail.com