Friday, September 20, 2013

Understanding...

If you read Life with Lynnie (LwL) yesterday, then you are aware of the severity of the two (2) infections my body is trying to fight off:  an abscess, and a staph infection MRSA.

For seven (7) or more months, after my surgery September 2012, I battled leaking blood and fluid.  For most of the time, the leakage happened through an opening that would not heal, in my incision(s).  However, after that, for several weeks, I actually leaked... through my skin.

To me, it was shocking when I finally healed, from the skin leakage.  And, I've wondered why I am still not leaking.

When I saw the Toronto surgeon at the end of August, it seemed that he felt the same way.  He told me he was shocked that I wasn't still leaking.

Hearing this from him, was devastating to me.

After all, if the infectious fluid and blood are not leaking out, then where is it going?  In my heart, I believe there is a good chance that it may be spreading inside me.

People tend to ask me how I'm feeling.  Truly I'm grateful they care enough to ask. 

Unfortunately, I cannot give them an answer that would satisfy them.  Why?  Because, I can't tell what's happening inside me.

How I'm feeling truly has very little bearing upon my health.  My pain levels fluctuate.  As does, the swelling I experience.

Knowing that I cannot see inside me, and have not had any testing done to measure my level of infection, it makes it difficult for me to let people know how I am, physically.  After all, I cannot tell whether or not I'm about the same, getting worse, or if God is providing a miracle healing for me.

In some ways, I feel slightly stronger.  In other ways, I feel weaker, and more tired.

In any case, I know that I am not in control.  God is.

Does this mean that I don't at times think about how I'm doing?  Or get upset with the time rolling on and on, without me having the surgery I need?

Absolutely, not!

After all, I am only human.  I'm not God. 

But, I am His child.  I'm trusting Him, for everything in my life.  And, I keep my heart and mind on Jesus, as best I can.

Just like He told us to, in Philippians 4:6-7, "Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.  And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

When I find myself feeling stressed, I turn to Him... in prayer.  And, I thank Him, for saving me, loving me, and providing for me.

When I pray, I ask Him for healing.  It matters not to me, if I'm healed through surgery, the use of drugs, or if He provides a miracle healing for me.

Once my focus has turned away from me, and returned to Him, peace comes over me.  How thankful I am for this!

I know that without my Lord, Jesus Christ... I could not make it through this trial of life.  Yes, this is only one of many, I've experienced.

But, even though I've survived many serious trials, and am managing through current ones, I know that my health issue has been the most life-threatening.

How thankful I am, that I know where I'm going, if my life here on earth, ends.  Thank you, Lord... for saving me!

In my heart, I would like to stay for a while and continue working for God.  However, if it is not His will, it won't happen.

Who knows God's will?  Only Him.  No one else.

Still, I believe prayer works.  If you can find it in your heart to pray for healing for me, I would truly appreciate it.  Thank you!

May God bless you, my friend.


Until next time...

If you would like to comment, please e-mail:  lifewithlynnie@gmail.com