If you read yesterday's Life with Lynnie (LwL) entry, you'll know that I've been under great stress.
Also, I have been suffering with much pain, this past week. Thank you to all who have prayed and will continue to pray for me. May God bless you.
Please understand that I am not concerned about dying. I know where I'm going, once my Lord calls me home.
Because I am trusting/believing upon my Lord, Jesus Christ, I know I will spend eternity, with Him. And hopefully, I'll see some of my friends and family, there.
What I do not want is to suffer physically, here on earth.
I've had my fill of this. Believe me when I say that I have suffered greatly through much of my life. Chronic pain and physical disability has burdened me, greatly.
But, God has helped me through. Every day!
For this, I will always be eternally grateful. Thank You, Father!
I should let you know that hopefully, by the end of this coming week, I'll know whether or not the last qualified surgeon is available to help me.
The reason I know this, is because I phoned his office this past Wednesday. To be honest, in the past I have never, ever done this. But, after waiting over three (3) weeks for a response, I felt like I had no choice but to call, to find out whether or not I should be looking out of Ontario for a surgeon.
His receptionist was a very nice person to talk with. Although she couldn't guarantee whether or not he will decide to take my case, she did discuss my need. And, told me to have my current surgeon call their office to speak with the Toronto surgeon. I thanked her from the bottom of my heart.
The drawback is, by the time I hear, it will have been about eight (8) weeks, since my surgeon told me I need the surgery... NOW!
Time is of the essence. The infection will not stand still inside me. Time will only lead to further complications or death.
And, as I've said before, my surgeon had told my daughter P and I there was no way I could wait for the London, ON surgeon who said I'd have to wait to see him, until November, because, I'd be dead by then. Please note, they are not my words. They are my current surgeon/doctor's. So, I'm hoping and praying this last surgeon in Toronto will respond as soon as possible.
Many people do not understand why there is such a problem finding a surgeon.
The fact is, if I were to go to the hospital in pain, like I've been in for a while, they would want to do emergency surgery on me, to remove the mesh inside me. Mesh behind my bellybutton and ribcage areas, plus all the mesh that lined my abdominal cavity since 1994.
The trouble is, that while many surgeons can remove the mesh, there are only the four (4) that my surgeon told me about, who can do the RECONSTRUCTION!
If the surgeon I have removes the mesh, but cannot do the reconstruction, this means that I will suffer greatly for a couple of years or more, until I can once again have MAJOR surgery, to have reconstruction done, or bio mesh installed inside me. All the while, the only thing holding my innards in place, would be my skin.
I've experienced this, before.
I had suffered with extreme pain after a surgery in 1990 that did not have good results. Plus, my skin got all stretched out, as my innards fell and created a hanging lump, because apparently the inner lining that should have held all my innards in place, hadn't healed. At the time, I was told what I had lived with, had been a dangerous situation, and I could have died.
So, the only thing holding my insides in place, was my skin, until I had the surgery to reline my abdominal cavity in 1994.
Even if I don't want to think about it, I can only imagine how much worse it would be this time. Especially, since it would affect my body from my ribs, right to my pelvic area.
Who could live like that? Could you? Would you want to?
There are times when I wonder why God has allowed me to physically suffer so much in my life. And, believe me, I've had more than my share of it!
The truth is, I believe that it is because He has been glorified. Glorified, through my pain and suffering.
Sort of like what we read in John 11:4, "When Jesus heard that, he said, This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby."
God has been glorified even through my life, health concerns, and writings.
It actually has shocked me how many people have contacted me, and told me how my writing about my life and trials has blessed them.
Just so you know, I've heard from many, many, many people who have suffered, or are still suffering in their lives. It makes my heart want to burst with joy, when I hear how they have been encouraged, by my efforts to serve and honour Him, by writing LwL.
I praise God for this!
Not because it raises me up and encourages me. Because, of even more importance is how those who have been encouraged, have seen how trusting in and relying on God, is the way to make it through the trials of their lives.
So, while God is glorified, I am encouraged.
Who could be sad about that? Certainly, not me.
I praise God, and will always praise Him.
Until next time...
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