If you've been reading Life with Lynnie (LwL) recently, you'll know that my health hasn't been good. And, I've been under much stress. Especially, since hearing that I need surgery as soon as possible. Rather dangerous surgery.
When I first found out about my physical situation, I found it rather shocking. Then, I began to feel a bit upset and hurt.
Why did I feel hurt? I wondered why I had been left so long that infection surrounded the mesh inside me. Why hadn't any of the medical healthcare people I had regular contact with, even consider that I might have picked up a staph infection, during surgery?
Now, I am actually finding myself feeling angry, at times.
On this past weekend, I felt a myriad of feelings. These feelings came and went so quickly, that I felt like I was on a roller coaster.
One minute I was okay with my situation. The next, I found myself once again feeling like I was in shock. Then, hurt. Angry. This went on and on, all weekend.
In the midst of all this emotional turmoil, I found myself praying and trusting God.
I know He's with me. But, I must admit, that I wondered from time, if His will is to heal me... or, not.
One thing I realize, is that all these feelings are absolutely normal. They are all part of the grieving process that people go through.
Some people think that we humans only grieve when we lose a loved one, to death. But, this isn't really the case.
People who are injured grieve the loss of their physical ability. And, sometimes grieve the loss of their lifestyle. Especially since most people's lesser ability to function physically, sometimes affects their financial life.
Married people, who find themselves alone, due to marriage break-up, quite often go through the same thing.
Of course, people like me, who have found themselves battling a physical condition that affects their lives, go through the same thing. For many reasons.
During the course of this weekend, I found myself crying, from time to time. As I said earlier, I felt rather emotional.
Then, I would take a deep breath. And, pray. The result being that I felt better. Calmer. More in control of myself.
And, of course, I felt more secure knowing that my Lord, is with me, always.
I'm praying that these feelings of security, through Jesus' love for me, will help me reach the final stage of grief for myself, sooner. I'm referring to the stage of grief, known as acceptance.
Ultimately, I know I will accept my situation. And, I'll feel more calm, within me.
Hopefully, it won't be long before I know better, what that situation will actually be. Will I live, or will I not? Will I suffer until I die, or not?
Until a conclusion has been reached, I need to deal with my physical emotions. And also, continue to trust and lean on God.
That's exactly what He told us in Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths."
Yes, in my life, I've experienced much turmoil. Some things I've written about. Other things, I have not.
But, one thing I've done always, when faced with the issues of my life that felt like I'd be torn apart, is... trust in Him.
Now, I am waiting to see how God will direct my path.
Jesus loves me. This I know, for the Bible tells me so.
If you do not read your Bible regularly, I would suggest you do so. God provided it, not just so we would be able to know about the way for us to obtain salvation through trusting in Jesus, and what He expects from us, but we are also able to read, see, feel and understand His love for us.
Until next time...
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