In yesterday's Life with Lynnie (LwL) entry, I wrote about freedom. The freedom I felt I need. Freedom from this horrible situation I have found myself in.
If you've been following LwL for a while now, you'll know that in addition to writing my daily entry, I've also been writing entries to fill in information for you, regarding my hospital stay, in May.
Today, I posted an entry for May 18th entitled, A Sound Mind... Here is a LINK to make it simple for you to access the entry, to read it.
Yesterday afternoon and evening, I began to feel overwhelmed, once again. This feeling tends to come and go.
Whenever it happens, I usually become stressed and find myself feeling sick in my heart.
While thinking about the possibility of having surgery to have the mesh inside me removed tends to be depressing, there is more that has been affecting me.
Even though I am currently at home, I have been feeling lately like I am imprisoned.
After all, there isn't much I can do. Not physically. And, in addition, it's not a good idea for me to drive, so I sometimes feel sad that I can't go anywhere.
But the worst, is feeling like I'm carrying around a ball and chain.
Being hooked up intravenously (by IV) to receive super-antibiotics isn't fun. Believe me.
Having to carry a pouch around my waist, that holds an IV bag of fluid/antibiotics in addition to the pump that controls when and how much I receive at any given time, is not fun. It's hard on me physically, for the weight of it, isn't light.
I find my body aches from carrying this around.
And, to sleep it isn't fun, either. In order to go to sleep, I have to unhook the pouch and place it close to the recharging unit that I have to use to recharge the battery inside the pump unit.
Waking to use the washroom, isn't like normal. Usually, it's simple to get up, do my thing, and return to sleep, quickly. Not so, with utilizing this set up.
Upon waking now, I have to sit up, bend over and remove the pump unit from the charger, lift up the pouch containing the bag of fluid and make sure I take hold of the drainage tube and bag that is attached to my insides, through my gut.
After doing my thing in the washroom, then it's back to bed. But, having to once again go through the routine of setting everything up the way it needs to be done, I find I am not sleepy enough to return to snooze, again.
Usually, by the time I've reset everything, I'm wide awake. And, it takes time to return to my restful sleep pattern.
The unfortunate thing is that due to receiving all this fluid, means that I wake up to do this several times a night! It's no wonder I've been feeling exhausted!
Even though I have felt overwhelmed from time to time, having to live like this, God has helped me deal with the situation.
I'm grateful for His Word, like in 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
How thankful I am that I can draw on His Word, whenever I feel like I can't cope with this horrid situation. How thankful I am that my previous pastor taught me to read and memorize Bible verses.
How grateful I am that even though I can't always recall where to find them, I am able to think and draw on those Bible verses that give me comfort. Thank You, Lord!
Until next time...
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