If you've been reading Life with Lynnie (LwL) for a while, you'll be aware that my life hasn't been up to par, lately.
At least for the past five (5) months. Within the next couple of days, I will be starting month six (6) of this health problem.
I must admit that in the beginning, I was patient as I focused on relaxing enough to allow my body to heal.
Well, in all honesty, there wasn't much I could have done, anyway. After all, when a person is not supposed to bend, lift, stretch, carry or strain themselves in any way, what more can be done?!
Then, I went through a phase where, even though I was trusting God, I tried to not be anxious.
This phase wasn't easy, at all. During this time, I felt the need to try and get back to normal with my life. Even though my body wasn't healed enough to do so.
In my position, I don't think anyone would have felt different.
In this phase, I noticed that those who had been a great help to me, had grown weary of helping out, or possibly just thought I should be well enough to do more on my own. Even if it wasn't quite the case.
Once again, I realized that the only way to deal with those feelings was to give it to Jesus. And, I did.
When I found out I once again needed surgery, I was in shock. Especially, since I only had less than two (2) days notice!
Like an instant replay, I was home-bound, unable to do anything for myself. Those old feelings began to emerge.
Just as I had done previously, I gave it to Jesus.
This is actually something that is easier said than done. Anyone who has gone through a trial or circumstance that seems to be never ending, can attest to this.
I'd give it to Him, laying it at the foot of the cross. Before I knew it, I was dealing with the issue at hand, again!
Back to the cross I went. Laying it for Jesus to handle. For a while, it became His, then mine; His, then mine. But now, it's His.
And hopefully, this is where it will stay.
I have now reached the point where I have no expectations. I realize that I have no control over what has been happening to me.
I've known this all along. But, at this time, I feel a certain amount of freedom. I suppose this is what happens when someone truly feels helpless, in and of themselves.
Please don't misunderstand. I am not helpless, or hopeless, as some might presume. I've just accepted the situation for what it is.
I have no expectations that I, myself, can work to achieve. As I've said before, everything will have to come from Him.
This brought to mind Philippians 1:20, "According to my earnest expectation and my hope, that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life, or by death."
No matter the circumstance, I will continue to reflect Christ, the best I can. And, magnify His name. For, He is my strength.
As for what will happen, concerning my body, time will tell.
This coming week, my surgeon/doctor will receive the CT scan report. Prayerfully, I hope that it will give a clear indication as to what the problem is, within my body. And, what is needed to be done, to promote healing.
Once I know, I'll let you know! Until then, thank you for praying for me. Please know I pray for you, also. May God bless you.
Until next time...
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