Recently, I mentioned here on Life with Lynnie (LwL) that I was going to see my surgeon/doctor this week, to get the results of the CT Scan that I had done a few weeks ago. Yesterday, was the day.
As I've written in the past, I was hoping that it would have shown that a sponge or something had been left inside me. I mentioned this to my surgeon yesterday. He was shocked.
I explained that if this were the case, he would be able to open me up, remove whatever was causing my pain and inability to heal, sew me up and then, I would heal. He understood.
Unfortunately, this wasn't the case.
He informed me that the CT Scan didn't show any problem. Nothing was found. And, no clue was given as to what has been causing my inabilty to heal, the swelling to the right of my incision, and the pain that is increasing as time marches on.
To say I was upset, is an understatement.
He had just seen for himself that there was indeed swelling. So, why didn't this show up on the CT Scan? His reply was that he didn't know why nothing showed up. He didn't know why that swelling didn't show up.
I asked if the test had failed in some way. He didn't know.
I asked what I needed to have this swelling and pain go away. He didn't know.
He asked me if I would like to have a second (2nd) opinion, saying that he would refer me. He appeared shocked when I said I didn't feel I needed a second (2nd) opinion, because I trust him.
It's the test results I didn't trust!
Being rather upset, I asked if he was going to just toss me aside, finish as my care-giver and leave me suffering with pain and inability to function. He told me that he would see me in a month, because my open wound still has not healed.
At this point, I began to cry.
Not just due to being upset. But, I cried out to God.
Then, I told my surgeon that had I known back in September, how long and how much I would suffer after having the surgery, I wouldn't have had it done. Instead, I would have just requested they treat my pain, and allow me to die.
I know. Some of you must be thinking I'm depressed. Maybe, I am. Maybe, I'm not.
There is one thing I know. Had I not gone to the hospital when I did, I would have died, within hours. They told me so, at that time.
Please don't misunderstand.
I realize that God's will is always done. I realize that there is a time to be born and a time to die. No one escapes death. It comes to all of us.
In addition, I realize that sometimes God makes things happen in our lives that we don't necessarily like. And, I also realize that sometimes God doesn't do this. Sometimes, He just ordains it. Allows it.
Why? To ultimately give Him glory.
This is what God wants from us. He wants no other god before Him. He wants all the glory, for everything in our lives. And will use any means He desires, to bring this about. Even if it means allowing us to be afflicted in our lives.
He told us this, in 2 Corinthians 4: 15-18, "For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God. For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal."
God will heal me. One way or another. Whether in life, or through death.
In the meantime, I believe He wants me to have a testimony to His goodness. Another testimony. To bring glory and honour to Him.
I will glorify Him. I will trust in Him. Always.
It's for this reason that I will continue to keep my eyes upon Jesus. The author and finisher of my faith.
Until next time...
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