Sunday, January 27, 2013

Painful Tears...

In yesterday's Life with Lynnie (LwL) entry, I wrote about feeling blessed.  And, fulfilled.

I was.  Feeling fulfilled, and blessed.  I felt loved.

At least, until later in the afternoon.

A real-life friend chatted with me on Facebook (FB).  She asked me if I knew someone.  The person's name, I will not give a hint to.

At first, I wasn't sure if I knew the person, and even thought that possibly, I didn't.  This was due to the fact that I couldn't recall the person's first name.  But, the family name made me wonder if I knew the young woman.

I asked what her mom's name was.  My friend didn't know.  I asked if she knew if this young woman had a sister, and mentioned her name.  Once again, my friend couldn't tell me.

Then, she told me that she heard this young woman's grandmother's name. 

It hit me like a ton of bricks, that I knew exactly who she was.  In fact, she's the half-sister of a relative of my now deceased husband, Gordon.

After letting my friend know this, we had a short discussion, before we both went offline.

After relaxing for a short time offline, I felt a little upset thinking about the whole situation involving the family history of this young woman.  Later, I felt even worse.

When I recalled the stress and hurtful pain and suffering that Gordon and I endured together, due to ill treatment by this young woman's family and other family divisions, I began to cry.  The memories were not always good ones, even if some were wonderful.

As I recalled Gordon feeling hurt, I found myself becoming even more upset.  Tears flowed like a running tap.

Why?  I really can't say.  After all, nothing can change the past, now!

His pain from the family division was something he never would admit to, verbally.  But, we were soulmates.  And, I could feel his pain. 

Even so, when he felt hurt or upset, he would always remind me that no one could hurt him.  He'd remind me that all he truly needed in life was Jesus.

It broke my heart, in the past.  And recalling all this, broke my heart, yesterday.  And brought back a wave of grief.

After all, no one is perfect.  No one has ever lived a life without sin.  Not Gordon.  Not me.  Not these people from the past.  And, not you.

God told us so in Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;"

Unfortunately, some people don't believe that they sin.  But, the truth is, no one has lived without sin in their lives.

The beautiful thing about understanding and accepting this, is accepting the fact that you are a sinner.  A sinner, in need of a Saviour.  And, the Saviour God provided to cleanse us from our sin, was Jesus.

In retrospect, I realize that Gordon never did anything to hurt this person, or anyone in her family.  Still, due to humanness and divisions of life, he paid a heartbreaking price.  With very little contact from/with this person's family.

And, so did I.  With him.  And, even now, without him.

My tears have now stopped.  For this, I am thankful.  Lord, I wonder how anyone can make it through this life, without You.

Until next time...

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