Friday, January 4, 2013

Many Days...

Lately, I've been writing about my health and pain, here on Life with Lynnie (LwL).  Today, will be slightly different.

As you are probably aware, I've been a widow for over three (3) years, now.  Not a short amount of time, to be sure.

Some people might think that the grief I felt over losing my husband Gordon, should be gone by now.  Maybe for some people, but not for me. 

I truly believe that love never dies.  Not for a spouse, nor a parent, a child, or even for a friend. 

Personally, I thought I was doing really well.  Especially, over Christmas.  And, especially since I spent it alone, due to family being sick and me recovering from abdominal surgery, a few days earlier.

Please understand, I'm not saying I wasn't feeling rather sad, missing Gordon.  But, I felt I had dealt with it better than in the past.  This made me think I was accepting my new life.

Then, came New Year's Eve.

On the day of New Year's Eve, I was fine.  At least, until the evening.

On Facebook (FB), someone in Ireland made a posting about celebrating.  This brought back memories to my mind.

The thoughts I reminsced about, related to one trip to Ireland.  When Gordon and I had visited with family one New Year's Eve.

At first, I chuckled, thinking about Rolly the dog, and how he affected our celebration.  And, of how R and Gordon kept encouraging each other to finish off the last cupcake.  The one, decorated in green, that it seemed no one wanted.

Soon the chuckles ended.  And, tears flowed.

Eventually, I felt like I would survive.  Of course, I did.  lol  Otherwise, I wouldn't be writing this entry!

It was that evening when I realized that grief had not yet left me.

Am I alone in this?  Not really.  Everyone grieves when they lose someone they love.

In Genesis 37:34-35, "And Jacob rent his clothes, and put sackcloth upon his loins, and mourned for his son many days.  And all his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted; and he said, For I will go down into the grave unto my son mourning. Thus his father wept for him."

Unlike Jacob, I have not been mourning the loss of a child.  Instead, I've been mourning the loss of the other half of me. And, it hasn't been easy.

Still, I feel like I am surviving better, on a daily basis.  Thank You, Lord.

Until next time...

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