Monday, November 26, 2012

Tears...

Previously, I wrote in Life with Lynnie (LwL) about running into Gordon's friend B, last Friday.  Although I mentioned it was a happy, yet upsetting meeting, it wasn't just due to finding out that B has cancer.

As I mentioned in that entry, I felt upset hearing he is battling cancer, but tried to not let it show.  I wanted to be positive for B, and not fall apart, and possibly stress him out.

But then, it got worse.  B began telling me how much he missed Gordon.  Oops... I should have said, Gordie... or El Gordo, as he called him.

Reminiscing about fun times he had with Gordon, he laughed aloud. 

It made my heart skip a beat.  I was happy, and yet saddened by this.  And, once again, tried to not let it show.

What really got to me, was when B started doing a shuffle-like dance, right there in the store.  Laughing while doing so. 

He let me know that Gordon and he used to lock arms, and do that shuffle-like dance together, at work from time to time.  To lighten the day.  And, to be able to have a laugh, together.  B said they called it the Brother Where Art Thou... dance.

In my mind's eye, I could envision Gordon doing this.  And, that's when it really got to me. 

I almost lost it, right there, in the store.  As a matter of fact, I could feel tears welling up.

Quickly, I told B I had to go.

We said our goodbyes, and off I went to find my daughter B and her friend.  We finished shopping and headed out.

I couldn't get it off my mind, and out of my broken heart.  Even to breathe, I felt strained.  The pain I felt was beyond belief.

And, this continued on for the rest of the day.

When I arrived home, I burst into tears.  And, cried off and on for the rest of the afternoon.

Between waves of emotion, I called B and his wife, and left a message on their phone answering system.  B called me back.

I explain to him why I rushed off.  And, apologized for doing so.

He told me that he thought I was upset, and asked his wife, if he had done something wrong.  Through my tears, I told him that he had not done anything wrong.  That it actually encouraged me.

So why the tears?

Due to family problems, Gordon's and my family relationships were somewhat strained, in the past.  To be honest, there were times when I felt like I was the only person in the world, grieving him.

When I realized that B was indeed grieving Gordon, it not only made me feel happy, but opened up the floodgate of grief, once again.

Even now, just thinking about this, tears are running down my face, as I am writing.

Tears.  God has spoken about tears, in various verses in the Bible.  Psalm 56:8 came to mind, "Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?"

A bottle?  lol  There are times when I think that a bottle could not possibly hold all the tears I've cried in my life.  Sometimes, I have felt like God might need a lake instead, to capture them.  lol

But, the fact remains, God is with us, always

And, He wants us to praise Him, even in the midst of the trials we face in our lives.  I do.  And, I am grateful for His love.  Hopefully, you are, too.


Until next time...

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