Saturday, October 6, 2012

Alone? Not!

My goodness... it's almost bedtime!  And, I've tried to access Blogger, for hours!  Hopefully, Google will get Blogger working properly, soon!

As you know, if you read yesterday's Life with Lynnie (LwL) entry, I've been praying for healing.  Not just physically, I must say.  Although physical healing is very important to me, at the moment.

Yesterday, I did far too much.  By the time I got home, I felt like I was dying, physically.  As I mentioned, I even took something to help me with the pain I was experiencing.

For sure, I thought I would probably go to bed early, last evening.

This didn't happen.  In fact, the closer it got to midnight, the more stressed I felt.  By 12:30 a.m. this morning, I was in tears.

Why is this happening to me?

While I cannot say why definitively, I can only say that I believe the reason I am feeling grief more than normal lately, is probably because I'm feeling rather overwhelmed physically.  Leaving me rather overwhelmed emotionally, as well.

Grief isn't fun.  That's all I can say.

This morning, about 11:00 a.m. my daughter P called me.  During our conversation, she mentioned several times how badly she felt that she and family are sick.

Normally, she would invite me for Thanksgiving dinner.  This year will be different.  With her family members being ill, there is no way I want to go visit.  Even if she picked me up and drove me.

The last thing I need is to get sick.

If coughing, sneezing and fever inhibited my healing, I wouldn't be happy.  After all, the last thing I need is to have pressure put on my incision and my surgical repair.

Still, P kept talking about what an emotional weekend it is for me.  And, she's right.

I'm sure she made sure to call at the time she did, because three (3) years ago on the Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend, at about 11:00 a.m., P was with me at the funeral home, making arrangements for Gordon's funeral.

You see, even though my husband, Gordon died on October 10th at 12:30 a.m., the day he died was the Saturday of our Canadian Thanksgiving weekend.  Just like today.

Some people might think what I am about to say is strange, but I feel like I have two (2) emotional days.  The date of Gordon's death, and the day on the holiday weekend, that he died.

Later, my daughter B called me.  As you know, she is suffering with her injuries from an ATV accident.

B wanted to let me know that some of her children are sick at the moment.  And, so is she.  Actually, this wasn't a surprise to me, because she hadn't been feeling well for the last few days.

I lovingly let her know that even though she wanted to have me enjoy Thanksgiving dinner with them, I wouldn't attend.  As I said previously, the worst thing that could happen to me, would be for me to get sick, on top of my already stressful physical situation.

So, it seems that I will be alone, this weekend, after all.

Alone.  I've been feeling rather alone, lately.  Feeling rather stressed, grieving the loss of the love of my life.

Ultimately, I know I am not really alone.  My Lord, Jesus Christ told us in the New Testament, that He would never leave us, nor forsake us.  For this, I am grateful that He confirmed what God told us in the Old Testament.

Yes, God told us in Deuteronomy 31:6, "Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee."

Wow!  How grateful I am for God's Word!

As I said, ultimately I know that I am not alone.  While I am finding this latest trial in my life a bit frustrating and overwhelming, and while I understand that it has worn me down somewhat emotionally as well, I am trusting God.  For healing, and indeed for everything in my life.

Thank you, for praying for healing for me and for my daughter B.  May God bless you for your continued prayer.

Until next time...

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