Saturday, September 15, 2012

Here I thought blogger was working properly again, but it seems it is not.  Please bear with me, once again.

In yesterday's Life with Lynnie (LwL) entry, I answered my own question, about... sort of.  Today, I'll explain what I mean.

First, I must tell you something about my mom.

Like me, my mom also had a hernia behind the bellybutton.  Just as I have had surgery to repair mine, so had my mom, many years before her death.

Just so you know, hernias are not inherited.  It`s just coincidence that we both had hernias.

I need to explain to you what happened to my mom.  If I do this, you will understand better what I meant when I said, sort of

Of course, if you've been reading LwL, you'll have an idea already, since I mentioned that I felt like my body would burst open and rhetorically asked if it could, to which I replied to myself... sort of.

What led up to my mom's death was this.  Mom developed a bowel infection, that spread to her stomach and only kidney (yes, she had one removed a few years earlier, due to cancer).

By the time she got to the hospital, and began receiving treatment, her stomach and abdomen was so distended (swollen), that it put pressure on her hernia that had been repaired years earlier.

The hernia repair tore from all the pressure placed on it, by the swelling.  Mom began to vomit blood.  This hemorrhaging and trauma caused her heart to stop.  Whether this was congestive heart failure, or an actual heart attack, I have no idea.

All I know is that my mom was resuscitated and kept on life support, until Gordon, one of my brothers and I could get to the hospital (about a 4 hour drive away).  Once we arrived, they stopped life support and my mom died.

So, when I say I felt like my body would burst open, I meant it.  Sort of.

It wouldn't have burst open, in the truest sense of that statement.  But, what could happen to me, would be the same thing that happened to my mom.  Please realize, I didn't say it would happen, but rather, that it could happen.

So much pressure has been put on my hernia with all the pain, swelling and retching, that I can hardly believe I have survived all this pain and suffering, thus far.

I was trying to wait until Monday to get medical care, but after being up through the night, last night, for about three and a half (3 1/2) hours, with retching again, and all the pain and suffering that came with it, I feel I just cannot wait any longer.

You see, today is different.

On other days, the pain would subside, reduce itself, and sometimes almost disappear.  Whenever this happened, I was misled into believing that I was getting better.

Today, since being up through the night, I have had no reduction in pain and/or suffering.  The pain is still with me.  It hasn't left.

So, it looks like I'll be heading to the hospital, shortly.

I've been dreading going, but my daughter P will be coming to get me, shortly.  My friend M suggested an ambulance, but they would want to take me to the hospital that I do not want to go to.  This way, if I am driven by P, I will be seen at the hospital of my choice.

Of course, if God wanted to take me home to heaven, He probably would have already. 

This reminds me of how glorious 2 Corinthians chapter 5:1-8 is, "For we know that if our earthly house, this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed with our habitation which is from heaven, if indeed, having been clothed, we shall not be found naked. For we who are in this tent groan, being burdened, not because we want to be unclothed, but further clothed, that mortality may be swallowed up by life. Now He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who also has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. So we are always confident, knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord. For we walk by faith, not by sight. We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord."

Please don't take that statement I made about dying, the wrong way.  It's not that I want to die, because truly, I realize there is much more work to be done for my Lord, here on earth.

However, this pain and suffering that I have been experiencing is draining, physically, emotionally and even spiritually at times.  More than once, I've asked God why He's left me in pain like this, when He could end it.  The pain, I mean.

I realize that He may not have caused this situation to happen, but He is in control of all things.  He could have provided full and restorative healing.  For whatever His reason in allowing me to suffer this way, I just need to continue trusting Him.

And, trust Him, I will.  For He knows, better than I.

Again, thank you for praying for me; please continue.  May God bless each of you who care enough and take the time to pray. 

Until next time...

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