Saturday, October 1, 2011

Love...

I highly doubt that anyone realized that yesterday was the 31st anniversary of the day I died, except those who may have read yesterday's Life with Lynnie (LwL) entry.  In any case, even if they had, it certainly wouldn't have made any difference, to them.  Or to me.

While I tend to write about my feelings, and pour out my thoughts here in LwL, I don't want to give you the impression that I cannot function in life, for this is not the case.

Yesterday, I got up, did a few things I needed to do, got ready and went to exercise.

Afterwards, I rushed home, showered and changed.  When I say I rushed, I mean I rushed!  I had a deadline to meet!

With much thankfulness, I arrived at my destination in good time. 

My co-worker/friend C was to meet me; along with him, he brought our friend M, but they didn't wait with me.  They entered the property, driving through the gate and making their way to a storage unit that M is taking care of for a friend of hers, who has moved out of town.

In case you're wondering, we were all to attend an auction.  No; not an auction of M's friend's storage unit, but of another unit, nearby. 

This was a first for me, and for my friends. 

Years ago, when I lived in Brampton, a friend of mine introduced me to auctions she used to attend, there.  How I enjoyed going with my friend, watching her sell her artwork and purchasing replacements.  Of course, it was fun participating, too!

After the auction, C invited M and I to go have lunch at our favourite fish 'n chips restaurant, so off we went.  Together, we enjoyed great conversation and great food.  Thank you, C.  It was certainly nice of you to treat us! 

Upon leaving the restaurant, and having several other things to do both for work and personally, we parted our ways.  Eventually, I made it home, early enough that I wasn't out driving at 3:45 p.m.

Every year, I mentally prepare to not be on the road at that time.  Oh, not because I think something else will happen to me at that exact time, but rather, because as I have mentioned in the past, I still suffer from post traumatic stress (PTS).  It is simply that if possible, I would rather be at home, where I can be most relaxed.  Especially on the anniversary of the day that changed my life.

When Gordon was alive, we usually didn't discuss the date, nor the memory of what it meant to us.  Even so, he would hug me or glance across the room, letting me know he loved me.  He probably thought at times that I didn't realize he was aware, but I knew he did, because he loved me.  Usually, later in the evening, this would be confirmed, as he held my hand or showed me some sign of affection, commenting that we made it through another September 30th.

Two (2) years ago today, October 1st, all that changed.  If you've been a friend, reader of LwL or have read my recently published book Love Never Fails You...  you'll know that today is the second (2nd) anniversary of the day when Gordon collapsed and was taken to hospital.

On this dreary, rainy day, I have no plans.  That is, no plans to go out, nor to do anything special in any way; not during the day and not for the evening.  The only plan I have is to relax and try to not focus on upsetting things.

After all, on this day a couple of years ago, it was the last time I hugged my husband, heard his voice and saw him in pain.  As you probably are aware, he collapsed late in the evening, was taken to hospital and was admitted, well after midnight.

Will I smile today or tomorrow?  Probably not.  In fact, I'm losing the battle with tears, even as I write this entry.
(A quote I found on Facebook, by an unknown source. 
Quite appropriate, I thought!)

If you have someone in your life that you love, please tell them today that you love them.  Tomorrow may be too late.


Until next time...

If you would like to comment, please e-mail:  lifewithlynnie@gmail.com