Sunday, October 9, 2011
This morning, I dreaded getting up, but I did it.
Before getting ready to go worship, I tried to relax on this special Lord's Day. Being Thanksgiving, I knew that everywhere I went, I would be faced with smiling people wishing me Happy Thanksgiving! And, I knew they would expect happy smiles and similar wishes, in return.
Just before I made my way to leave home, I took the time to call a lady who lives in my building. M doesn't live on my floor; nor do we know each other well. However, we do have something in common.
Both our husbands died the same day.
M is much older than I. She and her husband enjoyed over 50 years of marriage, together. When she answered her phone, I could tell she was upset. Knowing that she is a Christian woman, I asked if I was interrupting her preparing to go worship. M replied in a quivering voice, that she wasn't going to church, today. Then, her tears flowed freely, as she told me how she isn't doing well in her grief.
Just hearing her in pain, made me choke up and cry. All weekend, I've been trying to stay in control of my own sadness and sorrow. But, when I listened to M tell me how she is suffering and heard the pain in her voice, it was all I could do, to not fall totally apart.
As tears rolled down my cheeks, I said what I could to comfort M. We agreed to cut out each other's ads that were printed in the Windsor Star's In Memoriam column.
Yes, I went to church. Many times, I took a deep breath, trying to slow down my breathing, in order to not fall to pieces. It seemed to work. But, I found I just couldn't smile and/or be happy.
Afterwards, I did a couple of errands, and made my way towards the cemetary, stopping to visit friends G & D, who just moved into their new home. It was a lovely visit.
Continuing to Gordon's grave only took a few minutes, because I was nearby. Since many stores would be closed tomorrow, on the second (2nd) anniversary of Gordon's death, I placed flowers on his grave, today.
To my surprise, I actually saw another person tending a grave, not close to Gordon's, but in the same general area. This is such a rare occurrence, these days, because I hardly ever see anyone in the cemetary.
After a time of crying and talking to God and Gordon, I folded up my lawn chair and headed home. I'll return to the cemetary, tomorrow.
Arriving home, I found that M had dropped through my mail slot Gordon's In Memoriam notice. I packaged her husband's notice and took it to her apartment, dropping it through her mail slot.
I must mention that in addition to M's envelope, there was another envelope to be found. L, who also lives in my building, made sure I got her copy of Gordon's notice. On the front of her envelope, she wrote a short note to me:
"He was so proud of you & your great cooking! I remember the great dinner Gord invited me to attend."
Thank you, Lord. Thank you, that even though I am the only person grieving Gordon's death, You have provided me with good friends and neighbours to show me love and support.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Today, is Thanksgiving Sunday. Even though I thank You regularly for all You have done for me, I would like to take this time to thank You for providing me with friends and neighbours who care for me, but more importantly have shown me they cared for Gordon.
As You know, there are times when I feel so very alone, even though I know You are with me, always.
You are an awesome God. We could not ask for a greater God. You know the end from the beginning. You knew before we were even born, who You would save. Even in our sinfulness, You loved us.
You made provision for Your children, for all who would believe on Your Son, our Lord, Jesus Christ, who chose to come to earth, to fulfill Your plan of salvation. I am thankful for all this and more.
You told us to be thankful in all things. Being only human, this is not always an easy task, but I look to You daily, for You are my great provider.
Thank You, for loving me enough to save me, for providing for my every need. Thank You, that Gordon is with You, Lord. If he couldn't be with me, there's no place I would rather him be, for he is safe with You. No longer in pain, suffering, and filled with sorrow.
Father, I pray for all my unsaved family and friends, who need salvation. While life seems long, compared to eternity, it is very short. I pray it is Your will to save each and every one of them.
If any are saved, and out of fellowship, walking in the flesh, living in the world, rather than trusting You and living in the spirit as You would have us do, I pray it is Your will to draw them back to You.
You are the great Shepherd. We are Your sheep. Your sheep hear Your voice and come to You, when You call.
I do thank You, for all things in my life, Father. The good... and the not good. For I know You are in control of everything, even when life feels out of control.
Father, there are many of Your children who are in need of healing. Whether it be physical, emotional, spiritual, relational, financial or otherwise, I pray it is Your will to provide healing for those in need.
For all who are in ministry, I pray You will guide each one, always. May Your will be done, as they minister to the needs of others and preach the Gospel to the unsaved. Thank You, for providing for their every need.
I thank You for this and so much more, and pray these things in Jesus' precious name.
Until next time...
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