Monday, October 31, 2011

Trick or Treat?

Today is October 31st.

For some people, especially children, it is a day when they can fill their sweet tooth.  After all, isn't that what those people will tell you Trick or Treating is all about?

For others, October 31st is a special day for another reason.  To Christians who know, it is a day that remembers when Martin Luther nailed his 95 Theses to the door of a church in Wittenberg, Germany in 1517.  This began the reformation.

If you would like to read/find out more about the reformation, and/or Luther's 95 theses, feel free to google it!  For starters, you may want to click on this link:

When I was a child, I grew up in a home where people considered themselves to be Christians.  Yet, reading of God's Word, the Bible, was never done.  You may be aware that my dad rarely worshipped at church; my mom grew up in a church environment where people believed they could contribute to their salvation. 

Whenever we moved, and it was often, we worshipped at various churches, or no church at all.  In one way, it was good that this happened, but in another way, it wasn't.  While I learned a variety of ways to worship, it also shows that my parents knew nothing of doctrine.  Otherwise, attending various churches would not have happened.

As I've mentioned in the past, one of my grandmothers used to read tea leaves and had psychic tendencies.  Growing up, this was the norm.  Not once did any of my relatives ever tell me this was wrong.

This is how I know that my family had never really read/studied the Bible.  More about this, later.

Consequently, I was like almost every other child in my neighbourhood.  Every Halloween, I dressed up and went trick or treating.  Never, did I ever think anything was wrong with this.

As an adult, when my children were young, I still thought like this.  As a result, my daughters learned it was okay to dress up, go trick or treating and generally celebrate Halloween.  Unfortunately.

Why do I say this?  Because, after rededicating my life to Christ, and after reading God's Word and attending Bible study, I came to know the truth about what God thinks. 

So, when I was a child, I thought as a child.  I errantly thought it was okay to think that readings and psychic abilities were okay, that they were of God.  1 Corinthians 13:11 is a verse near and dear to my heart, "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things."

Now, as a more mature Christian, I know that no one should not participate in anything to do with the occult.  Not Halloween, not readings, not psychic stuff.  Nothing.  God considered the occult as one of the abominations, to Him.

To read more about this, google it.  Or for a brief overview, click on this link:

While the majority of people I know of, where Halloween is celebrated will be participating, I won't be.  Hopefully, you won't, either.  In my opinion, while most people think about Halloween in reference to treats, I believe it is one of the devil's biggest tricks. 

Until next time...

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Sunday, October 30, 2011

Happy Birthday, D!

If you read yesterday's Life with Lynnie (LwL) entry, you'll know that I overdid it, physically.

Lifting box after box, after box of copies of my book Love Never Fails You..., moving them out of my livingroom wasn't an easy job.  Before I did this task, I prayed God would help me; He did.

Afterwards, my body was riddled with pain; again, I prayed and asked you to pray.  Thank you, to all who prayed.  I cannot thank you, enough.  God answered my prayer.  By this morning, I was able to walk without being in agony.  Thank You, Lord!

Being my Lord's day, as I do on every Sonday, I went to worship.  Instead of going to the cemetary afterwards, as per normal, I went to the cemetary, before worship service.

We had a guest speaker/preacher, today.  He was a very interesting speaker to listen to.  Not only was his sermon wonderful, but he had a great sense of humour.

Some people actually knew this gentleman, personally.  Although he pastors a church in Hamilton today, he was originally from Windsor.  Growing up nearby, he attended my church, and became saved, while worshipping, here.

So, for this Christian orator, speaking this weekend was like returning home for a visit!

Afterwards, I did an errand, while on my way to my daughter P's home.  As I was about to leave the store I was shopping at, I heard a familiar voice; my daughter's!  We shared a good laugh and both finished up what we needed to do.

At P's home, we visited for a while, before celebrating my grandson D's birthday.  Here he is, blowing out his birthday cake candles!

Happy Birthday, D!

Sorry the pic isn't perfect.  No, I didn't take the photo this time, because just as with the last birthday I celebrated with one of my grandsons a few days ago, I forgot my camera.  In any case, I thank you P, for this pic!  I'm grateful to have it!

Who ever said life was perfect?  It's not.  But today, sharing birthday cake with my grandson and his/our family, was a true blessing.  Okay, okay.  For clarification purposes, I did make the cake, but I wasn't referring to cake; rather, to sharing time with my family.

Until next time...

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Saturday, October 29, 2011

Oh, The Pain!

This morning, I awoke before my alarm went off.  What a pleasure it is to wake up like this!  Thank You, Lord!

Normally, I take time to relax my neck and back, before beginning any work, but today was different.  It didn't take long for me to get moving, for a change.

Today, I knew that I absolutely had to tackle a task that I had been putting off, all month.  Doing my bookkeeping.

Some of you may be aware, but some not, that as a realtor, I must remit HST (Harmonized Sales Tax) to the government. 

Most realtors only have to do this once per year, but not me.  I'm different!  Because I had previously been a retailer, a business owner, who was on the programme where I had to file every three (3) months (quarterly), I am still obliged to do so.  It matters not that I am no longer a retailer.  When I requested being transferred to the annual programme, I was refused.  So, quarterly, it is.

This month has been so very busy for me, that I had not yet gotten all completed that I needed to do.  So, today, I tackled the job.  Thank You, Lord... for helping me get all the bookkeeping and paperwork done, so that I could file on-line, today! 

If you believe in prayer, please pray for me.  I have a feeling my poor partially-disabled body will be hurting badly, later.

If you've been reading Life with Lynnie (LwL) entries lately, you'll know that I removed Gordon's dresser from my room.  That was physically taxing for me.  Even so, God graced me by not having me in agony for very long, afterwards.

Something else that proved to be extra physically taxing was when I received copies of my book Love Never Fails You...  from my publisher.

Normally, I would have received only enough copies of my book to give to friends and family.  However, this is not the case for me.

Due to the conferences that were scheduled throughout the USA, and knowing I had to have books with me at each destination, along with book marks to give out, I ordered extra copies.  Just as I was about to place the order, I received an e-mail telling me that if I ordered copies before the end of their sale date, I would receive extra copies as a bonus.

At the time, my first thought was how wonderful it was that God had provided for me, just at the right time!

Now that the conferences have been cancelled, I find myself overburdened with copies of my book!  And, of course, they were all stored in part of my livingroom.

When they were first delivered, I almost had heart-failure when I found they were delivered only to my door; I had to lift the boxes and bring them into my apartment, myself.  Believe me, it almost killed me, physically.  God was good.  He helped me!

Now today, I reorganized elsewhere in my apartment, because I just couldn't stand looking at all those boxes of books!

This meant moving many boxes, each weighing what felt like a ton, to me!  With my neck, back and other problems, I am not supposed to lift more than 10 lbs. at a time.  Ha ha ha!  Sure.

Even so, I prayed before I began.  God once again helped me.  I managed to get the job done.  Thank You, Lord.  I could not have done this, without you!

Now, as I have begun to relax, the pain is setting in.  I've taken something to help me combat the pain.  Even so, I know that what I am feeling at the moment, will be nothing compared to what I'll experience later.  Dr. Gemel, my chiropractor, here I come!

So again, I'll ask you to please pray for me.  Thank you.  May God bless you, for this.

Until next time...

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Friday, October 28, 2011

In Gratitude...

While not everyone has been supportive of me, during one of the worst years of my life, I would like to take the time to thank all who have been so very supportive of me. I know I could not have made it, without my Lord Jesus, nor without your love and support.

In the beginning, when Gordon first collapsed, I clung to God, praying and believing that it was His will to heal Gordon.  As you know, in the end, it proved to be not God's will for this. 

When Gordon died, I cannot say that I immediately grieved or mourned, for I truly felt like I was in a state of shock.  Not just shocked because Gordon died, but shocked that God had not answered my prayer in a positive way.

Breathing was a challenge.  Even just taking a breath, was painful, physically.  If I could have just willed myself to stop breathing, I would have.  Never, in my wildest dreams, did I ever think I would experience such pain and sorrow.  NEVER.

My gratitude to those who loved me enough to pray for me, feed me, call me, visit me, have me over to their homes, out for meals, movies, and generally just support me, is something that I cannot express in words.  Thank you.

Many of you, probably long ago, grew weary of listening to me or reading about my pain, suffering and sorrow.  Thank you, for your patience and love.

The year filled with 'firsts' finally come to a close.  Never again, will I experience the first birthday, Christmas, New Year, Valentine's, anniversary and more, without Gordon, for these times have now passed.  And, I somehow survived, by the grace of God.

While I survived the first year without my loving husband, I cannot say I lived through it, for I truly didn't live.  I just existed. 

The second year was certainly not easier. 

Mostly, I felt like I died, once again; sort of like I did, after the collision I was involved in, with my bus.  Only, my body didn't know it, and kept on breathing.

After all, my husband was, as the Bible teaches, my other half.  So, I suppose it would be more accurate to say that half of me died, when Gordon died.

There were times, when I wished and prayed with all my being that God would find it in His heart to remove me from this veil of tears and take me home, to be with Him and Gordon.  But, He didn't.

There were times, when I wished I could just go out for bread and never come back, not wanting to feel any more pain than life had already dished out. 

I thank God for giving me the wisdom to know that no matter where I could have gone, I could not have escaped the pain, suffering and sorrow that came with losing my husband.

Mourning is not easy. I have come to the conclusion that it will probably never end, for I believe that Gordon will always hold a special place in my heart.  My widowed friends tell me they still grieve, after many a year.

I am hoping and praying that my grief, will take a turn for the better, soon. That I will once again be able to think upon my Gordon with love and happiness, without falling apart.

Why did I write about this, today? 

Well, as I was driving in Windsor, I passed by the plant where Gordon had worked, and once again burst into tears.  I guess this is just the way grief is. 

I'm grateful that it is not like this every day, now; that I only have to suffer this, from time to time.  Thank You, Lord!

Until next time...

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Thursday, October 27, 2011

Happy Birthday, A!

Even though I haven't yet finished writing about last week, I feel I absolutely must interrupt the natural course of Life with Lynnie (LwL) entries.  Today, is a special day!

It's my grandson A's birthday! 

Happy Birthday, A!

Unable to sleep last night through the night, I was up icing and decorating A's birthday cake until close to 3:00 a.m.  By the time I was finished doing this loving task, I was extremely tired and was sure I would be able to go to sleep, once I climbed into bed.

In my dreams!  Nope.  Please understand, I am not saying I dreamt, because I didn't.  In fact, I didn't even fall asleep, at all.  Consequently, I dragged myself around all day, today.  Oh well, such is life!

In addition to all I needed to accomplish today, I managed to finish packaging up Christmas gifts and copies of my book Love Never Fails You... that needed to go overseas.  On my way over to my daughter B's home, I mailed everything!

Well, I was elated and happy, until the clerk told me that I had been told the wrong cut-off date for guaranteed delivery to Europe.  Previously, I told November 2nd was the date; today, I found out that in reality, the cut-off date was two (2) days ago.  Great!  Hopefully, it won't make any difference. 

I am praying that what happened a few years back doesn't happen this year.  Almost every year, my relatives receive their gifts well before Christmas.  With the exception of that one year, when I mailed them in October and they didn't receive them until the end of January, about a month late for Christmas!

Arriving at B's, I found some of my grandsons home with my granddaughter, A.  My daughter and our birthday boy were out shopping, but returned home shortly after.

Once again, we feasted on pizza, before lighting birthday candles on the cake, singing Happy Birthday to A, watching him blow out candles and savouring the chocolate cake with chocolate icing!  Mmmm... it sure was good!

Of course, receiving his birthday card and gift from me was a very important part of A's birthday!  He seemed very happy, indeed.

Hopefully, we all enjoyed our time together as much as A enjoyed celebrating his birthday!  Once again, I wish you a very Happy Birthday, A!  Please remember that Jesus loves you... and so does Grandma!

Until next time...

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Wednesday, October 26, 2011

A Blessed Dolly...

Hopefully, you read yesterday's Life with Lynnie (LwL) entry.  If you did, you'll know that as I was driving home from a business trip to drop off copies of my book Love Never Fails You... at Good Books Christian Bookstore in Oakville, Ontario, with personal stops along the way, I thought about what I should do with Gordon's dresser.  The one he loved so very much, because his grandfather had built it.

You'll also know that I recalled chatting with a family member of Gordon's recently, on Facebook (FB).  This person apologized to me for treating me badly, a couple of months after Gordon died, resulting in no contact at all, until recently.

While driving, I made the decision that I would contact Gordon's relative by messaging on FB.  So, after I arrived home, I made sure I did exactly that.  Within a day or two, I received a reply.  His relative wanted Gordon's dresser!

I praised God and thanked Jesus.

I was so-o very happy, because I just could not continue looking at the dresser.  It broke my heart whenever my eyes gazed upon it, because I was reminded of Gordon and how he loved it.

We made arrangements for me to drop off the dresser to Gordon's relative. 

What I haven't yet told you, is that while driving, I also decided that I would use the storage unit my friends H & N (from Milton) gave me to bring to Windsor.  After all, removing Gordon's dresser would leave a void in my room.  This way, I had something to fill the void; something that I could put to good use.

Upon arriving home, I called my friend K, who used to live across the hall, but recently moved to another unit, on the east side of the building.  She let me know that due to her recent move, she still had in her possession a dolly that would make it much easier for me to bring in the storage unit and take out, the dresser.

Wow!  How God provides.  Not just that there was a dolly available for me to use, because by contacting our office, I could have used one that someone donated to our service office. 

This dolly was different.  Most have 2 wheels and you have to strap stuff onto it, or at the very least, lean the dolly backwards, to ensure whatever you're carrying is securely in place.  This dolly was like a flat platform, with 4 wheels.  Never before had I seen one like this.

Was I ever grateful for this dolly!  And, what a blessing it was to me!

After bringing my van around to the front door, I removed the storage unit from my van, placing it onto this unusual dolly.  It certainly made the task much easier than I expected!

Once I brought it into my apartment, I had to lift out of my bedroom, the drawers of Gordon's dresser.  Then, because I could not use the dolly to take the dresser out of my bedroom, I had to lift it and move it physically out of my bedroom. 

Phew!  Not only was this a struggle, but I still have bruises to show for my efforts.  Not to mention how my neck, shoulder and back have been hurting. 

Getting out to where I could lift it onto the dolly, I easily moved it downstairs and went through the arduous task of loading it into my van. 

Thank You, Lord!  I know I could not have accomplished this without You.  And, without all the healing I have received through chiropractic treatment, which I believe You provided for me!

Then, came the rain.

This meant that I drove around for several days, with my van loaded with two (2) dressers and all the drawers that went with them!  Eventually, the weather improved and I was able to deliver Gordon's dresser to his relative and the other dresser to the person who was receiving it.

I am thankful God helped me do this.  I praise God and thank Jesus!  As I said, I could not have done this without Him.  Not physically, not emotionally, not at all.

Until next time...

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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

The Answer!

Hopefully, you've read recent Life with Lynnie (LwL) entries, where I wrote about packing up my deceased husband Gordon's clothing. 

If you did, you'll know that I took it out of town with me when I left on a business trip to take copies of my book Love Never Fails You... to Good Books Christian Bookstore, in Oakville, Ontario.  You'll also be aware then, that I made several stops along the way, visiting friends and relatives, where I left Gordon's clothing.

In yesterday's entry, I wrote about how I wondered what I should do about Gordon's dresser.  The dresser he had treasured, because his grandfather had built it.

All the way home, I pondered what I should do about the dresser. 

This wasn't a new dilemma, because every day I would wake up, see the dresser and feel sad, once again.  It's just that I reached a point where I felt like I had to do something about this situation.

A thought came to me, while I was driving.

Very recently, a relative of Gordon's had contacted me by messaging me on Facebook (FB).  I hadn't heard from this particular person since before Christmas 2009, just a couple of months after Gordon died.

The contacting relative had messaged me to let me know that he was sorry about how he had treated me.  He also apologized for the way his family had treated me.  They had totally wiped me out of their lives.

Along with the apologies, this fellow notified me that he was beginning his studies to go into ministry.  At the time, I praised God and thanked Jesus for this!

Even though we had no contact, I had not given up praying for him and his family.  Prayer works!

As I was driving, I reflected upon this. 

After all, I knew I could give Gordon's dresser to almost anyone who needed a dresser.  If they didn't like the colour, they could repaint it. 

But, I knew in my heart I wanted it to go to someone who would appreciate it's heritage value.  A relative of Gordon's.

There was my answer!  At least on my part.  I decided that upon arriving home, I would message Gordon's relative on FB, to ask if he would like to have the dresser that Gordon's grandfather built.

Until next time...

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Monday, October 24, 2011


You, who have been reading recent entries of Life with Lynnie (LwL), know that I made a business trip out of town, to drop off some copies of the book I wrote Love Never Fails You... at Good Books Christian Bookstore, in Oakville, the weekend before last.  You will also have read that enroute, I made a few stops to drop off items and visit with friends!

As per yesterday's entry, I along with N, and their neighbour's help, loaded up my van with the dresser and shelving.  After saying our goodbyes, I was off!

Before I write more about my experience, I must say that I am truly grateful to God for good friends, like H & N. 

We've known each other since 1975.  Together and separately, we have weathered many storms of life, with God's help.  I am truly grateful for their love and the love I have for them.  I feel blessed having them in my life.

Driving home was different than normal.  Firstly, I am not used to having my van loaded with bulky items. 

It truly wasn't a problem for me, but it had been many years since I had to drive any distance only using my exterior side mirrors and not my interior rear view mirror.  It kind of reminded me of when I used to drive those large trucks (in addition to the vans) for the post office, many moons ago!

On my way home, I reflected upon my short weekend jaunt.

I thought about how happy and sad I felt about giving up Gordon's wardrobe.  But, in my heart, I knew that I had done the right thing.  I knew that I had to do this, in order to be able to move forward with my life.  After all, Gordon is never coming back.

Thoughts about re-organizing my bedroom ran through my mind.

Just the thought of looking at Gordon's dresser, upset me.  I wondered if this was one reason I sometimes had problems sleeping.

You see, years ago, I had a lovely bedroom suite.  Upon divorcing, I no longer wanted it.  Later, my parents gave me some furniture my dad had finished, around the time when we first moved to Detroit, Michigan, USA, when I was a toddler.

Ever since, I have used this keepsake furniture in my bedroom.  When Gordon and I married, he added his dresser.

Gordon's dresser was something that had been his most of his life. 

When he married the first (1st) time, it had been left at his mom's home.  After his home burned down and his marriage disolved, and after he moved back to Windsor, his mom gave him his childhood dresser to use, once again.

He loved that dresser.  It wasn't due to being attractive in appearance, because truly it wasn't.  In the mid/late 60's, when it was a popular colour, his mom had painted the dresser... orange.

Still, Gordon had loved that dresser and treasured it.  Why?  Because, his own grandfather had built it.

My problem was that every time I looked at it, all I could think of was Gordon.  While I drove the about three and a half (3 1/2) hours home, I reflected on my situation and prayed about it.

As you can guess, there's more to be said, but it will have to wait until tomorrow.

Until next time...

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Sunday, October 23, 2011

Giving & Receiving!

Today, is my Lord's day!  Sonday!  The day when I worship my God.  Today, is also the anniversary of my dad's death.

While I went to my church to worship this morning, last Sunday I did not.

If you've been reading Life with Lynnie (LwL) lately, you'll know that I packed up my deceased husband's clothing.  After loading Gordon's clothing into my van, I left on a business trip, taking my love's belongings with me.

After making several stops on the Saturday, including my intended stop at Good Books Christian Bookstore, in Oakville, Ontario, where I dropped off some copies of my book Love Never Fails You..., I spent the night at my brother B's apartment.

Sunday morning, we both got ready to meet my brother's daughter S and his girlfriend P.  Together, we enjoyed breakfast at a nearby Golden Griddle Restaurant.  Hopefully, my family enjoyed our time of fellowship as much as I did!

We returned to B's apartment and continued our visit.  At least until they decided it was time to go through Gordon's clothing, to see what was suitable for who.  It was at this time, I left.  I just couldn't bring myself to see his clothing, again.

Instead of driving immediately home, I drove to Milton.  That's where my friends H & N live. 

N is about the same size as Gordon was.  There I left a few things that I thought N might appreciate having.  I was glad I did this, because a couple of days later, N e-mailed me, letting me know that Gordon's tuxedo fit almost perfectly.  It only needs a minor alteration of shortening the pant leg length about an inch.  Praise God!

I was glad that N was happy receiving the things I took him.  Out of all the people I know, I knew in my heart that N would get the most use from this part of Gordon's apparel, because H & N enjoy travelling.  Especially going on cruises.

While enjoying tea and a snack, we had a lovely visit.  H took me downstairs to their basement.  They have almost finished it, now.  It looks wonderful!  All the work and expense paid off!  It is a beautiful extension of living space.

H pointed out that they were going to give away some shelving and a dresser and asked if I knew anyone that would want/need it.  I let her know I did! 

Thank you H & N for your loving gifts.  I know they will be put to good use. 

In addition, I am thankful that N is blessed with Gordon's things.  Wow!  Even though it wasn't planned to be a day of giving and receiving gifts, it turned out to be exactly that!

How wonderful it was to love and feel loved, in return.

N along with me and his neighbour loaded my van.  Driving home was a real experience!

Yup, I hope you stay with me.  There is more to say, tomorrow.

Until next time...

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Saturday, October 22, 2011

Mamma Mia! What A Day!

Did you read yesterday's Life with Lynnie (LwL) entry?  Did the dinging ring in your head, like it rang in mine?  Ding.  Ding.  Ding...

After searching what felt like everywhere to be able to fill up my gas/fuel tank, I finally found where I could accomplish my task.

Without further ado, I arrived at my brother B's home. 

Arriving at B's apartment, I found my brother had only recently arrived home from having his dialysis treatment and wasn't feeling very well.  His girlfriend P assisted me in unloading Gordon's clothing from my van.

I should say that before leaving home, and while chatting with my brother's daughter S on Facebook (FB), we had semi-arranged to meet Saturday evening at my brother's.  Meaning, it wasn't definite, but probably so. 

Unfortunately, upon arriving at B's, I was told that visiting with S wasn't going to happen until Sunday morning. 

This created a dilemma.  Sunday, late morning, I had planned to drive to Brampton.  Oh well, even the best laid plans change, sometimes. 

When B told me that he felt he had to go rest a while, to recover from his dialysis treatment, I made the decision to drive to Brampton while he laid down.

P joined me as I drove, once again.  After doing what I needed to do, we returned to my brother's apartment.  By this time, B was up and alert, once again. 

Together, we watched the movie Mamma Mia and visited until about 12:30 a.m. Sunday morning.  I enjoyed our time, together.  Eventually, P went home, B went to sleep in his room and I nestled in on his couch in the livingroom.

I was sure I would sleep like a log, right through the night. 

After all, I had been up all night the night previous, had driven practically all day and was yawning like crazy!  Well, I was partly right. 

After having some trouble drifting off, I finally slept for a couple of hours.  Once awakened, I was unable to return to sleep again, for close to an hour and a half.  Then, I awoke for the day, earlier than my alarm was set to wake me!

Tomorrow, I will continue letting you know all about last Sunday's adventure!

Until next time...

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Friday, October 21, 2011

Ding! Ding! Ding!

As you would know if you read yesterday's Life with Lynnie (LwL) entry, last Saturday, I embarked on a business trip. 

Enroute to Oakville and Brampton, I made some personal stops.  Like the one I wrote about in yesterday's entry, south of St. Thomas area.  The one, where I needed to obtain assistance for, in locating the property I was headed to.

When I left B's property, I once again made a decision to not drive what seemed to be out of my way, just to reach the highway system.  Instead, I found the old Ontario Hwy. #3 and made my way to Waterdown.

Arriving about 9:15 a.m. at the address I had been given, my Facebook (FB) friend I and her husband K enjoyed some muffins I brought with me from home, along with a cup of coffee.  They were visiting in Canada for a few weeks, staying with friends who live in Waterdown.  I & K are from Germany. 

After a short visit, with my German friends and their hostess, I made my way to Oakville.  It was such a blessing to me to reach Good Books Christian Bookstore!

Of course, you'll probably be thinking!  After all, I was dropping off some copies of my book Love Never Fails You...

However, that wasn't the only reason I was happy to be there.  It turns out that many of the people who work at that Christian bookstore, know some of my Christian friends and contacts, in Windsor!  All in all, it was a blessing to speak with the ladies.

When heading towards Guelph, where I was to stay overnight with my brother, I stopped at another address in Oakville.  There I saw a childhood friend for the first (1st) time in about 19 years!

M and I visited, enjoying a cup of tea, before her husband arrived home.  Then, the three (3) of us conversed for a while.  I hope they enjoyed the visit as much as I did!  (Muffins, too!)

All throughout the day, and even during my drive towards Guelph, I kept thanking God for giving me the ability to drive after not having slept, the night before.  Believe it or not, I didn't feel the least bit sleepy, even if I felt quite tired.

One thing that clearly kept me awake was the fact that I thought I had plenty of gasoline (petrol, to you who live in Europe!), but found I didn't.  I thought for sure, I had enough fuel to get to my brother's area. 

It was shocking to watch my guage show less and less fuel.  At first, I wondered why I seemed to be using more fuel than normal.  Then, it hit me!  I realized that back home in Windsor, we are a relatively flat area, geographically speaking.  In my brother's neck of the woods, it is quite a hilly area.  Hills, mean more fuel usage!

By the time I neared my brother's street, I had been looking for somewhere to obtain fuel, for many, many miles/kilometers.  No gas stations were to be found. 

Now, please realize, I was not travelling on some back road in nowheresville.  I was travelling on main roads.  Much to my dismay, there seemed to be nowhere to obtain fuel.

Passing my brother's street, I went in search of somewhere to gas up.  Quite a distance away, as I climbed another hill, I saw a 7-11 Convenience store sign.  They have a gas bar!  Praise God!   Was I happy.  Especially since my guage reading was so low that the dinging was making me nervous.

Then, I noticed the fencing.  Oh, no!  The tanks were being dug up and either replaced or removed.  In any case, no fuel was available for me, there.

Further and further north I went, until I finally followed a vehicle into a plaza, circled around them as they parked and asked the driver, "Doesn't Guelph have any gas stations?".  That kind person explained to me that the city was closing down many of their gas stations and directed me to where I could get some fuel.  Praise God!  Thank You, Jesus!

Finally, after filling my tank, I made my way to my brother's home.  All the while, breathing a sigh of relief and repeatedly praising my Lord for keeping a hedge of protection around me.

Yup, there's more to tell you.  Stay tuned, please!

Until next time...

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Thursday, October 20, 2011

Help! I'm Lost!

If you read yesterday's Life with Lynnie (LwL) entry, you'll know that I packed up Gordon's clothing.

All last week, I sorted and packed up everything I decided to give away.  And, loaded it all in my van.  By last Friday, I was done.

This wasn't my reason for heading out of town.  In reality, there was a totally different reason for going out of town last weekend.  I needed to drop off some copies of my book Love Never Fails You... at an Oakville Christian bookstore and make an effort to place more books at other stores. 

Since I was having to go to Oakville and Brampton, I decided I should also stop in Milton, where my friends H & N live.  Also, I travelled to Guelph, where my brother B lives.

Considering I don't often get up to that neck of the woods, I knew in my heart that since I was heading up there on business, I needed to be able to take Gordon's clothing with me and complete this heartbreaking task once and for all.  Some went to N and some went to my brother B, for himself and some for his son-in-law.

Think this strange?  Well, if you know me, I try to multi-task whenever possible.

Besides, I knew that if I didn't do this when I had the opportunity to do so, then I probably wouldn't do it at all.  Meaning, take this opportunity to address the issue of Gordon's clothing.  After all, if I was having to head up there, why not take it with me!

Last Friday evening, I was totally exhausted.  Worn out.  Emotionally drained.  Physically done in.

Even so, when I went to get some sleep earlier than normal, I just couldn't sleep.  By the time 1:00 a.m. arrived, I got myself up and baked some muffins to take with me, because I knew I was making several stops enroute to the bookstore in Oakville.  I hoped that once that task was done, that I had originally planned to do immediately prior to leaving home, I would be able to fall asleep.

Nope.  It didn't happen.  By about 3:15 a.m., I was so angry and fed up with myself, I got up for the day.

After showering, packing up my personal bag and some food and water to take with me, I headed out.  By the time I reached Hwy. #401, it was about 5:00 a.m.

Off I went, heading to my first stop, just south of St. Thomas.  Gordon's friend B lives there.  Even though I knew B was away, I knew I could drop off something to him at his home.

The directions I googled didn't tell me that after I turned onto his road and crossed a rickety metal, single lane bridge I would find myself in a dark area where the road was blocked off.  I retraced my route, once again crossing over the bridge. 

Realizing it would take an extensive amount of time to head back to Hwy. #401, I decided I would have to head into Port Stanley in an effort to find another access route.  Good luck, trying to find a store or something open at 7:15 a.m.! 

I prayed for help.  God answered my prayer, almost immediately. 

At a 4-way stop, I flagged down a car.  It was the only car I had seen in miles!  The driver must have thought I was crazy at first, but laughed heartily when I waved my arm at him, claiming I was lost and needed help.  He replied that no one could possibly be lost in Port Stanley! 

In reality, this fellow was right.  I knew where I was, so I wasn't truly lost; I just didn't know how to get to where I needed to be!

When I replied that I wasn't supposed to be in Port Stanley and explained the situation, he was very helpful.  He chuckled as he leafed through a map book in his vehicle.  Within a few minutes, I was on my way! 

When I read the name on the rural mailbox at B's home, I knew I had found where I was supposed to be!  Praise God!  Thank You, Jesus! 

I'm sure you realize there is more to be said.  It will have to wait until tomorrow!

Until next time...

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Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Packing Up...

All week I've been writing  in Life with Lynnie (LwL) about health care, family issues and Gordon.

As I am sure you are aware if you've been reading lately, the 10th of this month, Thanksgiving Monday, was the second (2nd) anniversary of Gordon's death.  I mentioned previously, that I sat at his grave wondering if life would be different for him, had I died and he lived.

While I sat at Gordon's grave, I was upset that I am the only person grieving him.  Even so, that's not what I want to write about, today.  There was something else I thought about, that deserves mentioning.

After praying, crying and talking with God and Gordon, I decided that somehow, someway, I need to change my life.  I don't know how to do this.  But, I recognized that day, my need to do so.

As I mentioned in previous entries, I thought God was changing my life for the better, with the conferences I was scheduled to speak at.  But in the end, it seems God truly wasn't changing my life at all, for they were cancelled.

As I sat at Gordon's grave, I once again felt helpless, crying out to God for help.  I recognize I need healing.  I asked for healing.  I know I need to build a new life.  But, where does one begin to do this, especially at my age?

After making my plea to God, I sat quietly in my lawn chair.  A thought came into my mind.  It wasn't a new idea or development.  It was a need that seemed to resurface. 

Still, it seemed like a reasonable place to begin.  All I needed to do after deciding to act upon it, was to actually do it.  However, even thinking about the issue choked me up.  How was I going to accomplish this? 

You're probably wondering what I decided I needed to do next.  Well, I realized that I could not move forward with my life, as long as I still had Gordon's belongings with me.

As I thought of disposing of Gordon's clothing, I felt like my heart would break.  After all, just the thought of getting rid of his belongings, felt like I was throwing my husband, away.  Yet, the thought of keeping his things, broke my heart, too. 

That's when I realized that while I was feeling very low in spirit, it was actually the best time to pack up his clothing.  Otherwise, if I waited until I was more calm and less upset, I probably wouldn't want to feel all this upset, once again.

So, that's what I have been doing all week, whenever I found I had time and the strength to do it.  Packing up Gordon's clothing.

Now, the question is, what to do with it?

I thank God for the strength and grace He's given me this week.  I thank Him for you, who care enough to read what I write.  I thank Him for prayer.  May God bless each of you.

Until next time...

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Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Celebration & Happy Birthday!

Before I continue with what I wrote about in yesterday's Life with Lynnie (LwL) entry, there's something I must write about.

I mentioned in Sunday evening's LwL entry that it was my grandson T's birthday, wishing him Happy Birthday.  I felt badly about not being able to celebrate his birthday on his special day, but it just wasn't possible.  For reasons I will explain later this week.

Today began as it normally does.  I got up, got ready and got moving.  Usually, I leave early to go work out, but this morning was a little different.  I baked a cake, before I left home.  Then, I left to go work out at my friend M's gym.

Arriving home, I crumbed the cake.  I had other work to do, so I got busy and got it done.  Then, it was time to go meet fellow Christian women for a monthly luncheon meeting.

It was a lovely meeting, once again.  The speaker was wonderful! 

I was seated at the table along with two (2) women who work out at my gym.  Over all these last few months, we have become friends.  All in all, it was a great time of fun, food and fellowship. 

Of course, they all teased me when my name was drawn for one of the many door prizes.  Some realized that this seemed like an instant replay, because my name was drawn last month, too!  It was truly shocking to me, because all my life I never seem to win anything, but here, I've attended twice and twice my name has been drawn for a doorprize!  lol :-))

Arriving home, I had time to finish icing and decorating my grandson's birthday cake, wrap his gift and do a little bit of computer work.  Then, it was time to leave home, once again.

Off to my daughter B's I went, gift and cake in hand.

Together, we shared a pizza dinner!  Thank you, B!  I appreciated enjoying dinner with you and family, more than you know.

Of course, then came time for singing Happy Birthday to my grandson T, cake and gifts.  Hopefully, everyone had as wonderful a time as I did!

Here's T blowing out his birthday candles!

Happy Birthday, T!

Until next time...

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Monday, October 17, 2011

A Babe Magnet?

When I finished yesterday's Life with Lynnie (LwL) entry, I mentioned that Gordon was a babe magnet.

You may be wondering if I am making this up.  I'm not.  You also may be wondering if I am a jealous type person.  I'm not.  And, it was a very good thing, too!

All you had to do was be around Gordon for a short time, and you would see just exactly what I mean.

There were times when women would appear to melt just looking at him.  On many occasions, some even hung onto his arm, commenting to me about how handsome Gordon was.

One time, Gordon didn't know what to do, so he just sat there and did nothing.  Actually, I was just as shocked as he was.  So, my response was the same.

On this particular occasion, we were able to both attend my realtor Christmas dinner/dance (now they call it a winter gala, to be politically correct!).  There were some years, he wasn't able to attend with me, because he had to work. 

On this particular year, we were both dressed for the occasion, with me in a gown and Gordon in a tuxedo.  We were seated at the table, side by side.  A fellow realtor came over to speak with us.  Both Gordon and I had known her for many years, and had both done business with her, before I obtained my real estate license.

Instead of just greeting us with a hug, kiss or a friendly hello, something rather shocking happened.  We suspected our mutual friend may have had a glass or two (2) too much of wine, for neither of us ever dreamed she would do what she did.

She stood behind Gordon, leaning up against the back of his head.  As she slid her arms down his shoulders onto his chest area, his head seemed to become lodged between her breasts that seemed to pop out of her low-cut dress.

Am I making this up?  Absolutely not!  The best part for me, was that Gordon didn't like what she did.  It seemed that everyone at the table was embarassed, so we fit right in with the crowd!

He never seemed to do anything to encourage women to treat him this way.  They just seemed to be drawn to him, always.

Okay.  Maybe the term babe magnet isn't the greatest one to select, because truthfully, people in general just gravitated to him.  Not just females, either.  Males, too.

Why?  I really can't say.  I have no idea.  Some people are just that way. 

In fact, even most of my relatives who live a distance away seemed to gravitate to him.  Between his looks and his personality, he just drew people into a friendly relationship. 

In N. Ireland, we shared wonderful times of craic, laughing and carrying on with my relatives.  Relatives that seemed to love him as if he were their blood relative.  Well, he was family.  To them, and to me.

Yes, I miss him, terribly. 

I miss his companionship, his love for me and his sense of humour that always brought a smile to my face.

As I sat at his grave, I thought all this and more.  Please hang in there, because I will continue this, tomorrow.

Until next time...

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Sunday, October 16, 2011

H. B. & More About What If...

Today, being the 16th of October is important to me for two (2) reasons.  Firstly, it is my eldest grandson's birthday.  Happy Birthday, T!

In addition, today is the anniversary of the day Gordon was buried, two (2) years ago.

If you read yesterday's Life with Lynnie (LwL) entry, you'll know that when I sat at Gordon's grave this past Monday, the second (2nd) anniversary of his death, I thought about something I had never before considered. 

I thought about what would life be like for Gordon, had I died before him; if it were me lying in the grave, and not him.  If he was alive, and I was the one dead.  Since he could fend for himself on a physical level, I knew that whenever he told me that he couldn't survive six (6) months without me, it was an emotional response of his love for me.

Even though I know he loved me, I sat at his grave side pondering this whole scenario. 

A thought occurred to me.  One that I never dreamed I would ever think of.  I wondered if he would truly have died from a broken heart, or if he would have moved on with his life.

I wondered if he would have remarried. 

After all, two (2) years doesn't always seem like a long time, but when a person is lonely for their loved one, it can feel like an eternity.  For me, each day seems like a year, without Gordon.

If you've been a long time reader of LwL, you'll know that from time to time, I've run into and even written about people who were widowed.  People who had remarried within a relatively short time.  Less than five (5) years.  Even one person who remarried within the first year, claiming they didn't believe anyone should be alone in life.

Being alone in life can be a problem for some people.  At times, it is a problem for me.  I believe that as we age, the importance of having someone to love, to care for and to be loved and cared for by, is very important.  Without loving companionship, I feel like I have no life.

Some of you may think I idolized Gordon.  Well, if you thought this, I woudn't agree with you.  He wasn't perfect.  If there was anyone on the face of this earth that knew this, it would be me.  I did not idolize him.  I loved him.  Even with all his faults.

Even so, when I looked into his eyes and could see the love there for me, it made me feel fulfilled.

I've had people, especially women, comment about how handsome Gordon was.  Yes.  He was handsome.

This was not why I felt fulfilled being with him.  It was a case where I truly loved him.  And, still do.

Although I must say, he was a babe magnet.  I'll have to continue this, tomorrow.

Until next time...

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Saturday, October 15, 2011

What If...

The other day, I mentioned that on our Canadian Thanksgiving weekend I sat at the cemetary crying, praying and talking with God and Gordon. 

While that doesn't sound out of the ordinary, for I do that almost every time I am at the cemetary, there was something different about my thoughts and conversations, on Monday, October 10th.  The second (2nd) anniversary of Gordon's death.

Why this happened, I have no idea.  I just know it did.

While I sat on my lawn chair, I looked at Gordon's grave and our grave marker.  It shows Gordon's name and info, a Bible verse and more.  As per normal, I looked at my name with only my birth year on the marker.  Nothing unusual about this, for sure.

What was different was what I thought about.

Instead of wishing God would just take me home, so I could be with Him and Gordon, another thought ran through my mind.  This thought was something I had never before considered.

I wondered what it would be like if our roles had been reversed.

What would life be like for Gordon, if I was lying in the grave and Gordon was alive, is what I thought about.  Immediately after thinking this thought, I tried to erase it from the forefront of my mind.  But, it kept coming back, even though I considered it an absurd thing to think about.

Even when Gordon was really ill, I continuously ignored the fact that he could die.  I just kept trusting God for his healing.

Gordon used to tell me regularly, that if I died before him, he couldn't last six (6) months without me.

In my heart, I didn't believe this.  I knew that he was fairly self-sufficient. 

After all, he helped me from time to time, while I did laundry.  He saw me sort the laundry, and prepare to load it into the machines.  In fact, after we moved to our apartment, things changed somewhat.  Instead of me carrying the laundry, he insisted on carrying it.  So, I did the sorting and preparation; he took it to the laundry room, loaded it into the washers and transferred it to the dryers.  When he brought it back into our home, I folded and did what I needed to do to place our clothing back into our closets, etc.  In essence, we handled this, together.

Of course, after retirement, Gordon was rather bored with life, so helping me with laundry wasn't the only thing he did.

At times, I would arrive home to find that he had made dinner for us.  While this was not the norm, but only a rare occasion, I was grateful when this happened.  Knowing that he could fend for himself when it came to cooking, even in the smallest of ways, was comforting to me, because I knew that if anything ever happened to me, Gordon would be able to provide for himself.

So, whenever he would tell me that he couldn't carry on living if I died before him, I knew his remark had nothing to do with the aspects of daily living.  I knew that he meant it in a more emotional way.

I knew he loved me.

There's more I need to say about this.  It will have to be tomorrow.

Until next time...

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Friday, October 14, 2011

Who Am I?

If you've read what I've written in Life with Lynnie (LwL) recently, I believe that generally speaking, our system is good, but it is broken.

Why do I think this? 

Most people might quickly think it is because of my daughter's recent medical needs.  It's not.  At least not completely.  Think it may be due to what I endured with the medical system, up to Gordon's death?  Partly, but again, not completely.  There's more.

On Thanksgiving Monday, I looked at my grandson's shoulder and wrist/hand.  If he hadn't been 11 years old, I would have burst into tears, but I didn't want to upset him.  It made me sick thinking that he has suffered for the last few months after being injured, wiping out on a bicycle.

His injuries in those two (2) places still have not healed, properly.  Meanwhile, at every medical appointment, the decision to do skin grafting is put off, and off, and off.  I'm not sure whether skin graft is even an option, now.  It's been left so very long.

So, why has OHIP continued to pay for medical appointments that have produced no treatment for my grandson?

Then, of course, after watching other family members medical trials, and watching the lack of care that was available to my now deceased husband, just turns my stomach.

But, then reality sets in.  Who am I?  Nobody. 

Nobody with any value, that is, for my opinion matters not to anyone.  Reality for me is that while our healthcare system is a good, it is a broken one.  The reason to me is very clear.

I believe we have lost control over our own medical care.

It seems to me that we have lost control, because the system determines what will happen to us/for us.  No longer do we make those decisions. 

Those in charge do what they want, when they want, how they want.  Why?  Because they want.  It doesn't seem to matter what we want, any more.  We no longer seem to have a say in the matter.

Whether or not you agree with me, is not of importance to me. 

I believe this is the case, because when I think of how our system works, compared to what I see in U.S.A., there is a major difference.  I believe we no longer have control when it comes to receiving treatment, and/or choosing physicians and treatment. 

Part of the problem may stem from a generation ago, when our government placed a moratorium on how many people could enter medical school.  Their decision to temporarily not allow any more students to enter our medical education system, has caused us to now have a shortage of doctors.  Thus, contributing to the problem, in my opinion.

Here, we cannot see a specialist, unless we are referred by another physician, even if we believe we need to see one.  We cannot go over anyone's head and seek care, for ourselves.  It just cannot be done.

It matters not, if we are happy with the level of care we receive, because there is no alternative.  We don't have a choice.

Of course, since medicine here in Canada is big business, it makes sense to me that many go into that profession, not for altruistic reasons, wanting to help others, but because they feel they are assured employment.   I believe there are too many people who just feel they do their job and that's all they need to do.  Even if they don't do it well.

Oh well.  Like I said.  Who am I? 

Until next time...

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Thursday, October 13, 2011

More About Speaking Up!

When I wrote yesterday's Life with Lynnie (LwL) entry, it was a subject close to my heart. 

I discussed the issue of who is in control of our medical healthcare system, here in Ontario, Canada.  Albeit, I didn't discuss Gordon's issue, but rather, the battle which was fought by the parents of Baby Joseph.

Here in Ontario, Canada, Joseph's family even had to enter a legal battle, with the doctors and hospital.  Baby Joseph's parents wanted the tracheotomy to be done, because this would allow him to be able to breath on his own. 

If it were me, I would want my child to be able to breath on his/her own until death, rather than have life shortened by allowing my loved one to suffocate until death arrived, prematurely.  This was exactly what his parents wanted for him.

If the procedure had been done here in our province, Baby Joseph would have been taken home much sooner than he was.  Nor would this family have had to travel a great distance to U.S.A., taking much time and bringing about much expense.  For what? 

So they could finally receive the medical treatment that they should have received, right here at home.

And, there would not have been any need for legal battles.  All in all, Joseph's parents would have had more quality time with their child, before his inevitable death.

At the time, the parents had to file a lawsuit in order to try and gain control over the fate of their child.  How terrible was that!

Would you want to have to fight a legal battle, in order to allow your child to live?

Now, if you read the Windsor Star article I posted a link to in yesterday's Life with Lynnie (LwL) entry, you'll know that the legal battle is not over.  In fact, it's truly only just begun.

Not only will this mean emotional trauma for Baby Joseph's parents, but it will also mean the tax payer will be paying dearly.

No matter the outcome from the legal battle, each party will be having to obtain more legal assistance.  Lawyers services are not cheap, especially in matters like this.

We taxpayers will ultimately pay for the medical system's parties, because the hospital is involved.  Only time will tell how much it will cost, financially.

Hopefully, the financial cost of fighting this upcoming legal battle will not be provided for through our provincial medical healthcare system. 

After all, our system is in need of every dollar it can get.  And, why should we citizens have to do without the healthcare that those funds were provided for.  I pray this is not the case.

In addition, I must say this:  Had the hospital and physicians decided to allow the parents their hearts desire to have their loved one die in God's time and not their time, there would be no lawsuit.  There would not have been turmoil and heartbreak for Joseph's family, stress for the medical community and no legal costs.

So, why did they do what they did? 

I believe decisions were made by those who believed they were medically in control, because they wanted to remain in control

Not just in a prideful manner, although that is sinful enough.  But also, in my opinon, I think they believe they should make all medical decisions for people.  In essence, they enjoy playing God.

If you've read my book Love Never Fails You... you will be aware that I am not happy with our current medical system, here in Ontario, Canada.

Like Baby Joseph's parents, I too faced the dilemma they did.  The difference? 

Well, because of a past experience issue with another family member, both Gordon and I found out the hard way that lawyers and police were not willing to intervene in a medical issue, at the last moment.  At least, not for adults.

Consequently, when I was faced with the fact that Gordon's plug was being pulled against my will, thereby ending his life, I knew there was nothing I could do about it.  Absolutely, nothing.  Nada. 

While I am not happy about what Baby Joseph's parents had to endure, I am grateful that they chose to speak up.  Speak out. 

Not just to win the right to have their son die in God's time and not at the hands of those who try to play God.  I believe those who believe they can play God need to realize that they need to have a heart, too.

Wasn't our healthcare system set up to provide healthcare for those who need it? 

Of course it was.  That is why each and every taxpayer, pays for the priviledge of this medical programme.  It was set up to ensure that all who need medical care will receive it, and not be set aside to suffer and die, because they could not afford medical care, financially.

As like yesterday, I feel there is more to be said regarding this issue.  Please bear with me.

Until next time...

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Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Speaking Up!

Writing in yesterday's Life with Lynnie (LwL) entry about how the moon was trying to shine through the clouds, I was convinced that due to the cloud cover, I would not be able to see the full moon. 

I was mistaken.  Shortly after I posted the entry, the cloud cover seemed to roll away, revealing a beautiful full moon! 

I am so very grateful that my swivel recliner chair is positioned directly next to my balcony door, because while no matter what else I am doing, whether reading, writing, working on my computer or watching television, all I have to do is look outside to see that beautiful sight. Once again, I was able to see not just the moon shining brightly, but was able to see the glorious sight of the moonlight glistening on the water. 

How relaxing.  Peaceful.  Thank You, Lord!

Yesterday, I also mentioned that I am not really happy with how my daughter was treated at the hospital. 

Many people may feel like this, but are afraid to speak up.  Of course, anyone who knows me, knows that I believe we must all speak up.  Otherwise, how can we expect change to happen?

There is another family who is speaking up, even if it is the media doing the distribution of information.  Baby Joseph's family.

The Windsor Star, Wednesday, October 5, 2011, article entitled:  Baby Joseph's family seeks probe

Baby Joseph is the infant whose parents wanted him die at home, rather than at the hospital. 

The hospital didn't want the parents to have control over the future of their son; they insisted they were to be in control and wanted things handled their way, with no care or concern for Joseph's parents' desires. 

It mattered not that Joseph's parents had suffered through this very same ordeal previously, with another child who also had died from the disease that controlled the fate of both their children.  No matter what was done or not done, the outcome would have been the same for Baby Joseph. 

The only difference was who was in control of how and when and how he would die.

Those who believed they were medically in control, insisted that Baby Joseph's breathing tube be removed at the hospital, so he could die, there.  Their refusal to do a tracheotomy, allowing for Joseph to breathe on his own, until he died, created quite a situation.

For those who don't know, Baby Joseph's parents had to fight legally for their rights to protect their son from having his life ended.  After all, having no tracheotomy meant that if the hospital staff removed his breathing tube at the hospital, he would suffocate, for the breathing tube was the only way he could breathe.

Wasn't it bad enough, that like many other people in our province, they had to drive a couple of hours or more, just to receive medical care at a hospital?  Then, to be treated this way!  Oh well, that is a topic for another time...

Knowing they wanted Joseph to be able to die at home, I would have thought the hospital staff would have decided to do the right thing and allow the tracheotomy, in order to allow the family more time with their son and allow him to die at home.

Instead, this didn't happen.  They had to take Joseph to U.S.A., where the procedure was done on their son.  It did indeed extend the baby's life by several months.  I am sure those months are a blessing to Baby Joseph's parents.

Since there is more to be said, I must continue, tomorrow.

Until next time...

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Tuesday, October 11, 2011


On Sunday, while I wrote a bit about my day, I didn't address anything with regards to my daughter.

Anyone who has been following what has been happening with P, will be interested to know that although she had two (2) blood transfusions on Friday/Saturday and was released to return home, she really was not better. 

This band aid approach to healthcare really doesn't do anything for me, but get me upset.  In my heart, I believed my daughter should have been admitted, with more than just general testing done, to determine what is causing her problem of low hemoglobin.

After all, if it is serious enough to have to give her blood transfusions, so that she will have a level sufficient to supply enough oxygen to the brain, to keep her alive and not be subjected to further repercussions, surely she needs more medical care. 

Sunday around suppertime, she was back at the hospital, once again.  This time, she didn't want me to join her at the hospital, since she knew she'd be there throughout the night.  About 7:30 a.m. Monday morning, she let me know she was on her way home.

I was glad to hear from her, yet discouraged that no further medical treatment was done for her.  Today, P found out that she'll have to wait at least nine (9) days, just to see an specialist.  With God's help and your prayers, I am praying she will receive good medical care.

Thank you for continued prayer for P.  I am thankful for each person who has been praying for her.  May God bless you, always...

Yesterday, being the 2nd anniversary of Gordon's death, I returned to the cemetary, where I sat on my lawn chair for a while, crying and talking with God and Gordon.  It was a beautiful afternoon.  I couldn't have asked for a better day in which to do this.

While looking at Gordon's grave, and looking at my name on the grave marker, I began thinking about my life.

What life, I thought!  I no longer have a life.  Okay, some would say I do have a life, that it is a case where I am just not appreciating my life.  Well, whatever the case, I feel like I have no life.

I began thinking how I thought God was changing my life in a positive way, having me speak at conferences.  But, as you know, all this has changed.  Cancelled conferences mean that my life isn't truly changing, at all.

Thoughts ran through my mind.  As I reflected on how unhappy I am, I recognized that it is not a case where I don't have joy in my Lord, because I do.  I am just totally unhappy with my life.

Praying about this, I recognized that there is nothing I can do about the circumstances that contribute to making me feel unfulfilled.  Realizing this, I thought about how if I can't change the circumstances, then I will have to change something else.  My attitude towards my circumstances, for sure.

In addition, I decided I need to pray for guidance from God, for I truly feel I need to change my life, totally.  For this revelation, I am thankful.

Later, P, her family and I enjoyed Thanksgiving dinner, together.  It was nice to see my grandchildren and enjoy dinner, as a family!   For this, I am thankful. 

Tonight, is the full moon.  Usually, I look up at it.  It's hard not to look up at the moon, when it glistens on the water, creating such a beautiful calming scene.  However, I don't think I'll be able to do so this time.  The moon is hiding behind clouds.  Oh well.  There's always next time, God willing.

So, are you thankful?  I am.  Thankful for everything in my life, both the good and the not so good.

Until next time...

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Monday, October 10, 2011

Missing You Two Years...

In memory of you, my love...
Gordon McKenzie
July 31, 1947 - October 10, 2009

Some of you may know about what I am going to discuss, today.  Some of you may not know about the trial I endured on Saturday, Oct. 10th, 2009; the day of my husband Gordon's death.  You can read about it in my book entitled the same as the poem, below.

In memory of Gordon, I wrote a poem that I had printed in the Windsor Star , this past Saturday. 

Here it is:

Love Never Fails You...

Love didn't fade,
just because you went away.

It's been two years,
full of grief-filled tears.

Time has not yet healed;
the pain is still very real.

God helps me cope,
for it's He that gives me hope.

I know it's true that
love never failed me and
Love Never Fails You...

Loving you, always...
Lynnie xoxoxo

 *** © Copyright 2011 ***

Until next time...

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Sunday, October 9, 2011

Give Thanks...

This morning, I dreaded getting up, but I did it.

Before getting ready to go worship, I tried to relax on this special Lord's Day.  Being Thanksgiving, I knew that everywhere I went, I would be faced with smiling people wishing me Happy Thanksgiving!  And, I knew they would expect happy smiles and similar wishes, in return.

Just before I made my way to leave home, I took the time to call a lady who lives in my building.  M doesn't live on my floor; nor do we know each other well.  However, we do have something in common.

Both our husbands died the same day.

M is much older than I.  She and her husband enjoyed over 50 years of marriage, together.  When she answered her phone, I could tell she was upset.  Knowing that she is a Christian woman, I asked if I was interrupting her preparing to go worship.  M replied in a quivering voice, that she wasn't going to church, today.  Then, her tears flowed freely, as she told me how she isn't doing well in her grief.

Just hearing her in pain, made me choke up and cry.  All weekend, I've been trying to stay in control of my own sadness and sorrow.  But, when I listened to M tell me how she is suffering and heard the pain in her voice, it was all I could do, to not fall totally apart.

As tears rolled down my cheeks, I said what I could to comfort M.  We agreed to cut out each other's ads that were printed in the Windsor Star's In Memoriam column.

Yes, I went to church.  Many times, I took a deep breath, trying to slow down my breathing, in order to not fall to pieces.  It seemed to work.  But, I found I just couldn't smile and/or be happy.

Afterwards, I did a couple of errands, and made my way towards the cemetary, stopping to visit friends G & D, who just moved into their new home.  It was a lovely visit.

Continuing to Gordon's grave only took a few minutes, because I was nearby.  Since many stores would be closed tomorrow, on the second (2nd) anniversary of Gordon's death, I placed flowers on his grave, today.

To my surprise, I actually saw another person tending a grave, not close to Gordon's, but in the same general area.  This is such a rare occurrence, these days, because I hardly ever see anyone in the cemetary.

After a time of crying and talking to God and Gordon, I folded up my lawn chair and headed home.  I'll return to the cemetary, tomorrow.

Arriving home, I found that M had dropped through my mail slot Gordon's In Memoriam notice.  I packaged her husband's notice and took it to her apartment, dropping it through her mail slot.

I must mention that in addition to M's envelope, there was another envelope to be found.  L, who also lives in my building, made sure I got her copy of Gordon's notice.  On the front of her envelope, she wrote a short note to me:

"He was so proud of you  & your great cooking!  I remember the great dinner Gord invited me to attend."

Thank you, Lord.  Thank you, that even though I am the only person grieving Gordon's death, You have provided me with good friends and neighbours to show me love and support.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Today, is Thanksgiving Sunday.  Even though I thank You regularly for all You have done for me, I would like to take this time to thank You for providing me with friends and neighbours who care for me, but more importantly have shown me they cared for Gordon.

As You know, there are times when I feel so very alone, even though I know You are with me, always.

You are an awesome God.  We could not ask for a greater God.  You know the end from the beginning.  You knew before we were even born, who You would save.  Even in our sinfulness, You loved us. 

You made provision for Your children, for all who would believe on Your Son, our Lord, Jesus Christ, who chose to come to earth, to fulfill Your plan of salvation.  I am thankful for all this and more. 

You told us to be thankful in all things.  Being only human, this is not always an easy task, but I look to You daily, for You are my great provider.

Thank You, for loving me enough to save me, for providing for my every need.  Thank You, that Gordon is with You, Lord.  If he couldn't be with me, there's no place I would rather him be, for he is safe with You.  No longer in pain, suffering, and filled with sorrow. 

Father, I pray for all my unsaved family and friends, who need salvation.  While life seems long, compared to eternity, it is very short.  I pray it is Your will to save each and every one of them. 

If any are saved, and out of fellowship, walking in the flesh, living in the world, rather than trusting You and living in the spirit as You would have us do, I pray it is Your will to draw them back to You.

You are the great Shepherd.  We are Your sheep.  Your sheep hear Your voice and come to You, when You call.

I do thank You, for all things in my life, Father.  The good... and the not good.  For I know You are in control of everything, even when life feels out of control. 

Father, there are many of Your children who are in need of healing.  Whether it be physical, emotional, spiritual, relational, financial or otherwise, I pray it is Your will to provide healing for those in need.

For all who are in ministry, I pray You will guide each one, always.  May Your will be done, as they minister to the needs of others and preach the Gospel to the unsaved.  Thank You, for providing for their every need.

I thank You for this and so much more, and pray these things in Jesus' precious name.


Until next time...

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Saturday, October 8, 2011

Thankfulness! More Prayer Needed!

If you read yesterday's Life with Lynnie (LwL) entry, you'll know that my daughter P, was in the Emergency Room (ER) at one of our hospitals, here in Windsor.  If you haven't yet read about what happened, you may want to do so, so you'll have a better understanding of what I am writing, here.

After posting my LwL entry and updating on Facebook (FB) for a short while, I tried to relax enough to go to sleep.

For many hours, it didn't happen.  All I could think about was my daughter, receiving blood transfusions, without knowing what was causing her to bleed out. 

Believe me when I say, I prayed.  Of course, I prayed for her, but you should know that I also prayed for you, for all my friends, both in real-life and cyber-life.

I prayed, asking God to give me rest.  It seemed I just couldn't rest at all, until well after 1:00 a.m.  This was the time, two years ago, when I arrived home on the Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend, after Gordon had been prounounced dead.

Monday, is the actual date of my husband's death, but I know that for the rest of my life, I will always be haunted by what happened and how his life support was removed, causing his death at 12:30 a.m. on Thanksgiving weekend's Saturday morning.

My mind raced with thoughts of what would happen to my daughter, if she were to die.  All I could do after praying, was give it to God; I didn't want to think about this, at all, considering she has three (3) sons, and is a single parent, now.

Thoughts came to mind of conversation P and I had while she was receiving the first (1st) blood transfusion. 

I was rather upset that P hadn't been admitted, so the hospital could do tests to determine where she was bleeding out from, before it became even more life-threatening than this situation already was.  She responded that someone had told her that in order to be admitted, most people spend about three (3) days in ER, before they have a bed for them, upstairs.

My mind flashed back to 1988, and how my dad had gone to a hospital in Toronto, where his doctor worked from, when he was ill.  How dad had spent three (3) days in ER there, until they finally found him a bed.  I suppose they had to at that time, considering he suffered a heart attack, right there while awaiting being admitted to hospital.  I could feel my adrenaline flowing, just recalling how within two (2) weeks, he was dead.

All on Thanksgiving weekend.  My dad.  Gordon.  Patti.  In any case, even through my tears, I gave it all to my Lord, bringing the pain and sorrow to Jesus, at the foot of the cross.

It was after 2:00 a.m., before I finally rested enough to drift off to sleep.  My alarm went off about 2:45 a.m.  Once again, I battled with myself, but this time, it was about getting up!  I was absolutely exhausted.  Physically and emotionally.

By the time I stopped at Tim Horton's to pick up coffee for P and handed it to her at her ER bedside, it was 3:55 a.m. 

Even though she had been disconnected from all equipment, she couldn't yet leave, as the latest blood report hadn't yet returned.  Finally, it arrived; her hemoglobin level had risen to about 90, from what she was told.  This is still low, but better than the 68 she had, before the transfusions of 2 units of blood.

Enroute to home, P was physically sick.  Literally.  Never was I more thankful, than when she entered her home to rest.  I praised God for taking care of her.  For providing for her need.

Thank you, to those who prayed for P.  I appreciate your prayer, more than you know.  Since she is not yet healed and will require further tests and treatment, please continue praying.  Thank you.  May God bless you.

All the way home, I praised God, and after arriving home close to 6:00 a.m. I continued thanking Him for all He does.  For all He is.  For all He will always be.

Sound strange, considering the the whole emotional roller coaster I have been on, lately?  Maybe so.  But, God did tell us that in all things, we need to be thankful (1 Thessalonians 5:18).  And, I am...

Until next time...

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Friday, October 7, 2011

Prayer Needed! Please Pray...

Yesterday, my friend A and I enjoyed lunch together at Franco's, a local Italian restaurant, here in Windsor.  We enjoyed a wonderful time of fellowship and great food!  I always enjoy being with A.  Hopefully, she enjoyed yesterday's time together, as much as I did.  Thank you A, for treating me! 

Today turned out very different than I thought it would, even though this day began in the usual fashion.

As per normal, I went to work out at my friend M's gym.  After doing some work, showering and changing, I prepared to leave home, again.

My co-worker/friend C, my neighbour friend K and I were to go across to Michigan, USA, once again.  I know.  I can't believe it, myself!  It seems like years since I was across the border, because it was; but over the course of the past few weeks, I've been there several times!  Hard to believe, at least for me!

At the last moment, my friend K let me know she couldn't make it, so C and I met at my church, where we left his car.  I drove, once again.

Since we were both hungry, we began today's international excursion by enjoying lunch at The Olive Garden restaurant, just as we had a few weeks ago.  Yup!  Italian food again today; almost like an instant replay, to be sure!  Except, today's dining experience was an international one!  This time it was my treat.  Instead of just discussing friendly things, we actually talked some business, too! 

In any case, I thought I was so full, I felt like I should be rolled out of the restaurant.  But, I made it out to my van without any assistance.  Praise God!

Afterwards, we went shopping.  What a way to burn off some of the calories and food we just enjoyed!  This time we went to a different area, but the result was the same; I did not find what I was looking for.  Still, I made a small purchase, and so did C. 

The Canada Customs agent was shocked at how little we spent while being away in the US.  Truly, it seemed like he was going to have my vehicle searched, but at the last second, he handed back our passports to me and told us we could leave. 

Thank You, Lord!  The last thing I needed today, was to be delayed any further, because something else was happening while we were international travellers.  After dropping C off at his car, I headed off to do what I knew I needed to do.

My daughter P was at the hospital.  I went there to be with her.

You see, over the course of the day, she had let me know that one of her doctors had contacted her; she went to see him.  He immediately sent her to hospital, where she was to receive a triple blood transfusion.  Yes, you read correctly.

P is my daughter who is rheumatoid arthritic and who has Lupus

As per Canadian Blood Services, a normal hemoglobin level for a woman is between 120 and 160.  P's was 71.  While she normally battles fatigue, etc., it was no wonder she could hardly drag herself around, get herself up and moving.

The hospital decided to do some tests, too.  They confirmed that P's heloglobin level was still falling, as it was down to 68.  Even so, the hospital decided to give P only 2 units of blood, rather than 3.  She may have to go back, again.

While P rested, my mind went into overtime, once again.  Tears didn't just well up in my eyes.  They began flowing down my cheeks.

All day, I had tried to not think about the fact that two (2) years ago, on the Friday of our Canadian Thanksgiving weekend, my daughter P was with me at that very same hospital.  Not for her, nor for me, but for Gordon.  We were waiting for the hospital to pull the plug on my husband's life support, thereby ending his life.  It took me quite a while to be able to regain control of myself, after silently weeping. 

I watched my daughter receive a gift of life, from caring people who donated blood, and praised God.  May God bless each person who donates blood!  Thank You, Father for providing for P!

She woke up and we had a short discussion about this evening, two (2) years ago.  P let me know that was exactly why she didn't want me to be at the hospital with her, tonight.  She recalled, too.

By this time, it was after 9:30 p.m.  In my mind, I had thought what a cruel joke this seemed to be, having to spend time at the hospital once again, on the anniversary of such a heartbreaking day.  I had visions of us leaving the hospital about 1:45, a.m., as we had after Gordon had been declared dead at 12:30 a.m.

We realized the speed at which P was receiving the transfusion and calculated she was still a couple of hours away from having received the first full unit of blood.  P and I decided I should go home, because she would be in the Emergency Room receiving transfusions, until about 4:00 a.m.

I plan to be back at the hospital for about 3:30 a.m., with Tim Horton's coffee in hand for P.  Hopefully, this will put a smile on her face.

If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, who believes in the power of prayer, I ask that you please pray for my daughter, P.  The hospital has not determined where she is bleeding out from, so this treatment is only a temporary fix.

As I mentioned, P has other health ailments.  Please pray for total, restorative healing.  Thank you.  May God bless you, always.

Until next time...

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