It seems that it is still happening to me, every month. On the first (1st) day of each month, I still find myself feeling rather low in spirit, thinking about how Gordon collapsed on the beginning of October 2009.
This month, I felt no different.
Well, I need to qualify that statement. In one way, I felt the same as I normally do, in another way I felt sad for another reason.
September 1st was the fifth (5th) year anniversary of when Gordon and I moved into our apartment. The unit I still live in. The one with the beautiful view overlooking the yacht club, marinas, the lighthouse, Peche Island, the Detroit River and Lake St. Clair.
The same place I love and yet feel so badly at times, when I look around knowing that everywhere I look, all I see is Gordon.
The apartment that I feel so very alone in, at times. Being surrounded by four (4) walls, with no one to talk with, no one to smile with or at, no one to share good times with, I sometimes wonder what my purpose is in life.
However, I know that God has a purpose for me. How do I know this?
Well, for starters, I still pray nightly that it is God's will to allow me to go to sleep, but wake up in heaven and not here on earth. Obviously, it hasn't happened, or I wouldn't be writing this blog entry. lol
The way my life has been changing over the course of this year, I believe that God is in the process of changing my life. If this is truly happening, it can only be for the better.
After all, not only does God provide where He guides, but He only has our best interests at heart.
It's been quite a year, so far. Work has been slow, yet I am busy every day. Not always productive in an earnings sense, but definitely filled to capacity.
Because work was slow, I was able to write my book: Love Never Fails You... Here is a link to a Youtube video that provides some insight:
For those who are not aware, Love Never Fails You... is about overcoming life's trials and grief. I believe that God planned for me to write this, in an effort to help others. After all, do you know anyone who has never experienced trials in life? Or, grieved loss?
Life is definitely hard, but God is good.
He has helped me through every one of life's trials that I have experienced, and I have experienced many trials in life. Definitely many more than I chose to write about in Love Never Fails You... Some, even more serious than the worst I wrote about.
All I can say, is that while I have suffered in this life, God has been there with me. He has provided for me in ways I cannot even tell you about.
While my life is no better or worse than it was at the time Gordon died, I can tell you that it is definitely changing. I believe for the better. At least, that is what I am trusting him for.
Until next time...
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