Last night's sleep was rather short.
As like other months, on the 9th day of the month, I feel a myriad of emotions, ranging from sadness, to grief, gratitude to God and relief. But, mostly, I just recall the last day of my husband's life, the stress it was to me and the heartbreak it brought with it.
Then, close to 12:30 a.m., I usually post something on Gordon's Facebook (FB) wall, and on the wall of a FB group I made for him in his memory, as well as on my wall. Why that time? Because Gordon was pronounced dead at that time, on October 10th, 21 months ago.
I am sure some people don't feel I should do this. That's too bad, if this is their feelings.
I too, have my feelings. I recognize that God told us that we receive not, because we ask not. And, I know myself well enough to know that I need loving support, especially now.
Anyone's who has been a reader of Life with Lynnie knows that I am not afraid to ask for what I need. I ask it of God, He directs me and He provides...always. Sometimes miraculously, sometimes through friends, family or acquaintances, but He always provides.
Why shouldn't He? He promised us, His children, that He would always take care of us. He said in Matthew 6, that He takes care of the birds of the air and the lilies of the field; and aren't we even more important than they!
In my heart, I know God will never leave me, nor forsake me, that He will be with me always, even 'til the end of the age. He said so, in a few books of the Bible, like Hebrews and Deuteronomy.
I trust Him. After all, God sent His only Son to earth, to make a way where there wasn't one, so that those of us who needed to be saved, could be saved. He spared not His own son...to save a wretched sinner, like me (Romans 8:32). How could He not give me what He promised?
He never promised me a great life. For sure, my life has not been a bed of roses, or a bowl of cherries, but He has always been with me. Even through this trial of grief.
God has opened my eyes to His truth, not just through providing me with salvation, but also in my life, generally speaking.
He has shown me who loves me, cares for me, prays for me, is there for me in my times of need. He has also shown me who isn't there for me.
It's rather shocking to realize that some of the people you thought would be there for you, haven't been. Yet, sometimes virtual strangers who have become FB friends, are. It's amazing, really.
Another truth has been revealed to me, though. But, this will have to wait until tomorrow's entry.
Until next time...
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