Sunday, July 31, 2011

Happy Birthday, Gordon...

I woke up today.  Not in heaven, but here on earth.  What a bummer!

There are days when I ask my Lord why?  Or, maybe I should say why not?

Even though I wasn't looking forward to today, it is after all, Sonday. My Lord's day.

So, up I got; early actually.  It felt like a chore getting ready to go to worship.  All week long, I had pondered the idea of not going to church, today.  But, I went; and was glad I did.

After all, no one is more important than God.  My Lord, Jesus Christ deserves to be honoured.

In case you aren't aware, I've been dreading the arrival of today.  The reality is that I'm not sure what is worse, the anticipation of this day, or the arrival itself. 

If Gordon, my husband, was still alive, today would have been his birthday.  It seems almost silly wishing him Happy Birthday.  After all, a birthday only really means something, when there is a person to celebrate it with.

Even so, I wish you Happy Birthday, Gordon.  You're spending it in heaven, with Jesus, instead of with me.  I pray you feel like every day is a special day, because you are with Him.

Here on earth there's no celebration.  No gifts.  No nothing.  Two (2) years ago today, was the last time Gordon and I celebrated his birthday; it proved to be the last birthday cake I baked for him.

Call it grief.  Call it mourning.  I really don't care what you call it.  It's painful.

After church, I went to the cemetary, to visit Gordon's grave.  I placed flowers there and on the grave of his mom and dad.  After all, not only did Gordon and I love them, but they gave birth to him.  I'm grateful for this.

After arranging the floral tributes, I sat by Gordon's grave for a while.  It's easier said than done, even if I do carry a lawn chair in my van.

Not only was it extremely hot, to be sitting in the open, unshaded area, but it was heartbreaking for me.

I sat there looking at the grave marker displaying Gordon's name and mine.  I couldn't help but cry, asking God when He will take me home.  Why has He left me here to suffer this horrid, evil world, alone?  It's easy to have those rather grief-filled thoughts while in mourning.

After regaining my composure, I headed off towards home. 

On my way, I recalled that Staples had some school supplies on sale, so I decided to make a stop to shop.  After all, I do have grandchildren that could use them, and I'm sure my daughter's appreciate the gesture.

While this gift wasn't meant for Gordon, I was glad I had done this, today.  Although not a birthday gift for him, it sort of represented a gift of love.  One I could celebrate on his sorrowful day.

Until next time...

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