Friday, July 1, 2011

144... 21... 1...

Today, most people in Canada are celebrating.  Being July 1st, today is the 144th anniversary of Canada's confederation, of Canada becoming a country.  So, to my fellow Canadians, I wish you a very happy Canada Day

Parties, celebrations, BBQ's, fireworks, are only a few ways people celebrate Canada's birthday.  We used to call it Dominion Day, but a number of years ago the name was changed to Canada Day.

I'm not celebrating, today.

Awaking early, I made sure to go do my exercise first thing.  Being the first of the month, meant it was time for weighing in and measurement taking.  Hmmm..

If I hadn't been feeling low earlier this month, I probably would have lost more weight than I did, for I tend to overeat when upset.  That's why people call it comfort food, right? 

Even so, I was glad to see a change in the right direction on the scale's reading.  Even nicer was the number of inches I had lost again, this month.  Thank You, Lord.

Of course, no matter how good the results were with my personal trainer, the first of the month is always a trying time for me.  It was the day of the month 21 months ago, when Gordon collapsed and became hospitalized, before his death.  It is a constant reminder of the last time I ever heard his voice. 

Maybe if this hadn't happened on the first day of the month, it wouldn't be so hard on me; I can't really say, for sure.  It seems in my mind like it represents the first day of not just each month, but also the first day of the rest of my life, without him.

Of course, this year, this month, is even worse.

This is the first anniversary of another's death.  It was one (1) year ago, today when my brother Glenn, died.  I loved my brother and still do.  I miss him, very much...and feel I always will.

What surprised me was that as I went about my daily tasks, I felt a heaviness that just wouldn't leave.  Yet, no matter what, I just couldn't cry.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, grief is awful.

Pent up tears welled in my eyes, but just refused to leave the comfort of my glands.  At least that is how it was until I found time to finish up reading a book I had almost completed. 

As a member of a book reading club, who is meeting with fellow readers in a few days, I had hoped to be finished reading The Book Thief, written by Markus Zusak long before now.  Unfortunately, it took me a while to obtain a copy to read.  Just a few minutes ago, I managed to achieve my goal.

I would not like to tell you too much about this story, for you may not then be interested in reading this gem for yourself. 

However, I will say, that it served as a catalyst, reading about the pain, sorrow, relief and joy described by the author, in the final chapters.  It made me cry.

As tears streamed down my face, I felt every second of pain and sorrow relating to my loss of family; relating to my grief.

Believe it or not, this was a welcome relief.


Until next time...

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