There are times when I feel like I'm such a loser, even though I realize there are truly no losers with our Lord.
These last couple of entries sound so very depressing. The only thing worse than the sound of the entries, was the way I felt.
Sometimes, even after I begin to feel better about my grief, I want to give myself a kick in the pants, sometimes thinking things like: Shape up, Lynn! Give yourself a shake! There are so many people worse off than you; don't you get it?
Then, God usually brings me back to reality.
Although some people believe that as a Christian I should not suffer or feel badly for any reason, this is a fallacy. After all, God's word does tell us in Isaiah 43:2, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you: when you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle on you."
Notice God tells us... when, not if. We know from this that all God's children will suffer in this life.
God has blessed me with some great friends. Some I know personally, while some on Facebook (FB) I haven't yet met.
The other day I was messaged on FB by a friend I met at my grief counselling, here in Windsor. Her husband had died prior to Gordon.
I recall her telling me at one of our counselling sessions that she felt she had already dealt with losing her husband in some ways, prior to his death, because he had been sick for several years. Even so, in her FB message, she told me she was just finishing up another grief counselling course, through Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA), where I used to take Gordon for help.
Wow! You could have blown me over with a feather, when I read this message from her! Here, I thought she was doing so much better than I. How wrong could I have been?!
Saturday evening, my neighbour/friend K handed me a plate with a couple pieces of pizza on it. She knew that since our water had been off, I didn't have company as I had originally planned. She also knew I was suffering another bout of grief.
K knows and understands, because she told me that even though it will be 24 years on Tuesday, April 12th since her husband L died, she still grieves him. Be still my heart.
On Saturday evening, something else happened. I received a message from another FB friend; my friend, A. She had decided to message me, to encourage me, as she knew I was feeling the effects of grief, once again.
In her message to me, A said, "I can truly say I know how you feel, I felt like half of me was gone, I went thru such severe grief that I actually thought I was going to die and wanted to, but I had such a big church family and my family, they would`nt let me give up!!!!!! Lots of love and prayers coming your way! God bless Lynn!!!!!!!!"
Wow! Another blow me away, incident. While this was A's message to me, I felt like it was something I would have and could have said to her, for she described feelings I've had, exactly.
God bless, indeed. He does! As you can see, He has blessed me with great friends who understand and support me.
Then, Sunday afternoon, my telephone rang. Not once, but twice.
The first (1st) call was from one of my cousins from N. Ireland. What a blessing it was to hear her voice. She too, is a widow who lost her husband just a few months before my Gordon died.
The second (2nd) call was from P, the daughter of a friend of mine who died about three (3) weeks before Gordon died. P and I spoke about many things, but mainly about how she misses her Mom and how she still suffers grief. Wow! Double wow!
Father, thank You for showing me that I am truly not alone in my grief. Thank You for providing me loving, supportive friends to help me through the rough times. Thank You for showing me that I am not just a weak Christian. Thank You, for providing not only for me, but also for my friends who have need of support, themselves. Thank You, that I can lift them up in prayer and support them, in their need. Thank You, that You provide for all Your children. I praise You for this and ask You to bless each of my friends. Father, as we trust You for everything in our lives, may we be mindful that we will never be truly alone, that You will never leave us, nor forsake us, that You will be with us always, even to the end of the age. In Jesus' precious name I pray. Amen.
Until next time...
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