Sunday, April 10, 2011

Woman...

As you know if you read yesterday's entry, Saturday was not a good day for me.  And, not just because of lack of sleep, but more from feeling the effects of grief.

Today, at 12:30 am, it was the 18 month anniversary of Gordon's death.  A year and a half.  Hard to believe, but true.

When I awoke Saturday morning, after only a few short hours of sleep, I had a song on my heart and mind. 

If you've been a regular reader, you'll know that sometimes I wake up like this.  Usually, once I hear the song in my mind's eye or should I say...ear, I usually see there is a message for me, in the lyrics.

Well, I couldn't even bring myself to listen to the song that was on my heart, yesterday.  At least not until in the afternoon, when a Facebook (FB) friend posted the song.  Coincidence?  Only God knows.  In any case, that's when I decided to listen to the song.

Here is a link to John Lennon's song, Woman:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1hh0-DWKPo


Prior to listening to the song, I just couldn't see the relevance to me.  Then, I decided to finally play the song.  I realized that there was indeed a message there for me.

Usually, when I am feeling periods of grief and lonliness, I cry and later, feel better.  This didn't happen for me, yesterday.  Instead, I found myself crying all day and into the evening. 

It seemed no matter what I thought about, tears flowed.  No matter how I prayed, talked with God and friends, I just did not feel any better.  In fact, the later it got in the day, the worse I felt.

As the evening progressed, I thought maybe I should go out, but decided against it.

Actually, I had plans for the day and part evening, but they had to be cancelled.  My friend M, who will be getting married at the end of May, was supposed to visit me.  I was to pick her up and bring her to my home, where we would share dinner, together.  Then, we were to watch a movie; one that she hoped I would watch with her.

This didn't happen.  Not because of my upsetting day.  I wouldn't have cancelled out because of this, for I know that ultimately, it probably would have been good for me to have had company.

What happened was, during the afternoon, after I had read the paper, finished reading my book and updated on Facebook (FB), I decided to finally take my shower, before going to pick up M.  To my shock and surprise, I had no water!

I could hear some noise from outside, but didn't really think anything of it, at first.  I called my neighbour/friend K to see if her water was working, because we in the building, are not all on the same water pump system.

K told me her water was off and let me know she had already spoken to others.  Apparently, there had been a watermain break, out at the street.  From her side of our building, she could see that a backhoe had arrived and was digging up the ground, so the repair could be made.

Needless to say, I called M and let her know that I thought we should take a raincheque (or if you are in USA:  raincheck) in getting together.  After all, not only had I planned to make dinner for us, but having no water would mean I would have to go without a shower (ugh!) and no one would be able to flush the toilet or wash hands.

Even though our water had been restored by early evening, I truly didn't even feel like going out, anywhere.  I had already declined attending a birthday party and a musical evening with another friend.  And, I was grateful for M's understanding.

All in all, I felt like God took care of me.  Thank You, Lord.


Until next time...

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