Thursday, March 31, 2011

It Truly Is Not Death, To Die...

If you have not yet read yesterday's entry, you may want to do so, for in it I posted a public notice, as printed in The Windsor Star, Wednesday, March 30, 2011, with regards to the death of my neighbour, Linda Ireland.

As I mentioned yesterday, a group of people were talking as if they thought Linda's death was suicide.  I also wondered how they knew this.

If you were to ask me if I knew whether or not Linda was capable of ending her own life, I would have to say, I truly do not know.  One thing is true, though; whether or not Linda's death was as a result of her deliberate actions or whether it was accidental, only God knows. No one else was there.

Speculation made by many, which is more like gossip than concern, seems to be that some people have clear insight that Linda ended her life.  Hopefully, not.

You may wonder why I have said that I hope not.  Well, it is probably not totally for the reasons you may be thinking.  You may be thinking that I am referring only in a religious context, but I am not.  As you will see, later.

But, now I must say that many people consider me religious.  I am not.  Shocked? 

I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, my Saviour, who died for my sin and for the sin of all who will believe on Him. 

I have known for a long time that I am a sinner, in need of grace, who cannot save myself from an eternity in hell; like Linda and like you.  I recognized I was in need of a Saviour, to save me.  He has!  Praise God!  Thank You, Jesus!

Not knowing Linda well enough to have a deep discussion on the subject of being saved, I do not know if she was saved.  I hope she was.  In any case, now it is too late to pray for her.  She's dead; gone.

One thing I do know, is that when our mortal body dies, our soul does not; we do not.  Our soul continues to live.

Unlike some people, who believe we come back to earth many times to get life 'right' or who worship with religious groups who believe they can pray people out of hell, I believe God's Word, the Bible when it tells me there is no changing where go once we die.

God told us in Hebrews 9:27, "And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment:".  In 2 Corinthians 5:8, God tell us that to be absent from the body, is to be with the Lord; at least, for believers trusting in Jesus Christ for their salvation, for that is who Paul was speaking to.

These verses and others let us know that when our body dies, we have only suffered the first death; the death of our mortal body.  Our soul lives on in one of two places:  heaven or hell.  There is no place in between, as some religious groups believe; at least not according to the Bible. 

This also means that if Linda was saved, trusting in Jesus Christ for her salvation, she is with the Lord, now. 

Again, there is more that needs to be said.  Please stay tuned until tomorrow.

Until next time...

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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Suicide? Or, Just Death?

Recently, I mentioned that a body had been found in the water, at the foot of Dieppe Park, Windsor at about 6:45 pm Sunday, and said I would keep you posted as to whether or not it was Linda Ireland.  It was.

Here is a link for you to read her death notice, as was published in The Windsor Star, Wednesday, March 30, 2011:

Knowing this blog entry is here, hopefully for posterity and not knowing if this notice will be available after a period of time, and since the notice is a public notice, I am posting it (minus her photo which didn't come through when I pasted), here:

IRELAND, Linda Jean (nee Muhleisen) It is with deep sadness that we announce the passing of Linda on March 27, 2011 at 57 years of age. Survived by her children Corey, Justin, Lindsay and Kelly. Dear sister of Pearl and husband Orval Hodgkin. Special aunt to Dan and Tracy Hodgkin, Cheryl Hodgkin, Karen Hodgkin and great-aunt of Brandon, Luke, Nathan, Jessica, Brett and Jaclyn. Beloved friend of Sonny Renaud. Also special thanks to Diane Wiley for her friendship and support. Linda retired from Bell Canada after 30 years of service. The family wishes to thank the loving community of Solidarity Towers for their friendship, care and concern. Her smile will be remembered by everyone. Cremation was held. Friends are invited to join the family on Saturday after 9:30 a.m., followed by Memorial Service at 11:30 a.m. at FAMILIES FIRST 1065 LAUZON RD. East Windsor (519-969-5841) with Pastor Dan Smith officiating. Share memories, photos or make a donation online at

While finding out about Linda's death is upsetting, something once again happened that was even more upsetting to me.

Monday morning, as I exited the elevator and made my way to the parking garage, I passed a small group of men, who were discussing the issue of the body being found.  While it had not yet been announced to the public if the body was Linda's, these men seemed to think it was.

This wasn't the upsetting part.  One man, made a statement that made me want to cry.  His remark was about how he felt it took a lot of 'guts' to do what she (Linda) did.  If you knew who the man was that said this, you would understand why this upset me, so very much.

Well, to be honest, no matter who would have made a remark such as this, I would have found it upsetting.  As I did recently, when a woman in the elevator I was riding in, made a similar comment.

Whenever I have heard remarks like these from people, it is clearly obvious that they believe the person who died committed suicide.

Firstly, I would like to ask the question:  How would they even know this to be true? 

Were they there?  Do they have some connection to God?  Or, do they have some knowledge that others don't have?

Since this whole topic is lengthy and as you know, I can be long-winded, I will have to continue this subject, tomorrow.

Until next time...

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Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Anniversary? It is Not Death to Die...

God's Word in ‎2 Corinthians 4:8 tells us that, "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair."  As Christians, we sometimes suffer, greatly.

That's the way I feel, at times.  Especially when I think of my now deceased husband Gordon, and the life of hell he experienced towards the end of his life.  And how I lived it, along with him.

Today, is another one of those calendar days, when I just wish I could crawl into bed, pull up the covers and forget that life exists.  Unfortunately, this is not something I can do, even if the thought sounds good.

For those who aren't aware, today would have been Gordon's and my wedding anniversary, had he still been alive, sharing life with me.

At our wedding reception, we had the Phantom and Christine come to entertain us; Gordon and I both loved The Phantom of The OperaWishing You Were Somehow Here Again with me Gordon, is a lovely, but useless thought, now that you are gone from this earth.  Still, the song is excellent.  Here is a link:

Unfortunately, you will never return to earth to be with me, again.  Now all that is left for me, is to Learn to Be Lonely.  Another song worth providing a link to:

How fitting that I watched The Phantom of the Opera, today.  It reminded me how our lives had been of a phantom love.  A love we thought would last forever, but elusive in reality.  A love that was not meant to be.

No, I didn't intend to wish Gordon Happy Anniversary.  He's in heaven, not here on earth.  Once we, as Christians, leave this earth there is no such thing as marriage.  And, Gordon is in heaven.   However, when I was out at the cemetary, at Gordon's grave, I found myself doing just that.  Wishing him Happy Anniversary.

Well, I suppose if the Apostle Paul can say that there are things he does that he doesn't wish to do and things he wouldn't do, that he finds himself doing, it must be okay for me. 

Ultimately, my wish for Gordon means nothing, for he's not here and he's not alive. 

There is a song that I truly love, by Sovereign Grace, called:  It Is Not Death To Die.  Here is a link, so you can enjoy it, too:

As displayed at the end of the song, God tells us in Philippians1:21, "To live is Christ and to die is gain."

For me, as a Christian who clings to God's Word, to live is definitely Christ.  To die, will definitely be gain.  As it was for Gordon.

Gordon may have died a human death, but he is alive in heaven, made whole, enjoying each day with Jesus.

Yes, I can be happy for him, but I am sad for me. Never did I ever think I could cry so many tears.  While Gordon is in heaven, joyously being with his Lord and Saviour, I still have to suffer through this life, alone.

While for me to live is Christ, it doesn't mean that I don't suffer in grief agony, for I do.  As time marches on, I cannot say it gets easier to live with, because it truly doesn't.  However, I have reached a point, where I can now be glad that Gordon is no longer suffering.

One day, my suffering will end.  But as of today, it hasn't. 

Today, I am recalling the day we were married and how happy we were.  Recalling all the dreams we shared and plans for our future.  A future that no longer exists.

I am grateful to my Lord, for providing me the years with Gordon that I had.  I am grateful for the love we shared.  I am grateful for Gordon's love for me, for him always wanting to shelter me from harm, protecting me and providing for me.  I am grateful for the love I have for him, for this love will never die.

While I don't know what God has in store for me, in the rest of my life, I am grateful that He is in control.  I pray that His plan is to fully heal me, and stop this feeling of loss and heartbreak that I feel.  Quickly. 

But, the reality is that God doesn't always take into account what we want, for He has His plan for us and will fulfil it, in His time.

Until next time...

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Monday, March 28, 2011

Excited Exhaustion!

Saturday night, after my friend J left for home, I did a bit of tidying up.  Then, posted my Life with Lynnie (LwL) entry.  When all was said and done, I found I was really tired.

Off to bed, I went.  Climbing in, I prayed, letting God know that I just could not read my Bible, for I was exhausted.  Sleep came quickly.

It's just too bad that sleep won't continue. 

Lately, I have been experiencing lack of sleep, in the form of waking shortly after falling asleep and being up most of the night, thereby obtaining only a couple hours of sleep.  It happened once again, Saturday night.  Exhaustion seems to follow me almost daily, because of this.

Even Melatonin doesn't seem to help this.  My friend across the hall K, tells me it is probably because I am not taking it regularly. 

My opinion is that I believe it is my subconscious stressing over the fact that Tuesday, March 29th is the date that would have been my wedding anniversary, had Gordon lived. 

Time will tell.  In the meantime, I'll just continue dragging myself around.

As you are probably aware, Sonday is my day to worship my Lord, Jesus Christ.  Usually, I do this at my own church with my church family.  Yesterday, was different.

Due to special circumstances, I did not worship at my church.  Instead, I worshipped at Banwell Community Church, here in Windsor, ON, Canada.  The special occasion?  My friend M, who helps me with my workout programme, etc., plus her husband M and daughter M, were being baptized. 

If you've been a regular reader of LwL, you may be aware that M had been married previously, to a Muslim man.  She has quite a testimony regarding this experience as well as the fear she experienced after becoming divorced. 

For years, I planted those seeds for Christ.  For a long time, I never saw any growth.  Then, after a period of time where we had little contact, M's husband's brother became saved and those seeds for Christ continued through him and his family.

They all began worshipping at Banwell Community Church.  My friend M and her family became saved.  Hence, their baptism, today.  I praise God and thank Jesus for this!

In the evening, I went to my church for 6:00 pm.  Instead of our normal worship service, the Keynote speaker from Friday evening spoke, once again.  After all, this was the end of our Missions Conference weekend.

Afterwards, we listened to a speaker representing The Bible League, here in Canada.  Even though both my church and I personally have been supporting them, I did not know that a Pastor can request free Bibles be sent to them.  Thank you Lord, for this information is exactly what I need, for I get approached almost daily, by people in countries where people are not well off, for Bibles.

The final speaker was the husband of a missionary couple we support, whose mission is in China.  While they actually work through Wycliffe Bible Translators Canada, their related ministry SIL International is who they are considered working through, while in China.

Wow!  What a full weekend!  A true blessing to me.

Until next time...

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Sunday, March 27, 2011


Friday began my church's Missions Conference Weekend.  Every year, on this weekend, we gather to celebrate the work for Christ that our church supports, by supporting missionaries around the world.

We support over 21 missionaries or missionary families.  People who work for Christ doing things like Bible translations, to people involved with Helimission (helicoptor missions).  In addition, we are supporting a new church plant in a nearby town, Belle River.

If any of our missionaries are on furlough leave back here in Canada, we usually have them attend the celebration, if they can.  Of course, they visit with us whenever they are back home, updating us so we can know and praise God for them, doing His work. 

After all, not all of us are able to go out into the world and preach the gospel message to all creatures, as God commanded us.  Some of us must stay here and support the work; by doing so, we all win.

As usual, the conference began with a Friday evening dinner.  It was held upstairs in our gymnasium.  There was quite a good turnout, for the room was almost full.

Afterwards, we cleaned up and then moved into our Sanctuary, where our Keynote Speaker Pearson L. Johnson, Pastor of Missions and Evangelism, Inter-City Baptist Church, Allen Park, MI, USA and Assistant Professor at Detroit Baptist Theological Seminary, spoke.

Saturday, we once again met in our gymnasium, for breakfast.  This time, we did not move into the Sanctuary to listen to our speaker, but remained upstairs in the gym.

Pastor Dan Bebbington, of Northshore Baptist Church, Belle River, ON, Canada spoke to us regarding the growth of the new church plant we are supporting.

Saturday evening, I did not attend church, for there was only a function for youth.  However, I did not spend Saturday evening, alone.

My friend J, who works at the cemetary, had originally agreed to meet with me for Friday evening's dinner and Keynote Address, but this didn't happen.  She had been detained at work and couldn't make it.

So, on Saturday evening, J came to visit me, at home.  We had a lovely visit, spending much time talking. 

I was glad she stayed for supper, for it did me good to be able to share a meal with someone, for a change.  Especially, while seated at the table.  You may recall that I rarely sit at the table, for I still cannot bring myself to look over at Gordon's empty chair.

Afterwards, we played the card game, Phase 10.  Being the good hostess I am, I was happy to see J become the winner!  lol  :-)) 

Until next time...

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Saturday, March 26, 2011

Blessings and Fun Times!

Thursday, as you would know if you read yesterday's entry, was a rather tiring, stressful day.  However, I must take the time to thank you for prayer for my daughter P...and for my friend J in Texas, who needs a lung transplant. 

God answered the prayer regarding my daughter P, at least partially, so far.  What I mean is that the pins and needles feeling and numbness she felt, has since left her.  Praise God!  Thank You, Jesus!  It has now left behind, only pain.  In case you are not aware, P cannot take pain medicines, due to the meds she takes for Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis.  So, continued prayer would be appreciated.

Same with my friend J, who needs a lung transplant.  Continued prayer would be appreciated. 

May God bless each of you, as you pray for these and other people, who are in need of healing.

My daughter P's surgery didn't take all day, but when we left the hospital, we both agreed we were hungry.  So, we stopped to have something to eat before I took her home.  It was good that the freezing was still in effect at that time, for it allowed her to at least feel comfortable, for a short while. 

We stopped for coffee at one location and then our meal at another (lol).  Thank you, P!  It was a great idea; I appreciate being with you and thank you for sharing the cost. 

Arriving home, I was absolutely exhausted.  Less than two (2) hours sleep can do this to me!

In any case, I looked at the clock.  Hmmm...  Since I hadn't planned any work, being unsure of how long we would be at the hospital, and since it seemed I had time, I decided to have a short nap. :-))

I'm sure I could have found stuff to do, both for work and for me (like write another chapter in the book I am currently writing), but instead I dozed for a short while.  Well, it was either that or risk dozing off in the evening, when I knew for sure I wanted to be wide awake!

After my short nap, I got ready and went to do my exercise which I had rescheduled for late in the afternoon.  Ah, once again I felt tired.  Even so, I jumped in the shower, got ready and headed out, once again.

Stopping to pick up pizza at my favourite pizza place, I arrived at my friend M's home slightly later than I had originally planned on.  M, her daughter N who is in need of heart surgery (yes, please pray for N, also!  Thanks!) and I enjoyed our dinner/supper.  It was my pleasure to do this for them, since N is rather confined to home and I know they both appreciate eating pizza, on occasion.  Besides, I enjoy it, too!

Later, M and I went to Caesars Windsor  to watch a performance by Celtic Crossroads.  If you've read most or all my past entries in Life with Lynnie (LwL), you'll know that on one other occasion M thought we would be able to see a performance there, but it didn't work out.

In case you haven't read about this previously, M has a relative who is a high-roller type gambler, who frequents the casino.  M could never do this herself, especially on limited income after being an injured worker, but her relative's kindness in creating a points card in M's name, allows M to utilize perks she wouldn't otherwise obtain.  One such perk was being able to get a pair of tickets to this show; we sat in great seats on the main floor, in area F6, Row 4, seats 1 & 2.

Yesterday's two (2) performances by Celtic Crossroads were the group's premier into Canada.  You may think this group would be from Ireland.  If you thought this, you would only be partly correct.  While they did meet up and begin performing in Ireland, some members of this extremely talented group of musicians and dancers are from Denmark, New Zealand, the USA and I believe Scotland (I may be recalling incorrectly), with the rest being from Ireland.

I cannot rave about their performance, enough.  It was absolutely wonderful!  If you have the chance to see them, please do so.  You'll be happy you did.  Just as I am happy I did; thank you, M.  Blessings to you.

Until next time...

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Friday, March 25, 2011

Pins, Needles & Numbness...

If you read yesterday's entry, you'll know that my daughter P and I spent part of Wednesday, together. 

I'm grateful for the time we had together on Wednesday, for on Thursday, she was due to have surgery on her hands, for trigger finger and other problems related to Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus.

I'm not sure if it was the stress I've felt over P's recent health concerns, like the bloodclots she's been experiencing, or whether it was due to reading an article a friend sent me by e-mail, but for some reason, I didn't sleep well Wednesday night.

After reading the Christian article my friend sent me, my mind was in turmoil, for I had trouble understanding what the writer was trying to convey; the article seemed totally mixed up, to me.  In any case, after reading the article twice and feeling rather stressed over it, I decided to relax, pray and read my Bible.  Yes, then I felt much better!  I will be discussing this in depth, on another occasion.

Surprisingly, I had no trouble getting to sleep.

Then, about an hour after I dozed off, I awoke and could not get back to sleep.  All I could think about was my P's upcoming surgery and the article I read that a friend sent me by message through Facebook (FB) and how God had given me insight into it.

My mind racing a mile a minute, I just could not go back to sleep, so I got up about another hour of tossing and turning (sort of sounds like a song, doesn't it?) and began writing entries for Life with Lynnie (LwL).  You see, I am able to write entries and store them until I am ready to publish them.

I must admit that I've been wrestling with my life and decisions I made in my life, in the past.  In fact, my friend K across the hall, talked with me again, about the stuff.  I won't go into what we discussed, but it was rather personal.  I was thankful for her input.

After 4:00 am and not yet being able to sleep, I was sorry I hadn't taken some Melatonin.  lol.  Sounds funny, doesn't it?!  Being tired, yet not being able to sleep.  Oh well.  I suppose you can tell that is when I began writing this entry. :(

Feeling it was too late to take Melatonin, I just tried to relax.  Read my Bible, etc.  Eventually, I returned to bed.  It was about 6:30 am.  It took me a few minutes to get to sleep, but sleep finally arrived.

It's too bad that I couldn't have slept longer, but my alarm was set for 7:30 am, so I would have enough time to get up and ready to face the day.  Besides, I knew I had to pick up my daughter P about 8:30 am, for Thursday was her scheduled day to have surgery on both her hands.

We arrived at Windsor Regional Hospital - Met Campus, in plenty of time for P's surgery.   I brought my Bible with me to read, while P was with the surgeon.

Although I did read a few chapters, I began to feel myself dozing off.  Oh, no!!  lol  Murphy's Law is still alive and well!

Actually, P's surgery didn't take too long, for she wasn't put to sleep, but rather had been frozen. 

Apparently, when the surgeon opened up her hand, he tried to remove the excess inflammation from her finger joints and knuckles, in addition to repairing Trigger Finger and another problem she was experiencing.  He removed two (2) lumps and sent them away for testing.

Because the surgeon found another problem that I am not exactly clear on, he decided that before he operates on her other hand, he wants to do more tests.  This meant that P only had surgery on one of  her hands and not on both, as she had prepared for.

Due to the many medications P takes for Lupus and Rheumatoid Arthritis, she cannot take pain medication.  This meant she was in a lot of pain, as the freezing wore off.

Later Thursday, she called me concerned about the pins and needles feeling as well as a numbness feeling she was experiencing in part of her hand.  I explained to P that this is what I experienced and still experience, ever since I had the second (2nd) surgery to reconstruct my jaw, after my collision, in 1980.

Hopefully, she will not continue to experience this problem forever, that it is only temporary, but I am concerned for this surgery was not the first (1st) surgery she has had on her hands.  So, this could become a permanent thing.  I prayed with her, that God will provide total healing.

Once again, I ask you for prayer for my daughter and pray God will bless you.

Until next time...

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Thursday, March 24, 2011

Blood Clots?!

It's been quite a week, so far!

Not just busy with work, but also busy with my personal life.  I feel like God is now bringing to the forefront of my mind, some things that I just couldn't bring myself to deal with, in the past.  After all, it's His prerogative to allow us to store things in our minds that we feel overwhelmed by.

I won't go into detail at this time, because I have more important things to discuss.  Namely, my daughter P.

On Sunday, she felt itchy on her right leg, between her knee and her hip.  She scratched the itch; as she did, she felt a popping sensation.  This happened in two locations about the same time. 

The result was an almost instant rash and blood at the surface of her leg, covering about half the distance mentioned.  She had another feeling like this, closer to her hip, but chose to not scratch it.

Not knowing what was happening, she took some pics of this and tried to send it to me from her phone, but couldn't.  So, she posted it on Facebook (FB).

Any of my FB friends who may be reading this entry, I thank you for prayer for P.  May God bless you, for this.

P went to the hospital Sunday evening, where she basically spent the night, for she wasn't released until about 6:30 am.  The end result?  The doctor wasn't sure, but felt she had a Haematoma/Hematoma or blood clot.  Albeit, a massive one.  The second area where P didn't scratch became black and blue, apparently from the same cause.  The only difference was, because P didn't scratch this area, it didn't burst.

How can this be?!  Some of the medications P takes for Lupus and for Rheumatoid Arthritis, thin her blood.  How on earth could she possibly have such a problem?

Well, in any case, she seemed to be improved by Wednesday, when I physically saw her.  Even so, those areas were just horrible to look at.  I'm sure she didn't feel happy regarding them.

Some friends from my church had requested I join them in making cards for the 50+ group.  We use them to give to members of the group, as well as to send to missionaries.

P decided to join me.  I was elated!  It was harder work than I planned on doing, physically speaking, but still I was glad to have participated.  I think P had a good time, as well.

Before we left to enjoy lunch together, our small group prayed for P.  You see, Thursday, P is having surgery on her hands.

How surgery could take place, knowing that P has some kind of problem happening in her body at the moment, is beyond me.  But, apparently, surgery will happen.  So, I will be keeping you informed as to how P makes out. 

Once again, I must ask you to pray for P. 

In addition, while you are in a mode of prayer, I will ask you to please pray for my friend J, who lives in Texas; she is in need of a lung transplant and has passed all required tests, except one (1).  Recently, J suffered a lung infection and has been taking antibiotics, but until this infection is cleared up, she cannot be added to the transplant list.  It is therefore crucial that she receive healing as quickly as possible.

Please know, I truly thank you friends, from the bottom of my heart.  May God bless you and your families, always.

Until next time...

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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Still Missing...

Hopefully, you read yesterday's entry.  I wrote about an acquaintance of mine L, who lives in my apartment building.  Even though CBC Local News and The Windsor Star has shown her photo and have requested help from the public to locate Linda Ireland, I have chosen to continue referring to Linda, as L.  Please pray for her.

When I left off writing, L was missing as of the morning of Saturday, March 19th.  Police and volunteers had searched every nook and cranny of our apartment building and complex.  Unfortunately, L was not found.

As I mentioned, my friend/neighbour K and I were praying for L.  So were some others, I found out.

Sunday morning, March 20th, I got up and as per normal for me, prepared to go worship at my church.  Afterwards, I made my way to the cemetary and visited Gordon's grave.

When I arrived home and was going up in the elevator, there were two (2) other women with me.  One quite a bit older than me and one about my age.  They were talking about L, who was still missing.

Apparently, L was told recently that she has Alzheimer's disease and had been told that she wouldn't be able to continue living here, much longer.

My heart broke for L.  This explained to me why she didn't always look and seem healthy, even if she was a friendly person.

Just before the older woman was going to exit at her floor, I made a comment about how sometimes people don't understand those who have problems that affect the brain.  Like how L's condition affects her and how my deceased husband's brain tumour affected him.  She agreed with me that people really don't understand.

But, before she could exit, the woman about my age made a comment that really threw me for a loop.  She said that she has to give people credit, who when they feel there is no more hope to live, choose to end their lives.  She went further to say that it takes a lot of courage to do this.

No one had said that L had done anything of the kind.  She's missing.  Albeit, the longer she is missing, the more some people believe L is dead.  I won't give up hope or prayer for her, as long as this is not confirmed.

The search for her was not happening on Sunday, so I suppose it was logical for people to think L may have ended her life.  Especially, since she was depressed, apparently.

Please know that I still prayed for her, and will continue to do so.  And, I am asking that if I haven't yet reported to you that L has been found, please pray for her.  Thank you; may God bless you for this.

Until next time...

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Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Missing... and Memories...

Saturday morning, March 19th, brought a surprise with it. 

Over our fire alarm audio system, we had an announcement.  At approximately 9:15 am, a message was sent to all 300 units in my building.  Knowing that the only time this system has been used was only for testing of the system, it was rather shocking.

At first, I wondered if there was a fire in our building, but when the person kept saying, "test, test, testing...", repeatedly, I suspected there was no fire!  Sure enough, a message was finally given. 

A woman who lives in our building, was missing.  The announcement was meant to not only let us know that L was missing, but also that if anyone found her, they should call the office.

Although I know L to see her and to say 'hello' on occasions when we've met in one of the elevators or in some other common area of our complex, I did not have a personal relationship with her. 

L has always been a pleasant woman.  Friendly.  Rather shy.  In fact, I often wondered if she had a problem of some kind or if she was heavily medicated, for her eyes were often glazed and she was rather evasive at times, looking down.  I can recall praying for her, many times.

In any case, L was missing.

Now, I am about to admit something to you that I wouldn't normally think about discussing, but here goes.  My first thought after hearing the announcement was not with regards to L, but rather, with regards to my now deceased husband, Gordon. 

That sounds terrible, doesn't it?  Well, I'm humbly speaking truth.  It just goes to show that I am still carrying with me pain and sorrow, suffering over the hell I lived through, with Gordon.

My thoughts ran amuk, recalling times when Gordon went missing.  And, of times when Gordon was brought home on the arm of some concerned neighbour.  Recalling how usually I was verbally abused by the person bringing Gordon home to me, claiming I shouldn't let him out on his own.  As if I ever had control over Gordon or where and when he went out!

Sorry.  But, I had to say it.  Because, I thought it.

There was a difference, though.  Gordon was only my husband, while L is the girlfriend of one of our board members, who control the happenings of our complex.

Immediately, after having these thoughts, I repented and confessed to God my feelings and thoughts.  After all, God promised us in 1 John 1:9, "If we confess our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 

Thank you Lord, for forgiving me.

Of course, it didn't change anything as far as L was concerned.  She was still missing.  So, I began praying.

Throughout the day, there were more messages over the emergency audio system.  L, still had not been found.  By this time, both my friend/neighbour K from across the hall, and I were praying.  Hopefully, many others in our building were praying, too.

It was actually shocking that police and volunteers filled our main floor lobby and searched every nook and cranny of our building and complex, to no avail.  L, was nowhere to be found.

Unfortunately, there is more to be said, but it will have to wait until tomorrow.  By the way, when I first wrote this entry, Linda Ireland's name had not been released; however, her name and photo has now been used both in The Windsor Star and on CBC local news.  Still, I have chosen to refer to Linda as L. Please pray for her.

Until next time...

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Monday, March 21, 2011

Shamrocks, continued...

If you read yesterday's entry, you'll know that I had written about God. God being three (3) persons: God the Father, God the Son... Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.

If you haven't read yesterday's entry, you may want to do so, for I included pics to visually explain this concept.

God formulated the plan of salvation for us. Jesus came to earth; 100% God and 100% man. No one forced Jesus to do this. He came voluntarily.

As the Old Testament prophecies show, Jesus came knowing His purpose was to fulfil God's plan of salvation for us.  Jesus fulfilled Old Testament prophesy, as written in Isaiah 53 and other parts of God's Word.

No one murdered Jesus, as some people have thought over the centuries since Jesus walked this earth. When He hung on the cross, died and was resurrected, He did so for your salvation and mine.  He did so, in obedience to God the Father, to fulfill God's plan of salvation for us.

Jesus is truly the pot 'o gold at the end of the rainbow.

When He left this earth, Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to be a benefit to us.  The Holy Spirit convicts us of our sin, guides us and intercedes for us, with God the Father, in prayer.

All this for us, because God loved us, so very much!  So much that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on Him, should not perish, but have everlasting life (John 3:16).  Praise God for this!

No one has to tell me about love. I've experienced human love, here on earth and look forward to the day, when I will be in heaven with my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

If you don't know Jesus and if He doesn't know you, it's important that you know that you need Him.

Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life.  No man comes to the Father, but by Him. If you know Him, you know the Father; if you don't know Him, you don't know the Father.  You can read this for yourself, in the New Testament, in the book of John and elsewhere.

Why is this so important?  Well, God's Word, the Bible teaches us that we are born into this life, dead; you can read about this in Ephesians 2.

We are not made alive, until we come to Christ. And, the promise of heaven for eternity is not made available to us, until we have been made alive in Christ. Jesus Christ.

So, my friends, if you don't know Him. Please speak with me, e-mail me, or contact a Bible-believing Christian, who knows and understands that we all need to be saved, or born-again.

Know that I pray for you, regularly.

Until next time...

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Sunday, March 20, 2011


This is what I think of when I think of a shamrock!

And, whenever I see this...

Sunshine.  That's what my chuch-sister/friend A calls me, occasionally!  In fact, she called me that yesterday, when I spoke with her.  What a blessing she is!  lol

Actually, A called me to find out if I was ready to attend our pastor's fiancee's wedding shower.  It will be held Monday evening at our church.  It will be a lovely time of celebration, for sure.

A has been a great friend to me over the years, as I have been, to her.

Talking about friends, I must say that I have some really good friends.  God has blessed me, that way.  I've often wondered what on earth I would do without them.  The reality is, I know I would just look to my Lord, as I do now, whether or not they were in my life.  But still, I am grateful for each friend God has given me.

Jesus means the world to me.  He's the best friend I will ever have.  I know I could not live a day, without Him in my life.  He is my all.  My everything.  My Saviour, my Confidant, my Friend, my Teacher, my Love.  The only person, who truly loves me.

Oh, I realize my friends love me, as I do, them.  This is not what I mean though. 

Jesus did something for me, that no one else has ever done.  He gave me Salvation.

Did He wait for me to come to Him, before doing this?  No.  Did He wait for me to become a perfect person, when the time was right?  No.

God's plan for my salvation was set in place long before I was even born.  Yours, too.  God knows who will be saved, and who will not.  Saved, from an eternity in hell, after our lives here on earth have ended.  Since He wishes none should perish, I know it is His will for YOU to receive salvation, if you don't already have it.

It's funny, but whenever Ireland is on my mind, I think of God.  I think of shamrocks.  Of course, with St. Patrick's Day being this past week, it's been on my mind, a lot.

When I explain the trinity to people who don't know my Lord, I use the shamrock.  In fact, this is how I led to Christ a student of mine, when I was teaching English as a Second Language (ESL) as a volunteer at my church.

In case you aren't aware, God is comprised of three (3) persons:  God the Father, God the Son...Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.

Some have asked me how this can be.  God being three (3) persons.  This is where the shamrock comes into my mind.

Imagine the whole shamrock being God.  To help you understand, I've included a pic of what I am talking about.  The shamrock has 3 leaves, which together, all comprise the shamrock, just as God the Father, God the Son...Jesus, and the Holy Spirit comprise the Godhead. 

Since I can sometimes be long-winded, I must let you know that I have more to say.  Unfortunately, it will have to wait until tomorrow.

Until next time...

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Saturday, March 19, 2011

People Will Do...

Lately, I have been experiencing a rather new phenomena.  Something I am not used to.  What I mean is, strange and unusual things have been happening to me, on Facebook (FB).

Today, like many other days, I made a new friend on (FB).  Okay; so, there's nothing unusual about that.  Especially since I have over 1500 friends.

Another day, I will write about this new friend's chat conversation with me, once I've had time to think and understand, better.  It was absolutely shocking to me!

While I do not know each person, as a face-to-face real life friend, I have made many, many wonderful Christian friends through FB.  I am grateful for each one.

Well, okay.  Not everyone is a wonderful friend on FB.  Like the fellow, who yesterday cancelled friendship and blocked me.

What had I done?  I copied and pasted a Bible verse/comment and posted it on my wall.  He became angry, letting me know that I should have quoted his name as the author and not make any change to it, like I had.

And, what was the change I made?  In addition to the Bible verse, at the end of his entry, he had included a comment that if people don't like what he says, then he will defriend and block them.

After a conversation about this, I solved the problem.  I deleted the entry and made a mental note to not ever do something like this again, in the future, with him.

Normally, this is done, on a regular basis.  Not just by me, but by almost everyone!  We share info, music and Bible verses, regularly.

My last remark to him, before he cancelled friendship and blocked me, was to let him know that I pray God blesses him.  This was a much better thing to say, than what was said to me!

You may be wondering why I would remove his remark from the posting I made, relating to blocking people.  Well, as I explained to him, by making a statement like that, it's like saying you won't forgive the person this case, doing something minor like not wanting to read the Bible verse posted.

After all, if someone cancels friendship and blocks a person, there had to have been a problem, somewhere, somehow, between the people.

God tells us to forgive others.  It's part of obedience to Him.  To His Word.

Believe me when I say that I prayed for this person.  It made me sad to think of the condition of his life.  If he couldn't forgive me, for something only he thought I had done wrong, and had not in real life hurt this person, at all, how can anyone expect to be forgiven by this fellow, ever.  In any situation, for any reason, at any time.

Have I forgiven; will I continue to pray for him?  Yes.  God told us to forgive those who hurt us and pray for those who despitefully use us.

Even though I am not perfect at it, I try to live my life in obedience to God's Word.

In any case, when all is said and done, it makes no difference to me.  I don't know this person in real life; maybe they were having a bad day.  Who knows?  Only God knows.

Besides, people will do, what people will do.

Until next time...

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Friday, March 18, 2011

Hung Over?

Today, on Facebook (FB), some friends were teasing me, about being partly Irish in my heritage.  They commented about things like how I am a writer and have a sense of humour regarding some Irish situations, such as I wrote about, yesterday.

When I responded to them, I couldn't help but say that I have, after all, kissed the Blarney Stone.  Hmmm...I wonder.  Is this why I have the gift of gab and enjoy writing?!  :-))  Only God knows for sure!

Last night, once again, I didn't sleep well.

Even though I haven't really discussed this lately, it doesn't mean I'm sleeping well, for I am not.  In fact, a couple of weeks ago, I got so fed up with reduced hours of sleep, providing me with little or no recuperating rest, that I resorted to desperate measures.

I bought some Melatonin from my vitamin supplier.  It is supposed to help people who suffer from lack of sleep, like I do at times; like I have since before Gordon died, when I was so very stressed.

The first time I took it, I took one (1) full pill of 2 mg.  Sublingually taken, I thought it might taste horrible under my tongue, until it dissolved.  To my surprise, it tasted okay; not good, but not bad, either.

To my surprise, about an hour after I took my supplements and the Melatonin, I began to become drowsy.  Ah, at first I thought it could be just because my mind was thinking about sleep, and I had been so sleep deprived.  But, I found this wasn't the case.

In fact, that very night, I slept soundly.  So soundly, that I don't recall even getting up to use the washroom, as I normally do.

The only not-so-great thing I found, was that I awoke feeling like I had a hangover.  Okay.  I admit it.  Once or twice in my life, I had a hangover.  But, this was when I was young enough to try drinking and old enough to realize I didn't like that feeling, so I never really made a habit of taking a drop or two, even with friends.

In any case, I felt tired, throughout most of the day.  Enough so, that I researched a bit on internet and found out that if you've taken more than your body needs, it will indeed make you feel tired, like you just have to drag yourself around.  It was recommended to cut the dosage in half.

After this happening, I didn't want to take any more, until I truly felt tired once again, from lack of sleep.  So, about three (3) nights later, I was feeling like I wanted to try again and did.  This time, I took the suggestion to heart and only took half (1/2) the pill.

It worked out great!  Although I did wake once or twice in the night, at least I didn't lie awake praying for sleep!  Upon waking, I felt refreshed!

Even so, I am afraid to make a habit of this.  Or, at least I was, until further research showed me that Melatonin may even help my Rheumatoid Arthritic condition.  Time will tell!

You may wonder why I took the Melatonin, even though I was tired.

Well, it's because it seems no matter how tired I am, once I crawl into bed, I find I wake up, totally.  Regularly, this happens; not just on an occasional night. 

As I've written about in the past, I spent many an evening alone, while Gordon was still with me and was ill; when he was sleeping or resting in our bedroom.  To this day, I can manage through most evenings, alone in my livingroom.  But, when I go into my bedroom, seeing my room empty without Gordon, it most often sends me into a level of grief, whether I consciously think of him, or not.

While I have only been taking about 1 mg. a couple of times per week at bedtime, there was one occasion when I didn't sleep well or feel rested upon waking.  I did read however, that some people experience dreams/nightmares from time to time.

While I didn't feel like I had a nightmare, I didn't sleep well, at all that night.  Even though I was too tired to get up, I must have woken up a dozen times.

Even so, I am planning to continue taking Melatonin, a couple of times per week.  Maybe tonight!  I'm really not sure, yet.  I'll have to pray about this and wait for God's response.

Until next time...

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Thursday, March 17, 2011

Wearing of the Green... White and Orange?

Today, is St. Patrick's Day.  It seems that just about everyone becomes Irish, on March 17th!

The fact is, many of us in N. America, have ancestors from Ireland.  But, do all celebrate St. Paddy's Day?  Not really.

I must admit that on the first Wednesday of the month, when I visited with my friends at their seniors' luncheon at Harrow Baptist Church, I felt rather out of place.  It seemed that I was the only person in attendance who had forgotten that the month of March is always in celebration of the wearing of the green!  How I managed that, is beyond me!

A, B & K (who live in Amherstburg) and I had a good time together, in any case.  Even if I hadn't realized the group was celebrating St. Pat's Day, early.

We feasted on Irish stew, or so we were told.  Truly, I was glad it was made with beef and not the traditional lamb, for I am not fond of lamb, at all.

Gordon used to tell me that I should get used to it here on earth, for once I go to heaven, I'll be eating lamb, regularly.  I used to respond that here on earth, I am not perfect; but, once I arrive in heaven, I will be, so I'll enjoy eating lamb, then!  I suppose Gordon must truly be enjoying heaven, if he's eating lamb regularly, for he really enjoyed eating lamb. 

As opposed to me, whose only idea of enjoying lamb, is to see them in the fields in Ireland, coming up to the fences to greet us!

Yesterday, was our 50+ group luncheon, at my church.  Unfortunately, my friends from Amherstburg weren't able to make it to our gathering, but instead, another friend of mine G, joined me and the group.

G had never been to my church, before.  As a born-again believer, she worships at another church, closer to where she lives in Tecumseh.  Still, G was amazed at the size of our church building and thought our sanctuary was lovely (it was redone a few years ago).

Of course, the decor in our fellowship room was done in green, to celebrate the Irish calendar's day of remembrance to the saint.  While it was rather surprising to me that we didn't partake of a truly Irish meal, we enjoyed a terrific pot-luck lunch and some great fellowship!

G told me she enjoyed herself and is hoping to get together, again.  In fact, she told me she would like to attend Essex Baptist Church, on Thursday, April 7th, when our Campbell Baptist Church 50+ group will be entertaining, there. 

Oh yes, something surprising happened, today! 

While it seemed that most people I encountered today, were wearing green and some were sporting St. Patrick's Day hats and/or other humerous accessories, I actually saw some people wearing ORANGE.

Now, I would hazard a guess that most people wouldn't give this a second thought, but it hit me like a ton of bricks.  It brought a smile to my face, for sure!

It was a silent reminder that my Granny would probably turn over in her grave, if she knew that I wore green, today.  Yes, I admit I did this, but not necessarily in support of the day.  Although, I must say that next year, I may decide to wear Orange, like some people I saw, today.

Or, maybe I'll wear green, white and orange!  This way, I can celebrate with the mainly Catholic population of the Republic of Ireland, who celebrate their patron-saint, Patrick, even though he wasn't Catholic.  And, I'll be able to support my heritage and family, who live in N. Ireland, who march in the Protestant bands and celebrate Orangemen's Day on July 12th, annually.

What a great idea!  Well, after all, at one time the troubles separated those of Irish blood, but those times are over.  Now, it's time for everyone to celebrate... being Irish!

Until next time...

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Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Trauma and Prayer...

This past Monday, I attended a fund-raising dinner for Far East Broadcasting Canada (FEB Canada), with my friends J and K.  In the past, I have attended in support of the work they do.
While it wasn't easy walking into the room, I must admit it wasn't as hard as it was last year, to do this. 

You see, last year was the first time I had attended this dinner, without Gordon.  Last year, I almost broke into tears, not just because Gordon wasn't with me, but also because of recalling the heartbreaking trauma I experienced with him, even on the evening we attended the dinner together, in 2009.  Sorry, but I won't go into detail, here.  It's enough to say that I was heartbroken.  Period.

In any case, as per normal for me, God helped me through it.  This time, I enjoyed the evening, more than I did last year.  Praise God!  Thank You, Jesus!

Here is a link to FEB Canada, in case you would like to check it out:

After dinner, we watched a short film.  Then, a representative originally from Siberia (Russia) spoke to us and sang (in Russian).  All in all, it confirmed to me once again that I was supporting a wonderful, evangelical ministry, reaching part of the world for Christ, that is difficult to reach.

During the final prayer for the evening, we made sure we prayed for those in Japan.

If you've followed the news, you'll know that not only did Japan experience a severe earthquake, but the tsunami that followed has literally destroyed some parts of the country and many of its people.  Not to mention the fact that two (2) nuclear power plants are on alert, overheating, with one (1) that has experienced at least a couple of explosions.

My church family supports missionaries in Japan.  Both my church and I have been receiving daily updates, since the power has not been totally lost in the area where our people are located.

Water was cut off and not available for a few days, but apparently, has been restored, at least temporarily.  However, today's message spoke about the possible need to be evacuated from the area they live in, due to radiation problems.  Hopefully, this won't become necessary.

In any case, the reality of the world we live in, is such that no one has guarantees.  Just ask anyone who lived through the trauma in Japan, or New Zealand, or Australia, India, Indonesia, or anywhere where God's wrath appears to have been released.

If there is one thing I've learned in life, it is the fact that God's will is always done.

It is clear to me that not everyone knows what the Bible teaches.  That God provided for us, telling us what to expect, living in a fallen world.

The only thing God didn't tell us, was the time-line.  The idea of when His plan will unfold.  He told us no one knows, except God, himself.

However, God did tell us what would happen.  What's happening throughout the world currently, falls in line with what God told us is scheduled to happen.  He tells us it is only the beginning of sorrows

You don't have to believe me.  Read the Bible for yourself; don't take my word for it.  Read the New Testament; God's covenant designed for you and I.

Meanwhile, we who are saved, who know what God's word tells us to prepare for, are looking up, for our redemption draweth nigh.

If you are not yet trusting in Jesus Christ for your salvation, please... either contact me, so we can discuss your need and how to fulfill it, or so I can direct you to speak with someone who can help you.

Seriously, your eternal future depends upon whether or not you are trusting in Jesus.  My prayer is that you will come to Christ, now.  Later, will be too late.

Until next time...

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Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Father Knows Best...

Throughout last week, whenever I had time, I worked on cleaning my home. 

While I keep my home rather clean anyway, I felt I should take extra care to ensure everything was just right this week.  Why?  Well, you may recall that on Friday evening, I was having an Epicure Tasting Gathering (Party)!

My apartment home is not huge.  I love where it is located, the view of the river and the lake as well as the lighthouse and residential areas.  The building has everything I need and I enjoy just living here.  But, believe me, it was crowded with myself, my Epicure consultant/friend M and 12 other guests!

Part of Friday afternoon was spent cleaning and preparing breads, veggies and fruit to be used for tasting with the Epicure dishes and dips that M brought with her.

It seemed like everyone enjoyed themselves.  For sure, everyone enjoyed the food tasting, for almost everything was eaten!

My friend M, you may recall, runs the gym in her basement, where I go to work out.

Knowing that she relies on income from both her gym, teaching belly-dancing (for exercise) and from Epicure sales, I decided to have a gathering, in support of her.

Sales was not really the focus of my gathering.  Instead, I spoke to friends with regards to having them host a time like I was hosting, in an effort to promote future business for M.  I was happy that two (2) people booked time to engage others in an Epicure tasting gathering, plus a third (3rd) person was wanting to check their schedule to ensure they selected an appropriate time.

I praise God for this, for you see, M's husband has MS and is not able to work.  She does her best to provide for the financial needs of her family, that are not covered by the limited income her husband's pension provides.

Don't get me started on how hard it is to live for those who are disabled!  I don't have to let you know that I believe more needs to be done, to assist disabled people with life and the expenses that need to go with it.

After about half (1/2) of my friends had headed for home, my friend W began speaking about what is planned for the meeting at Essex Baptist Church, coming up the first (1st) week in April.  She let everyone know that I will be singing to entertain those in attendance.  In addition, she and another church sister will be portraying themselves as Martha Stewart and Maxine.

W had us in tears, laughing at some of the antics they have planned!  How I wish you could have been here!

It did me good being able to laugh!

I thank you, my friends, for bearing with me throughout the not-so-great times.  Of course, if we didn't have the not-so-great times, we wouldn't be able to appreciate the great times!

As always, God provides for us, His children.  As our Father, He always knows best.

Hey!  That reminds me of a television show I watched as a child.  Many moons ago...

Until next time...

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Monday, March 14, 2011

The Rock...

The beginning of this entry actually begins yesterday, so if you haven't yet read yesterday's entry, you may want to do so.

When we belong to God, we give all care and control to Him, for He is the author and finisher of our lives; He knows the end from the beginning. He wants the glory, shown Him, when we come to Him with all our problems.

In any case, I now realize that even though I thought I had dealt with each and every one of those life-changing circumstances, God has shown me that I have taken it back and not truly left it with Him.

Like many of you, my friends. I hear it regularly from people. How they have a hard time dealing with life's circumstances. We believers know we must give these things to Jesus, by taking them to the foot of the cross. The hard part is leaving them there.

Throughout my week, I had been thinking and praying about this very issue. Then, on Friday, March 11th, as I was driving in my vehicle, I listened by radio to part of Chuck Swindoll's message.  Here is a link, for you to be able to listen to what I heard:

Did Chuck speak about anything I didn't know, already?  No.  But, he addressed the very issue that had been on my mind, all week.

There are times when God wants to remind us of what we need to hear and allows the Holy Spirit to guide us.  I believe this is what happened that day; the Holy Spirit guided me to listen to the broadcast I needed to hear.  After all, He always seems to know my need, sometimes even before I do!

Hopefully, you listened to the message.  Hopefully, you got out of the message what I did.  I realized that even though I felt like I had given my life's problems and trials to God, by placing them at the feet of my Lord Jesus Christ, at the foot of the cross, I had failed to leave them there.

Just as Chuck suggested the issue of the rock, I realized that is what I need to do, either physically, or in my mind.  Somehow, I need to be able to unburden myself from this infernal pain I seem to carry with me.

We all need to unburden ourselves from issues that block us from being able to live up to our potential in Christ.  How can we focus and live for Christ, if we are constantly burdened with life issues?

I have no doubt that God has already provided for me.  That He will help me discover just how to release the pain and the issues that have burdened me, for so long.

Now, I just need to do what I can do, pray and wait upon Him.

Until next time...

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Sunday, March 13, 2011

Truly Shocking!

Something happened to me this past week, that truly shocked me.

By this time, after 17 months have past since Gordon's death, I never expected this to happen.  For me, while 17 months feels like an eternity, it also feels like yesterday, when I recall the events that led up to Gordon's collapse and in the end, his death.

As per usual, as I have commented before, it seems right from the first (1st) of each month, until the 10th, my emotions seem to flow like I am riding on an extreme roller coaster.  This month (March), I didn't even have to think about the calendar date, for my subconscious mind seemed to do it for me.  It seems that I have a built-in alert system, to remind me.

I know; it's all part of grief.  Well, truly, I wish it would end.

In any case, as per normal for me, I posted an entry on Gordon's wall, on Facebook (FB), to remember him and when he died.  I did the same for the page I created for him, In Memory of Gordon McKenzie.  And, since FB changed the system from automatically posting this on my wall, I posted the message there, too.

The response was overwhelming.

You should know that I do not make entries of this sort, to receive responses.  I made this and other similar entries in an effort to ease the pain I feel, whenever it overflows from inside me.

It truly was shocking to see about 50 responses.  Not all in support, but all made with love. 

Many people hadn't known or understood that Gordon's death wasn't as a result of his body just passing from this life to the next, but as a result of early termination to end his life.

This month's FB entry released from me some feelings regarding how the hospital took away my decision power, concerning Gordon's care and how they pulled the plug on him, against my will.

This has been on my mind a lot lately.  Probably due to the family in the news with their baby son, as I have written about, lately. 

Actually, even though it is painful, I am rather glad this occurred, for it showed me that I needed to release my feelings regarding this aspect of Gordon's death.

While speaking with my neighbour/friend K, from across the hall, who has been trained as a chaplain, this issue seemed to open the door for other stresses that I have had to deal with in my life.  And, she pointed this out to me.

Like the situation where I had no control over being involved in a major collision years ago, caused by over tired, pill taking driver of a truck, who told me after court that he only stopped for a few beer, before blacking out and hitting my school bus.

Like having to deal with numerous problems that developed in my life, after this collision.  Not just lift-changing disability, but life trials that affected every area of my life.

Like, not being treated fairly and honestly by WSIB, an entity that was originally set up to help injured workers, but who today, seems to be there not to help/protect injured workers, but to aide/assist business owners.

And, probably some other issues in my life.  One thing each had in common, was the fact that in each circumstance, I didn't have all.

Secular therapists always stress that we need to be in control.  Every counsellor has told me this, in the past.  It's funny, but the reality is that none of us are in control.  Not if we belong to God.

There is more to be said about this, but I will have to continue writing, tomorrow. 

Until next time...

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Saturday, March 12, 2011

A Work in Progress...

Once again, due to writing about life issues, I haven't commented about my week.

Last Sonday, I did my usual; I went to church to worship.  Of course, being the first Sunday of the month, I was happy to celebrate communion at the end of our worship service.

Afterwards, I had to go to my office, so I did so; since it's not far from the cemetary where Gordon is buried, I visited there, too.

Talking about work, on Monday, I met with P, a co-worker of mine, with whom I co-listed a home a few days earlier.  Together, we discussed marketing strategy and other things, while we each enjoyed a cup of French Vanilla Cappuccino, at Tim Horton's!

Yes, we rolled up the rim, to see if we had won; unfortunately, neither of us had won a car, or anything else available in the contest.  Oh well, there's always next time!  :-))

Tuesday was a memorable day.  I met for a late lunch, with Gordon's granddaughter's other grandma A, whose second (2nd) husband died, a few weeks ago.

You may have read about A's husband's funeral I attended; but maybe you haven't.  I knew A's first (1st) husband, who died just before Gordon's granddaughter was born.  A eventually remarried and enjoyed many years with a loving husband, who she now misses, greatly.  Let's face it, widowhood isn't easy, for anyone.

Together, we enjoyed great food, conversation and fellowship.  It was good getting caught up on life with A.

One thing that sticks out in my mind, and probably always will, is the fact that not only does A's children and family support her regularly, with phone calls, visits and outings, but she also sees and hears from Gordon's granddaughter, regularly.  Weekly, in fact.

While I am happy for A, it reminded me that Gordon had been right. 

Many a time, he had gotten upset with me for contacting his granddaughter and making arrangements to get together for special occasions.  He felt she really couldn't be bothered with us and he felt we shouldn't call, that it was basically her place to contact us, if she wanted to have us in her life.  Gordon felt that we were begging for a relationship, by creating contact.

Even at the time, I knew he was right.  But, still I did this, because I knew in the end, how happy it made him to see his granddaughter and her family, especially his great-grandsons.

Being with A, hearing of all the love and support she receives from our mutual granddaughter made me happy for her, but sad for me. 

Unfortunately, I never hear from our granddaughter, ever.  Except for immediately after Gordon's death, when we met on a couple of birthday celebrations and at her other grandpa's recent funeral, I never hear from her, even to receive a thank you for gifts, or for holiday wishes, etc.  Sad, but true.

As we parted ways, and as I made my way home, I thought of all those things, and about the fact that the day was part of the grief time I usually experience, monthly.  I cried almost all the way home.

Even so, I realized that there is nothing I can do about the situation.  That God is in control of everything in our lives.  For whatever reason, He obviously feels I need to experience more pain.

Well, at least I can say that I realize that nothing surprises God.  He uses everything, to sanctify us, to mold us into the image of His Son, my Lord, Jesus Christ.

Again, I cried out to Him:  When will this molding be done, dear Potter?!  And, I realized I must still have a ways to go, for I am still just a work in progress.  As you are too, my friends.

Until next time...

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Friday, March 11, 2011


Are you sitting down?  If not, you may want to.

Last weekend, I took the time to clean and reorganize my home, a bit.  No, that's not the surprising part.  The surprising part, to even me, is the fact that I took a few items that belonged to Gordon to Bibles for Missions.

Shocked!  So was I, truly.

While I haven't reached the point where I can give away or dispose of all of Gordon's clothing and personal items, I felt like there was a few things I could end my relationship with.

Last Friday, while at Christian Singles' Cafe at Tim Horton's coffee shop, one Christian friend discussed with me about some of her relatives and the problem she is having with them, because they are elderly and need to downsize, to prepare for a change in housing.  While I cannot relate totally to what my friend was saying, it kind of brought to my mind once again, that I need to begin addressing the issue of Gordon's personal items.

God told us we should not store up treasures on earth, but rather we should store up treasures in heaven (Matthew 6:19).  This was what my friend told her relatives.

I understand where she is coming from, for I believe and trust God and His Word, the Bible.  However, I also understand what it is like to grieve and want to hold onto a piece of a loved one who has died.

Being a Realtor, I come across this with people, fairly regularly.  Like many people, we Christians are not immune to feeling loss and heartbreak.  We suffer pain and sorrow.  And, sometimes have trouble with ending relationships, by clearing out belongings of our loved ones.

When my Mom died, I went though this.  At the time, my sister was Executrix and had decided what she was keeping from my Mom's estate, then she gave both my brothers their choice of what they wanted.  When it came to me, she wouldn't allow me and my daughters to decide what we wanted.

Instead, she packed up the rest of my Mom's household and personal items.  If I wanted anything for my children or myself, I had to move everything from Mississauga, to Windsor.  At the time, I thought this was a rather cruel thing to do to me, while being an easy way for her to clear out my Mom's home and estate.

However, it turned out to be a blessing to me in disguise.  No, I won't go into why, here and now, because even though I did realize it was partly a blessing, it was also rather costly and time-consuming.  Not to mention heartbreaking going through all my Mom's things.

After my daughters decided what memorial keepsakes they wanted, is when I began to have a problem. 

It seemed that everything I looked at, had some kind of memory attached to it.  Parting with items became a trial where I felt like I was disposing of memories and not just stuff.

It took me a long time to be able to sort through everything and decide on what I would keep.  Then came the process of actually disposing of the rest.  Ha!  The fact is, I didn't for quite a while.

In fact, I found I couldn't part with Mom's things, because I knew they belonged to my parents and I felt like I was getting rid of part of them.  It felt like I was losing them all over again.

The reality was that I wasn't, but since when does reality always line up with what loss and heartbreak feels?

Eventually, a perfect opportunity happened.  Since we were still living in our waterfront home on Riverside Dr. E., and since an injured worker's group I was a member of wanted to host a yard sale at my home, I donated all my parents' items to the group.

No, I couldn't help with the sale and watch everything being sold or given away.  Instead, I made food and served all our volunteers, allowing me to stay in my home.

God blessed me then.  I know He blesses me, daily.  I am praying He will provide me an opportunity to do some good, somewhere, somehow, in a similarly rewarding way, with Gordon's things.  After all, to some people, Gordon's things may only be stuff, but to me, it's all a part of him.

What I need, is prayer.  If you wouldn't mind praying for me, I would be so grateful.  Thank you.  May God bless you.

Until next time...

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Thursday, March 10, 2011

Ultimately, God's Will is Always Done.

Okay, you've probably been very patient with me.  After all, this is day four (4) of my feelings on the issue of who decides when and how death occurrs. 

If you have not read the previous three (3) or so days of Life with Lynnie (LwL) entries, I would suggest you do so, so you have knowledge of what the issue entails.

When I left off writing, I mentioned that I believe this struggle between the hospital/healthcare professionals and the parents who have an infant son, who ultimately will die, is one of pride. 

Not on the part of the parents, for all they want is for their infant son to be able to live as comfortably as possible, until God wills his death.  And, not have him struggle to breathe, chocking until death occurrs.

As I previously discussed, the financial aspect would probably be less expensive, plus a decision to agree with the child's parents would end any medical and legal costs, so why haven't they done this?

Pride.  In my opinion, it seems that our healthcare professionals and the hospital involved will not back down, because they want to be in control.

Hmmm...  Are they truly in control?  No.  God is.

Still, many scientific entities are basically non-Christian, even if there are Christian believers working in positions, assisting those in need of medical care.  Most Christian workers aren't in a position to rally for God's will to be done.

After all, we have laws against this, don't we?!  We no longer have freedom to speak of God in our workplaces.  God has been left out of the scenario.

Except in the hearts and minds of believers.

Please pray for this family, who truly need God's will to be done.  Ultimately, God's will is always done.  They know their child will die.  They have accepted this, just as they accepted it when another of their children died from the same condition.

Thank you.  May God bless you for this.

Now, with reference to Gordon, I must say that today is the 17th month anniversary of his death.

As you can see, I am not only still grieving the loss of my husband, but I am also still struggling with the heartbreak of realizing that we truly live in a different world than generations ago.  God is important to me.

God's will was ultimately done.  Gordon lost his life.  But, God showed me He is still on the throne.  Still in control.

For this, I will truly be eternally grateful.

Gordon, if you are aware in heaven of what I write here in Life with Lynnie (LwL), I want you to know that I love you, still.  I miss you.  And, I believe I always will.

No matter how others may try in life, they will never be able to take that away.  No matter how many of our rights are eroded.

Because, love never dies.

Until next time...

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Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Letting God's Will Be Done...

If you haven't yet read yesterday and the day before's entries on Life with Lynnie (LwL), I would suggest you do so.  This way, you will know the whole story of what I am writing about, here; and, not just a glimpse.

With reference once again to the parents who are stuggling to have our Ontario healthcare system allow their infant son to receive a tracheotomy, to allow him to breath on his own, before taking him home to die, in God's time, my heart goes out to them, for their fight is a big one.  In case someone doesn't know what a tracheotomy is, here is a link to read about it:

Having this procedure done will not change the outcome of the life of their infant son, but it will enable them to be able to take him home and allow God to decide when and how their son will die.

While I didn't go through this with Gordon, I did face the same issue regarding whether the healthcare workers should decide when and how Gordon should die, or not.

The hospital kept telling me that there was no chance Gordon would survive without being a vegetable.  So, they wanted me to pull the plug on his life, well actually give them permission to pull the plug.

I didn't agree with this.  Firstly, I knew that I would only want God's will to be done.  Meaning, if God's will was for Gordon to die, it would be done, no matter what.  The healthcare workers agreed that even though Gordon was on life support, he could still die.

Even so, I was pressured daily, to end Gordon's life.

In the beginning, it was a gentle request, but as time went by, there was more and more pressure.  As time went by, those in control of Gordon's healthcare put restrictions on me, allowing me to spend time with him less and less as each day went by.

Can you imagine how I felt, when I would buzz during visiting hours, to be allowed in to visit my husband, but was refused?  This began happening more and more often.  Yet, more and more time was spent by those same people to try and convince me to instigate my husband's death.

It seemed like the more adverse I was to participating in Gordon's death, the worse I was treated.  Am I the only person who felt this was bad?  No.  Visitors, who spent time with me, were upset about this, too.

Eventually, the physician in charge, along with the floor manager and nursing staff met with me, Gordon's son and my daughter, P.  The meeting was to let us know that they had removed the choice from me.  They notified us that they were going to end Gordon's life, whether I/we liked it, or not.

Maybe you can understand why when I heard this, that I wondered if we lived today in Canada, or in the Nazi era of World War 2 (WW2). 

I made my feelings clear in a calm and loving way, insisting that as a Bible-believing Christian, I would not participate in killing my husband; I suppose some people would rather I said end my husband's life.  In any case, nor did I think they should.  My feelings didn't matter.  They were going to do what they were going to do. 

Game over.  Well, at least it was for Gordon. 

The only thing that gives me any kind of comfort, is knowing that before they could actually pull the plug and kill my husband, that God did take control.  God didn't allow the transplant team to take his organs.

Instead, God allowed Gordon's kidneys to begin failing.  God allowed me to see that Gordon truly was dying.  And, for this, I will be eternally grateful.  Not that I would ever have wanted him to die, but at least there was comfort in knowing that God's plan was to take Gordon home, with or without human involvement to speed up the process.

So, why then, did the healthcare professionals feel the need to end Gordon's life, instead of allowing God to just let him die?  Who knows?  He probably wouldn't have lived much longer, if they hadn't pulled the plug, because no one can live without their kidneys functioning.

In my heart, I believe it is for the same reason that that poor little infant son's parents are being pressured medically and legally, into allowing the healthcare professionals to determine the death of their little tyke.  Pride.

It seems that God doesn't play a part in the lives of enough people anymore.  Otherwise, scientific-minded professionals wouldn't be looking at life and death in the manner they do.  As if it means nothing.  To anyone.

Well, Gordon meant a lot to me.  Just as their son means to them.  To our medical system, we are all just numbers.  Not really people, with lives and families who love and care about what happens. What would it hurt our medical system to allow the Tracheotomy? 

In reality, the cost of the procedure and discharging this infant would probably be less expensive than the in hospital care and legal fees the hospital and our medical system is enduring.  The financial cost matters not to them, for we the taxpayers pay the costs, ultimately, anyway.  Even so, the healthcare people in charge are standing their ground, in an effort to have control of this situation, at all costs.

Pride.  They need to be in control.  They need to dictate.  There's still more to be said about this, so I hope you'll read tomorrow's entry.

Before I say goodnight, I must tell you that today I felt horrible, all day.  Seventeen (17) months ago tonight, I was at Gordon's bedside, waiting for the medical professionals to do their thing, not really knowing if I had a minute, an hour or several hours before they were going to pull his plug.  Praying.

It still breaks my heart thinking about it.  Thinking about the whole issue.  After all, there truly is much to think about.

Until next time...

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Tuesday, March 8, 2011

More About Letting God's Will Be Done...

In yesterday's entry of Life with Lynnie (LwL), if you read, you'll know that I wrote about the issue of people taking death out of God's hands. 

I believe it happens more often than we realize, but most people prefer to not talk about this issue, because it is so very painful.

Yesterday, I wrote about how a family in Ontario, Canada, right from my own area, has been fighting with our healthcare professionals, regarding how the death of their infant son, will occurr.  It's a heartbreaking issue, because ultimately, death will happen.

The only issue in question, in my mind, is who is in control of this infant son's death.  Ultimately, it is God's.  Please read yesterday's entry for more information, if you haven't already done so.

Only someone who has been through this traumatic situation can truly understand the pain and sorrow of what happens.  I'm not referring to the pending death, itself; but rather, the process.

My heart goes out to these parents involved in the medical dispute over whether they should be able to take their son home to die, after being medically treated to allow him to function physically on his own, until death occurrs.  It's not easy, facing this situation.  Nor is it easy facing the pressure of the situation, leading up to death.

In Gordon's and my case, although he may/may not been aware of what was happening around him, he truly didn't have any control, for he was unconscious.  But, I was there.  Every minute of every day, until the hospital told me I couldn't stay there any longer.

No, I don't mean I was actually in his Intensive Care Unit cubicle (ICU) with him every minute of every day, but I was there at the hospital.  They had given me a quiet room to stay in, where I slept, visited with fellow believers who came to pray and read my Bible, when not allowed into see my husband.

At first, I was allowed into Gordon's 'room' almost all the time.  While there, I spoke to him, stroked his head, held his hands, prayed for/with him, quietly sang in his ear and read my Bible to him.

Then the trouble began.  When I started reading my Bible to my husband.  At first, one nurse left the room.  I thought it was to tend to other situations or for personal reasons, because in ICU, everyone has their own 24/7 nursing staff member with them.

Just as Gordon had done to me, when I had numerous surgeries, I wrote on the palm of his hand, that Jesus loves you and so do I.  Love,  Lynn xoxo

I noticed that some nurses would leave my writing there, while others removed it.  That was okay; I just replaced it...repeatedly.

It didn't take long for me to realize that some nurses were Christian, while others were not and obviously against Christianity.

If this seems like another long entry regarding another long issue, it is because it is.  More will be said about this, tomorrow.

Until next time...

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Monday, March 7, 2011

Let God's Will Be Done...

If you've read Life with Lynnie (LwL) recently, you'll know that a terrible wave of grief came over me, on the first (1st) of the month.  As I wrote about, this happens from time to time and is not a constant thing, 24/7 any longer.

Still, grief is hard.  It is heartbreaking, for you love and miss someone who is no longer with you and who will never return.  Just as I do, Gordon.

Even so, the severity of the wave has diminished, for I feel less affected, today.  Does this mean I don't think about the time when Gordon was in hospital?  When the hospital was trying to convince me to pull the plug and in essence, kill him?  Of course not.

That whole eight (8) day time period, will ever be in my memory.  It will never leave.  It is permanently marked in my brain.

Not just because of the heartbreak of the situation, but also because of the impact our healthcare system in Ontario made on me.

What a terrible thing it is to face losing a loved one, because there are those who have power over life and death situations, that we, as individuals don't have.  Especially, within our healthcare system.

While I God is the only person who truly has control and power over life and death, I'm not talking about God.  I'm referring to human individuals.  Like doctors and other health care workers.  People who sometimes believe they have control over life and death.  Even if they truly don't.

Think I'm exaggerating?  Think, again.

Hopefully, none of you who may be reading this can relate to what I went through, while Gordon was hospitalized, prior to his death.

Imagine, being approached by the reigning powers within the hospital system, to pull the plug on your loved one.  In reality, very few people face this type of situation.  But, I did.

Recently, in the news, there has been a couple whose infant son has been in the newspaper headlines.  The issue, although different than mine was with Gordon, has some similarities.

The infant in question, our healthcare providers believe will not survive without life support.  The same was said for Gordon.

The response to this from the infant's parents has been different than mine was, probably because their medical situation was somewhat different.  Besides, they had unfortunately been through this before, when they lost another child, who had also been born with the same condition that ultimately brought death to the child.

They have accepted the fact that their child will die.  They want their child's death to be as easy as possible, with God controlling the issue.

This is where there is another similarity and another difference, in our situations.  I felt the same way they did; that if it is God's will for their loved one to die, that it be in God's timing, not at the healthcare system's will.

All they are asking, is that their child be made to be able to breath on his own, enabling them to take their child home to die.  Is this so wrong?

I don't believe so.  I believe it would be wrong for the healthcare professionals to interefere with God's plan for death.  As they are attempting to do.  It seems/feels to me that they want the death to happen quickly, to get it done and over with.

May God bless and have mercy on all those involved with this medical situation, for there is no easy answer.  Only God's will.

There's more to be said.  I'd be honoured if you would stay tuned, for more about this issue.

Until next time...

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Sunday, March 6, 2011

Good to be Home?!

This past week I was rushed off my feet, both for work and pleasure.

As you know, I try to not speak of work, often.  But, I do work!  And, this week, I was busier than normal. 

Even so, God took care of all my needs.

Monday and Tuesday, I managed to fit in time to go exercise.  What a blessing this has been for me.  Truly.  Then, Wednesday came.

Instead of working out in the morning, I usually go after 4:00 pm on Wednesday, because this best fits M's schedule.  This week I actually thought about cancelling.

Yes, I did say that!  It wasn't because I didn't feel like going.  Well, sort of.  You see, I had been out shopping and between what I needed to do and all the walking I did while shopping, and then carrying everything, I was totally worn out!

Even so, I took a deep breath, got changed and ready and set off to go exercise.  M's daughter met me at the door and let me know that M had hurt her back, was in agony and couldn't meet with me.  Oh dear!  Not good.

In fact, M had never experienced pain like this, before.  Hopefully she won't have it again, ever.  However, that's not always the case with back problems.

I prayed for M, that it was God's will to heal her.  By Friday, and after a couple of chiropractic treatments, M was at least able to walk.  Unfortunately, she missed out teaching her belly dancing class, Thursday evening.

Please pray for M.  She truly needs healing.  Thank you.  May God bless you.

With regard to exercise, I felt like I got enough Wednesday, just from what I did prior to my scheduled exercise time.  Thursday, I worked out at home, doing the stretching routine I had been used to doing, previously.

Friday, I was happy to see that M was well enough to have me come work out, once again.  Thank You, Lord!

Of course, Friday was the first Friday of the month.  You know what that means?!  Christian Singles' Cafe (CSC) time!

We normally meet at Tim Horton's (Crawford and Wyandotte W., Windsor, ON) at 7:30 pm, but I arrived about a half (1/2) hour early.  My friend J, who is the organizer of the group, used to arrive early, but as of the last few months, hasn't.  So, I did.  This allows me time to secure the one area of the coffee shop and arrange the tables and seating as required.

As you may be aware, I had a pretty sad week, feeling the wave of grief coming over me, once again.  Was I feeling better?  No.  But, I knew that I needed to do something to lift my spirits.  CSC was just the thing I needed.

Some people might think that because our group is a single's group, it is a searching for group.  While some people might hope this is the case, in my mind it truly is not.  We're just a group of Christian singles who get together for a couple of hours once a month, enjoying a cup of coffee (or whatever) while sharing fellowship time. 

Besides, most of us have known each other for many years!  We're just friends.

This time, there was 21 of us who gathered, almost totally filling up the secured area we occupied.  Of course, not everyone attends every month, so there is always some people missing. 

Like our friend J (we call B).  He is truly missed.  Several people mentioned it.  B went out to Edmonton to visit with his daughter, who gave birth to B's first grandchild.  Yup!  B's a grandpa (oops, I mean Papa) of a beautiful grandson.

Since then, he's found work.  Who knows if this will become permanent.  B's Mom, here in our area, has once again become sick.  While God is in control of everything, I do feel badly for B, for it is not easy being torn between well-loved family members needs, especially with the distance between.  Please pray for B's family's needs, including healing for his Mom.  Thank you.  Once again, may God bless you.

Arriving home after 10:00 pm, I got comfy and gave a big sigh of relief.  It felt good to be home.  Actually, while this may sound shocking, it was the first time in a long time that I can say this. 

Until next time...

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