Again, Saturday night's sleep wasn't great. As I mentioned in yesterday's entry, that old familiar friend seems to return once I arrive home.
No matter how much fun I've had while out and about, that loneliness that one feels when they come home to an empty apartment, returns. Maybe I should say, that loneliness I feel, returns.
Consequently, after writing/publishing my Saturday night blog entry, I found I was too uptight to sleep.
Eventually, I made my way to bed. The same thing happens time after time. That overwhelming feeling of being alone overcomes me and I begin to cry. Just as I did, Friday night.
Not wanting to disturb my neighbours, I once again got up from bed and went to my livingroom to have crying time.
Eventually, I calmed down and made my way to bed and slept, for a few hours.
Being Sunday, as you know, it's my day for worshipping my God. At first, I thought that since I was going to worship in the afternoon, I wasn't going to go worship in the morning, but I did.
So, I worshipped at Campbell Baptist Church, my church at 11:00 am. As always, Pastor B's sermon was wonderful.
Afterwards, I visited Gordon's grave, at the cemetary. Once again, the grounds looked like the snow fairy had just dusted the landscape with a blanket of white.
This day was different, though. This day, there was one other set of tracks through the snow, leading to a nearby grave. Believe it or not, it made me feel good that someone else had actually visited a loved one, just as I was doing.
Arriving home, I at a late brunch. Then, headed out once more.
My grandson J, who had attended Saturday evening's movie with me, joined me. Together, we drove across town to worship with Pastor B's group from Bible Community Church.
J enjoyed himself, very much. He told me that while he liked worshipping at my church a while back, he likes this group, better. J even told me that he'll come with me every time I want to worship with this group. When I asked him why he liked this group better, he told me that it was because it was a small group. He felt better in the small group.
Being 12 years old, I am happy he wants to come worship with me, at all! However, I can see a problem about to arise.
While I have volunteered for Pastor B, to help launch this church, and have volunteered to do special music and lead the music for the new site launch date of Easter Sunday, the time will be exactly the time of my home church service: 11:00 am. Instead of the 4:00 pm time, that he currently uses for worship service.
Dilemma. I cannot be in two (2) places at once!
I didn't mind missing out with worship at my own church, by helping Easter Sunday, but I let Pastor B know that he needs to find someone else lead music for his group, because although I may come possibly once a month, to support his group, I cannot attend worship every Sunday, due to the conflict development of his new time for worship service with his group, being the same as my home church.
Father, You know my heart. You know that I do not want to give up my home church family, even though I wish to assist with this new church planting. Father, I pray it is Your will to provide someone to come along side Pastor B, for leading music, as well as whatever other needs this small group has. I know Your will is always done. So, I am trusting You, to resolve this issue and am thanking You, in advance. In Jesus' precious name I pray. Amen.