Sunday, January 23, 2011

Forty (40) Years Ago...

Am I ever grateful I had a good night's sleep Friday night!  Unfortunately, it wasn't the same for me, last night.

For starters, I tried to go to bed at a reasonable time, but it didn't work out for me.  While midnight is not early, it certainly isn't late, though.

After not being able to sleep, I got up, once again in tears.  No special reason for this, just that I was missing my husband, my second (2nd) husband, my soul mate, Gordon.

Feeling more calm, I returned to bed.  The sand man didn't arrive, quickly.  In fact, I turned on my lamp and began reading more in my Bible.

Eventually, I shut off my lamp and prayed that sleep would come.  It did, about 4:00 am.  Needless to say, morning came early on this, my Lord's day!

While my thoughts did not focus on this totally, I must say that at some point in my non-sleep time, I did think about what occurred 40 years ago, today.  My first marriage, took place.

If you've been a reader, you'll know that the marriage did not work out.  The best thing about the marriage, was my two (2) daughters. 

Unfortunately, I believe the marriage was doomed from the beginning, for my ex-husband was not in love with me, but rather as I found out too late, he was infatuated with me.  And, that quickly ended.

This brought on thoughts about how I made some poor choices in my life.  Some may think that a poor choice was to divorce.  While God hates divorce, I still believe it was the right thing for my circumstance.

Actually, what came to mind was the fact that I made the wrong choice, not on my wedding day, but rather, at the time when I got engaged, in the first place.  If I hadn't gotten engaged when I did in the fall of 1970, I probably would have married someone who truly loved me.

If I had the relationship with my Lord, that I have today, the right thing to do would have been to wait for the man God sent for me, to be my husband.  But, my relationship with my Lord, wasn't as it is, today.

It never fails to amaze me how one poor choice in life could lead to so-o much disaster that followed.  But, it did.

Am I blaming my ex?  No.  Ultimately, it was me who made the wrong choice.

If you've been a reader, you'll know I grew up feeling unloved, unwanted and craving someone to love me.  As I mentioned, I was wrong when I thought I had found true love.  Still, it's easy to see how simple it would be to fall into a false relationship, for anyone who had walked in my shoes.

As for love in my life?  What love?  Gordon's gone; forever.

Oh well. So be it. God's will is always done. God loved me enough to never give up on me. That's true love. He provided for me, always. And, continues to provide for me. Thank You, Lord!

Until next time...

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