Monday, January 31, 2011

Change of Plan...

Last Friday was a day I had planned to have some company for lunch.

My friend K across the hall, doesn't mind joining in a business meeting-type luncheon, so I had invited her, my co-worker/friend P and my real estate partner/friend, C.  You may recall that C kind of likes K, even if the relationship hasn't progressed.

Thursday night was one night when I just couldn't sleep.  In fact, I only had about four (4) hours sleep that night.  Consequently, I arose Friday feeling very tired.  However, I made good use of my time, when I couldn't sleep.

In the middle of the night, I set the table and began preparing for the luncheon I was hosting.

First thing in the morning, my co-worker/friend P called me.  She had to cancel out, because she hadn't realized a neighbour had died and their funeral was Friday morning.  I agreed with her that she needed to attend the funeral.  We could have a meeting another day, soon.

Then, to my surprise, my phone rang once again.  It was my real estate partner/friend C, calling to let me know that he was sick and would not be able to make the luncheon meeting.

Actually, I felt really bad for C, because he has been rather ill off and on, lately.  In fact, on two (2) occasions he was hospitalized, recently.  Before ending our conversation, I let C know that I would be praying for him, to recover quickly.

Part of me felt badly that my business meeting luncheon was not going to take place.  But, I was happy my friend K was still going to join me for lunch!

I was truly happy K didn't cancel out, because I made potato salad, just for her; it's one of her favourites.  In addition, I had originally planned on serving sandwiches, shrimp, salad and soup.  Both K and I agreed we would be happy enjoying just shrimp, salad, potatoe salad and bread for our meal, so that's what we enjoyed, together.  Well, okay; we also didn't resist savouring some white chocolate macadamia nut cookies, for dessert!  Mmmm...

While my luncheon didn't turn out to be a business meeting, we sure did have a good time, together!  All in all, K spent about three and a half (3 1/2) hours with me.  More time than we've ever spent together, in the past.

We talked about all kinds of personal stuff.  Sorry, I won't go into that, here. 

I will say that before K left for home (lol...across the hall), we checked out resorts available through my travel club, in various areas, including Florida and Arizona.  We both agreed that if there was a choice available, it would be Arizona we would choose. 

K loved Tucson when she visited there, previously.  I adore Lake Havasu City!  Definitely desert and dry, but different than any other part of Arizona.  Mountains, lake, beautiful beach, etc.  Be still my heart!

We even discussed the idea that at some time in the future, we should consider taking a trip, together.  For sure, I'll be praying about this.  Part of me thinks that would be a great idea.  Part of me wonders if a friendship would last, if the trip didn't go well.  So, it is definitely something I need to pray about.

What would you do?

Until next time...

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Sunday, January 30, 2011

Shocking?! (continued...)

Yesterday, I left off writing about how shocking it was for both my friend L and me, that no one from our church family who was widowed, either visited or called us.

L was shocked when I told her that she was not alone, for she had commented to me that not one widow had called her.  Still, the truth is the truth. 

God's word tells us to be supportive of each other. That we need to love each other.

On the surface, one might think this was a very unloving thing to do.  Not having a widowed person from our church family call or visit, I mean.

However, after having several conversations with L and after visiting with her, I think I understand better why church-sister widows did not come along side me.  Why our church-sister widows didn't come along side of L, either.

Truthfully, it is very draining, emotionally.

Everything my friend L spoke of, I could relate to. Our conversation brought back so much pain for me.  Those familar feelings of brokenheartedness once again rose to the surface.

As we were conversing, there were times when I had to hold back tears, not wanting to make a fool of myself.  After all, it has been over 15 months, since Gordon died.

My heart actually ached with pain.  I felt like tears were running down inside of me.  Part of me wanted to just tell my friend L, that I had to leave.  Part of me wanted to run out of her apartment.  Run, to escape from feeling this pain, once again.

Even so, I am grateful to my Lord, that He gave me the strength to show some support to my friend and church-sister L, in her time of need.

And, even though none of my church-family widows came along side of me in the worst part of my time of need, I am grateful that God gave me a beautiful previously-widowed friend, in addition to all my regular friends, who understood me and lifted me up, regularly.

As I mentioned yesterday, my friend M, who battled breast cancer and who has been remarried for several years now, was truly a blessing to me. She is the only friend I have who has been widowed.  If I haven't formally thanked you M, for all your loving support, I would like to take the time to do this, now.

Thank you, M. May God bless you, now and always, for not just being my friend and encouraging me, but also for being obedient to God's calling.  Thank you for the love and support you have given me; you and your husband.

Thank you, to my friends, both single and married, who have been so very supportive of me, all this time.  Showing me love, care, concern.  Lifting me up, in prayer and friendship.  Always being there, for me.

I would try to list each of you, but if I forgot one of you, it would break my heart and maybe yours, too.  So, I will just thank God for each of you.  I could never thank you, enough.

May God bless you, now and always.

Until next time...

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Saturday, January 29, 2011


Wow!  I know it's Saturday, but I would like to catch you up on my week.

Wednesday was a very boring day.  I worked from home, like normal.  In addition, I finished my bookkeeping, so I could remit my HST for the last quarter of 2010.  Yes; I remitted.  Uncomfortable as I felt, I did it through internet, as required now.

Phew!  Glad that's done!

Thursday, I was again feeling improved after being sick, although I just cannot seem to get rid of what I call a 'surface' cough.  Hopefully, this will be gone, soon.

In any case, since I didn't believe I was any longer contagious and was feeling well enough, I did some shopping and errands on my way to Bible study and prayer, at my church.

In my late afternoon travels, I also dropped by to visit my church-sister L, as we had prearranged.  L is my friend whose husband died a couple of months ago.  She was feeling rather lonely and was recovering from medical treatment, so I brought an early supper with me.

We had a nice visit, together.  Murphy was alive and well, for L.  After being alone and not seeing anyone for days, many people dropped by to see L, during our visit.  Isn't that just how dear old Murphy works?!  The main thing is that God answered her prayer, about being alone.  Praise God!  Thank You, Jesus!

I'm not sure that people truly understand how difficult it is to lose a loved one. 

L's relationship with her husband was very much like mine was with Gordon.  She knew her husband had a brain condition and that he wasn't always accepted by others.  In fact, she married him knowing this.  Still, their love flourished.  They were soul-mates, she told me.

She understood him and loved him.  For better or for worse.  Like I did, Gordon.

The for worse is what most people remember, sometimes.  Only the soul-mate remembers the for better part of the relationship.  At least this is what I have found, in my experience.

L felt the same way, I did.

It's unfortunate that people aren't more supportive, generally.  L told me that other than her cousin and I, no one from our church family has visited her, since she became a widow.

This may sound terrible, what I am about to say.  Please realize I am not putting anyone down; I am not attempting to hurt anyone.  This is not my objective.  Truly, what I am about to say, is just a comment, meant to show people that this truly happens.

I believe she was shocked when I told her it was the same for me.  Oh yes, my single and/or married friends visited and includeded me, in the beginning.  They lifted me up and encouraged me.  Yes; I am truly thankful for them. 

However, not once did I get a call from anyone from my church family who was widowed; nor did I receive any phone calls from anyone I knew who was widowed.  Not once.

Well, there was one exception; sort of.  My friend M, whose first (1st) husband died of cancer.  However, I must say that she has since remarried, so I do not consider her a current widow.  So, I will once again say that I received a total of zero (0) calls from any widows, after Gordon died.  He died 15 1/2 months ago.

Since there's much more that needs to be said concerning this, I hope you'll be patient with me, as I will continue this, tomorrow.

Until next time...

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Friday, January 28, 2011


As you know, I went to bed rather late, Monday night.  This made for a short night's sleep, because I had to be up early! 

First (1st) thing in the morning, after less than a handful of hours of sleep, I was up and out.  Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending upon how you look at the reason, it wasn't due to work.

Knowing that I had to do some grocery shopping and knowing I had a serious reason for wanting to see/speak with my daughter P, I spent the morning with her.

Actually, this is something we hadn't done since last June.

We didn't schedule our meeting for fun, though.  P had something happen to one of her sons that was of major concern.

You may already know part of what I am about to say.  My daughter P's son Z (my grandson!) has a disability.

When Z was little, he went through much testing, because it was thought that he might be autistic.  Eventually, it was determined that Z is not autistic, but rather extremely hyperactive.  Consequently, Z is taking much medication.

In addition, Z has another problem.  He has Tourette Syndrome.

For those who don't know about Tourette Syndrome, here is a link to learn more:

Being 10 years old and having Tourette Syndrome, isn't fun.  Being ridiculed daily, isn't fun.  Having tics that you can't control, isn't fun.

Being shoved by other kids, isn't fun.  Being laughed at, falsely accused and mocked, isn't fun.

It makes me feel badly for Z.  He doesn't deserve to be abused, this way.  Z is a loving boy, always ready to give me a hug and a kiss.  Always ready to help in any way he can.  It breaks my heart that Z's short life has been so tough.

The medications he takes nearly puts his Mom around the bend, at times. 

Can you imagine having a child, whose medication keeps him up half the night?  Can you imagine having a child who doesn't want to eat and is not gaining the proper amount of weight?

Can you imagine having to deal with a child with all these problems and more?  Like having a child with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)?

Can you imagine serving a meal to your child, who won't eat it, because the various types of food on the plate is touching each other?  Can you imagine not being able to serve a casserole to your child, because the various items that make up the casserole are touching each other?

Now, Z's tics have changed from just being annoying to others.  He has now begun to repeat, three (3) times, things other people say.

Other children sometimes think Z is being sarcastic or rude.  The truth is by far, opposite.  He has not been able to control himself, even with medications.  And, to make matters worse, stress brings episodes on and makes them more severe.

Last year, before things had developed to today's severity, there was such a problem that P obtained a DVD explaining Tourette Syndrome.  Last year's Principal showed the DVD to students in the auditorium, because apparently Z is not the only student with this disability.

This year's school representatives have not been as supportive.  Consequently, fellow students and teachers have not been fully informed about Z and the symptms he is experiencing.

His teacher has not been supportive and has caused much stress for my daughter and my grandson.  But, what happened the other day was the icing on the cake.

Because Z's symptoms have worsened, the school has refused to assist my grandson, when he is abused by others.  P was at the school again, on Monday. 

While there, P saw for herself, a mother of a classmate of Z's ridicule and threaten Z for repeating something he heard someone say, telling him to stay away from her son, or there would be trouble.  This mother's son had, just moments earlier, pushed my grandson down the staircase and threatened him with violence.

What was done about this, by the school?  Nothing.

I have to give my daughter credit, for being a loving and understanding mom, who won't give up.  There are times when I wonder how she does it.  How she manages to not lose her mind, or her life (Lupus can kill).

Purely by coincidence, Z's medical appointment was the same day, so after school P took Z to see the specialist who treats him.  The physician changed Z's meds.  Hopefully, this will help him be able to somewhat control some of the effects of Tourette's.

Dear Heavenly Father,  I come to You on bended knee in a special way for my grandson Z.  Father, You alone know the plans You have for us, plans to help us and not harm us, to give us hope and a future.  Father, You know the trauma Z experiences daily, due to his disability.  You are the Great Physician, for whom all things are possible.  I come to you, asking in the name of Jesus, that it is Your will to take control of this situation and provide for both Z and his mom, my daughter P.  Father, not only does Z need healing, by medications or through Your own miraculous touch, but Lord, my daughter P needs healing, as well.  As You know, P has Lupus and is not supposed to be stressed, for it causes her own condition to worsen.  Meanwhile, Lord...she has two (2) other hyperactive and hard to control sons, including one who cannot take medication for his condition, due to having a heart problem that he will need surgery for, when he is old enough.  Nothing is impossible for You.  I am trusting that it is Your will to provide for all who need it, in this circumstance.  And, I am thanking you in advance for this.  In Jesus' name I pray.  Amen.

If you believe in prayer, please pray.  I thank you and pray God will bless you.

Until next time...

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Thursday, January 27, 2011

A Dent...

Have you recovered from hearing I had almost 31,000 e-mails sitting in my Hotmail Inbox, the account I only use for Facebook (FB)?

If you read yesterday's entry, you'll know that after several hours of work, and after I just couldn't look at another list of messages, I ended the day with about 18,000 e-mails still waiting to be sorted through!

Monday was a rather busy day for me, even if I didn't leave my home.  It was a work from home day!

In addition to getting back in the swing of working at home, after being ill for a couple of weeks, I had to begin sorting through receipts, etc.  Yup!  It was time to do bookkeeping, once again!

Most Realtors can just do this once per year, in time to file their income tax returns and GST/HST.  Not me!  Long before I began selling real estate, I was a Retailer.  My tax had to be remitted, quarterly. 

This meant that I had to remit tax and info every three (3) months.  For two (2) years, I was both a Realtor and a Retailer.  So, the three (3) month window remained in place.

Then, I sold my ladies' wear business and requested being transferred to the annual programme that almost all Realtors participate in, but was refused.

Consequently, every three (3) months, I must sort receipts, do my bookkeeping and file/remit for HST.

Oh the fun!

In the evening, after finished working, I tackled the Hotmail Inbox problem, once again.  Be still my heart!

The good news is I was able to watch some television and take my time, while subjecting myself to the horror of sorting through e-mail!

I watched The Bachelor.  Then, the news and some of The Tonight Show.  At midnight, I watched a movie that I had partly seen, before. 'Til There Was You.

For some reason, I had missed the last 20 minutes or so of 'Til There Was You, when I saw it the first (1st) time.  This meant I missed the best part!  When I saw it was to be once again aired on television, I was really happy!

This movie was the one made in 1997, not the one of a similar title Till There Was You, made many years earlier.  Confused?  I was, at first, too!

Even though I was still working on the nightmare of my Hotmail Inbox dilemma, I was so happy to be able to see the whole movie, this time!

If you get a chance to see it, do so.  I'm sure you'll enjoy it!

Oh, and yes, I did make a dent into the about 18,000 e-mail in my Inbox.  When I finally shut down, the number remaining there is about 15,000.

Lord, help me, please!

Until next time...

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Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Sitting Down?

Hopefully, you're sitting down to read this entry.

Yesterday, I wrote about worshipping on Sunday and going to the cemetary.  After doing an errand, I made my way home.

It felt so good to be home, especially since I still have a bit of a cough that just won't leave and I seem to get tired, quickly.

Once home, I decided I needed to tackle another computer task.  Before I continue on, I must say that I only use my Hotmail e-mail address for Facebook (FB).  That way, my personal, Life with Lynnie (LwL) and work e-mail don't get all mixed in. 

The reason I wanted to mention that I do not use my hotmail e-addy for anything other than FB, is because when you hear what I am about to say, you'll probably be shocked.  I was shocked.  In fact, I almost had heart-failure! lol

Usually, once a month or every six (6) weeks or so, I clear out my hotmail inbox.  So, please understand, it hasn't been that long since I did some e-housekeeping.

Are you sitting down?  My Hotmail Inbox had almost 31,000 messages in it.  Yes, you read correctly!  Almost 31,000!  Hopefully, you didn't faint!

Even telling you about this makes my head spin!  I couldn't believe my eyes!

I know I have close to 1,400 FB friends, but truly, I never expected what I found in my Hotmail InboxNever before, had I ever seen anything like this.

To me, the worst part is that I just could not empty it, because I didn't know if someone had inadvertantly sent me an e-mail to my Hotmail account.  After all, I don't advertise that I don't use it for anything other than FB, so one of my friends may have e-mailed me directly, and not messaged me through FB.

Besides, there are times, when I do want to save a message I've received.  For those who are not familiar with FB, every time someone messages you, the message goes into your Inbox of the e-addy you used to set up FB.

What I wasn't aware of, was the fact that when FB changed the system to the new format, changes were made on what goes to your e-addy Inbox, as well.

Now, with the new system, in addition to how FB sent a copy of messages to your e-addy Inbox, it also sends a copy of every comment made on your wall (your profile page) and every subsequent comment people have made in response. 

Had I known this, I would have found out sooner, that I could change my settings, so that messages from the pages I'm involved with would not be sent into my e-mail Inbox.  Yes, I have done this, now.

In case you're not aware, I am involved as an administrator for several Christian groups on FB, including a new one, for Bible Community Church.  The new church plant I support on Windsor's west side, in addition to my own church group.

It certainly didn't take long to accumulate almost 31,000 messages.  Sorting through them and cleaning out my Inbox, is another story.

While I am thankful that Hotmail's newer upgrades include a feature where one can select a name or group, draw up the messages and delete them, it certainly didn't solve the whole problem.  I did this for many of the Christian pages I am involved with, but I couldn't do this for all the messages.

By the time I just could not look at another page of e-mail entries listed, I still had about 18,000 e-mails sitting in my Inbox. 

All I can say is, "Lord!  Help!".

Until next time...

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Tuesday, January 25, 2011


Since I didn't sleep well Saturday night, I awoke tired Sunday morning.

Even so, being SONday, I did what I usually do.  I got up, got ready and went to worship my Lord, at my church.  On my way across town, I forgot to pray for a parking spot.  Parking is at a premium, there.

Just as I was about a half (1/2) block away, I thought of the parking issue and said to God, that I wasn't even going to pray about it, because He already knew my need, without me even having to tell Him.

There it was!  Right in front of my church, where my first choice for parking would have been, had I requested a space.  A parking spot.  Just waiting for me.  Praise God!  Thank You, Jesus!

Worship was great, as always. 

Since I had been sick, I hadn't been to the cemetary in about two (2) weeks or more, so off I went, after our worship service.

It amazes me how few people actually visit cemetaries. 

It hadn't really snowed, except for when I first became sick.  Yet, there was no tracks in the snow, anywhere in the area where Gordon is buried.  None.  In that whole section.

Looking over that whole area, an expanse covered in a blanket of white, undisturbed snow, made me sad for a moment or so.  The unblemished sea of white, undisturbed by human presence spoke to me.  It told me that people rarely visit graves, especially in winter. 

Rarely have I ever seen another person visiting a grave there, even in warm weather. 

Not that it really makes any difference, because it truly does not.  After all, those buried don't know or care.  They aren't around to know the difference.  No one really knows.  Or, maybe even cares.  Being worthy is of no consequence, at a cemetary.

The reason a wave of sadness came over me, was because a thought crossed my mind.  Every person who is buried in that area, loved someone.  Be it a spouse, parent, child, sibling, or some other relative or friend, everyone buried there loved...someone.

Love is fickle, though.  Isn't it?!

Love isn't always patient.  It's not always kind.  It's not supposed to be jealous, boastful or proud.  Love isn't supposed to keep records of wrongs done by others.  Love isn't always the way God's Word describes it in 1 Corinthians 13:4-5.

It's not always forgiving.  Nor, is it always unconditional.  In otherwords, love isn't always love.  At least not the way people sometimes love, in this world.

Love isn't always what God intended it to be.  Agape. 

It's a good thing God doesn't love the way we humans sometimes do. 

Personally, I try to love others, unconditionally.  I take the good with the bad, forgiving those who have hurt me.  Sometimes giving my shirt and more, to those who demand my coat.

I may not have always liked doing this, but I am only human.  No different than you.  There are times when I have failed miserably, but I can see how over the years, God has been molding me into the person He wants me to be:  a reflection of Jesus Christ.

While I am still a work in progress, I make every effort possible to be the person God called me to be.  Why?  Because God's Word tells us in Philippians 1:27, "Only let your conduct be worthy of the gospel of Christ...".  Other passages also tell us to be Christlike, in our daily living.

I've come to realize that ultimately, what happens here on earth is of little consequence.  It makes no difference if life has been kind or gruesome.  It makes no difference if everyone loves you here on earth, or if they don't.  It makes no difference if people loved you enough to come visit your grave after you die.

Ultimately, the only thing that matters is coming to know Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour; and, He coming to know each one of us. 

Having our name written in the Lamb's Book of Life means everything.  Having my name written there, means everything to me.  For, without this, eternity will be spent forever separated from God, with no chance for redemption.  No chance for escape from the depths of hell.

If you haven't yet come to know Jesus, there is no time like the present.  We aren't guaranteed tomorrow; sometimes, we're not even guaranteed our next breath.

"Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household." Acts 16:31.

Until next time...

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Monday, January 24, 2011

Housekeeping With Movies!

While I wrote yesterday about personal info, I never really told you anything about my weekend!

As you know, I slept in on Saturday.  Once I was up and running, I decided there was something I needed to do.  Some computer housekeeping.  Clearing out my g-mail INBOX!

My g-mail INBOX had over 1,500 messages in it!  My personal account, I mean.  In case you didn't realize, I have a business account, a blog account and my personal account.  The other two (2) are up-to-date and are just fine the way they are.

The worst part is that I had already reviewed each and every message, at the time I received them.  Knowing I wanted to use some of them, file some away and discard many, I didn't look forward to the task.

I'm kicking myself for not sorting and cleaning out, at the time I received these messages.  Believe me, it was a daunting task, that took several hours to go through everything, for I had to review each message one at a time, all over again.  Lord, please don't let me get behind like this, again!

The good news is that on Saturday, there were good movies on television.  On THIS (Detroit), channel 4.2 or 13, to be exact.  THIS is a digital channel that shows mostly movies, but also some old tv shows.

To be honest, this is the first (1st) time I've watched this station since Gordon died.  He loved watching this station, because he loved watching the movies.  Some new, some old.  Before Saturday, I just couldn't bring myself to even turn on the station. 

To some people, I suppose this sounds silly, especially since Gordon died over 15 months ago.  But to me, it was like dishonouring him, for watching without Gordon.  Until this weekend, that is.  I suppose it's just all part of grief.  Trying to sort out feelings and create a new life.

It had been a long time since I had seen a Bob Hope movie, but Saturday was Bob Hope Film Festival day.  It should be simple to guess what I watched!

The four (4) Bob Hope films I watched were:

*  I'll Take Sweden

*  Boy, Did I Get A Wrong Number!

*  The Facts Of Life

*  Alias Jesse James

Watching comedy movies isn't hard to take.  In fact, it was a rather enjoyed the afternoon and evening. 

Since I wasn't quite finished my computer housekeeping, I decided to watch the movie that was aired after the Bob Hope films. 

The Man In The Moon was the last movie I watched, Saturday.

Not only was I movied out by then, but this last film was not a comedy.  It was a drama.  With a very sad ending.  Actually, by the time it ended, I was not only glad, but feeling rather sad.

While it might not seem like I did much, it sure was a busy, hard-working day, for me!  All in all, it was a rather melancholy day, too.  Happy, yet sad.  Fun, yet tiring. 

Until next time...

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Sunday, January 23, 2011

Forty (40) Years Ago...

Am I ever grateful I had a good night's sleep Friday night!  Unfortunately, it wasn't the same for me, last night.

For starters, I tried to go to bed at a reasonable time, but it didn't work out for me.  While midnight is not early, it certainly isn't late, though.

After not being able to sleep, I got up, once again in tears.  No special reason for this, just that I was missing my husband, my second (2nd) husband, my soul mate, Gordon.

Feeling more calm, I returned to bed.  The sand man didn't arrive, quickly.  In fact, I turned on my lamp and began reading more in my Bible.

Eventually, I shut off my lamp and prayed that sleep would come.  It did, about 4:00 am.  Needless to say, morning came early on this, my Lord's day!

While my thoughts did not focus on this totally, I must say that at some point in my non-sleep time, I did think about what occurred 40 years ago, today.  My first marriage, took place.

If you've been a reader, you'll know that the marriage did not work out.  The best thing about the marriage, was my two (2) daughters. 

Unfortunately, I believe the marriage was doomed from the beginning, for my ex-husband was not in love with me, but rather as I found out too late, he was infatuated with me.  And, that quickly ended.

This brought on thoughts about how I made some poor choices in my life.  Some may think that a poor choice was to divorce.  While God hates divorce, I still believe it was the right thing for my circumstance.

Actually, what came to mind was the fact that I made the wrong choice, not on my wedding day, but rather, at the time when I got engaged, in the first place.  If I hadn't gotten engaged when I did in the fall of 1970, I probably would have married someone who truly loved me.

If I had the relationship with my Lord, that I have today, the right thing to do would have been to wait for the man God sent for me, to be my husband.  But, my relationship with my Lord, wasn't as it is, today.

It never fails to amaze me how one poor choice in life could lead to so-o much disaster that followed.  But, it did.

Am I blaming my ex?  No.  Ultimately, it was me who made the wrong choice.

If you've been a reader, you'll know I grew up feeling unloved, unwanted and craving someone to love me.  As I mentioned, I was wrong when I thought I had found true love.  Still, it's easy to see how simple it would be to fall into a false relationship, for anyone who had walked in my shoes.

As for love in my life?  What love?  Gordon's gone; forever.

Oh well. So be it. God's will is always done. God loved me enough to never give up on me. That's true love. He provided for me, always. And, continues to provide for me. Thank You, Lord!

Until next time...

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Saturday, January 22, 2011

Happiness and Peace!

If you read yesterday's entry, you'll know that I was so-o very happy about having been able to spend an evening with four (4) of my eight (8) grandchildren.  Thank You, Lord!

It's only been recently that I've been able to do this.  In fact, it was the first (1st) time ever, that my daughter P allowed me to spend time alone with her two (2) youngest sons.  In the past, she always felt like it would be too much for me, because they are extremely hyper-active boys.

To be honest, I could not have been more proud of them.  Of all of my grandsons.  No running, teasing, pushing, yelling, arguing, or trouble between them.  They were polite and courteous.  They were perfect gentlemen.  I was glad, especially since their Mom told them that if they didn't behave, they would never go with me anywhere, again!  lol

Now, I suppose this means I can look forward to spending more time with my grandchildren!  Praise God!  Thank You, Jesus!

When I wrote my entry last evening, I was so-o tired.  Totally worn out.  In fact, I thought I would head to bed, immediately upon shutting my computer down.  This didn't happen.

My phone rang and I ended up having a conversation that lasted about an hour.  By then, I was wide awake, once again.

It was actually good that I felt wide awake again, because it gave me time to do more reading in my Bible.  When I pick up my Bible tonight, I will begin reading in Deuteronomy 12.

Every year, I try to read through the complete Bible.  For many years now, I've accomplished this, with the exception of 2009.  The year that was so-o very stressful with Gordon. 

Between the trials of life, his illness, his being hospitalized in the Spring and his collapsing in October, which led to his death eight (8) days later, I fell behind in my reading.

Then, after Gordon died, I did read my Bible, but I just could not catch up.  Within a couple of months, my grief was so-o deep that I just couldn't even bring myself to read my Bible.  This continued for a couple of months.  Eventually, once I passed over Christmas and New Year's, I was able once again to read God's word.  So, I continued on in 2010, from where I left off in 2009.

January 1st this year, I once again began reading in Genesis.  Although I never really keep track, I do believe that I am ahead of schedule in my reading of God's word.  That's good.  This way, if circumstances arise that might prevent me from being able to read regularly, I won't be falling behind.

I enjoy reading my Bible at bedtime.  This way, I can meditate on God's word, as I fall asleep.

Climbing into bed, I thought I wouldn't have any trouble getting to sleep, but I was wrong.  It was about 2:00 am before I drifted off.  It wasn't due to coughing, because I was hardly coughing at all. 

Once I was asleep, I slept well.  It was truly peaceful and relaxing, for about eight (8) hours.  Which means I slept in!  'Til 10:00 am!  Oooooeeee!

Okay.  You probably guessed it.  I'm praying for an instant replay, when I can afford the time to sleep in!

Until next time...

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Friday, January 21, 2011

Hi Ho, Hi Ho!

It's a good thing I have recovered well, since my Chiropractic treatment, or I would not have been able to do all I was scheduled to do.  I would have had to cancel and rest, instead.

Last evening, I felt improved.  Once again, as I got comfy in bed to sleep, I began to cough.  Only for a short time, though.  I believe being in a laying down position makes it difficult for me to breathe without coughing, still. 

In any case, it didn't take long before my body adjusted and I was off in never-never land.  Ahhh...  I slept soundly, until my alarm went off.  Praise God!  Thank You, Jesus!

Awaking this morning, I didn't really want to get up.  In fact, I tried resting in, but it only lasted a few moments, until I felt guilty enough to get myself up and running.

Once up and about, I got myself organized for work.  Since I had been so sickly, I hadn't really done much work, as of late.  Today was different.  In fact, I spent almost all day on the computer, working and making calls.

See!  I am feeling improved!  If I wasn't, I wouldn't have been able to work as I did, today.

Did this mean I had a lot of energy?  Not really.  In fact, several times throughout the day, I felt like I wanted to have a nap, but just couldn't manage the time to do it.

If you read yesterday's entry, you'll know that I had done some phone contacting for Pastor B, of Community Bible Church.  The reason was, because he needed to know how many people would be in attendance this evening for the pizza/movie night.

Late in the afternoon, I left home and did some shopping before picking up two (2) of my grandsons, N & J.  Together, we made our way across town to check on my house.  Afterwards, we headed over to pick up another grandson, S.  My grandson Z was with a friend, so he wasn't home at the time, but he met us later. 

Before arriving at the meeting location, we drove over to where a friend of mine E, had just moved to.  E joined us for the pizza/movie night!  So did my friend J, who works at the cemetary.

Some of us contributed to providing the meal for everyone and once Pastor arrived with the pizza, our small crowd of about about 25, prayed as Pastor said grace.  As we ate together, we watched Fantastic Mr. Fox.

That is, most of us watched the flick.  My grandson N, who is 14, fell asleep after eating and missed almost the whole movie!  To be honest, there were times when I would look over at him, see him dozing and wish I could join him!  But, I didn't.

Personally, I hadn't heard of the film, but it turned out to be a pretty good movie, all in all.  At the end, Pastor B reminded everyone that we were supposed to have made mental notes about incidents that were both good and bad in the movie and questioned our group in this regard.

I believe a good time was had by all.

After returning my grandsons to their respective homes, I stopped to do some grocery shopping.  Feeling totally whipped by the time I arrived home, I realized I still had to write this entry!

So, here I am.  Totally exhausted.  That's okay.  God blessed me, today.  Not just with the health and energy to accomplish everything I needed to do, but mostly by allowing me to spend quality time with four (4) of my grandchildren.

Thank You, Lord.

The last thing I have to say is:  Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to bed, I go!

Until next time...

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Thursday, January 20, 2011

A Mile, In Their Shoes...

So far, yesterday's experiment seems to be progressing well.  It may not be an experiment for my Chiropractor Dr. Gemel, but it sure is an experiment for me!

If you read yesterday's entry, you'll know that I had a special Chiropractic treatment for my lungs, in order to speed up the process of healing.  When I arrived for the treatment, I was coughing so hard, I thought at times, I would collapse, for I just couldn't breathe.  Afterwards, I prayed it would work!

Throughout the evening, my gut-wrenching coughing seemed to quieten down.  In fact, I fell asleep in my recliner chair, for about an hour.

Of course, climbing into bed was another story.  Like most other nights, just trying to lay in bed was a problem.  Still, the depth of my coughing didn't seem to be as deep, if you know what I mean.

In addition, I did not seem to cough as much.  Eventually, my coughing seemed to stop and I fell asleep.  Praise God!  Thank You, Jesus!  I slept like a log!  Not much night time coughing, at all!

This morning, was about the same.  Still some coughing, but not as severe as it had been.  So, I decided to do something I haven't done in 12 days.  I decided to go out shopping.  And, have lunch with a friend.

My co-worker/friend C, met me at Pat & Hank's in Tecumseh, for a fish 'n chip lunch.  Not only was it nice to have lunch with a friend, but as my real estate partner, it was about time we had a meeting, to discuss what was to happen in 2011.  Even if I am not 100% up to snuff, yet.

It was nice to get out and about.  What was even nicer, was the fact that I hardly coughed, at all.  And, when I did, it was a very shallow cough.

Again, thank You, Lord!

Afterwards, I did some shopping and errands, before heading home.

This evening, I still have a cough, but not a severe one.  After being out in the cold today, I decided to not go out again, this evening.  Even if it was to church.  I thought being out in the evening dampness and cold, would be just too much for one day.

Hopefully, the Chiropractic treatment did help in speeding up my healing and will continue to aid my body in its quest for normalcy. lol  Of course, there are some of you who might question if I ever was normal!

I just finished calling people, to verify how many people will be attending the pizza/movie night, tomorrow.  Of course, I reported to Pastor B, so he will know how much pizza to order.

You may or may not be aware, but in addition to work I do for the Lord on Facebook (FB), I am a member of several FB prayer groups.

Just before writing this entry, I prayed for someone who was in hospital.  Well, to be sure, I prayed for his family. 

You see, the hospital was about to pull the plug on the fellow.  His family was there with him.

Oh boy!  You can be sure my heart goes out to them; in fact, upon reading this on-line, I began to cry.  The fellow who was being removed from life-support, I prayed for; but, truly once death has arrived, there is nothing more to pray for, for him. 

For a believer, to be absent from the body is to be with the Lord (2 Corinthians 5:8).  If he wasn't saved, well his eternity will be spent not in heaven, but in hell.  It's too late to pray for him, once he's dead.  There's no turning this around.  No change is available.  God told us in His Word, the Bible, in Hebrews 9:27, "And it is appointed for men to die once, but after this the judgement".

His family needs support and prayer, now.  It broke my heart thinking of what his family is going through and will go through in days to come. 

As you know, I've walked a mile in their shoes.  I'm not sure I'll ever forget the traumatic heartbreak of watching my husband Gordon, die in this same manner; especially since in Gordon's case, the plug was pulled against my will.

Please pray for the family of this fellow we have been praying for, who by now has passed from life, unto death.  Thank you.  May God bless you.

Until next time...

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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Cure for Cabin Fever?!

January is famous for it.  I've got it.  No, I don't mean an illness.  Well, maybe it could be considered that by some, but truly it is not.

Cabin fever.  That's what I am referring to!

Usually, I am a busy person.  Gordon used to complain at times, that I was always on the go.  There were times when he felt I should slow down and enjoy life, more.

For a partially-disabled person, I sure got around.  At times, there didn't seem like there was enough hours in the day.  This year, it's been absolutely different, for as you know I have been sick.

Being sick means that I not only have to rest, in order to promote healing, but means that I don't get out.  Anywhere.  For any reason.  Lord!  Give me strength, please!

Being like this, feels almost abusive.  After all, I am used to going out and about, daily.  Not to mention that I sometimes feel like I am living in a jail cell, since there is no one here to share life with.  This is my tenth (10th) day of being ill.  And, I'm tired of it.

The good news is I actually went out, today!  Yay!  No, not for fun or work, because this gut-wrenching coughing is still continuing.  I went to see my Chiropractor.  Hopefully, this was my cure for cabin fever!

Yesterday, I remembered I was scheduled for my treatment.  Knowing I was sick, I thought I should call and cancel my appointment.  I had the phone in my hand and even dialed the number.  Then, I hung up.

A thought crossed my mind.  I recalled being sick on another occasion, when I was scheduled for treatment and cancelled.  When I did see my Chiropractor, he suggested I might want to not cancel next time, for he believed that he could have given me treatment that would help me heal, quicker.

Okay.  At first thought, someone (like maybe yourself) who has never had chiropractic care, may think this is a come-on.  Many years ago, I found out it is not.

You see, I lived in Brampton years ago.  At the time, I was suffering from severe Migraines.  In fact, both the hospital and my family doctor had told me I had to get the stress out of my life that was contributing to the problem.  Eventually, I did. 

That is not something I wish to discuss, here.  Except to say that a friend took me to Dr. Singleton, who treated me for Migraines.  He explained that when I have treatment, usually the migraine will end, sooner.

Think it didn't help?  If you think this, you'd be wrong.  It did help.  I went from having Migraines for a week or more at a time, to having them only for a day or two.

Eventually, I found a cure. Whiplash!  Don't laugh.  Since I was in that bus/truck collision in 1980, I can count on one hand, using less than all my fingers, how many Migraines I have had.  Praise God!  Thank You, Jesus!

So, recalling that Dr. Gemel told me eons ago that chiropractic treatment may help me get over being ill sooner, and since I am currently ill at the time of my appointment, I decided to go and have my treatment.

Dr. Gemel didn't do all my regular adjustments, but modified my treatment, to include adjustments that would help clear my lungs, so I can heal, quicker.

Time will tell.  If God wills it to be, I will be healed, quickly.  Thank you for prayer.  Keep well.  Blessings to you. 

Until next time...

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Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Rest and Condolences...

Life sure has been boring, lately.

Of course, it would be less boring, if I were feeling well.  That's for sure. 

Saturday was a pretty slow day.  Sort of like all other days, lately.  I did nothing, but rest...and cough.  Sunday, was the same.

As you know, I usually go to church, but Sunday was no different than Saturday.  I was coughing so much, I could hardly take a breath, so I didn't go out at all, again.

Monday arrived.  I had hoped to feel better, but my hopes were squashed, for I had been up most of the night coughing and was still sick.

Today is Tuesday.  I'm still sick.  Although I must say, even though I have been exhausted all day today, I am not coughing as much.

This afternoon, I even had a nap and hardly coughed.  Praise God!  Thank You, Jesus!

My lungs don't hurt the way they did.  However, when I cough, I truly cough.  If I didn't know better, I'd almost think I had smoker's cough!  lol

My daughter B stopped by today for a moment, with my grandson, A.  They picked up a card from me, to give to A's Dad.  A's paternal Grandma died.

They were on their way to the funeral home, for visitation.  Since I am still coughing too much to be going out anywhere, I decided to not go out and infect everyone, there. 

I feel badly that I couldn't go in person and give condolences, but am grateful B ensured I could send my card of condolences to A's Dad.

It's highly doubtful that I will be improved enough by tomorrow, to go to A's Grandma's funeral.  Unless God gives me healing overnight, of course. 

Well.  Only God knows what He has in store for me, for you, for any of us.  Time will tell.

I'd like to thank you for praying for me, lately.  I appreciate your prayers, more than you know.  Please know you are in my prayers, too.

Until next time...

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Monday, January 17, 2011

Only God Knows!

Me...many moons ago!

Thursday night, I went to bed about 11:30 pm.

By this time, my chest felt as if the vice-like tightness was easing up.  My lungs felt like the congestion was breaking up.  It seemed that just as I had experienced in the past, my ears, throat and sinus were once again being affected, as my lungs were improving.  Very normal, for me.

By the time I hit the hay, I was good and tired.  Worn out.  Exhausted.  I expected to be asleep, quickly.

Instead, I laid awake and couldn't sleep.  The noise just wouldn't allow me to drift off into never-never-land.  What noise, you ask?  The constant wheezing that would probably sound quieter to someone dropping by to listen, than to me, for the sound resonated through my body and into my brain.  Not to mention, the coughing that refused to stop!

It was about 6:30 am Friday, when I finally caught 40 winks.

Believe me, it was truly only about 40 winks.  Well, okay.  Two (2) hours, to be exact, before I was up for the day.

Even though I was still feeling sick, I knew I was improving, for my lungs felt like the congestion was still breaking up and I wasn't coughing as much or as deeply. 

Headache had returned, along with the ears, throat and sinus problem, but this time, my sinus was running.  A good sign!

A couple of friends have asked me why even a cold virus would attack my lungs so severely.  I can't really say.  It may be due to the state of my weakened immune system.  Or, as I thought about mid-day, it may be due to something that weakened my lungs as a toddler.

I'm not sure if I ever mentioned this or not, but when I was not quite three (3) years old, my parents had some friends from out-of-town, visit with us.  As the friends were leaving, they needed to get gasoline, so my parents took me and my brother to the corner gas station.

I can clearly recall playing with the smaller Coke bottles that people used to obtain from a cooler.  When empty, the bottles would be placed in a rack, to be picked up at a later time from the distributor.

Somehow, I got mixed up and drank some fluids from other bottles stored in the rack.  I recall my parents later taking me to the hospital, where my stomach was pumped.  It seemed that what I had ingested was gasoline and brake fluid. 

How these fluids got in the supposedly empty pop bottles, I don't know.  I can only presume that mechanics working and draining fluids from vehicles, had used some of the bottles for their own purposes and had forgotten to empty/clean them, before placing them back into the rack.

As a child, I had Bronchitis every winter; sometimes lasting all winter.  As an adult, I read that it was not only lucky I hadn't died from the experience, but that fumes from petrol based products can also cause lung problems and the pumping of my stomach, other organ weaknesses.  Of course, we Christians know that nothing happens by accident; God obviously meant for me to survive.

Still, I wonder if this is why I get so severely sick, with even just a cold virus.  Hmmm...another case of only God knows!

In the afternoon, I made myself something to eat.  Don't laugh.  I know I said I didn't want to see another bowl of chicken soup, but guess what I had?  You guessed it!  Chicken soup.  Well, it does have healing properties! 

In addition though, I actually ate food, too.  I thoroughly enjoyed a toasted tomato sandwich, with Miracle Whip, salt and pepper!  Thank You Father, for helping me feel improved.

Now, even though I'm still sick, I do believe I'm on the way to feeling better.  To recovery.  Hmmm...this kind of reminds me of a song.  On The Road, Again...

Until next time...

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Sunday, January 16, 2011

Chicken Soup!

As you may have read, I've been sick, recently.

Not really a flu.  More like a cold, gone awry.  Most people get a cold, they feel yuchy, their head aches and their sinus' are sometimes affected.  After all, a cold is a virus, too.

Not so with me.  As I've mentioned previously, if I catch a cold, it doesn't work that way.

Well, I should qualify this.  Up until Gordon got sick to the point where I was under tremendous stress, the vitamins I took helped me tremendously.  In fact, I rarely got sick, anymore.  Ever.

Before I began taking these vitamins, was a different story.  There were times when I was tired of being sick a half (1/2) dozen times per year or more.  With them, I rarely became ill.  In fact, I can recall being so-o very happy one time, when I got a cold and it stayed a cold and actually disappeared within a couple of days!

I've read many times that stress affects people's immune system.  Well, for sure, it's affected mine.  So has Diabetes and Ankylosing Spondylitis. 

Oh well.  God's will is always done.  Hopefully, His will is for me to have an improved immune system, soon.  Of course, this would probably mean that my life will improve, so there is less stress.  Hmmm...I could learn to like this!

The worst part of being ill this week, hasn't just been that I have felt horrible, physically.  The worst part, is that I feel like I have accomplished...nothing.  I feel this way, because it's true.  I've accomplished nothing.

Wednesday, I was supposed to take my friend M for an errand she couldn't do on her own.  In addition, I was supposed to attend a mass (church service) with her at her church.  The church where she will be married in May.  The church where I will be singing.

Yes, my friend M is Catholic.  She has worshipped with other church groups, including a Bible-believing, Bible-preaching group, where she learned that she was saved alone, through faith alone, in Christ, alone.  Even though M feels this way, she eventually returned to the Catholic church. 

Yes, I felt badly I couldn't attend, with M.  I know it would have made her very happy.  However, I am not like that.  I wouldn't want to infect anyone else; besides, when sick, I need to rest to recover, as quickly as possible.

To make matters worse, M's daughter is resting at home, trying to stay healthy, so she can have her much-needed heart surgery January 25th, in London, Ontario, Canada.  Please keep M's daughter N, in prayer.  Thank you; may God bless you. 

I wouldn't want to pass this virus along to N, or anyone else.  I know how hard it is to fight off viruses, with a compromised immune system, as hers would be, too.

Thursday is usually my evening to attend Bible study and prayer, at my church.  I'm sorry to say, I couldn't go, for I was still too sick.

Even though I felt improved somewhat, due to the fact that my sinus' were more clear, my rib cage was hurting so much and feeling so tight, like I was being crushed, that it made it difficult to breathe or cough.  Forget coughing.  It felt like I was going to collapse, when I actually did cough!

My neighbour/friend K called me before she was leaving to go out of town for a couple of days.  Even though I told her I was okay, that there was nothing I needed, she would not listen.  Sure enough, I opened my door to see two (2) cans of chicken noodle soup waiting there for me.  Thank you, K.  You are always such a blessing to me.  May God bless you and provide you with travelling mercies, on your trip.

Chicken soup!  I love it!  I hardly ever eat it.  Why?  Well, it seems that whenever I get sick, I know I need chicken soup.  So do my friends. 

So, just like what's happened recently, with my friends bringing me various forms of chicken soup, I tend to eat a lot of it, when I'm sick.  So much so, that once I recover from being ill, I just cannot bring myself to eat another bowl, for a very long time.  Usually, until I am sick again, another time!

Still, I am grateful for the love and support I have received.  Thank you, all!  May God bless each of you. 

I must let you know however, that if I ever see another bowl of chicken noodle soup, it will be too soon!

Until next time...

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Saturday, January 15, 2011

Illness, Tears & Death...

By the time Wednesday arrived, I was really ill.  And, exhausted.

Coughing so much, that my ribs hurt, propped up uncomfortably on pillows so I can breathe, I don't know why I set my alarm, for I felt like I didn't sleep at all, but just cough, cough, coughed all through the night!

In any case, I got myself up, only to realize that I just could not function.  So, I took my vitamins, some asprin and sat myself in my recliner chair.

I thought to myself that at least I would be able to relax and watch one of my favourite travel shows on Create channel (PBS).  Rick Steves' Europe.

Murphy's law was a live and well.  As I said, I was so wiped out physically speaking, that I actually fell asleep in my chair, in front of my television, that was airing the programme I had looked forward to seeing.  I awoke about 45 minutes after the programme began.  Since it was a half (1/2) hour programme, I had missed the whole thing.

Not to worry.  It replayed later in the day.  I was awake and watched it, then.  Rick was in London, England.  As it turns out, I had seen this episode previously, but it didn't matter, for I love being in London.  Today, it made me cry, for I knew that I would never again, visit in London with Gordon.

What's a few more tears?

I had cried in the morning, when both my daughters let me know that my cousin E, who lives in Lake Havasu City, AZ, USA, had posted on Facebook (FB) that her husband had died through the night. Once in control of myself, I called her, giving condolences from me and my family.

During our conversation, my cousin told me she was feeling okay about her husband's death.  He had suffered greatly, for a long time.  I recall when I attended grief counselling, hearing that some people who find themselves in a situation such as this, fare well through grief, for they have usually had time to grieve, even before their loved one died.  Death brought relief.

I wish I could say that.  Sometimes, I feel like God must be very disappointed in me, for it seems that my grief has been hard.  But then, it seems to be that way for some people, when death circumstances are shocking.  All I can say is that I am glad God loves and puts up with me.

Life is just so-o hard.  Some people think its a gift, but I have trouble feeling like that.  I know that my salvation is a gift from God, but if anyone lived my life in my shoes, I am sure they would also have trouble believing life itself, is a gift.  For, to me, it's one huge trial.

Of course, God could change all this, one day.  lol  The question is, "Will He?!"  Why God would veer from His past course of allowing me a life filled with trials, is beyond me.  I can hardly imagine anything good happening to me, in my life.  As I said in the past, I sometimes feel God just wants me to suffer, until I finally go home to be with Him.  Only time will tell.

Maybe I feel like this, because I am physically sick at the moment.  I hope that's all it is, for I know that when I am not feeling well, it's hard to be upbeat and positive.  However, this too shall pass.

God has blessed me with good friends.

My friend J, from Christian Singles' Cafe, dropped by my home.  Well, sort of.  She knocked and ran off to catch the elevator, leaving two (2) servings of Swiss Chalet chicken soup, at my door.

Later, J told me by phone she had buzzed my friend/neighbour K to let her in, not wanting me to come to the door to greet her when she dropped off the soup.  Aha!  This explained why K and her friend J were at K's door, when I found the soup!

While getting ready to leave, my friend K called me to see if I needed anything, because she was going out of town for a couple of days.  At first, I told her I didn't need anything, but then realized I didn't have any Lipton's chicken noodle soup mix.  Rather than pick some up for me, she left at my door a couple of envelopes of the mix.

I'm blessed.  Thank you J and K.  I'm blessed having friends like you.  So loving.  So kind.  So generous.  May God bless you both, for being such a blessing to me, in my time of need.  Know that I love you both, and pray for you, regularly.

So, I suppose I can say that life could be worse, even though it hasn't been what I had hoped it would be.  God is in control and His will is always done.  Amen, for this.

Father, since I feel like I'm physically dying, I pray that if it is Your will for me to die, just make it happen quickly, and silently, preferrably in my sleep, please.  Thank You, Lord! :-))

Until next time...

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Friday, January 14, 2011

It Matters Not!

If you've read Life with Lynnie (LwL) lately, you'll know that I had a very busy last week and weekend, with very little sleep.  I was exhausted when I got up, Monday morning!

Well, some of this may have been due to my phone ringing before my alarm went off.  It matters not what was said, just the fact that my sleep was interrupted, contributed to making me feel tired.  All day.

Knowing I had some serious shopping to do, I set off early.  After completing all my errands, including seeing both my daughters for a few minutes, I arrived home, feeling like I accomplished quite a bit, considering it was a Monday.

Some of my afternoon was spent doing work I needed to do.  :-))

Well, actually, at this time of year, my work tends to be rather slow.  In fact, had Gordon been alive, we probably would have travelled somewhere, together.  But, he's not here.  And, I had already decided that I would not go anywhere, as I truly don't feel yet like going anywhere, alone.

By suppertime, I began sneezing.  And, I could feel my nasal passage and ears, becoming affected.

If you know me, or if you've been a reader of LwL, you'll know that in addition to past body injuries, I am diabetic and suffer from a rare form of Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA), called Ankylosing Spondylitis (AS) with the complication of Iritis, as well as Fibromyalgia.  Basically, what this all means is that my immune system is compromised/weakened, so it is easy for me to become ill.

Normally, I take vitamins.  Good quality vitamins.  They help me, daily.  What they don't do, is make me indestructible.  I can still become sick, if I am close enough to someone already sick.

Why did I get sick?  I don't know.  Only God knows.  I just know that I avoid being near anyone, if I know they are ill.  Why take chances, when I know I have a reduced immune system?!

A friend of mine thinks that I may have gotten ill from being around a lot of people, especially since I had so much contact with people recently, at funeral homes and a funeral.  Maybe so; maybe not.  I had also been around a friend who was sick.  So, your guess is as good as mine, where I picked up this virus.

Only God knows for sure.  Does it matter?  Not really.  It matters not, 'how'.  What matters is that the end result is the same.  I am sick.

While most people get sick like this and still manage to function, it is difficult for me to do so.  Due to my reduced immune system and health concerns, I battle fatigue on a regular basis.  When I get sick, even with a minor problem, I can sometimes feel like all the stuffing has been knocked out of me.  Especially, if my system cannot fight it off and it progresses into a more serious problem.

The thing that bothers me most, is this:  I hope I didn't infect anyone else!

As for my employment, maybe it's good I have a slow work time, at present.  At least no one will miss me.  Including my working partner.

If you believe in prayer, I am asking you to pray for me, that what I am experiencing won't develop into a more serious full respiratory problem, for even a cold can progress within my body into something extremely serious, like that.  God told us that we receive not, because we ask not (James 4:2).  So, I am asking. 

And, thanking you, for your prayer.  May God bless you.

Until next time...

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Thursday, January 13, 2011

Tasty and Fun Outreach!

Yes, Sunday morning came early.  Especially, after being awake through much of the night, reading!

If you read yesterday's entry, you'll know that I did some calling for Pastor B, of the small group I help with from time to time.

Originally, I planned to only help with calling, but over the past couple of days, I decided to actually participate on Sunday with the group.  In fact, T & J, two (2) of my grandsons decided to come with me!

My daughter P, and some of her family weren't feeling well and decided to not participate.  My daughter B was tied up, also.  But, as I mentioned, two (2) of her sons decided to join me.

Usually, Pastor B would hold church service at 4:00 pm, at a family centre located on Bloomfield, in a part of west-side Windsor, that is a rather poor area.  Today, was different.

In fact, Pastor B's whole schedule has been different lately and will be over the next approximately three (3) months.  This is a story for another time.

Instead, at 6:00 pm, the group planned to have a Taco and Games Night, and not a church service.  Area residents had been invited to attend.

Usually, I bring salad or dessert.  This time, being tired, I thought I would just buy cookies and bring them with me.  Instead, after my regular worship time at my church, I dropped by a grocery store and bought flour I knew I needed.

I baked five (5) dozen muffins; that's 60 muffins!  In one afternoon! lol  Praise God!  His timing is always perfect!

Since I had quite a few bananas in my freezer, I decided to bake banana muffins.  I don't know for sure why I accumulate them quickly, but I feel it may be because I'm still not used to buying as a single person.  It seems I always buy too many bananas! 

Since I don't like to eat them, once they become darkened, I place them into the freezer to use for baking.  Like I did on Sunday!

In any case, joining me, my family and others who met for the fun time, was my friend J (from Victoria-Greenlawn Cemetary).  I was glad she decided to join us.

Hopefully, everyone had a good time.  It appeared so.

After eating dinner together, Pastor B divided the group into three (3) teams and each team decided on a leader of their team.  I was nominated team leader for my team.  My friend J was nominated team leader for her team.  And team three (3) had their leader, whose name I just cannot recall (I apologize!).

Normally, at the end of his worship meetings, he plays a game similar, using Biblical info, but not for this fun night.  Instead, Pastor B used a secular trivia book.  After all, our group did not consist of all Christians, but some were unbelievers, being Muslim or of other faiths.

Even being in competition with each other, I believe all teams enjoyed themselves.  For sure, I know my friend J had a good time, bantering with the fellow seated beside her, who was actually part of my team!

In the end, my team won.  Both my grandsons and other people were on my team.  All received a bookmark gift to take home.

I praise God that both my grandsons want to return, for the next gathering planned later in the month.  In fact T, my eldest grandson, told me he's willing to help Pastor B, in his quest for outreach to the neighbourhood.  Thank You, Jesus!

Until next time...

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Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Sleep? Or Read? That's the Question!

As I mentioned in yesterday's entry, I went to bed exhausted, Saturday night.  It's just too bad I didn't stay asleep!

Waking about 2:00 am, I just could not get back to sleep.  Eventually, I got up and read for a while.  No, I didn't continue reading my Bible, as I had before going to sleep for what I thought would be for the night.

Instead, I read a book I bought myself, for Christmas.  Sounds rather silly, doesn't it?!  Buying myself something for Christmas, I mean.

Actually, other than forcing myself to finish a book I had been in the process of reading at the time of Gordon's collapse, just over 15 months ago, I haven't really read a book for fun.  Only for work or out of necessity.

The book I bought myself for Christmas was by Sue Grafton, entitled, "U is for Undertow".

I had seen the book at Shoppers' Drug Mart, while buying some things I needed.  This is not something I would normally do.  In fact, this was the first (1st) time I had done this, in years.  Maybe even...ever.

Oh, I've read other books written by Sue Grafton, author of what some people call the 'alphabet mysteries'.

The first one I read was, "M is for Murder".  Years ago, Gordon brought it back for me from the library, because he knew I was taking an English course, needed to read a book and do a report and he decided I would probably enjoy the book.  Yes, I did!

At the time when this happened, I dreaded having to read a book, for my eyesight was still unstable at that time.  In fact, due to the problems I experienced with my eye, until that time, I hadn't read any books for pleasure, only what I needed to do for work, or education.

Gordon had been right!  I thoroughly enjoyed the book.  In fact, so much so, that he made sure he bought me every book in the series.  And, continued to do so, until we moved into the apartment.  Needing to downsize, I errantly disposed of the books.  Now that he's gone, I wish I had held on to them.

So, when I saw Sue Grafton's latest addition to her library of literary accomplishments, I bought it.  Actually, it wasn't as easy as it sounds.

I stood there, looking at the book.  Picking it up, I decided to buy it.  Then, I placed it back on the shelf, for at the time, I had thoughts running through my head about Gordon buying these books for me.  Realizing that he would never again buy a book for me, I placed my tears away once more and bought the book.

It took until well after the new year, before I began reading.  As with all books I enjoy, I just did not want to put it down, but forced myself on at least a couple of occasions.

Saturday night, or maybe I should say, early Sunday morning, I finished reading the book.  Yup, this had been another first in my life, without Gordon.  Can you imagine?  Even after all this time, I'm still experiencing firsts, after Gordon's death.

If you have never read any in the series Sue Grafton has written, you may want to do so.  I call her writing, 'easy-to-read'.  The storyline is usually simple, non-complicated, but interesting.  She manages to keep readers interested.  At least, she does, me! 

Should you decide to read one novel, you need to know you don't have to begin with the first one entitled, "A is for Alibi", for each book is independant of each other.  However, the character does build as time goes by.  My personal opinion is that just as is the case with most writers, Sue's writing improved over time.  In any case, enjoy!

Eventually, I got to sleep for a short while.  Believe me, I knew I would be tired Sunday!

Until next time...

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Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Jack & Jill!

Saturday wasn't a rest day for me.  In fact, I had to be up early.

Not only was Saturday my friend M's birthday (Happy Birthday!), but it was also the day of her wedding shower, to be held at a local restaurant.

The invitation time read 10:30 am until 2:00 pm. 

Being up early, I thought I left in plenty of time to arrive as per when I was to be there, but once again, I misjudged the driving time I needed to allow.

As I approached the restaurant, I once again prayed God would provide a parking spot for me, thinking the small restaurant parking lot would be full.  Surprise!  Not only was the lot not full, it was rather...empty.

My first thought was that I read the invitation time, incorrectly.  After checking it once more, I knew I had not.

After parking, I carried into the restaurant, my birthday gift for M and the shower gift for her and her fiance, P.  Yes, this was to be a 'Jack & Jill' shower!  In fact, my first.  Oh, in the past, I had been invited to other 'Jack & Jill' gatherings, usually held at a bar, but hadn't been able to attend.

If you think I was shocked seeing an almost empty parking lot, I was.  The restaurant in question would normally be closed at this time, but made special provision to open, just for the shower. 

What was even more shocking was finding out there was only a couple of other people in attendance, who arrived about the same time I did.

It was most shocking to see the future bride and groom had not yet arrived.

Slowly, over approximately the next hour, more people arrived.  Finally, the guests of honour!

A relative of the groom to be worships at my church.  His wife had to work, so he came alone to the shower alone and sat beside me.  We both agreed it was good to know someone there, other than the guests of honour!

M's (step) Father was seated across the table from me.  At first conversation was light and sparse, until I asked him if he was a 'believer'; if he was saved.  M's Dad said he was!  After that, converstion flowed like a river.

Eventually, all arrived.  By this time, the restaurant was formally opened for business.  My church friend said thanks to God for what He had provided for us, before our group enjoyed a delicious meal, together.

Then, came the fun of opening gifts.  I believe M & P were happy with all gifts, gratefully received.  While this is a second marriage for the happy couple, it's always nice to have some nice, new things with which to begin married life together.

Arriving home, I realized I couldn't rest.  I still had to do some telephoning for Pastor B, of the small church group I help with from time to time.

Calls made, I finally relaxed for a time, before heading to bed, earlier than normal, rather exhausted.

Until next time...

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Monday, January 10, 2011

Dreams Come True?!

Late Friday afternoon, my friend M and I found the hat of M's dreams for her wedding in May and visited with my friend J, at J's Mom's home.  We had a nice time, together.

We stopped by M's home, before heading to Tim Horton's at Crawford & Wyandotte St. W., where Christian Singles' Cafe was to meet at 7:30 pm. 

We knew we were too early for the group meeting, but we actually didn't go to meet up for the group.  We actually went to have a bite to eat and have a cup of coffee, together.  Well, actually M had coffee; I had tea.

M called Caesars Windsor (casino), to see if the tickets were available yet for her, for the Sara McLachlan's show.  M had been to the casino early in the morning to pick up tickets she was approved for, but even the four (4) complimentary tickets M was receiving, courtesy of her aunt who patrons the casino, were not available, at that time.

The show was a sell-out, so M's confirmation only entitled her to be on a 'list'.  Throughout the day, she had to keep checking to see if anything had changed.

Before leaving Timmie's we arranged the seating for the group and were sorry that we missed some people who apparently showed up within about five (5) minutes after we left.

My daughters were supposed to meet with us to see the show, but my daughter P decided to not join us, because she wasn't feeling well.  So, my daughter B and her friend S met us at the elevators, leading to the complex from the parking garage.

We were actually shocked to see how many people were in the same boat as we were!  Then, just as the casino office telephoned M, to let her know there was a problem, the desk clerk announced that there were no tickets available after all.  Apparently, when they say the show was sold out, they mean it!

Just moments before this, a strange thing happened.  B & S were standing, waiting like everyone else, while I was sitting off to the side.  A nicely dressed young man walked up to them, asking if they were waiting for tickets, to which they replied that they were.  He said he couldn't give them two (2) tickets, but could give them one (1) and proceeded to hand them the ticket.

Wow!  This was a first for everyone who saw this happen!  To me, it was an answer to prayer, for I had been praying that God would provide access to B and her friend.  Both young women are moms who had to make arrangements for their children to be babysat and were really looking forward to the show. 

I had been praying God would make a way where there didn't appear to be one.  He did!  Even if it was not exactly what I had asked for; but, God doesn't always make things happen the way we think He will.

You see, while M had been on the list all day and throughout early evening, somehow the system screwed up and her name had somehow been dropped, just before show time.

Disappointed for ourselves, but happy that B and her friend were going to be able to 'share' the time, watching the show, we left for home.  Truly, not being a patron of the casino myself, it didn't really matter to me about being able or not to see the show, although it would have been nice to see Sarah McLachlan perform.

Later, I received a pic from B, showing Sarah McLachlan only a few feet away from her (phone) camera.  I was so happy to realize that she was able to see at least part of the show.

Later, I found out she saw almost the whole show; so did B's friend S.  How?  Well, as they were approaching the show entrance, a couple were leaving.  Having their coats on, the ladies asked if the couple were leaving and not returning; the couple replied they were. 

I praise God B and S are not too shy to approach people, for they found the nerve to ask the couple if they had ticket stubs they could use.  The couple gladly handed them the stubs. 

This meant both friends could watch the show, seated together!  Even better, was the fact that their seating was right up at the front!  B told me later, that at one point Sarah McLachlin was about four (4) feet away from her. 

My heart screamed thank You, Lord!  I was so-o very happy that my daughter's dream came true. 

Wouldn't it be nice if all dreams could come true?! 

I wish God had made my dream come true, when I asked Him to heal Gordon; but, He didn't.  It's 15 months today, that Gordon died.  I can't believe I've lived this long, without him.

Until next time...

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Sunday, January 9, 2011

Hope, Love & Strength...

When I was a child, I often wondered where I would be and what I would be doing at various stages and ages of my life. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think my life would be like it is.

Never did I ever think I would be alone, again.  Never did I think I would be going through the agony of trying to put the majority of my life behind me and beginning a new life, all over again.

Whenever I thought of me or Gordon dying, I always envisioned death coming later in life.  Never did I imagine being widowed and alone at my age.  Too old to be young enough to start a new family, yet too young to be a senior citizen joining others in widowhood, at an elderly age.

My daughter P thinks I need a pet.  Actually, I know I do, for I truly miss my two (2) elderly furry baby-boy pussycats, who both died about five (5) years ago.  They were both in their 20's and died of old age, just a few months apart.

However, where I live, pets are not allowed.  Because I do not live in a tenanted situation the Landlord/Tenant Act does not apply.  Therefore, I must abide by the rules of my accommodation, that forbids pets of any kind.

While Gordon was alive, it wasn't a problem.  For even though we both missed our furry baby boys, we had each other.  Even so, I agree with P, who thinks I need to have someone to come home to.  Someone to look forward to seeing.  Someone who loves me.  Like a pet.  C'est la vie!

When I ended writing yesterday, I had just placed Gordon's wedding band in my safety deposit box.  That was a heartbreaking thing to do, at least for me.

Those who have not gone through widowhood may not think it's a big thing and it may not be for everyone, but it is for me.  I know that as I dispose of Gordon's clothes and personal items, I will probably feel the same way, over and over.  Until I've stored away items I wish to keep and have finished disposing of his clothing and personal items. 

Whenever I think of addressing what I know I need to do, I feel like I'm disposing of part of Gordon.  Like I'm losing him, all over again.  I know I'm not, but it is difficult.  Ask anyone who has ever had a loved one die; someone they truly loved.

At least when my Dad died, my Mom was still alive, so there was still a parental connection and none of our family had to deal with dealing with each and every personal item belonging to my Dad.  But, when my Mom died, I had trouble dealing with disposing of her personal items.  It was like giving away parts of her life, parts of their lives, parts of our lives, together.  It's not easy.

Unlike someone who doesn't belong to God, someone unsaved, who has no hope, I am grateful that my Lord will help me through, not just my grief, but also to do what I need to do, to eventually place Gordon in my past.  For, that is where he is now.  My past. 

He'll never be back.  It's not like he's gone away on a trip somewhere.  It's not like Gordon's working out of town.  He's gone.  Forever.

Even when I eventually see Gordon in heaven, our relationship will not be the same.  We'll be brother and sister in the Lord, for marriage does not exist in heaven.  We'll joyously praise our Lord together, but not as husband and wife.

I'm grateful for Jesus.  I know He's made provision for me.  One day, I'll be there, with Him in heaven. 

Until then, I have to trust God.  I know He has never let me down.  He's always helped me through life's trials.  He'll help me do what I need to do, concerning Gordon.

Some may think that Christians should never grieve, or feel sorrow, but I don't believe this is the case.  God knows we are only human.  We have strength, but only through Him. 

As I said, I am grateful for the hope I have, through my faith in Jesus Christ, that has given me the assurance that when I am weak, He makes me strong.  He loves me; and you, too.  The Bible tells me so.

And, it's He that helps me through every day.  Praise God!  Thank You, Jesus!

Until next time...

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Saturday, January 8, 2011

God's Help...

On Wednesday, the day after my overwhelming funeral home visitation day, I knew I could not attend all three funerals, for they were all scheduled at different locations, but basically at the same time (within one half [1/2] hour of each other).

Feeling badly about letting friends down, I made the decision to attend my granddaughter A's grandpa J's funeral.

I made my way to the Victoria-Greenlawn Funeral and Reception Centre and parked my van in the line-up of vehicles attending the grave-side, later.

It was a lovely service.  J had been trusting in Jesus for his salvation.  Of course, whenever a believer dies, it's a rather melancholy feeling, to say the least.

As God's word tells us, for a be absent from the body, is to be with the Lord! (2 Corinthians 5:8).  So whenever a believer dies a physical death, here on earth, their spirit leaves this earth and goes to heaven to be with the Lord!  How could anyone ever be upset about that?!

Even so, we are only human.  As humans, we grieve and become sad when we lose a loved one, to death.

It is clearly difficult for we who are trusting in Jesus for our salvation (some people say being saved), for the happiness, joy and upset, sadness sometimes keeps us on a roller-coaster ride of emotions.  Well, at least once the shock wears off!  We definitely need God's help to get us through.

The service was a little different than what I am used to, for while there was beautiful music, both live and pre-recorded, we who were in attendance did not sing.  The gospel message was given, by the Pastor officiating.  Family members spoke.  All in all, it was a truly lovely service.

Because this centre is located on grounds attached to both Victoria Memorial Gardens and Greenlawn Cemetary, it only took a few short moments to reach the grave site.  The committal part of the service was lovely, as well.  And, short.  The weather was so-o cold, it began snowing...only for a few minutes, though.

Afterwards, we returned to the centre, where a luncheon awaited us.

I shared a table with relatives of my (& Gordon's) granddaughter, from her Mom's side of the family.  We conversed about years previous and various topics of times, both good and not so good to remember.

From Gordon's side of granddaughter A's family, I was the only person in attendance.  This made me rather sad.  Still, I am glad she has a huge family, who showed support, on her Mom's side of the family.

Upon leaving the facility, I drove over to Gordon's grave, where I prayed for a short time.  It only took a minute to get there, as I didn't even have to leave the grounds. 

I felt I needed to stop there.  Why?  I don't know.  After all, it's only his body in the ground there; he's in heaven.

Then came the real trial of the day, for me.  I did what I had been promising myself I would do.  I made my way to my bank, and accessed my safety deposit box (SDB).

Praying, crying and reassuring myself that I needed to do this, I removed Gordon's ring from my right hand, from where I had been wearing it, since his death.  I kissed it, placed it in the ring box, and secured it in my SDB.

Before I left the private room and secured the SDB in the vault, I removed my wedding rings from my left hand and placed them on my right hand.  I feel I am just not ready to stop wearing them, at this time.  Maybe with God's help in the future, but not now. 

This will have to suffice for the time being, for this was all the pain and sorrow I could handle, for now.

Until next time...

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Friday, January 7, 2011

Too Much...

Before I begin today's entry, I would just like to say that had my Dad been alive, today would have been his birthday; Happy Birthday, Dad!

If you read yesterday's entry, you'll know that after spending the afternoon visiting at three (3) funeral homes, I felt horrible and cried many tears.

What I haven't told you about, is what happened at the last funeral home I attended. 

You may have read that this was the one where my co-worker/Realtor friend's wife's visitation was being held.  Unfortunately, she lost her battle with cancer.  My friend truly loved his wife.  He knew I had been praying for her.

As I approached my friend's family and began speaking with them, my friend stepped forward and greeted me in typical Italian fashion, taking my hand and kissing me on both cheeks.

I don't know whether it was because I had been to so many funeral homes that afternoon and thought so much about the pain and sorrow of losing a loved one, or what it was, but for the first time ever in a serious situation like this, I began to feel myself losing it.  Losing control of myself.

Never, ever before, have I ever done this.  In my mind, I began asking God to help me.  At first, I thought He was.  Helping me, I mean.

In a quiet voice, with what I thought was full composure, I told my friend that I was very sorry about him losing his wife.

Usually, God gives me grace and the words with which I can convey my condolences.  Not then!  Not only did I actually go blank, but I felt rather awkward, since my friend and others gathered around us were looking directly at me. 

Then, I blurted out how I had prayed for her; my heart was breaking, thinking (but not commenting) that once again, God didn't answer my prayer in a positive way.  I thought they were expecting me to say something more, but no words came out of my mouth, other than, "I'm so sorry.  So very sorry."; which I said, repeatedly. 

I could feel tears welling up.  I didn't want to cry.  I'm Christian.  I know that for a believer, to be absent from the body is to be with the Lord.  I turned away from him for a moment and looked at the casket where his wife was laying.

Turning once again to look at my friend, I said, "She's not suffering, anymore." 

I wanted to tell my friend that while his wife's suffering had ended, his wasn't going to end, just because hers had; I wanted to tell him that his suffering was going to change and begin in a different way, than while she was alive and sick.  But, I didn't.

By this time, I didn't think I could say another word without bursting into tears, for I could feel them beginning to exit from my eyes.  I turned and walked away.  My mind is such a blur over this incident, that I cannot even recall saying 'goodbye' to my friend.

Tears just flowed.  And flowed.

Not being able to get a grip on myself, I realized that this was not going to be the day that I fulfilled the promise I had made myself a while back.  I had promised myself to begin the new year, by trying to do things to help me on the road to beginning a new life.

I had promised myself that in the new year, I would go to the bank and place Gordon's wedding band, that I had been wearing, into my safety deposit box.

Truly, I just wasn't strong enough to do this, being totally overwhelmed.  Why?  I don't know.  I just know I was.  So, I just made my way home, to cry some more.

Just so you know, the following day, I called my friend, after his wife's funeral and apologized.  He was very gracious.  May God bless him and heal him from grief, quickly; his family, too.

Until next time...

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