Sunday, October 31, 2010

Almost Unbelievable!

My sleep last night, came rather late.  Consequently, even though I awoke at normal time this morning, I was rather tired.

Still, it is SONday!  You know what this means!  I was off to church to worship at my normal time.  Later, I dropped by my daughter P's for a couple of minutes.  Just as I arrived, Pastor B, from Bible Community Church pulled up beside my van; we enjoyed conversation for a few minutes.

Then, I did my usual routine and went to the cemetary, to visit Gordon's grave.  I sang a hymn, while there.  Of course, I talked to God and to Gordon, too.

Afterwards, I made my way home.  On my way, I stopped to pick up a few things I needed at the plaza closest to my home.  For a person who hates shopping, I seem to be doing a lot of it, lately!

Of course, with Christmas coming, there's much to be done.  I am beginning to feel like I'm almost done my shopping for family, friends and customers, both current and past.  But, I'm also feeling rather overwhelmed!

Normally, I am further ahead on my scheduled tasks leading up to Christmas.  If you saw my home, you'd probably think I'm either moving in or out, for I have boxes spread out everywhere.  You see, as I purchase gifts, I store them in storage boxes I've numbered.  I keep a log, containing the contents of each numbered box.  Well, at least, usually I do.

This past year, I must admit I fell short of the mark.  It seemed that I just couldn't be bothered at times, for I was really feeling low, missing Gordon and grieving, being depressed and having not much energy.  Consequently, I was lax in keeping track of contents.  So, every time I need something, I have to go searching through all the boxes.  LOL  Oh brother!  Trust me to create another problem!  :-))

You're probably wondering why I do this.  Well, for starters, as I said, I hate shopping, so whenever I see an item that I feel would be a gift for someone, or for my clients, I pick it up, so I have it, for this time of year. 

In addition, with having so many grandchildren and even a great-grandchild, whose birthdays are mainly during this upcoming Christmas season, it would drive me crazy shopping.  Not to mention, breaking the bank all at once to shop only at this time of year.  The closer it gets to Christmas, the worse it gets. 

I hate fighting crowds and cannot stand not finding something I'm looking for.  By shopping all year long for gifts I am confident to purchase, and having an idea of what I need, I have the luxury of sale shopping, thereby saving somewhat, as well.

Besides, with having to do my regular work, plus updating my mail list, writing out Christmas cards, wrapping gifts, etc., I feel I just would not be able to handle it all.  Hopefully, next year, I'll return to being better organized!

Of course, some of my time is being spent on the internet. 

If you are on Facebook (FB) and are a friend of mine, you may or may not be aware of this, but I am an administrator on The Women's Bible Study Group, created by Partake Ministries and my FB friend N; we have close to 240 women participating in the on-line Bible study programme.

In addition, the Minister/Pastor from Partake Ministries, who is currently living in England, asked me to become an administrator on the Partake Ministries FB page.  Now that he has returned from his time away, I have less to do, but when he was away, I was fairly busy.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, I was made an administrator on the Partake Prayer Support FB page.  This is a private group, where you become a member through invitation, only.

By the way, if you are on FB, feel free to look me up!  My FB name is:  Lynn Rutter McNally McKenzie.  If you choose to request friendship, please let me know you read LwL.  You are more than welcome to join the Partake Ministries family, whether it be the ministries page or The Women's Bible Study Group programme.  If you need prayer, please let me know.  Once I get to know you better, I will be happy to add you to our prayer group.

All this is in addition to writing a daily blog entry, here on Life with Lynnie (LwL)!  I enjoy writing on LwL, I never thought it would be what it has turned out to be.

If you've been a regular reader, you'll know that I have commented in the past about how I am shocked at how many people have contacted me and told me how reading about my life, trials and how I deal with my situations has helped them, in their own lives and trials.  Several readers have called LwL an on-line ministry.

I suppose, in some ways, this may be true.  After all, God did call us to comfort others, with the comfort by which we have received, from/through Him.  However, it's really just my life, my problems and my reliance on God, who helps me every day and sometimes every minute, to deal with life.

In any case, it's almost unbelievable to me, but I'm busier than I could have ever dreamed possible!  And, loving every minute of it!  Praise God!  Thank You, Jesus!

Until next time...

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Saturday, October 30, 2010

Happy Birthday!

Thank You, Lord.  Thank You, for giving me such a wonderful night's sleep, last night.  The rare seven (7) hours sleep I received was longer than most of what I have experienced, in such a long time.  The best part was that I only woke up a couple of times!  Long and restful.  Definitely, an answer to prayer.  (I hope it continues!)

Even though I did most of my bookkeeping on Thursday, I still needed to finish up, make sure everything balanced and then remit my HST.  So, after doing other work stuff, I finished up.

Now that I know what to do, it shouldn't take me quite as long, next time.  You see, I used to remit by telephone; file the info, I mean.  Then, pay at my bank, if I owed the government tax money, or I would be all set, if they owed me a refund.

When I received my filing info for this last quarter, I thought the government had forgotten to include a sheet we use as a template, to know what was paid out and what was collected; with this, we calculate what is owing and to whom.  So, I dug out a previous sheet, copied it and proceeded.  Once done, I telephoned as I usually do.

In addition to giving all my personal info, I have to give an access code and have it accepted by the automated system.  The system accepted me.  As I was entering my info, I noticed on one of the sheets that the system had changed.  Apparently, I can now only remit electronically, through the internet system.

But, the system had just accepted me, by phone.  I hung up!  After reading all the small print, it became apparent that had I completed remitting by telephone, I would have been fined $100, for my first (1st) offense; $250 for my second (2nd).  Whoa!!!  Why didn't the phone system reject the new access code that was supposed to be meant only for the electronic (internet) system?

It wasn't difficult to find where I needed to file my remittance info, online.  Although, I would have appreciated having a few instructions on how to use this new system.  With the telephone system, if zeros were necessary (e.g. newly acquired taxable property, etc.), we had to enter them.  So, I did this with the online system.  When I clicked on the calculate button (it is supposed to calculate for me and won't allow me to completely enter all the info, myself), the system did not do what I needed it to do.

On the phone I got, calling to find out what to do.  After waiting quite a while to speak with a live person, I decided to try eliminating the zeros and clicked the calculate button.  Voila!  The deed was done!  I was then able to submit my info and print off the form for my records.  Phew!  Thank You, Lord!

It blows my mind, thinking that the government's automated telephone system accepted me, knowing that I was not allowed to remit any more, by telephone.  I had to wonder if the government is using this petty trick to tax unsuspecting people.  Busy people, like me, who just presumed they had to do what they had to do, the same old way.  I praise God that He allowed me to notice this, before completing the task the wrong way!  Again, thank You, Lord.

Early last evening, I once again baked a birthday cake, then iced and decorated it, for my grandson D's birthday.

D is my youngest daughter P's eldest son, who became 16 years old, today (going on 30, of course!).  Happy Birthday, D!

We had a good time celebrating, together!  In the upper photo, from left to right, is D's girlfriend R, D's brother Z and of course, birthday grandson!  The lower photo is of (back row) P's boyfriend K and my youngest daughter, P; the front row left to right, is of D's girlfriend R, his brothers S and Z, and of course, D!

Thank You, Lord for blessing me.  I pray God's Will is to bless you, also.

Until next time...

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Friday, October 29, 2010

A Life or Death Choice!

Last night's sleep was longer than most nights, but the almost seven (7) hours sleep was broken up, when I awoke at least a half (1/2) dozen times.  Maybe I'll have to pray differently.  Instead of praying for more sleep, maybe I should be praying for solid, restful sleep.  Oh well, if my Lord means it to be, it will happen, for He is in control of everything.

Yes, He is in control of everything, even when we sometimes feel that things are out of control.  I'm not thinking of myself, but rather a young man who has been worshipping at my church for the last while.

As you know, I worship at a Bible-believing, Bible-preaching, Baptist church, where God's Word is paramount.

I am grateful this young man I am thinking of, came to worship with us.  For the sake of privacy, and for his personal safety, I will call him M.  M, is not his real name.  While our pastors and deacon board know his real name, the majority of members and attendees do not.

Why the secrecy?  Some of you may not like hearing this.  Some of you, will surely get upset with me for writing about this.  That's okay.  Be upset.  The truth, is the truth. 

I am reminded that Jesus said in John 8:31-32, "...If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed.  And, you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."  Jesus was talking to the Jews who believed in Him, when He said this.  Then, in John 14:6 Jesus said, "I am the way the truth and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me."

Jesus was and still is all about truth.  And, M knows it.

On Sunday, October 17th, 2010, M was baptized.  So were two (2) young women.  Both women spoke for a moment and read scripture, but M was different.  M gave a lengthy testimony of his life, his being taught to hate infidels (we unbelievers in Islam) and ultimately, about his coming to Christ.

You see, M was not born here in Canada.  As I mentioned, he's just visiting.  M is from Lebanon.

You've seen me write about problems in the middle east, in the past; especially with regard to terrorism, stemming from the threat of Islam.  Some friends have become angry over me doing this.

Anyone who is a friend of mine on Facebook (FB), knows that I have spoken out about the dangers of Islam.  Some have even thrown our friendship away, like garbage. It obviously meant nothing to them in the first place, or they would not have done so.

Just so you know, I do so from time-to-time, not because of hatred, for I do not hate Muslims, nor do I hate anyone.  In fact, I pray for Muslims, just as I pray for all unbelievers. 
My main reason for speaking out about the danger of Islam, is to make an effort for people, mainly unbelievers to see that there is cause to have a need for salvation.  Many people who are not saved, do not believe they need salvation.  This is far from the truth, but this is a topic for another day.

The most important aspect of what I am writing about today, is not about my minor persecution, but rather about M's major persecution.

In M's testimony, he told everyone in attendance that he was Muslim, previously.  In Lebanon, he heard Christian missionaries speak.  He came to know some Christians.  Most importantly, he came to trust in Jesus, for his salvation.  Praise God!  Thank You, Jesus!

As I've written about in the past, Christianity is not just about us coming to know about Jesus, for many people know about Jesus.  The most important thing is to place your trust in Jesus and the finished work He did on the cross, fulfilling God's plan of redemption, not for all, but for all who will believe.

M went on to say that in Lebanon, his family did not know he had become Christian.

Once here visiting in Canada with relatives, people began telling his family both here in Canada and back in Lebanon, that he was seen hanging out with Christians.  They were told that M had been seen entering our church.

Eventually, M was confronted about his actions.  M admitted to friends and relatives that he had indeed placed his trust in Jesus, for his salvation.

M's family in Lebanon reacted the same way any Muslim family would react.  His Dad told M that he is dead to him and the rest of his family.  His Dad went on further to tell him that he can be reunited if he denies Christ and returns to Islam and it's teachings.

Talk about the ultimate decision.  Most of us have not been faced with making a decision such as this.  But, M has.  He had to deal with the issue. 

Being faced with a choice between remaining Christian or returning to Islam, M told us how he reflected, prayed and asked God to help him. 

There was much to think about, much to pray about.  You see, M's Dad also told him that he would give him time to make his decision.  After the time limit is up, if M has not renounced Christ and returned to Islam, M's Dad will issue a death warrant against him.

Knowing M is only visiting in Canada and not a permanent resident, creates quite a dilemma.  You see, under Islamic law (Sharia), no one can leave Islam.  If someone does, they are to be killed.  So, if you've got your thinking cap on, you'll realize that M will not be able to safely return to Lebanon, for his life will be at risk.  His physical death would be imminent.

Of course, M cannot stay here in Canada, unless our Canadian government sees and accepts the danger to his life; hopefully, this will happen, but there are no guarantees. 

What a place to be in, to have to make a decision such as this.

You see, M knew that Jesus said in Matthew 10:32-38, "Therefore whoever confesses Me before men, him I will also confess before My Father, who is in heaven.  But, whoever denies Me before men, Him I will also deny before My Father who is in heaven.  Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth.  I did not come to bring peace but a sword.  For I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man's enemies will be those of his own household.  He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me.  And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.  And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of me."

M told us that after much prayer, he realized that he could do nothing more than stay with Jesus Christ. He could not give Him up. So, he made his decision, knowing that his human, physical life is at stake.

As I mentioned, M was baptized, signifying his dying to self and living for Christ, showing all in attendance, as a public testimony, that he is living for Jesus.

M made it clear that if it is God's Will for him to give up his physical life, for the sake of Christ, then so be it.  He knows where he is going, if this happens.

Are you trusting in Jesus Christ, for your salvation?  Do you know where you'll spend eternity?  Want to know more?  Please e-mail me, if you need help.

Until next time...

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Thursday, October 28, 2010

Happy Birthday, 1 Day Later!

About six (6) hours sleep, is what I had last night.  Wow!  Even so, I woke up feeling exhausted.

Being tired, I was glad I didn't have to rush out from home, this morning.  It took me a while to get moving, but eventually, I managed to get done everything I needed to do, for work.

Except for my bookkeeping, that is.  So, this afternoon, I began working on my bookkeeping.  As a Realtor, I must remit HST for my business.  Most Realtors only have to remit annually.  However, because I originally was a Retailer when I obtained what came to be known as my Business Number, I was expected to remit, quarterly.

After I sold my business and only worked as a Realtor, I contacted the government, requesting to be switched to the annual program.  They refused to allow me to do so.  Therefore, I must do my bookkeeping every three (3) months (quarterly) and remit my HST.

I suppose it isn't so bad, really.  After all, it does mean that at the end of the year, I am well on my way to being able to file my Income Tax, when it becomes time to do so.

While I still feel like I am behind schedule, compared to other years previous to Gordon's death, I am now beginning to feel like I'm making headway.  Even so, I have a tremendous amount of work to do, that needs to be accomplished and completed before Christmas!

One thing I am grateful for, is that I was able to mail on Tuesday, the Christmas gifts I purchased to send to family in N. Ireland.  What a relief that is! 

While I haven't made a dent with Christmas cards, I'm glad I'm not getting too far ahead of myself, for I must finish updating my mail list, for clients, past clients, friends, and church-family. 

Believe me, by the time Christmas arrives, I am usually exhausted.  After all, I also purchase, wrap and deliver Christmas gifts, also! 

Not to mention, that I have family birthdays galore right up until New Year's Eve!

Oh oh, I better stop writing about this, because I'm beginning to feel worn out, just thinking about how much work I still have to do!

Tuesday evening, I baked, iced and decorated a birthday cake for my grandson, A.  Friends on Facebook (FB) know it was a chocolate cake, with chocolate icing, finished with sprinkles, plus chocolate and white icing for trims and writing.

When I first began making the cake, I realized that even though yesterday was A's birthday, I was not going to be able to bring the cake and meet with him and his other family members until today, because another family member had planned a celebration with several children and some other family members.  Since I never have a guarantee on how busy I will be, I baked it one (1) day early, to ensure I would have the cake ready to meet with everyone, today!  Besides which, had the other celebration cancelled for some reason, I would have been ready to make sure A's birthday was celebrated on his special day.

Think it was too soon in advance to make the cake?  No, it wasn't.  In fact, when I took cake decorating courses years ago, I learned that cakes can be made several days in advance of use, as long as they are iced and sealed completely when decorated.  This way, when no air can get into the cake itself, it remains fresh.

Above is a photo of my birthday boy grandson A blowing out his candles, with his brother J and his Mom, my daughter B looking on.  The other photo is of our group today, at my daughter B's home, from left:  my grandsons A, J, N, my daughter B holding my baby granddaughter A, and grandson, T.

What a blessing it is to be able to be with and celebrate special occasions, as I have been able to do, recently.  I praise God and thank Jesus!

Until next time...

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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

An Act of Hatred, Not Love...

Before I begin this entry, I want to wish my grandson A, a very Happy Birthday!  Grandma loves you!

Getting to sleep about 1:30 am, seems to be a current trend for me, lately. Waking about 6:00 am, I truly did not want to get up. But, I did. Being a topic for another day, I won't discuss any more of the reason I got up early, because I have a much more important issue to write about.

When I lived in Clarkson (today = Mississauga) as a child, the area we lived in was the beginnings of a subdivision, containing the first half (1/2) dozen streets, or so. If you saw it today, you would hardly recognize the area, for it is totally built up, now.

Back then, in the early 1960's, the community was so small that we and other neighbourhood kids played together, argued, made up and carried on in life, almost like a family.

There was no bus service. Farmer's fields surrounded our tiny hamlet; in fact, we had carrots growing in our lawn! Grape vineyards and orchards of fruit trees like cherry, apple, etc., were commonplace. We had to walk about two (2) miles, to visit the doctor's office, collect our mail at the post office or shop at the general store.

One of the families who were our neighbours was a truly large one; they had about 10 children. My brother Glenn, my sister and I each had friends who were part of this family.

Over the years, we have kept in touch with each other, usually attending funerals. E-mail and Facebook (FB) have made it much easier to touch base.

Recently, I heard some disturbing news from one of my friends from this family.

Apparently, one of the fellows from this family is gay and is in a relationship with another man. Being Christian, this news was disturbing to me, for I believe the Bible, God's Word, when it tells me that some things are an abomination to God. Homosexuality, being one.

This is confirmed in Leviticus 18:22, "You shall not lay with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination." As well as in Leviticus 20:13, "If a man lies with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them.".

There are other passages, but this is not the issue at hand that I am writing about.

If you know me well, you will know that I don't pull punches where God's Word is concerned. I tell it, like it is. Sin is sin. And, love is love. 

I believe God's Word when it tells me that if my brother is caught in a sin, I should gently let him know (Galations 6:1).  I believe it is loving to tell someone that they are doing something that could lead them to eternity separated from God, that they will spend in hell and not heaven.  Unfortunately, not everyone agrees on this issue.  Again, this is a topic for another day.

You see, even though the Bible tells us that my friend is sinning against God and himself, the reality is that we are all sinners, saved by grace (alone), through faith (alone), in Christ (alone).

God tells us in Romans 3:23, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." I've sinned, you've sinned, everyone has sinned. Even those of us who have been saved by God's grace, still fall into sin, from time to time. This is a topic for another day.

It's enough to say that while God hates sin and cannot look upon it, He loves the sinner. God sent His only begotten Son, so that whosoever believeth on Him should not perish, but have everlasting life (John 3:16), so that we would have a way to salvation and forgiveness for our sin.

So, now that you understand the situation, you will be able to understand how disturbing it is to me what happened to my childhood friend.

As I said, people, whether saved by God's grace or not, have various views about homosexuality. Possibly, because not everyone knows what God's Word says, or possibly because they don't take God seriously. 

Hatred is another issue. It is also sin. Hatred is a form of unforgiveness.

God told us in many passages that we are to forgive others. Ever prayed the Lord's prayer? Matthew and Luke (in the New Testament) say that we ask God to ...forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

In Colossians 3:12-13, we hear God tell us, "Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering, bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another, even as Christ forgave you, so you also must forgive."

The disturbing issue I am approaching is one of hatred and not love.

An unknown person or persons, threw a firebomb into the bedroom of my friend's home, where he and his partner were sleeping, setting the house ablaze, with them in it. Apparently, this is not the first hateful act that was done to them, for previously, their garage had been set on fire, by an unknown person.

Here is a link, where you can read the story:

While I am relieved that my friend and his partner is okay and got out of the home, safely, it is extremely disturbing that anyone would do this to any other human being.

My friend is heartbroken. I sympathize and wish there was something I could do for them.

However, I am heartboken, too. Not just because these men are gay, but mainly because someone, who was filled with hatred, set out to hurt/kill them. This is sin, too.

Let's face it, there's a difference between disagreeing on a life issue and setting out to hurt/kill someone.

As I said to my friend, "We don't all have to agree in life, and usually don't, but this was uncalled for. No matter what someone's belief is, no one should ever hurt another, especially like this. After all, we all have to answer to God. Again, I am thankful you (and your partner) are okay. Please know, I will continue to pray for you. Have you managed to get sorted around with the powers that be and with living accommodation, etc? It's not easy, but I know you will get through it. If I can help, let me know. Please remember that Jesus loves you and so do I... Blessings... Lynn"

Apparently, there is no indication as to who did this horrible deed. But never fear. As I said to my friend, God knows all. And, may God have mercy on the person(s) who did this despicable act.

While I do not live anywhere near these fellows who might possibly have died and have no knowledge of who may have set fire to their home, I would like to give my opinion.

In my opinion, anyone who is truly Christian, who knows God's Word, and who is trusting in Jesus Christ for their salvation, would not have done this, for a true Christian as such, will not hate.  For, a believer who fits that scenario knows that we need to pray for and help sinners such as these, come to Christ; their eternity depends upon it.  Just as ours does.

In my opinion, there are many people who consider themselves to be Christian (without having the power thereof), who are not truly Christian, who do not know God's Word and what God expects of them; someone such as this might act upon hatred.  The same applies to unbelievers, for they also don't know or care what God expects of them and may be filled with hate towards homosexuals. 

It's anyone's guess who is to blame for this disaster.  Hopefully, they will be caught, soon.

I pray that my friend and his partner will forgive those who tried to hurt/kill them.  This will probably only happen if they come to Christ.

Much prayer is needed for this situation. If you can find it in your heart to do so, please pray for these heartbroken fellows.  Pray for my friend, his partner and those involved in setting the fire, that God will save each person.  Thank you.  May God bless you.

Until next time...

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Tuesday, October 26, 2010

A Humbling Experience...

On the 23rd of October, I wrote about my Dad's death.  Today, I am going to write about the time from my Dad's death until his buriel, that took place on October 26th, 1988.

As I mentioned in my entry relating to my Dad's death, we received the phone call from the Hospital in Toronto, about 6:30 am, that my Dad had died about 6:15 am.

I had been sleeping on the couch in the livingroom, but had woken up about 6:00 am and just couldn't go back to sleep.  As soon as I heard the phone ring, I knew what had happened, before anyone even picked up the receiver to take the message.

My heart sank.  It was all I could do to breathe.  To be honest, I cannot recall who called some of my Mom's family, who had in recent years moved from areas in/around Montreal, to Clarkson/Mississauga.

However, within a relatively short time, my cousin B arrived at my parents' home.  He knew someone would have to go to the hospital in Toronto to pick up my Dad's personal effects and documents.  My Mom didn't want to have anything to do with seeing my Dad's body, picking up his personal belongings, or seeing anyone at the hospital; it seemed she couldn't handle it. 

What a kind person my cousin B was; especially to me, that day.  You see, up until that day, I cannot recall ever having met my cousin B.  I had heard about him, just as he had heard about me.  B took control over the whole situation.  He didn't just offer to drive my brother Glenn and I to Toronto, he insisted.

B was kind and loving, gentle in nature; he made sure I knew that he understood my situation with my parents and that he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable, because he understood our family and it's history.  It seemed that there were past divisions within our family realm, on a regular basis.  Not just with me and my parents.

When we went into Dad's room to see him and verify he was dead, B came with us.  I cannot recall ever feeling loved by a family member, as much as I felt loved by my cousin B, that day.  He helped us get sorted around and drove us back to my Mom's home.

Mom refused to go to the funeral home to make the arrangements.  My older brother B, my younger brother Glenn and I were elected to go.  I believe I may have written in the past about something that happened at the funeral home, but I cannot recall to be sure, so here goes.

The funeral director had to take a phone call, just as my brothers and I were to be led downstairs to view caskets.  The part of the hallway and the staircase leading to the basement was in darkness.  You have to picture this in your mind:  I have trouble seeing in complete darkness. 

In fact, whenever I would go upstairs at my Mom's home at night, I would have to count the stairs, to make sure I didn't trip and fall down the staircase, because my Mom didn't like lights on in the middle of the night!

First, one brother said to the other, "After you!", to which the other brother replied in return, "No.  After you!".  This went on until I couldn't stand it any more and I led the way down the dark staircase to the funeral home's basement.  lol  How I did this, I will never know, for not only can I not see in utter darkness, but if I had been in my right mind and not in shock, I would have been terrified!

After all, what if we made a wrong turn?  What if we didn't count the doors properly and entered another room, other than the room we were directed to find?  What if we entered the room where they work on bodies?!  I think I would have had heart failure!  LOL

The time spent with family and friends during the times of visitation didn't shock me a bit.  Some family and friends of my family spoke to me, while others did not.  It's amazing how people truly are.  While it made me feel uncomfortable at times, I just prayed to God, my Father.  To Jesus.  To the Holy Spirit.  And, I forgave them.

My Dad's funeral was one of the largest I had ever attended.  Between his friends, family members who came from out of town, my Mom's family members from both in and out of town, hockey associates and friends, fellow masons, some of my friends, etc., the funeral home was literally overflowing with people in attendance.

I tried to not feel uncomfortable when I overheard people ask who I was.  Or, when they said they didn't know Dick had another daughter.  I tried to smile and be friendly to all, even those who chose to ignore my presence.  Jesus helped me through each and every moment.

Considering the circumstances of my relationship with my parents and knowing that most people just would/could not understand, I made no apology.  Nor did I speak of it.

Every minute, I felt like I was in a mode of prayer, asking God to give me composure, to not let me cry, so others could think ill or make rude remarks about me.  He helped me, every second.  I know I could not have gotten through that whole ordeal without Jesus.  Thank You, Lord!

All in all, it was a very humbling experience.  One I pray I will never have to endure, again.  Under any circumstances. 

I was grateful to those who were kind to me.  And, I forgave those who were not.

Until next time...

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Monday, October 25, 2010

Busy! Busy!

After about four and a half (4 1/2) hours sleep, I was awake for the day.

Before I tell you about today, I would like to say that SONday was a busy day for me.  As you know, I cross town every Sunday, to worship at my church.  After our service ended, we had a celebration with cake, etc. for one of our members who is leaving Windsor. 

G is in her eighties (80's) and has worshipped at my church for over 50 years.  She had three (3) daughters; one lives out west and one lives in London.  The other daughter used to live in Windsor; that was, until she died, last year.  She was the daughter who used to take care of her.

Since then, G has had no one to help take care of her daily needs.  Along with my efforts, several people tried to help out with meals, errands etc., but her daughter in London thought she should move there, so G could be near her.

Truly, this is a good thing for G.  It is sad for the rest of us, who will miss her.  But, God knows best.  Best wishes for you, G.  May God bless you, in your new life, in London!

Afterwards, as per usual, I went to the cemetary and sat at Gordon's grave for a while, talking to him and God, crying and praying.  And, believe it or not, singing, too.

When it was time, I made my way to the reception centre, where my friend J, who works for the cemetary and funeral home, was expecting me.  They were having an open house.  Originally, I didn't know if I would attend or not, but after speaking with J the other day, and knowing my schedule wasn't totally filled, I agreed to attend.

As I've mentioned previously, J moved here from Oakville, just over a year ago.  She sold me Gordon's and my plot, marker, etc.  We've been friends ever since.

J greeted me and together, we shared a snack and a cup of tea.  Other people she knew arrived, so I waited for a time, for my other friend J to arrive.  I thought she told me she planned to attend, but I may have been mistaken.  Either that, or she forgot about the open house.  In any case, after waiting a while, I left.

Knowing I would be in time to worship at Bible Community Church, I made my way back to Windsor's west side, arriving just in time for the service.

Again, only a handful of people were in attendance.  I have to give Pastor B credit.  He works hard, ministering to the needs of the poor community.  The few people he has as members do not attend every week, but do attend fairly regularly.  On Saturdays, he leads a group that goes out doing service work for those in the community with needs, or they pass out tracts, etc., or both.

Last evening, I enjoyed watching The Amazing Race!  Actually, I look forward to Sunday evening, just to watch this programme.

Today, was another busy time for me.  Realizing I had not yet gone for the bloodwork I was supposed to have done, I got ready and left home really early, for the lab opens about 7:00 am, daily.  From there, I had several errands to do.  It's a good thing the places I needed to go to, were open early!

Late morning, I got my license plate renewal sticker for my van.  Yes, I know.  It really isn't due until my birthday in November, but I hate leaving things until the last moment, so I got it done, today.  Thank you, Lord, that I can cross this off my list of things to do!

Just as I was about to head towards home, my cell phone rang.  It was my friend J, calling from the cemetary.

Previously, we had made arrangements to celebrate her birthday, but she had been sick with the same kind of virus I had, recently.  I think everyone I know has had it!

In any case, since J was feeling better yesterday, we meant to set a time to meet for her Birthday lunch.  Because she was busy with visitors, we forgot to do this.  So, she called to set up a time and day.

Since I had work to do, later in the afternoon, I suggested that if she was available today, we could meet.  She said it worked for her!  So, we agreed to meet at East Side Mario's for lunch; my treat, of course.

Before I could head to the restaurant, I headed home, to pick up her gift and card.  Then, I made my way to share fellowship time and a great meal with J.  Happy Birthday, J!  May God bless you with a great year, ahead!

Heading for home, I realized that I needed to once again go to my voting location.  I had actually been there after my lab bloodwork was done, but there was such a line-up, that I had decided to go a little later in the day. 

On this second (2nd) time, there was virtually no line-up.  Praise God!  Thank You, Jesus!  It may sound silly to you, but with my physical problems and limitations, I find it difficult to stand for lengthy periods of time (walking is hard, but easier than standing).

Before voting, I had to present my voter card and have the correction made, because they had my address wrong.  Even so, it only took me a few minutes to accomplish what I set out to do.

Unfortunately, my vote didn't matter, for my candidate didn't get elected.  What a bummer!  I truly believe Windsor would do better economically, with a business man at the helm, rather than a lawyer.  Especially this business man, for he has already secured contracts with corportations to bring about 3,500 jobs to Windsor!  All this, without even being Mayor! 

I have to wonder why Eddie Francis couldn't have done this.  I suppose he could have; but, he didn't.

Oh well, at least I can say I tried.  I fulfilled my constitutional right.  I did what every eligible voter should do.  Speak up and be counted!

For me, the worst part will be having to listen to my real estate partner/friend C, gloat about how his candidate was re-elected.  Mmmmm... maybe, I will just avoid him for a day or two!  lol :-))

Until next time...

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Sunday, October 24, 2010

Normal + Not Normal = Blessings!

Last night was another 4 hour sleep night.  Hopefully, my Lord will bless me by allowing me to get back on track with a normal sleep pattern, soon. 

Normal!  Since I have had a disturbed sleep pattern, from long before Gordon died, due to the stressful circumstances I endured living with Gordon and his sometimes off-the-wall activity, I can hardly remember what that is!

To catch you up on my activities, on Thursday evening, I did my normal routine; I attended Bible study and prayer, at church.  Nothing out of the norm.

Friday was different.  Oh, my usual work day activities took up most of my day.  If you read Friday's entry, you'll know about my doctor's appointment situation that put me over the edge emotionally, for a while.

However, the evening was a little different.  In fact, it was very different than what I normally do on a Friday night. 

Unless it is the first Friday of the month, when I attend Tim Horton's with my fellow Christian Singles, I normally just stay home, wishing I had something to do, or someone to talk with, for most people I know plan activities for a Friday night.  Of course, they are mostly couples.  And, I am not.  Anymore.

Pastor B, is the pastor I have written about from time to time, who is planting a church on Windsor's west side in a poor neighbourhood.  To refresh your memory, a few weeks ago, he planned to have church family and friends join him at home for a games and movie night.  My friend B encouraged me to attend that evening, but I didn't end up going.  Unfortunately neither did anyone else!

As I wrote previously, Pastor B had collapsed while jogging and consequently, spent several days in hospital.

Well, this past week, he called me and let me know that he had rescheduled the games and movie night.  I agreed to bring a snack.  So, on Thursday evening, after Bible study and prayer, I baked banana muffins.

On Friday evening, I arrived at his home, muffins in hand.  Even though I arrived exactly on time, I was shocked to be able to find a place to park.  There was a reason.  So many people cancelled at the last moment, that there was Pastor B, his son M and one other male friend, D.  Oooooeeee!

At first, I suggested that I could just go home, if he wanted to reschedule the fun night, but he decided that the four (4) of us could have a great time, if I didn't mind being the only female in the group.  After mulling it over a few seconds, I commented that I since I was already there, if they weren't uncomfortable, then I wouldn't be, either.

So, we played a game of Life.  I cannot recall for sure, but I don't think I have ever played that game, before.  To be honest, it was rather fun!  No, I didn't win.  I did place second (2nd) though!

Afterwards, we all snacked as we watched a DVD movie; the name of which I cannot recall.  To be honest, we were disappointed with the amount of foul language, etc. in the movie, so this may account for why the title didn't stick in my mind. 

All in all, it was a great evening; I had a good time.  Thank you, Pastor B!

After the movie was over, about 10:00 pm, I made my way home and finished my Life with Lynnie (LwL) entry and posted it.

So, there you have it!  Some normal stuff.  Some not normal stuff.  At least, for me!  Let's face it, I'm blessed.

Until next time...

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Saturday, October 23, 2010

Mom & Dad...Tickets for the Train?

If you've read some entries regarding my parents, you'll know that I didn't have the best relationship them, as a young person.

After the time of my teen years, when our relationship was probably at it's worst, my Dad began to change somewhat.  For the better.  At least, in life, if not with me.

Dad began coaching minor league hockey in Mississauga.  His team was the Clarkson Algonquins.  My brother Glenn, who died July 1st coached along side my Dad.

In order to have an arena in Clarkson, one had to be built.  My Dad along with many other people worked on that project and was instrumental in it's fruition.  My Dad built some of the awards cabinets for the arena.  Also, he created a video library about How to Goaltend, because he had been a goaltender, when he played Junior B hockey, in Montreal.

Once I was married, my relationship with my parents seemed to improve.  At least for a while.  The photo above is of my parents, taken at my home in (Port Credit), Mississauga, where I hosted a 25th Wedding Anniversary party for them.

Unfortunately, on two occasions, a family member did something that caused a problem between my parents and I.  Both times, my parents decided to not speak with me, anymore.

The first time lasted about a year, until my then-boyfriend Gordon telephoned them and convinced them the whole situation was a misunderstanding and was rediculous to carry on like this.  The second time lasted six (6) years, from between 1982-1988.

Thanksgiving weekend will always be in my mind with family memories.  Not the kind one usually thinks of, though.  Firstly, Gordon died on Thanksgiving weekend.  But, turning back the clock to 1988, my thoughts each Thanksgiving from then to now, included my Dad.

My Dad had been on a waiting list for by-pass heart surgery since 1982; this was an era when there were not many centres for surgery available.  He was finally scheduled for surgery in Kingson, Ontario, for the end of October, 1988; a six (6) year wait.  Unfortunately, he didn't make it.

On Thanksgiving weekend, my Dad went to a hospital in Toronto, where he spent three (3) days in the Emergency Dept., for there wasn't a bed for him.  He was experiencing swelling and extreme pain in his stomach area.

It is my understanding that on the third (3rd) day, my Dad ran out of nitroglycerin  that he had been taking for his heart.  Apparently, when he asked the nurse for a pill, she was quite upset because he wasn't in the hospital being treated for his heart, but rather, for his stomach.  My Dad apparently told her to forget it; he waited for my Mom to bring some to him, from home.  Before my Mom could arrive, my Dad had a heart attack.

They found a bed for him!  It was, of course, in Coronary Care Unit (CCU).  It was then, that my brother B, called me to let me know.

I prayed about the situation and talked with Gordon about it and decided to bite the bullet.  I had long since forgiven my parents for the undeserved treatment I had received from them, but it took a lot of guts to go to Toronto, not knowing if my Dad would even see me.

He did.  He cried.  He said he was sorry.  When I spoke with my Mom who was at home, at first she didn't want to speak with me, until she found out that my Dad was glad to see me.  Then, she cried.

I prayed for healing for my Dad.  He sort of gave up, when he found out he had colon cancer.  You see, once he had the heart attack, he was off the list for by-pass surgery.  Because he had the heart attack, he also could not have surgery for the colon cancer, because his heart was too weak.

I've written about this issue, previously; so, I won't go any further into it, here.  It's enough to say, that I felt like I only had a real Dad for less than two (2) weeks of my life, for that's about how long he lived.

My Dad suffered another heart attack that took his life, October 23, 1988, about 6:15 am.  It was just before 6:30 am, when we got the call at my Mom's.  It never ceases to amaze me that every year, on the anniversary of my Dad's death, I wake up, usually about 6:15 am.  This year, was no different; I woke up today, just like other years.

The following February, Don Cherry hosted a Memorial Hockey Tournament at Toronto's Maple Leaf Gardens, in memory of my Dad and the work he did for Minor Hockey. 

For about 13 years afterwards, the Mississauga Minor Hockey Association (Clarkson Algonquins) held a Memorial Tournament, in memory of my Dad, Richard (Dick) Rutter, held in February each year at the Clarkson Arena/Rec Centre. 

Mississauga Mayor, Hazel McCallion, who was a friend of my parents (Did you know she played hockey?), attended the opening ceremonies, along with my Mom, for most of those years.  Eventually, my Mom asked the league to honour someone else, other than my Dad; they did.

Even though my relationship with my parents and especially my Dad wasn't the best, I always loved them.  I still love them.  I miss them and always will.

As I've written in other entries, I don't know for sure if I will see my parents in heaven.  Unlike some people, whose parents were definitely saved.  My Dad had become a Mason in his later years.  My Mom angry with God, didn't want any contact with Him, after my Dad's death.  Still, I cling to the thought that their belief when they were young was real, for it only takes the faith of a mustard seed, believing in Jesus, as I know my parents did in their earlier lives, to have their tickets for the train

I know that once we believe in Jesus and trust in Him for our salvation, we can never be removed from God's hand.  So, I cling to the promise He gave us and pray I will see my parents once again, in heaven.

Until next time...

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Friday, October 22, 2010

Doctor Dilemma...

Last night was a horrible night for sleeping.  It was after 4:30 am, before I got to sleep.  Then, once I was awake at 7:30 am, I was finished sleeping.  Not that I wouldn't have liked to!

In fact, I was so-o tired this afternoon, that I actually went to lay down for about 20 minutes, but as luck would have it my telephone rang and I didn't have a nap, even for five (5) minutes.

It was okay receiving the telephone call; actually, I was glad.  It was my friend A.  Even though we are not formal prayer partners any longer, we still yak and pray, together.  So, I suppose you could say we are still prayer partners after all. lol

After talking with A for a while about her life's circumstances, we talked about my recent activities.  I actually feel better after speaking with her.  She has a way of reminding me that I am not doing as badly as what it may appear on the surface, to some.

You see, after doing what I needed to do yesterday, I found myself only a few blocks from my doctor's office.  In my mind, I asked myself:  Should I or shouldn't I...  stop in to see my doctor?  Oh yes, my doctor doesn't make appointments; he runs his practice like a walk-in clinic.  First come, first served.

In order to understand what happened to me yesterday, you would have to understand what happened last year.

In September 2009, I took Gordon to our doctor's office.  This was a few weeks before he collapsed.  Gordon was experiencing terrible head pain and that whooshing going up through his ear, into his head.  He could hardly stand the pain.

I was already unhappy with our doctor, for not really helping Gordon.  There's a whole story here, but I really don't want to get into this, today.  It's enough to say, that we experienced very little help through our wonderful healthcare system, that I believe is broken, because some people need treatment they can see, but cannot access.  Some people cannot break through the Glass Wall that exists.  And, our doctor was of no help, basically.

At that last appointment with our doctor, I requested Gordon see a specialist or even be sent to the hospital, for I was worried he would have an aneurysm or something.  Instead of helping Gordon to get some help somewhere, our doctor suggested he set up an appointment for a hearing test.  The referral wasn't even written as ASAP; consequently, the hearing appointment was scheduled for weeks after Gordon had already died.

When we left our doctor's office that day, I was angry that our doctor hadn't done something more substantial for Gordon; after all, he was in trauma.  Not to mention, he didn't even have anything for pain; he just suffered through it, generally. 

Gordon was upset, but calm.  I suggested we go to the hospital emergency department, but he refused to go, saying that in the past they always referred him back to his doctor, so what would they do for him?  Nothing. 

Gordon told me at that time to be prepared, for he thought he was going to die.  He said he was okay with it, for he knew where he was going, reminding me that to be absent from the body is to be with the Lord.  And, he reminded me that doctors bury their mistakes.

In any case, there's no reason to restate what happened to Gordon.  If you like, you can review past entries and read about how my husband suffered, with little to no help from our medical system.

Last year, when I wanted to get my annual flu shot, I went to a clinic where I knew of a good doctor and he was taking patients.  However, he told me he wouldn't take me as a patient, because I was listed as already having a doctor.  We have such a shortage, in case you weren't aware.  At the time, I was devastated when I was told this, because I truly didn't ever want to see my doctor, again.  Even so, I was told I could not change doctors.

Over this last year, I thought about the situation and avoided going to any doctor, even if I was sick and really needed to, thinking that if God wanted to take me home, he would and I wouldn't interfere.

In addition, I thought I came to terms with the whole sordid history and forgave my doctor.  So, yesterday, while mulling over whether or not to drop in to see if I could get my flu shot, I reminded myself of this and said to myself, that if I've forgiven him, then there is no reason to not drop in.  (Of course, I still don't think he's the best doctor; if I really need medical help, I will either go to a clinic or the hospital.)  So, I dropped in.

My doctor was there; the receptionist told me they had the flu serum and I took a seat.  After a relatively short time, I was ushered into an examination room. 

That's when it began to hit me.  I thought I was finished with all the firsts, regarding Gordon's death.  Surprise!

Not only was this the first time I had been in my doctor's office since the last time I had been there with Gordon over a year ago, but I was placed into the exact same examination room.

My goodness!  It came over me like a flood.  I could not contain my tears.  Sitting in the room, I could only think about what had and had not occurred, there.  I became overwhelmed and could not stop crying.

My doctor entered the room with the flu shot in his hand, along with my chart.  He asked me why I was crying.  I told him I was overwhelmed being in the same room I had last been with Gordon, before he died.

Then, he asked me when Gordon died.  After I told him, just over a year ago, he commented that I should be over it, by now.

Believe me, I didn't need to hear him say that.  He has never walked a mile in my shoes, nor even a kilometre.  He never cared about us, especially when Gordon needed help, the most.

I know I will have to see him at least once more, for he's sending me for bloodwork and I will need the results.  After that, well only God knows.

Today, my friend A was appalled hearing this during our telephone conversation.  She previously worked in the healthcare system, in a nursing home.

A reminded me that people can be very hurtful, especially if they are unsaved.  She reminded me that unlike most widows, I have not chosen to be heavily medicated, not even for sleep.  She reminded me that I am relying on God alone, to help me through this.  She reminded me that everyone grieves differently, some longer than others.  She reminded me that because I'm not on drugs, it may take longer to come to terms with my loss.

My friend A reminded me that she loves me and thinks I need to get a new doctor and will help me to do so.

Mostly, she reminded me that God loves me.  That Jesus loves me.  That the Holy Spirit is leading me, just as God would have me led. 

Father, thank You for all things in my life, both good and bad.  Thank You for each of my friends who have been so very supportive of me.  Thank you for bringing A into my life.  I know when her first marriage fell apart, I was there to help lift her up, pray with her and support her through her loss and transition.  I thank You, that A has been such a wonderful, loving, understanding support to me, in return.  May You bless her and indeed all my friends, richly.  I ask this in Jesus' name.  Amen.

Until next time...

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Thursday, October 21, 2010

Condolences, Prayer and Dreams...

Talk about a broken sleep!  Last night, I'm sure I woke up every hour, except for the times when I just dozed, because I could not drop off into a solid sleep.  Consequently, today is another one of those days where I just want to have a nap!

Before I forget, I would like to ask for prayer for my on-line friend George, whose son Dave recently died under tragic circumstances.  I won't go into detail here, but know that George truly needs all the prayer he can receive.  You will see both George's blog:  The Adventures of Tioga and George and Dave's blog:   Dave's Home  listed on the menu on the right, of blogs I follow.  If you are reading George, I am truly sorry to hear of Dave's death.  I send condolences to you and family. 

In addition, I have two (2) other prayer requests.  The first is for my friends W & Z.  They had been scheduled to have surgery yesterday, but it didn't happen.  W is giving her husband Z a kidney; Z is diabetic, blind and on dialysis.  Apparently, Z had a reaction to one of the drugs given to him, prior to surgery, so it was called off.

The last prayer request is for the daughter of my friends F & C.  F is currently with her daughter in New York State, while C is home, here.  Their daughter had to have a hip replacement; her surgery was yesterday.  Unfortunately, something went wrong; today, she was back in surgery, apparently because the new hip broke in half, while she was in recovery, yesterday.

If these weren't such serious prayer requests, I wouldn't burden you, but as you can see, they are rather serious.  I thank you for praying.  May God bless you.

After doing my usual stuff this morning, I got ready to go out.  I'm sure you really are not interested in everything I do, including my stuff for work!  I met my Realtor friends/co-workers C and M.  We arranged to meet at Red Lobster, for lunch. 

It has been quite a while since we got together, anywhere.  I was kind of glad it was Red Lobster, for I hadn't been there in a while. 

We enjoyed our lunch, for sure; it was delicious.  The fellowship time was wonderful, too!  When it came time to paying the bill, C decided he would splurge and treat M and I.  This was not expected, but was thoroughly appreciated, C.  Thank you, so very much.

During our conversation, we talked about retirement ideas.  C wants to go to Florida and purchase a home or a mobile home, so he can winter there. 

Both M and I tried to talk C into considering Arizona, especially Lake Havasu City area, for it is absolutely beautiful, there!  To me, it's sort of like being in the Garden of Eden.  It's in the desert, so it's dry heat, yet with the lake and mountains, it's absolutely beautiful, there.  So far, we could not convince C into even considering it.  lol

M would just like to have a little cottage somewhere up north. 

Me?  Well, as you've probably heard me mention in the past, I'd like to have a Roadtrek Van.  This way, I wouldn't have to be tied down to one location!  Tour Canada and Alaska in summer.  Tour USA and Mexico in Winter.  Of course, Europe...any time!

It's not that I would like to have driving holidays, for this is not always the case, even when you drive somewhere.  Once you've arrived, you can stay as long as you like; well, as long as your calendar and finances will allow, for sure!

It's more a case that I really like having a vehicle to drive some places I visit.  Big cities don't really require a vehicle, for they usually have good public transit.  But, what about those places that aren't easily accessible by public transit?  Then, a vehicle to drive becomes a necessity.

In the past, Gordon and I rented vehicles whenever we felt we would need one, as we travelled.  Not only can this be expensive, but the last time we rented a vehicle, we received a filthy vehicle with a tire that was defective from the manufacturer (not a Michelin tire).  Did this matter, when we returned the vehicle?  No.  In fact, we were charged a mini-fortune for the tire, even though my relative who works at Michelin Tire manufacturing plant assured us that the tire was defective from the manufacturer.  With the exchange, it amounted to close to $500.  Ask me:  Do I want to rent a vehicle again?  NO!

The idea of travelling in Europe, and having my own vehicle and bed are appealing.  Even with the cost of shipping the vehicle overseas and back, the cost would be less than paying for transit and accommodation, if I were to be staying several months.

For those of you who are not familiar with a Roadtrek Van, they are sort of like a motorhome, but not licenced as one.  There are no parking restrictions, because they are licenced as a regular motor vehicle van, so they can park on the street, just like a regular vehicle.

They are not so large that they are cumbersome and not so small that you can't be comfortable.  While some of the older versions do not all have shower facilities, most newer ones do; yes, you can stand up inside.  In addition, they have a toilet, and a mini kitchen, usually equipped with a fridge, 2 burner cooktop, microwave, etc. and usually sleep two to four (2-4) people. 

Ah!  What a nice dream!

Until next time...

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Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Call a Cab?

So much for much appreciated solid night's sleep; I hope they are not in the past.  Late yesterday afternoon, around suppertime, I was so-o exhausted that I actually considered having a nap; but, I didn't.  Instead, I just forced myself to stay awake, hoping for an early bedtime.

About 11:30 pm, I climbed into bed, hoping sleep would come quickly.  It didn't.  In fact, I laid awake over an hour before finally drifting off.  Then, about 2:00 am, I awoke.  I did everything I could think of to return to sleep.  I prayed, asked God what He would have me do.  Prayed some more.  And more.

Eventually, I got up, turned on my computer, checked and returned e-mail, before updating on Facebook (FB) for a while.

Finally, I felt tired again, so I returned to bed.  Ah!  Glorious sleep.  I just wish it had been longer, for I awoke this morning, once again exhausted.

Knowing I had to go out today, I made sure I got my work done, quickly and first thing this morning.  Even so, I arrived at church for our 50+ group luncheon about a half (1/2) hour late.  I'm grateful that God had put it on my heart last night to make the pasta salad I was bringing with me today.  Otherwise, I would have been much later.

It's always an enjoyable time, participating in the 50+ group.  While some of our church members were in attendance, we also have people who come from other churches, so our Fellowship Room is quite often almost full!  I believe a good time was had by all.

My friend W asked me to stay to help with a task that will be used next month, but I had to apologize and not participate, for I had planned to go to Windsor Regional Hospital - Met Campus, to visit one of my Sellers A, who was hospitalized.

Boy, I sure got my workout today, just walking from where I had to park, in to A's room.  Believe me, if I could have, I would have called a cab to drive me!  These hospitals and parking areas sure aren't designed for people with walking limitations!

As you may know, I had been ill over the past two (2) weeks, but am now feeling better.  During the time I was ill, I didn't do my daily workout, but as I started to feel improvement, I decided to do it.  One day, I could only get about half (1/2) way through.  Between coughing, feeling weak, etc., I just could not finish it.  Consequently, I didn't work out again until yesterday, when I was feeling like I was over it.

Talk about being fatigued!  It was almost overwhelming physically, doing the workout I had been in the habit of doing six (6) days per week, before I became ill.  Even so, I pushed myself to do it and was glad I did.

On my way home, I did some errands.  By the time I walked in my door, I was once again exhausted.  So much so that I decided I just could not avoid it; I took a nap.  Setting my alarm for about 20 minutes, I reset it and actually dozed for close to an hour, in total.  I am praying this won't interfere with my sleep, tonight!

All day, I had not looked forward to doing laundry this evening, but it needed to be done.  After all, who would do it for me?  It won't do itself!  So, after my nap, I got sorted around and made my way to the laundry room.

From there, I walked down the hall to the gym, where I spent the next half (1/2) hour exercising  and walking on the treadmill.  OOOooooooeeeeeeee!  By the time I was done and ready to change my laundry from the washers to the dryers, I was about done in!

Oh well.  While waiting for the laundry to dry, I returned to my apartment and chilled out.  Of course, once my laundry was dry, I had to bring it 'home' and do with it as it required. 

Hey, what can I say?  I'm finally ready for bedtime, chilling out and writing this entry.  With God's help, and since my body is hurting all over, every joint and muscle, I will just go immediately to sleep, out of sheer exhaustion!

Hopefully, you'll have a great sleep.  Blessings to you.

Until next time...

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Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Blessed Beyond Belief!

Thank You, Lord, for allowing me to have another great night's sleep!  I feel so very blessed.  What has made the difference?  I'm not really sure.  I know I am physically exhausted.  Maybe it's just caught up with me. 

However, I must say that I do not feel as stressed as I did, prior to the first (1st) anniversary of Gordon's death and buriel.  For anyone who has not lived through something like this, it would probably be difficult, if not impossible to explain, so I won't even try, today.

As I mentioned previously, I am trying my hardest, putting all my faith in God to help me find a way to have closure.  I am not saying I will forget about Gordon, for I know that won't be possible, but I do need to find a way to go on.  I may be alive, but I don't feel like I'm living.  It's obvious to me now, that God's will is to not take me home, yet; if it were, He would have already done the deed.

Yesterday, I mentioned a problem I had with a real-life friend (not cyber-friend), who was upset with me over becoming a Facebook (FB) friend to her adult daughter.  She did call me, as I mentioned, but I was in the shower and had to leave quickly afterwards to pick up my grandsons.

So, today I made sure I called my friend.  We discussed things calmly, and was able to work through the problem.  Praise God!  Thank You, Jesus!  I hate losing friends, especially over nonsense stuff.

Let's face it, no one is perfect.  We all need to realize that we don't all think alike, concerning every issue in life.  Besides, didn't God tell us that we need to forgive people?  Of course He did!

The last time I wrote about my family was Friday, after I met with my daughter B and my grandchildren, to celebrate my grandson T's birthday. As you know, my grandsons N and J had their birthdays earlier in the year and we had not been able to celebrate together, so I baked/decorated a birthday cake and wrote Happy Birthday T..., plus my grandson N...'s name and J...'s name, too. In addition, I gave them their Christmas gifts from last year, as I had (for the first time) not sent them via my youngest daughter P.

We all agreed on Friday, that we would get together on Monday. We made arrangements for me to pick up my four (4) grandsons to go shopping.

T, N and J had spent some of their money on the weekend, while I held some funds for them and all of A's money.

About 4:00 pm, I arrived at B's home. My grandson T wasn't feeling well, so he decided to not come with us shopping. However, my grandsons N, J and A climbed into my van with me and off we went in to do some serious shopping.

Firstly, we had all agreed that even though it is rather early yet, we would shop for a birthday gift for their Mom, my daughter B, plus a Christmas gift for her.

Actually, the boys had some ideas on what they would like to find for her, so it actually was rather simple to shop. We found exactly what they had hoped for. Within about a half (1/2) hour shopping time, we had purchased both birthday and Christmas gifts for B, their Mom.

The hardest part was that the cashier didn't really want to be involved in dividing the bill, so we paid for the purchases in full. Then came the task of calculating how much each grandson had to pay for their fair share of the gifts. That was the easy part. The hard part was explaining to each of the two youngest fellows how I was sorting out the payment and change.

Eventually, we got squared around, for the gift purchases. Then, it was off to the sporting goods department, for the youngest two boys wanted to buy new hockey sticks and tape for themselves, with part of their gift money.

The cashier was a very nice young woman, who was patient with my grandsons. Actually, I was impressed with the people behind us in line, for they had to be rather patient, too!

All in all, it was an experience I will treasure, always.  For sure, an answer to prayer.  I'm blessed!  And, I know it.

Until next time...

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Monday, October 18, 2010

Sure-Fire Directions Needed...

Last night's sleep was the longest I have had in over a year.  I actually slept seven and a half (7 1/2) hours, from 12:30 am, until just before 8:00 am.  Amazing.  Utterly, amazing.  Praise God!  Thank You, Jesus!

As I have mentioned before, after many nights of lack of sleep, it seems I become so worn out that I literally collapse.  I think that's what happened again, last night.

In any case, today was a busy day for me.  Once I had finished doing some of the work I needed to do today, my telephone rang.  It was a friend, whom I had not heard from for some time.

The last time I spoke with her was a few months ago.  At that time, we had gone over to Detroit, Michigan, USA together along with another friend.  I had been handed our passports and looked at hers, while looking for mine.  Logical, wouldn't you say?  Not for her.  She became really upset with me, when she realized I had seen her info page, showing her photo and birth date. 

What I'd like to know is how she thought I would pick mine out of the few I had been handed, without looking at the photo pages to find mine?!  Anyway, she was rather upset with me.  I didn't think anything of it, but it obviously bothered her, as you will see.

Since then, I have not heard from her, nor has she returned any of my calls, until today.  You see, I called her Friday, but did not leave a message at that time.  Then on Sunday, her birthday, I called and left a message wishing her Happy Birthday

The second time I called on Sunday, her adult daughter spoke with me.  During our conversation, she asked if I was on Facebook (FB).  When I replied that I was, she insisted we needed to become FB friends.  So, we did.

As I said, my friend actually returned my call, today.  She sounded quite 'short' on the phone.  Then something else happened that was upsetting. 

When she found out her adult daughter and I had become friends on FB, she went ballistic, telling me she was angry I had become friends on FB with her adult daughter.  Why?  Because my friend hates Facebook

Then, she said she would have to think about not being friends with me (in real life, not cyber life), anymore.  Feeling rather frustrated, I said I could solve it, said goodbye to her and hung up.  Then, I prayed for her.

Later, she called back, letting me know it was okay, but I was in a hurry at the time, because I was in the shower and told her I couldn't talk, that we'd have to talk, later.  She agreed.

What a day!  Like I needed a day like this after the stressful weekend I had!  As you know, Saturday was the first (1st) anniversary of Gordon's buriel.

As you probably could have guessed, on Saturday, I once again took flowers with me and went to the cemetary.  I sat by Gordon's grave for a while.  I'm glad the weather was comfortable enough to do this.  As usual, I sat there looking at our gravemarker, praying, crying and talking with God and Gordon.

Yesterday, after worshipping at church, I once again went to the cemetary, as per my normal habit, on most Sundays.  If you read yesterday's entry, you'll know that I truly miss Gordon.

I am trying to find closure.  I don't know how to do this.  While there are books on grief, there truly is no sure-fire directions for finding closure after the death of your soul mate, your other half.

As I discussed Sunday evening with friends of mine who live in Milton, Ontario, I am grieving my brother who died July 1st this year.  I miss my parents and other friends and relatives who have died.  But, what I feel over losing Gordon is not the same.  I cannot explain it.  It's more intense.  Deeper.  Gut-wrenching.  I apologize, for there truly are no words to express my feelings.

But, I am trying to do whatever I can to find closure.  I know that without it, I just cannot go on.  I need to be able to move forward with my life.  And, I am struggling to do this.

With God's help, I'll manage, somehow.  Any and all prayer would be appreciated.  May God bless you.

Until next time...

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Sunday, October 17, 2010

Missing You...

My dearest Gordon,

It's hard to believe that you are gone and never will return to me.  My heart breaks still, whenever I think of you.

I miss you with all my heart.

I miss those times, when you would look into my eyes and I could see the love you had for me.

I miss the way you would hold my hand, whenever we went even for a short walk.

I miss the way you enjoyed sitting together by the water's edge, watching sailboats.

I miss your smile.

I miss the way you loved our pets and other animals.

I miss the way you always put my needs ahead of yours.

I miss the way you were happy to see me, when you returned home, from work, or wherever.

I miss the way you always protected me, whether we were at home or during our travels.

I miss the way your eyes sparkled when you wanted to keep a surprise from me.

I miss the way you would misplace your glasses, then either sit on them or step on them.

I miss the way you loved to hear me sing.

I miss the gleam in your eyes when we made arrangements to fly somewhere.

I miss the excitement of being seated next to you, in an airplane, for you loved to fly.

I miss the way you would encourage me, reminding me that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I miss sitting across the table from you, to share a meal, together.

I miss going to church with you.

I miss relaxing relaxing with you, in the pool.

I miss looking at your loving hands, wearing your wedding band.

I miss taking care of you, when you were ill.

I miss you telling me you love me, for no particular reason at all.

I miss you bringing home seven (7) books from the library, so you would always remember how many books you borrowed.

I miss dancing with you.

I miss sharing french fries with you, in N. Ireland and England.

I miss praying with you.

I miss your sense of humour.

I miss seeing you on the treadmill.

I miss cooking some of your favourite meals for you.

I miss your wit.

I miss watching the pleasure you had in doing small things, together.

I miss waking up to see how you decorated my chair and our home, on special occasions like Valentine's Day.

I miss your smell, for you always smelled good.

I miss looking over and seeing you asleep in our bed.

I miss beating you, playing card games.

I miss you bringing me flowers.

I miss having you beat me, playing Trivial Pursuit.

I miss your beautiful blue eyes.

I miss driving with you and having you drive, too.

I miss the sparkle in your eyes, when you ate seafood, especially mussels, oysters and lobster.

I miss the happiness we shared, when we married.

I miss the quiet times, just reading together.

I miss watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy, together.

I miss travelling with you.

I miss your humerous personality, always making people smile.

I miss dreaming, together.

I miss having you tell me you love me.

I miss you being happy I arrived home.

I miss having you get upset with me, whether justified or not.

I miss feeling your arms around me.

I miss reading the Bible and discussing it, with you.

I miss the tenderness and love in your kisses.

I miss gathering with friends for salad, pizza and good times.

I miss you telling me everything will be alright.

I miss your caring love for me and others.

I miss you pretending to want to kiss me and instead sticking out your tongue with the turkey heart, or kidney on it.

I miss you losing your keys, etc.

I miss your chuckles.

I miss your loving heart.

I miss your light snoring.

I miss you reading to me, like you did when my eye wasn't good and I had trouble reading.

I miss the way you always made me laugh.

I miss you hugging me and kissing me goodnight.

I miss you calling me Lynnie...

Mostly, I just miss you.  And, love you...

Until next time...

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Saturday, October 16, 2010

Gordon's Buriel & Resurrection...

Jesus said, "I am the resurrection and the life.
He who believes in me, though he die,
yet shall he live:
and whoever lives and believes in me,
shall never die."

John 11:25-26

Order of Service

Welcome & Prayer

Scripture Readings

Hymn:  When the Saints Go Marching In

Lynn McKenzie

When I married my husband, Gordon...the love of my life, I was sick with an upper respiratory infection and either didn't hear Pastor D or could not recall what he asked me, when he asked me if I would marry Gordon, so after a lengthy delay with panic about how to reply and not wanting to respond incorrectly, I replied, "I will shall do!" It covered it all!

As you know, my loving Gordon went home to be with Jesus in heaven Saturday, October 10, 2009 at 12:30 a.m., after being in the hospital just over one week. I cannot be sorry for him, for he is with His Lord, no longer suffering in pain, because he has been healed.

As many of you know, Gordon had been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumour, located in the very centre of his head, sitting on the brain stem. To those who prayed for him, I thank you and pray that God will bless you, richly.

(In this part, I explained Gordon's health problems and how we had planned to visit Manitoulin Island, etc., because some of our family, friends and/or church family were not aware of what happened to Gordon.  Not wanting to repeat of earlier information, I will not print this part of the eulogy.)

My family and I thank all who ministered to Gordon's needs: doctors, nurses, other medical personnel and thank all who prayed for him, including Pastors B and B, deacons & deacon/friend M. M., who in obedience to James, annointed Gordon with oil, laid hands on him and prayed for healing for him. Metabolically, Gordon was healing: a feeding tube was feeding him, his stomach was digesting, his kidneys and bowels were functioning, but as the swelling in the brain decreased, his head filled with blood. Unfortunately, Gordon never regained consciousness.

In my heart of hearts, I had hoped it was God's will to heal Gordon; I had prayed God would give him the same miracle healing He had given my grandson N, when he was born prematurely. Dr. N, the Christian Neonatologist who was obedient to God's word, did the same for N as Pastors B and B and friend/deacon M had done for Gordon. N received a miracle healing from God, who healed him of any and all brain damage; today, he is a super-smart, intelligent teenager, who I am praying will become a physician, himself. Yes, God does miracles, even today. He's the same yesterday, today and forever. It just wasn't God's will for Gordon's life, to be healed.

God never promised us tomorrow. In fact, we can't even take our next breath, unless God wills it. Let's face it: no one gets out of this world, alive. The important thing is to know where you're going when you die. Where will you go? Heaven? Or, hell?

Gordon knew he was going to heaven, not because he had been such a good person, for good people don't always go to heaven. Besides, he had not always walked with the Lord during the course of his life; he knew he wasn't always a good person. He had many serious problems during his life, some he created, some he did not. Like the rest of us, he had done things he was sorry for, tried to make amends where he could, but most importantly, he knew that he was a sinner who could only be saved by grace alone, through faith, alone in Christ, alone. He knew that God hates sin. His word tells us that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Gordon knew that he needed Jesus to save him from an eternity in hell, for God's Word teaches that Jesus is the only way, the truth and the life; he knew that no one comes to the Father, but by Him. Gordon knew the Bible teaches that if you know Jesus, you know the Father and if you don't know Jesus, you don't know the Father. Gordon knew that all he had to do was trust in Jesus, for his salvation. I'm thankful that he repented of his sin and was trusting in Jesus, for I know that I will see him again, that we will be reunited again, in heaven.

If there are any here that do not know Jesus as Saviour and do not have the assurance of going to heaven, I know that Gordon would want you to trust in Jesus, so that you would not end up in hell. Even with his imperfections, he was a loving man. I know he loved me. He cared for me, was a good provider and was always there for those who needed him.

The former things have passed; Gordon is happy, healthy and praising God that he is in heaven with Jesus. While I miss him terribly, I would not wish him to be back here, just to suffer in pain. I love him with all my heart and if I could, I would marry him again, today...and even if I knew how to reply to our pastor when asked, I would again reply, "I will shall do!"

My sweetheart Gordon, I love you, and "I will shall do!"

How Deep the Father's Love for Us
as sung acapella by Lynn McKenzie
(prerecorded Oct.15, 2009)

...lovingly given by
Gordon's friend B. B.

Hymn:  What a Friend We Have in Jesus

Rev. Bruce Arthur

Hymn:  To God be the Glory


Until next time...

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Friday, October 15, 2010

Happy Birthdays!

It was about 1:30 am, when I crawled into bed, last night.  By that time, I was so very exhausted that it was more like collapsing into bed!  I believe I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

Actually, if I hadn't had some work to do at home, I probably would have gone to bed, sooner.  It was one of those rare occasions when I really could have done this.  However, due to being a rare occasion, regarding something else, I was busy working at home, until just a few minutes before I hit the hay!

Okay.  It was really more like a labour of love!  I'll write more about this, shortly.

Yesterday was a rather busy day for me.  Actually, from now until Christmas will be one of my busiest times of the year.  You see, every year at this time, I need to get my rear in gear and fly!

In years past, I've sent Christmas cards and gifts overseas at various times; usually, they have been delivered before Christmas.  However, two (2) Christmas' ago, the postal service either here in Canada, or in U.K. (N. Ireland is part of U.K.) sort of lost the parcels I sent and they didn't arrive until late January, long after Christmas.  Last year, we sent the gifts late in September, to ensure my relatives received them before Christmas; they did.  In fact, they got them within a month; way too early!

Due to being rather depressed and sickly, feeling physically like I just did not want to do more than I absolutely had to, I have fallen behind schedule.  I am only now getting my cards signed and unpacking gifts that I have previously purchased, getting them wrapped and ready to send overseas.  Be still my heart.  I pray they will receive them before Christmas!

Yesterday, between doing my real estate work, working on my overseas mailing that is not yet ready to go and going to Bible study and prayer, I had a very busy day.  In addition, I spoke with my daughter B, who, as you know if you've been reading Life with Lynnie (LwL), has renewed her relationship with me and once again lives close by.

You see, B's eldest son T, who had been living in the Ottawa area, has moved back to live with his Mom.  Saturday, is T's birthday.  Knowing this is the first time in at least three and a half (3 1/2) years that I have been able to bake/decorate a birthday cake for any of her family, I suggested we get together.

While this may sound like a good thing, and it is, I had not been looking forward to Saturday, for it is also one of the last final 'firsts' regarding Gordon's death, for it is the first anniversary of the day he was buried. 

B told me that T and his brothers N and A had plans for the weekend; it made me somewhat relieved, because of Gordon, but I still wanted to get together.  I asked if we could celebrate today, after the younger boys returned home from school.  B liked the idea, so we arranged to meet today about 4:00 pm.

This meant that after I arrived home from church last evening, I had to bake a cake, let it cool, ice it and afterwards, decorate it, to be ready for today.  After all, I do work, so I could not rely on being able to do it through the day, today.  By the time I was finished making the cake and cleaning up, it was close to 1:30 am.  Thank You, Lord, for helping me!

Arriving at B's home about 4:00 pm today, it was such a heartwarming feeling having my daughter, all of her four (4) sons and her baby daughter together, all at once.  My baby granddaughter was not in the photo above, as she was sleeping.  Still, I feel absolutely blessed, being able to celebrate with my family.

We celebrated not only T's birthday, but I also put the names of N and J on the cake, too.  Their birthdays for this year have passed.  A's has not yet arrived, so we'll have a cake for him, later this month!  In addition to their gifts for this year, I brought last year's gifts that I had not sent to them, through my youngest daughter, P.

B even allowed me to take a photo of her and her sons, giving me permission to post the photo on Facebook (FB) and on Life with Lynnie (LwL).  Praise God for all mercies!  Thank You, Jesus!

Now, we've made arrangements for me to pick up the boys next week and go shopping with some of their birthday money.  Believe me, I'm looking forward to this!

Father, thank You for blessing me, today.  I believe you are answering my prayer regarding reconciliation with my family members; I am trusting that this time, the relationships will be real and wanted by all.  Lord, I thank You, for always being there for me, for lifting me up, especially during those times when my family was estranged.  Father, for any of my friends who may be experiencing similar problems in life, I pray you will answer their heartfelt prayer requests and heal those relationships that need healing.  If it is Your will, I know You will do this, because I am asking this in Jesus' precious name and You promised that whatever we ask in Jesus' name, You will give us the desire of our heart, if it is Your will.  I'm trusting it is Your will for this and am thanking You, in advance.  In Jesus' name I pray.  Amen.

Until next time...

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