This morning, I was up extra early. Normally, I do not get up around 6:30 am, but today, I did.
It wasn't a case that I needed to leave home early, or anything like that. In fact, I didn't need to leave home until regular time, to go worship at church. This may sound silly to you, but I wanted to do something to remember my Mom. Today, had she lived, would have been my Mom's 85th birthday. Happy Birthday, Mom!
If you read yesterday's entry, you'll know that today is also my sister S's birthday. She was born on my Mom's 40th birthday. Actually, this afternoon, I phoned my sister, but couldn't reach her; I left a message for her, celebrating her special day. Happy Birthday, S!
Some of my childhood friends, that I became reaquainted with through Facebook (FB) last year, didn't recall I had a sister almost 13 years younger than myself. This didn't surprise me, when I heard this. Even if one of them had lived across the street from my family.
Other than my immediate family members having knowledge of the circumstances surrounding this fact, very few people know anything about my Mom being pregnant. Even my best friend who lived next door to me, didn't know, until my Mom actually gave birth to my sister. The reason for the secret, I told her last year.
Gordon knew. Other than that, I can only recall telling my first (1st) husband and one (1) doctor. If I ever told anyone else, I have blocked it out, for I don't recall. You see, I was sworn to secrecy. It's too bad that I never blocked out the circumstances, like my Mom did.
In fact, a number of years back, during the two (2) year period of time I lived and worked selling real estate in Brampton, I recall talking with my Mom by telephone, one day. I mentioned that the house we used to live in, in Brampton, was on the market for sale. To my surprise, she didn't recall even living there, at first. When she did finally recall, my Mom made it very clear that she didn't like thinking about that home, the era we lived there and certainly didn't want to see the home.
My sister was a different story. When I spoke with her, she said she'd like to see where we lived at the time of her birth, so I arranged to go through an open house with her, one weekend.
The home was still considered owner occupied at the time, but the owner(s) had already moved some of their furniture to their new home. Normally, I wouldn't mention something like this, but you'll understand shortly, why I am mentioning this, now.
Touring the home, I showed my sister which room had been my brother B's until he joined the Canadian army (RCEME) in the late spring/early summer my Mom was pregnant. Because he left home, the room became hers. I showed my sister how her furniture had been laid out, including where her crib had been located.
We took our time looking through the home, both together and on our own. Especially me, for I had many memories, both good and bad, in that home. They came flooding back into my memory, as I walked the rooms.
I heard my sister call my name; she said she was in her old bedroom. When I re-entered the room, I found her laying on the floor, looking up at the ceiling. She laughed and said that room was familiar to her. S commented that she indeed remembered lying in her crib, looking up at the ceiling. Yes, it was definitely familiar to her! LOL :-))
My sister had heard remarks about our families issues during the time of my Mom's pregnancy for her and asked me to tell her details. I told her.
Later, when I spoke with Gordon by telephone, I told him the details, too. Actually, I should say that the circumstances of life at that time was very stressful to me. In fact, I would go so far as to say I was traumatized. That's what the doctor told me, later.
Sworn to secrecy, as I said, I never spoke about it to anyone after it happened, other than a doctor, on one occasion. Even in adulthood, I only revealed the truth to people extremely close to me.
If you've been a regular reader of Life with Lynnie, you'll recall me commenting that I have experienced some severe trials. I have no intention of writing about all my life's trials. It's enough to say, as I have in the past, that I have experienced many serious trials.
I know that I have been considering writing about this traumatizing experience, mainly because it is one that set the stage for other trials in my life and somewhat explains better why I have felt so unloved throughout most of my life. Possibly, it may even be a contributing factor to why I made poor choices, way back then. But, today is not the day to reveal all.
The important thing to me now, isn't what happened. Now that Christ has helped me deal with the experience, I can say that the important thing to me now, is the issue of forgiveness. By the grace of God, I have forgiven.
Has forgiveness, or possibly the lack of it, been an issue in your life? Hopefully, Jesus has helped you forgive those in your life, that you need to forgive. It's a freeing experience. After all, Jesus came to set the captives free. And Jesus said unto them, "if you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:32)
Until next time...
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