Saturday, July 10, 2010

Sorrow & Eulogy...

I cannot believe that I've survived this life for nine (9) months, since you died, Gordon. It's been a horrible existence for me. Now, Glenn is with you, too...

No one has to tell me that life goes on. I've heard it many times, from many people. Yes, they are in a better place, for they are with Jesus, in heaven. But, I'm not. I'm here, still sorrowing the loss of my husband. Now, I'm sorrowing the loss of my brother, too.

Normally, I post my entry in the evening, but since I will be travelling several hours each direction, to attend my brother Glenn's funeral service, I want to be sure to have this entry posted, today. It's important to me, because I am posting the Eulogy that I wrote, that I will be reading at Glenn's graveside service.

Glenn Richard Rutter
Sept. 7/1960 - July 1/2010

When Glenn was born Sept. 7, 1960, I wasn't quite eight (8) years old. Our family lived in Montreal; actually in Outremont, in a second floor flat. When Glenn arrived home, I thought he was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen! I loved him, immediately.

It was only a few months later, when our family moved to Clarkson, ON, which today is part of Mississauga. There, we lived in a home our parents had purchased, so we had a back yard and a basement. As a toddler, it seemed no matter how secure the gate system was, Glenn managed to fall down the basement stairs. It's a wonder he survived childhood!

What I remember most about Glenn, is the fact that he was always hot. Even as an adult, he'd have his bedroom window open in winter. As a toddler, while in his playpen in the backyard, he would take off all his clothes, including his diaper. He just hated the heat!

As a child, he sure could get under my skin. I recall how he used to tell me that if I didn't give him a quarter, he would tell our parents I had done something they wouldn't be happy about. When I would respond that I hadn't done the deed, he'd laugh and in total confidence tell me that it didn't matter, for our parents would believe him, not me. He made a bundle from me! At least for a short time, until I figured out how to correct this problem.

Glenn enjoyed sports, played football in high school, played hockey and later, coached hockey both with our Dad, and after Dad's death, with other coaches. He loved feeling like he was helping young boys to be sports-minded. I recall that he even coached soccer, for a while.

Unfortunately, diabetes took its toll on my baby brother. Some say he didn't take very good care of himself, but as a diabetic myself, I know this is easier said than done. Couple this with sadness about not leading a fulfilling life and you get a prescription for disaster.

I am not saying that Glenn was a sad person, for he wasn't. He was a loving person, who enjoyed making others laugh, even at his own expense. When his left leg was amputated, he did his best to make nurses laugh, even though he was in great pain, physically and emotionally. The same happened when his right leg was amputated, last year.

Yes, Glenn suffered a lot in this life, with the effects of blindness, failed kidneys, heart problems and loss of limbs. I truly have to admire him for it takes guts to deal with the health concerns he had to live with.

My last conversation with Glenn was by telephone. We talked about many things. He told me he didn't think he would live to see his 50th birthday, coming this September. He told me he wasn't feeling ill, but just felt his life would be over, soon. I guffawed at this, but he said he was serious about it, finishing up with the acknowledgement that he wasn't sad about it, if it were to happen that he died, for he told me he knew where he was going.

Several years ago, I spoke with Glenn about Jesus and his need for salvation. That day, he prayed and accepted Jesus as Saviour. Praise God! Thank You, Jesus! For I know that today, Glenn has a new body and he's rejoicing in heaven with Jesus, Gordon and other family and friends. I am so thankful he recognized his need for salvation and took steps to gain it.

Right up to his death, I prayed for Glenn, for I recognized he was what I would call an infant Christian. He virtually had no support, to learn about God, scripture and what God expected of him, except through conversation with me. I can recall many times, he asking me questions to better understand some of what he had read in the Bible. And, believe me, it wasn't easy for him to read. He had no church membership, church family, so I was it. I'm grateful I was able to be there for him.

Glenn recognized that he needed salvation. We discussed John 3:3, "Jesus answered and said to him, Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God" As well as John 3:5, "Jesus answered, Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God."

That day, we discussed how he could become born again. We discussed John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." Also, Acts 16:31, "...Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved..."

Glenn wasn't perfect. He recognized he was a sinner, like me, like you, like everyone born into this world. He didn't wear his relationship with Jesus on his sleeve, but he talked about it with me, regularly. Just before his first amputation happened, Glenn sat crying in my livingroom, apologizing to me for hurts he had caused me. I forgave him and explained to Glenn that once he came to Christ, all his sin was washed clean by the blood of Jesus.

I explained to Glenn that God cannot look upon sin, but when he came to Christ, his sin was washed away. God would never see it, again, for his sin was covered by the blood of Jesus. Not his past sin, nor his future sin. We discussed Romans 8:1-2, "There is therefore no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death."

At first, he needed reassurance that he was forgiven for his sin and we discussed the fact that Christians are not perfect, but are forgiven. When we come to Christ, we obtain a new nature, but we don't lose the old one. I explained to Glenn that Christians fall into sin, from time to time, and by confessing our sin, we are cleansed. 1John 1:9 tells us, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Lastly, we discussed that Glenn could never lose his salvation. I know there were periods of time when Glenn didn't want to talk to or about God, for he was angry with God about his life. I told him our God was a big god and could handle our being angry at Him. We discussed Romans 8:38-39, "For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

You see, Glenn knew and understoood that he had assurance that he would go to heaven when he died. I never had to remind him, once he understood it. He always spoke about it with me, for he felt comfortable speaking with me about it. Like he did during our last conversation before he died, when he reminded me that he knew where he was going, if he were to die.

Glenn would be happy if each person he cared for and loved would be reunited with him, in heaven. It's simple. Being good won't cut it. You can't get to heaven by doing good deeds, although doing good deeds does prove your salvation. No, the work was done by Jesus Christ on the Cross at Calvary, for you, for me, for Glenn, for all who will believe. So, I urge you to trust in Jesus, today.

Glenn, I love you and always will. I miss you and always will...until we meet again, in heaven!

Until next time...

If you would like to comment, please e-mail: