Saturday, July 3, 2010

Not Looking Forward to Tomorrow...

Since yesterday I wrote about my brother, I didn't tell you about my day.

Well, on Thursday evening, I cooked a stuffed pork loin roast. Yes, I really did. Not like when my head was in a blur after Gordon died, and I stuffed a roast beef, in error! :-))

At that time, I was not aware my brother had died. I packaged up several meals to deliver Friday morning. However, after receiving the call that Glenn had died, I began receiving many telephone calls. Consequently, it was afternoon before I got around to making my deliveries.

By then, my mind was in a blur. Just like it was after Gordon died. I call it brain fog. As I went about my deliveries, I kept having to backtrack, because I missed turns and even went part way across town before I realized I should have turned off MANY streets earlier!

Now, after having grief counselling, I know that this brain fog is mainly due to shock. Believe me, even if you are expecting someone to die at some point, it is still shocking when they do.

Knowing my sister wanted me to meet her today, in Mississauga, I thought I need to do laundry; so, I did it. Ready and prepared to leave early this morning, my sister called me once more yesterday and let me know all the arrangements were made, so I didn't have to meet her.

Since I no longer had to travel early today, I thought about staying home and not attending Christian Singles Cafe at Tim Horton's, but I had promised a couple of new people that I would be there when they arrived, so I got myself going and went; they never showed up! About 24 or 25 of us did, though. We had a very good time.

It shocked me that I relaxed and enjoyed myself for a while, but by the time I arrived home, my stomach was hurting really badly. My friend A called; she said she thought I was just overstressed. Probably so, because I hadn't yet fallen apart. I know it will happen, but not while I'm in this shock phase of grief.

Waking this morning, at least I could talk, unlike Friday morning. I'm experiencing allergy problems, my sinus is acting up, post-nasal drip is making me cough and I feel generally...ill.

My neighbour/friend K and I decided to not join the fun out on our deck level at our apartment building today, until 2:00 pm or just after. We had a BBQ for all residents. There were games as well as card games and bingo, for those who wanted to participate.

Our past president, saw I was alone and forced me to sit at the bingo table. I wasn't too thrilled about this, but at least it gave me some time to get to know some of my neighbours, for I rarely have time to get to know them. When we needed to get one line ACROSS, I would get one DOWN and ask if it was okay; with laughter, I would hear voices yell NO! Then, when we needed a line DOWN and I got one ACROSS, I did the same thing, hearing the same response. It was actually a fun time. No, I didn't win anything.

Murphy's law was alive and well, for me. The person in front of me in the line-up to receive a BBQ'd hotdog, etc., received the last bun. Oh well; such is life!

After eating, K and I decided to try the darts game. Blown up balloons, containing a piece of paper telling you the prize you won, were attached to a wall. In my mind, I thought I'll never do well at this! But, believe it or not, the first dart I threw burst a balloon. Oh!! The fun was over, so quickly! Still, it was a nice shock to have been able to do this, at all!

We had cake, later. There was music and people doing line-dancing. Afterwards, even with my sore throat and raspy voice, I sang...acapella, for a crowd of about 250 people. There wasn't a sound heard, for everyone stopped what they were doing and listened, as I sang. I was glad I honoured Jesus with my song, for even if it wasn't giving a gospel message, at least people had to think about Jesus. God will water those seeds planted; I have no doubt.

Even at this late hour, I am trying to sort out the details of what will happen, tomorrow. While Glenn's funeral will be in Kitchener, ON on Saturday, July 10th at 2:00 pm, there will be no visitation. The funeral home is allowing family members to view Glenn's body, tomorrow evening. That's Sunday, at 7:00 pm.

Great! If I don't sound thrilled about driving 3 1/2 - 4 hours each direction, to have five (5) minutes to say goodbye to my brother, it's because I'm not. My daughter P asked why this could not have been co-ordinated better, but apparently since Kitchener/Waterloo Region is burying him, we don't have much choice in the matter. Still, a little earlier in the day, would have been better for those of us travelling from Windsor. The other people attending aren't affected the same way as we are, for they live closer.

Actually, if I was feeling better, the drive wouldn't seem quite so bad. If you don't mind, please pray for me, that it is God's will to provide me with a measure of healing, so my head won't be aching, with me coughing incessantly, all the way up there and home again.

In addition, if you could pray for travelling mercies, like dry roads, no accidents of any kind, collisions, incidents, tickets, car trouble or any other impediment that could occur being a detriment to the trip, I would appreciate it. Thank you. May God bless you, for this.

Until next time...

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