To say I slept last night, would be a very hard thing to do. Between coughing and a soaking wet bed, from either heat or fever, I woke up feeling like I needed another day to heal.
So, I did exactly that. One more to add to the list of do nothing, try to heal and recuperate days, doing nothing much, but focussing on relaxation and taking care of myself. It's hard to take! Okay, so laugh. Truly, it's kind of boring. Remember, I'm here alone. No one to talk to. No one to share life with. No one to care for me, when I'm ill. If I weren't feeling so sick, it would be funny...even to me!
I thank God for friends God has given me. Today, I finished the homemade chicken soup my neighbour/friend K left at my door, yesterday. Thank you, K! May God bless you!
Since my brother Glenn died, there has been a tremendous amount of stress generated. Not just for me. For everyone who was close to Glenn. Hopefully, things will calm down, as the stress decreases. I hope so. For my sake, and for the sake of others.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I have prayed for a very long time, to have all my family reconciled. Reunification, has always been one of my truest heart's desire. God knows it. Now, you do too, if you weren't aware, already.
I must admit, satan is alive and well. No, I'm not referring to Glenn's death, but rather to situations that have arisen since then. Hidden truths that have become revealed, now.
On Sunday, as you know, I was very ill. Yet, I drove myself to Kitchener and home again, to view Glenn's body for the last time. Not only did the time in Kitchener prove to be stressful, but it was truly heartbreaking for me in many ways.
It was there that I realized I had been stolen from. And more importantly, I realized (concerning another issue) I had been taken advantage of by someone, who I had always been supportive of, in the past. This person shall remain nameless, but I realized that what Gordon had told me in the past, was very true. Part of me suspected, but never really wanted to believe it, so I would just overlook part of the situation, in order to not let it come between us.
I was mistaken about the situation and was misled into thinking the person had a problem they really didn't have control over. Sunday changed all that for me, for I realized that there was never really a problem, at all.
Gordon used to get upset with me, advising me to stop casting my pearls before swine (Matthew 7:6). My reply to him was always that Jesus said to turn the other cheek (Matthew 5:39) and forgive 70 times 7 (Matthew 18:22).
Usually, I am a very patient person. In my new nature, God has given me a spirit of forgiveness. Believe me, He's allowed an awful lot of things to happen to me in my lifetime, that I've had to forgive others of! I am a firm believer that next to salvation, forgiveness is the next most important command God gave us. However, like everyone else, I still have my old nature, too.
In case you aren't like me, you might want to read or recite the Lord's prayer. In it, you will pray or read that we ask God to ...forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us...
OOOooooooooooo...that's a heavy load! Ever prayed the Lord's prayer? I'll bet you have. I remind myself daily, that since I have prayed the Lord's prayer, that I am asking God to forgive me, the way I forgive others. So, if I don't forgive...I'm asking Him to not forgive me.
Anyway, getting back to what I was writing about, it's only been since Glenn's death, that I realized that I had been taken advantage of. Then, on top of realizing this, the person has been treating me rather rudely and unlovingly, also.
On the weekend, I did something totally out of character for me. I returned evil for evil. It's something I rarely do. The person raised their voice at me; I responded in kind. Some people may say this is only a human response, especially since I'm not feeling well. Yes, I know this. This is proof my old nature still exists.
But, since I try to walk in the spirit and trust Jesus every day, the Holy Spirit convicted me of my sin. I repented and prayed, claiming the promise of 1John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
Since then, I realized that the situation that I thought existed for years, didn't really exist at all. It was an untruth. I now feel like the person has tried to make a fool of me, not just recently, but over many years, now. Again, I've forgiven the person.
This whole situation reminded me of The Beatles song: The Fool On The Hill. In fact, after locating it on YouTube, I posted it on Facebook.
Lyrics mean everything to me, when it comes to music. Words make up the guts of the meaning of the song. Anyone who knows or can look up the lyrics to The Fool On The Hill, knows that others think the person on the hill is a fool. In reality, it is not the person on the hill that is the fool, but rather those who think this of him.
Knowing that the Bible tells us there is severe consequences for calling someone a fool, I will not do this. But, I recognize that many people do. I've been called a fool, many times. Especially since I am Christian.
It's okay with me. Call me whatever you like. I'll turn the other cheek. I'll forgive you. I'll do my best to give you a cup of water in your time of need, even after you've hurt me. You can laugh. It doesn't matter to me. I'll still do my best to be obedient to God. Why? Because, I know that in the end, He will exalt me. My God will prepare a feast for me, in the presence of mine enemies (Psalm 23). My question is: Will you be there? Hopefully, not.
Until then...life carries on.
Until next time...
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