Saturday, June 19, 2010

Unusual...for Me!

Ending my entry last night, I mentioned I had an errand to run.

As you know, I do have trouble sleeping, still. Hopefully, this grief-depression I am feeling, will subside and I will be able to sleep better, soon. However, last night, I planned to go out after midnight to Shoppers Drug Mart (SDM).

A nearby location is open 24 hours. Usually, my friend J and I go when there are items on sale we wish to purchase and don't want to have to fight crowds to do it. However, J has a friend from Toronto visiting her, so I decided I would go alone to SDM.

When midnight came I changed my mind, because of being so-o very tired. I made the decision to stay home and worry about shopping, later today. I was truly happy to climb into bed, thinking I would get a great rest! Then, the usual happened. Eyes open, wide awake, I found myself uptight, once again. Couldn't sleep!

After 1:00 am, I decided to get up, get dressed and head out to SDM. Yes, I did my shopping. Call me crazy, but if you have never shopped at this time, you might want to try it. No crowds, the store is usually well stocked and it's simple to find parking.

For me, the other bonus is that when I arrive home, if I cannot carry all my items easily, then I have no trouble using one of the carts we have in our lobby, to bring up my purchases. What a blessing it is, to not have to wait! This was especially nice last night, because SDM had water on sale and I stocked up. Yes, I use filtered water at home, but I use bottled water, when I go out.

Talk about tiring! By the time I got my purchases, water and all, into my home, I felt like I had had the biscuit! Still, I was happy to have managed to do this when I did, for I was going to sleep well, for sure.

And I did. Now, had I waited until later in the day, it would have been a harder trial, as I mentioned. Also, my body would have been hurting all day long. This way, I was able to relax my body and rest up. Yes! I slept well! Praise God! Thank You, Jesus!

Today, I had some not great news. I didn't make the cut for Bluesfest Idol 2010. Oh well, it wasn't meant to be. God's will is always done.

It's funny, but after I performed on Tuesday, I dreamt through the night about not making the cut. When I awoke, the song Sad Eyes was on my mind, except for some reason the lyrics were slightly different; they spoke of God not wanting to hurt me, so I should turn away.

Since God has given me a gift of intuition, I felt like I knew right from Wednesday morning. It's okay, really. Although I would have loved to have been able to sing my rewritten version of Sarah McLachlin's Angel on stage at Bluesfest, I know that God's will is always done. If He willed it, it would happen; if not, it wouldn't . Well, we all know it wasn't His will for my dream to happen.

When this opportunity originally arose, I thought I was being stupid about thinking of trying out. After all, I am not a young person, anymore. Still, the thought of having the experience of just being able to sing for my Lord, about Jesus, for any group of people, especially a group that may contain many unsaved people, made me feel good.

This was quite a change, for someone like me, who had been so terrified in the past, of having anyone hear me sing, that I just knew I had to do this. Even if it were only to prove to myself, that I could do it.

It's one thing to sing acapella in a comfortable environment, as I have recently been doing for church and it's quite another to be judged for not just your ability, but choice of music, etc. and have to sing to pre-recorded music, in an uncomfortable environment.

I must take the time to thank my friends who supported me. And, in a special way, my friend M, for helping me overcome my fear. Stage fright is a terrible thing. Fear is a terrible thing. It's sin. Thank you M, for helping me overcome my fear. Thank You, Father, for helping me overcome my sin and giving me the opportunity. No matter what, I will always be grateful, being able to honour You... and Gordon.

Today, I just did some housework. Yes, everyone needs to do it! Resting through the heat, was good for me. I never put on the air-conditioning, even though it was 87F. I knew it would begin cooling off about suppertime, so I just suffered through it, enjoying the slight breeze during the afternoon. I even napped in my recliner chair for a short time!

Early this evening, I went to the pool and did my exercise, before making a stir-fry for dinner. Then, I watched a murder mystery movie on CTV, Murder 19C: Detective Murdoch Mysteries: Under the Dragon's Tail. It was pretty good.

The big thing for me, is that while I don't mind being alone, it becomes very lonely. Especially, when I think of Gordon. Tomorrow, is Father's Day. As I mentioned previously, we usually celebrated this special day, together.

My Dad is another person I think of on Father's Day. He's dead, too. Although I must say that I grieved the loss of my Dad, for a very long time; sometimes, I feel I still am grieving him. However, this is a topic for another day.

Oh well. That's life. I must admit, today was an unusual day, at least for me. I'm sure some of you readers are either fathers, have fathers or know fathers. So, I will say goodnight, by wishing you Happy Father's Day!

Until next time...