While lying awake in bed this morning, I had a call from my daughter P. She reminded me she was going on a school field trip with one of her sons.
Recently, P had been on a school field trip with one son, to Niagara Falls, but today's excursion was to Hillman Marsh Conservation Area, here in Essex County. P reminded me that on Monday, she has one final school field trip, before the children finish school on Tuesday.
Wow! I have to give her credit. She's one busy partially-disabled Mom, who has her hands full with special needs children. May God bless her, now and always.
By phone, I talked with my friend A, who is such a support to me. I feel so very blessed having her as my friend, I can't even tell you. We spoke of my disaster at Bible study and prayer last night and my decision to only attend Sunday evening service, at church.
A asked me if I was feeling angry and unsettled a lot, lately. I told her I was. While I know the stages of grief, it didn't occur to me until she mentioned it, that I have probably been moving through the anger stage. Of course! Why didn't I think of this?
The stages are not clear, nor does a person usually move completely to another stage, but rather people usually shift back and forth, until acceptance is finally reached.
The anger one feels can be directed against the person who died, but not always. Sometimes, while a person may feel angry with the lost loved one, that frustration and anger spills out into other areas of their life. I'm thinking that my friend A may be right, for I've been feeling rather angry about Gordon dying, leaving me with a huge load of stress and problems to resolve.
Like the other day. I received a notice in the mail from Revenue Canada Taxation - Income Tax Division. The notice informed me that they would not issue a clearance certificate, because they wanted more information. I thought I sent everything, when I filed Gordon's last/final income tax return, but apparently, they want more. So, they returned everything I sent them and requested I gather the rest of the information and resubmit to them...within 30 days.
Talk about feeling stressed! This was just confirmation to me that a person can't even die, without there being a whole lot of stress for loved ones left behind! In this case, me.
I hate contact with the government at the best of times. Also, as I've mentioned on occasion, I still suffer from post-traumatic stress. Even though I am not as bad as I used to be, when I get stressed, it seems to set off everything.
I think this is why I've been wishing I could go out for bread and never return. Realistically, I may feel that way, but the reality is one can never get away from themself! So, I don't go. I just wish I could!
As you can imagine, beginning the day wasn't easy for me, today. Especially after being so upset, especially with myself, yesterday. Still, I had stuff to do, so I went about my work in between visits to Facebook (FB).
I feel blessed having FB. Not only have I been able to connect with friends from my past, but I keep in touch with present friends and acquaintances. Not to mention, how many friends I have made by connecting with other friends, through pages and sites I have become familiar with, especially with Christians and Christian material.
Of course the support from these people is tremendous. I truly feel blessed, knowing that when I am feeling down, especially while going through the grieving process, there is always someone who is supportive, or a Christian page I can go to that lifts me up. Thank You, Lord. I'm blessed.
After making the decision last evening about not attending the morning Sunday service at my church, I recalled being invited to another friend's church (actually, by more than one person), for their service and a special celebration BBQ, in honour of the group opening their church building. At first, I didn't know how to respond, but after last night's decision, I decided to accept the invitation.
The church group began as a break-off from my church, so I know that I will know many people there; it will be a good time to reacquaint myself with some long-lost church friends. All in all, I was glad that my friend L, talked me into going.
This afternoon, I tackled a big job. Physically, it's hard on me, but I just couldn't look at my balcony any longer, without feeling guilty, for it truly needed a thorough cleaning. Today, was the day. It was time-consuming and very physical for partially-disabled me, but someone had to do it. Gordon's not here to do those heavy type things for me any more, so I had to do it. Thank you Lord, for giving me the strength and ability to get this task done.
Later, I went to the pool. One of these days, I'll have to remember to take a photo of our pool area. It's lovely, relaxing and of course, a great place to soak a weary body, like mine was, today. This didn't stop me from doing my usual water exercises, so by the time I left the pool area, I was more than tuckered. I was weary.
Relaxing for a while, I connected with my friend J. We hadn't spoken for about a week, because she had company from Toronto visiting with her; her visitor left, yesterday. It felt like a lifetime since we had spoken, but quickly got caught up.
Then, J offered to come visit and brought with her our dinner. Salad, pizza and even cappucino frozen yogurt, for dessert. Who could ask for more?! Thank you, so very much, for the delicious meal that I was shocked to receive! May God bless you, my friend.
But wait, that wasn't the best part. J insisted we play a game of Phase 10. Last time we played this game, she won. Today, she declared that it was my turn to win. Of course, winning isn't always an option, but tonight, I won! Thank you for making my day, J!
All in all, I must admit, today was a good day! Good friends, good fellowship, good food. And, in honour of all the goodness, goodnight!
Until next time...
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