Monday, May 31, 2010


As per usual, I was scheduled to do some work for an out-of-town client. However, this did not come to fruition. Instead, I received an e-mail, letting me know that they've changed their mind about selling their home and making a move to Windsor.

This did not leave me without work to do, for I still had other work to do, but it did leave a bit of a gap in my schedule. So, I filled it!

This gave me time to go to the house. There, I finished vacuuming and mopped the floors. Exciting, eh?! Oh well, at least the work there is getting done!

Leaving the house, I saw my daughter P, for a few minutes, before heading to pick up a commission cheque at a lawyer's office, downtown. Since I know shortcuts, it didn't take me long to deliver the cheque to my office, so my broker of record could do her paperwork and make the deposit. Phew! Glad that was done!

Traffic being what it is, around shift change time, I found myself on E.C.Row Expressway, in a traffic jam. Due to construction, traffic was reduced to one lane. It seems that no matter where you drive, you cannot get away from construction areas. Oh well, at least I made it home, before the storm hit, fully.

This evening the temperature is much nicer; although I'm not sure what the temperature actually is, the breeze is cool and refreshing. A nice change from the 90F temperature of earlier and the humidity from before the storm!

Last night, I finished reading a short book The Life of Josiah Henson, Formerly a Slave. My friend J, had gone with a group on a bus tour recently and had purchased the book at the museum of Uncle Tom's Cabin Historic Site, in Dresden, ON.

It was an excellent book, that told his life story from his enslaved childhood in the USA, until he, along with his family, became free people, here in Canada. If you have the chance to read it, or if you have time, check him out on internet.

Thank you J, for lending me the book. You're right, it was a blessing to read!

This upcoming weekend, is RED BULL Air Race 2010. Because my co-worker/realtor partner/friend C was planning to watch the race, I thought I would take this weekend and go visit my brothers and family in the Kitchener/Waterloo and Guelph areas. Also, I hoped to spend some time with my friends H & N, who live in Milton.

While I made arrangements with H & N to visit, I had to call and cancel. It turns out that C won't be able to be in town this upcoming weekend, after all. Some of his family had invited him to go up north, where his wife is buried, so he decided to take this opportunity to visit his wife's grave and see his family.

Oh well, another time! God willing. Hopefully, it won't be long before I can reschedule, for it's been what seems a very long time, since my family, friends and I saw each other. I think I need a family/friends fix! :-))

For some reason, I've been feeling rather lonely, once again. This comes and goes, but the loneliness never seems to leave, totally.

Still, I am trusting God for everything in my life. He's in control. He's left me here, so He must have a purpose for me, even if I cannot see it, yet. Hopefully, He will reveal it to me, soon. I feel like I need a purpose in life, for without a purpose, I really don't have a life. There are times when I feel that this grief I am experiencing, will kill me. I should be so lucky!

I can recall, on occasion years ago, my children being rather cocky in their conversation with me and hearing them say, "Get a life!". Well, at the time, I didn't feel like I needed one, for I believed I had one. Now, is a different story. I have no life. I need one, now. Hopefully, your life is better than mine, for I wouldn't wish my life on my worst enemy.

I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge our friends in the USA and wish them a happy Memorial Day!

Sleep well, friends.

Until next time...

Sunday, May 30, 2010


Today, I received a comment from a friend regarding what I wrote about my church's current Bible study programme ending. I would like to apologize to anyone who feels I offended them. It was never my intention to offend, anyone. My intention was not to hurt or offend, but rather, to state my opinion.

In this day and age, Bible-believing Christians come under fire. Not just from unbelievers, who sometimes call us names like Bible-thumper or worse. Sometimes, we are criticized for not holding strong and sometimes for holding to God's word. Even by fellow believers.

My whole concern with this matter, was not to criticize, but rather to state my opinion that we are truly responsible to God, to answer for everything we do. After all, this is a blog, I'm writing; you'll notice that I state my opinion on many issues.

In Matthew 25, Jesus talks about how whatever we do to the least of these, we do to Him AND whatever we don't do to the least of these, we don't do to Him. My whole concern about discussing the issue, is that we as believers, are responsible for what we don't do, when we stand in judgement. As in, no longer having corporate-led Bible study, meant to guide and teach (especially) new believers.

My friend quoted Matthew 18, where Jesus gives us direction on what to do when someone hurts us. Unfortunately, in my opinion, Matthew 18 does not apply, for no one hurt me, personally.

My whole discussion was geared towards giving my opinion about Bible Study, within the church. As in, corporate Bible study being needed. That's my opinion. It's needed. Nothing more needs to be said.

This morning, after hearing a great sermon and worshipping God, I found time to see my daughter P, for a few minutes. Since I needed to stop at my office and in getting there, the cemetary is not far away, I stopped at the cemetary. I'm glad I carry a lawn chair in my van, for it gives me the opportunity to sit at Gordon's graveside for a while, like I did today.

After arriving home, I was pleasantly surprised to receive a phone call from a childhood friend, E. It has to be close to forty (40) years since we spoke. After finding a mutual friend on Facebook, I was able to connect with E, by e-mail.

When I lived in Clarkson (today, part of Mississauga), between 1961 and 1964, I considered E my best friend. In fact, I still have photos of us, in that era! She and I were inseparable; almost like sisters.

My family moved to Brampton, but returned to the home we left in Clarkson near E's, two (2) years later, in 1966. By then, E had new friends. While I joined her group of friends, we were no longer just she and I. Still, I always treasured our friendship.

Recently, it was her birthday. I tried calling, but couldn't reach her; today, she returned my call. Apparently, she and her husband had gone away from home to celebrate her birthday. Once again, Happy Birthday E!

It amazed me how we never ran out of things to say to each other. In fact, we spoke for more than an hour and a half! We have a lot in common. However, if we had spoken for much longer, we may have been at risk of developing telephone ear!

Thank you for calling, E! Hopefully, we'll talk again, soon. I feel blessed. Hopefully, you do, too.

My childhood friends are important to me. They hold a special place in my heart. Thank You, Father; may You bless each friend!

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you about what I did, yesterday.

After working at the house, yet again cleaning windows and blinds, I did some shopping. Later, I was blessed with having dinner at my friend J's home. Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm. Thank you J, for a great supper! I appreciated not just the meal, but our time together. You spoil me rotten! :-))

Afterwards, we went to Calvary Community Church, because it was MOVIE NIGHT. We enjoyed a beverage, popcorn and the movie, "Amy".

Normally, the church is packed. However, probably due to the great weather, there were few people in attendance. So, on our way out, we were asked to take home with us, a large bag of popcorn (they pop it right there!). Both J and I politely declined, but even as we were exiting the building, a man came up to me, handed me a bag of popcorn and insisted I needed to take it home with me. So, I did.

However, once home, I knocked on my neighbour/friend K's door and handed her the bag. I certainly don't need a huge bag of popcorn! K graciously accepted it, saying she would have some while watching her movie. Wonderful! Hopefully, you enjoyed it, K!

Thank you for reading this entry. May God bless you...always.

Until next time...

Saturday, May 29, 2010

A Sigh of Relief?!

Okay. Last night, I slept terribly. Got to bed late; got up early. Awoke several times in between. Yuch!

Before I begin writing this entry, I want to say that I thank God for the blessing He has given me, recently. I feel like I can almost breathe a sigh of relief.

Today, I spoke for almost an hour and a half, with my eldest daughter, B. Being estranged for about three (3) years, this is a miracle in itself. Thank You, Father. I am trusting in You, that this is truly Your will, being done.

Hopefully, this entry will be the last one I will write about the change in prayer and Bible study at my church.

I don't want anyone thinking that I am against the small group programme that our pastor is creating. I am not against it. I just don't think it should REPLACE the current Bible study programme. I just feel it should be IN ADDITION TO the current programme.

In addition, I don't want anyone to think that I believe our pastor must do it all, for I don't believe this. Our pastor(s) is/are only human. Biblically speaking, their main responsibility is to preach/teach God's Word, in order to educate us, their flock, so that we can not only stand in time of turmoil as God called us to, but also preach the gospel to all the creatures of the earth, as we are commanded to. Read Mark 16:15.

One thing I think of is that while I, as a more mature believer, educated in God's Word due to past strong Biblical teaching, may not require a large amount of on-going Bible study, a new or infant believer, just finding Christ, would need it. And, it won't be there for them.

Think about this. We currently live in a world where people have been raised believing that what is good and acceptable to you, may not be for me and that's okay. We, who know God's Word, knows that this type of thinking is anti-Biblical, for God's Word is clear: There is truth. And, it's found in the Bible. If these small group studies REPLACE our pastoral teaching, who is in control to dispell this type of worldly thinking?

The pastor's plan is that with small groups of people meeting because they live close to each other, being more intimate, people will open up to each other with problems they are/have experiencing/experienced; thereby, creating better prayer for each other. Nice thought, if it works. I'm not for or against this. It may work! However, it may not.

In the past, I've mentioned my friend A. We didn't become friends, because we lived close to each other; in fact, we live about 30 minutes drive apart. We didn't meet and experience an immediate friendship. No. Our friendship didn't happen by chance.

However, I will never forget the first time I met A. She had been worshipping at a church, where a gospel message was never preached and felt like she needed more than the teaching she had been receiving. A had listened on the radio to our previous pastor and came to our Bible study; she brought a friend with her, on that first evening.

After attending and feeling like she was being fed with the Word, she met with our previous pastor. They discussed some of the problems in her life. Having Godly wisdom, our previous pastor suggested A telephone me and request becoming a prayer partner. She did as was suggested to her. I agreed to become her prayer partner, even though we really didn't even know each other.

Why do I think our previous pastor showed Godly wisdom? Well, he knew that I had experienced many marital problems and in the past had been divorced and was remarried. He also knew that I was experiencing on-going family problems. While I do not want to discuss A's problems, it is enough to say that I had experienced some of the problems A was currently experiencing. He knew that we would be a good support system to each other and that since I was a strong believer and A was an infant believer, new to learning God's Word, that we would be a good match.

God bless him! I cannot thank my previous pastor, enough. A has truly been a blessing to me. And, she has grown into a truly mature believer, who not only knows God's Word, but relies on it, daily! How did this happen? By her participating in good, strong, Pastoral-led Bible study. Praise God! Thank You, Jesus!

Our relationship began as a prayer-partner relationship, but a deep friendship developed from this. During her marriage breakdown, both Gordon and I were there for her. Any time of the day or night. We loved her, supported her, prayed with her and for her, her situations and generally, assisted her through the tough times.

While going through problems relating to Gordon's health, at the time of his death and afterwards, A has been there for me. Praise God! Thank You, Jesus! He knew that I needed someone and A was there for me, along with other friends. I cannot be more thankful.

What is the point to me saying this? Well, sometimes people experiencing trauma, need people who have been through trauma in their lives. Not just need people to become friends, because they live close together.

For example, on Thursday, my pastor suggested that since we only had a small, intimate group for Bible study that night, that we might open up more, to those in our small group. Hopefully, no one will be insulted when I say this, but I cannot and will not open up to some of the people who were in attendance in the group. I just cannot relate to them. Nor, do I believe that they can relate to me.

Opening up, doesn't work that way. Hopefully, the pastor's plan will work in a general sense. Hopefully, relationships will build, where trust needs to be the main issue, so people can open up to each other. Hopefully, God will match people up together through need and not through the geographic conditioning, as the group(s) has/have been developed, so far.

But, this still leaves the main crux of the issue open for debate. Where will believers receive the deep, strong, Biblical teaching they require?

I am thankful my previous pastor not just encouraged us, but insisted we needed to memorize scripture passages. He believed there would come a time in our lives, when we would need to be able to draw upon the promises of God. I am so very thankful that I did this.

While I won't go into details, I can tell you that there was a very serious issue in our lives, before Gordon died. We found ourselves in a position where there appeared to be no hope in a certain situation. I physically wrote on a sheet of paper, promises God gave me in His Word, as I recalled them; and, praying without ceasing as I did so. Why? Because I had strong, Biblical teaching that showed me that I could hang on, trust God and He would bring us through the trial. He did. If you knew the situation, it would be more clear. You'll have to accept what I am saying.

I am grateful that I have had good, strong, Biblical teaching. Where will others get it, now?

Until next time...

Friday, May 28, 2010

Glad I Didn't Hold My Breath...

Believe it or not, even though I went to bed rather upset over yesterday's development at church, I slept like a log.

This morning, I did my usual work. I work hard. But, today, I felt like I didn't accomplish much. Oh well, there's always tomorrow...

Yesterday, I had spoken with my friend A. She had been the person who first told me that a 'new' Bible study group was going to begin, at someone's home, as a small group meeting. When she first told me this, I thought it was not a good idea. Finding out from Pastor B, at church, that he was happy about this, I was even more upset.

Last night, I didn't mention this, but I was so very upset over the Bible study class last evening, that I could hardly contain my tears. In fact, I did something last evening that I cannot recall ever doing, previously. I actually left the room for a couple of moments and went to the 'ladies room', not to use the facilities, but to try to gain control of my emotions. Of course, no one really noticed, for it just appeared that I left the room to use the washroom facilities.

While I regained my composure and returned to class, I did not relax. To be honest, I got absolutely nothing out of the class. How could I have? There was no strong teaching. Instead, our class was sort of like a bunch of friends sitting around, putting our two cents worth into the mix, but no real leadership.

Does this sound unkind? I don't mean it to be. That's not my intention. I'm just venting my sorrow, for I almost feel like another death has occurred, in my life. I'm sure you can tell I didn't have a great day, spiritually speaking, today. I'm glad I didn't hold my breath, last night!

After all, isn't that what leadership is about?

What do we need a pastor for, if not for leadership? Isn't that why we have a pastor? To be leader of the flock. Isn't that their job? To preach and teach?

My friend A, commented that Pastor B thinks that because so many people, like me, have problems in their lives and need support, that this small group effort will help. I would agree, if it were in addition to our strong Bible study class. But, I don't believe this support group session should replace our strong Bible study class.

We spoke about the need for our brothers and sisters in the Lord, to be lifted up, encouraged and ministered to. I agree with her, that there are many of us, who need prayer and encouragement. However, replacing our Bible study with a group set up to allow more fellowship, isn't the answer.

Celebrate Recovery offers a tremendous programme. It is not a programme set up only for people with drug or alcohol problems, but rather it is a Christ-centred programme set up to assist, counsel and lead people through their trials in life, trusting Jesus all the way. This might be a better alternative to encourage people to utilize this programme, than to remove our strong Bible study and replace it with watered-down fellowship sessions.

Of course, there will be those who believe I am wrong about this. So be it.

I just know that it was strong Biblical teaching and preaching that helped me through the darkest days of my life. My friend A, said the same thing. At least we are on the same page, in that regard.

The thought of someone, possibly even an infant Christian, attending one of these groups and not receiving the strong Biblical preaching/teaching they need, breaks my heart.

Oh well, there's nothing I can do about it. I'll just have to trust God, as I have in the past.

Still, my day today, was rather a sad one, for all I could think about was a passage in 2Timothy 3:1-5, "But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come. For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away."

Doesn't this passage describe how life truly is, today? Reread this. I'm sure we can all agree that many of the people we know are experiencing situations that reflect that passage as a reflection of trials in their lives, today.

Now, please don't misunderstand me, I am not saying I should turn away from my church family. No.

What I am feeling though, is that what's happening currently in my church, is just one more indication that the last days are truly not in the future, but rather, is here, now.

I'm ready. Are you? If not, you can be. Just believe/trust in Jesus and you'll be saved.

Until next time...

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Won't Hold My Breath!

Before I forget, I meant to mention the other day, that I realized after I wrote Sunday's entry that another reason for the HUGE traffic jams I experienced in downtown Windsor on Sunday, wasn't just due to being Victoria Day and the City of Windsor's birthday celebration, but also it was due to the Spitfire's winning the Memorial Cup; between a parade and partying going on, it was no wonder there were traffic jams!

Even though I went to bed late last night, I awoke just before my alarm was due to go off. Ah, bliss! There's nothing like waking up, feeling like you're ready to start the day!

There was plenty of work for me to do, today. Especially since I am working with an out-of-town buyer. This always means a lot of computer work and today was no exception. No problem. I'm good with that.

At lunchtime, I met with my friend J at Red Lobster. Since she's sort of still 'new' to Windsor, she ran late, because she wasn't sure how to avoid the traffic jam caused from construction on Tecumseh Rd. Still, we had a great time, together. We feasted on a delicious shrimp meal, while we enjoyed our fellowship time. We both took home what we couldn't eat, for an instant replay to be savoured at another time!

While today was jam-packed, I found time to do a few errands, especially while I was on my way across town to prayer and Bible study at my church. I managed to have my Chiropractic treatment and see my daughter P, for a few minutes. All in all, a very productive day.

Tonight, at church, Pastor B asked me how my day was. I responded that it was a pretty good day, so he asked me on a scale of 1 - 10, how I would rate my day. I said I thought my day rated about an 8. He thought this was good; so had I. That's why I gave it a good rating!

I didn't have to wonder for long what this was about, for Pastor B had never really asked me something like this, before.

Apparently, Pastor B feels we as a church body need to move away from the strong Biblical teaching/preaching that we've experienced in the past, by moving on to a more relaxed atmosphere of small group studies. Like so many other churches, here in Windsor are doing.

Claiming that small groups will promote more openness and friendship between believers who participate, Pastor B believes that we will all benefit from a place for us to share more intimately our problems, thereby creating more intimate prayer times for each group.

Nice thought, I suppose. But, I am truly not happy about this.

In the spring of 1994, when I had just returned to live in Windsor, I attended a worship service at Campbell Baptist Church, for the first time. Purely by accident, or so it would seem. Of course, if you believe God's Word, you'll know that nothing truly happens by accident, but rather it was ordained by God. In any case, there is a story behind my finding the church, but I won't go into that, here.

Anyway, during the service, I almost cried. I was so-o very happy. I knew in my heart, that I had found a church home. Somewhere, where I would hear strong Biblical preaching and receive the strong Biblical teaching, that I knew I needed. I was blessed.

Did this mean I truly felt like I fit in? No. I didn't. In fact, it took many years, before I felt like I was part of this family. In retrospect, I may have felt like this, because I wasn't intimate with people and they weren't really interested in getting to know me, either. However, after many years, this seemed to change.

Especially after Gordon died. For it was then, when I was truly shown how many people cared for me.

Very few people knew the pain and sorrow of my life. No one, with the exception of a couple of friends, had any idea the hell my life had been. Those friends, were a blessing to me. Along with the strong Biblical teaching and preaching, God made a way for me to deal with the issues of my life.

It makes me feel ill, thinking of how I would have survived the traumas of my life, had I not received that strong Biblical teaching. But, God provided for me. For this, I will be eternally grateful.

Our then Pastor, was not a wishy-washy type of preacher or teacher. He was a strong, Biblical scholar, who knew he was responsible for each of us sheep he was tending. He knew that, "... For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required, and to whom much is committed, of him they will ask the more." Luke 12:48 In other words, to whom much is given, much is expected.

As pastor, much is expected, for each one has been given the responsibility of part of God's flock. My previous pastor knew this. I'm sure my current pastor does, too.

Please don't think I think less of my current pastor, Pastor B. I don't. He does have a totally different style of preaching and teaching, but this does not mean that I don't care for him or his style of leading. I do care for him and about him.

However, I don't feel this move towards small groups is in the best interest of the flock. If these small groups were to be in addition to what teaching has been in place for many years, this would be different, but it is not the case. These small groups will be replacing the Pastor led Bible teaching.

Hopefully, after time to think about this and time to pray about this, I will feel better about small groups replacing strong leadership. But, I won't hold my breath.

Sleep well, friends. Hopefully, I will sleep tonight, too.

Until next time...

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Mercies...Compassions...New Every Morning!

To sleep, or not to sleep? That's the question! It's only by the grace of God that I can function, daily. This is no joke. I am so very tired, I feel exhausted. Who wouldn't, having only one (1) hour sleep last night. This is ridiculous! Sleep finally came about 2:30 am; then, an hour later, I was awake and could not and did not get back to sleep, at all!

I know that grief depression can cause lack of sleep and disturb sleep patterns. This is fairly normal. The problem is, I don't want to be normal. I want to be better than that. After all, I'm trusting in Jesus for everything in my life. Why shouldn't I expect better? Lord, help me, please!

Today, I was scheduled to attend the Windsor-Essex County Real Estate Board (WECREB) general membership meeting, at Ambassador Golf Club, on Sprucewood (across from the Race Track), in LaSalle. It was easy to arrive by 8:00 am, to view the sponsor tables and have breakfast, before our meeting began.

The meeting seemed to go on, forever. Probably, because it did! It was afternoon, before we were finally adjourned and able to leave. For a while, I thought we might be there all day! :-))

Afterwards, I made my way to the house and set about cleaning more windows and blinds. Need I say more? The house is air-conditioned, but I have not yet put it on, as I must inspect and clean (if necessary) the central-air unit in the backyard. Besides, it's usually cool in the house. However, I am not currently working 'in' the house, but rather, on the sunporch, which is not air-conditioned. The good news is, I am almost done cleaning windows and blinds!

I know. I should have done this work before, now. The reason I haven't, is because I truly hate going there. It brings back good and bad memories. Good or bad, it is irrelevant, because I always think of Gordon, when I'm there.

Gordon originally owned the home next door, because I sold it to him, just before I left Windsor, to go live in Brampton, before we were married. As I was returning to Windsor, he suggested I purchase this home, next door to his. I refused, on the basis that since our relationship had been on-again/off-again, I didn't want to be stuck with him as a neighbour, if our relationship permanently ended, so he bought it, as an investment. Our relationship didn't end; we got married.

Whenever I even drive by, I can't help but cry. I look at the home next door and can't help but see the pink rosebush Gordon planted for me, in my honour. In fact, today, it had a beautiful rose on it.

Everywhere I look, I see Gordon and it breaks my heart. I miss him, so very much. I don't think anyone can understand. Would it matter anyway? He's gone. He'll never be back. I know, I'll see him in heaven one day. But, one day, isn't today.

Lord, please let it be Your will for this home to sell. And, sell quickly. Our real estate market is so slow, that even though it has improved somewhat, it's still a trial to get it sold.

So you see, I'm glad that, "Through the Lord's mercies, we are not consumed. Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning...", Lamentations 3:22-23. God is always there for me. Lifting me up, encouraging me. Through my own (positively) answered prayer and prayer of those who love me enough to pray for me.

I'm blessed. I know it. I am just having trouble dealing with my life, as it is, without Gordon. Everywhere I go, everything I do, he's there, or there's some memory of him, good or bad. It doesn't seem to matter. It breaks my heart.

It obviously hasn't been God's will for my broken heart to end my life, for I am still here. Breathing. Trying to deal with my loss. Trying to make a life for myself. I don't feel like I'm succeeding. I am only existing; not really living, at all.

Still, I don't have a choice. Since I am trusting God for everything in my life, I have to go on. I'm still trying to figure out, exactly how to do this.

Before heading home, I stopped to see a co-worker/realtor friend H, whose husband A is finally out of intensive care, in a room at the hospital still, but hopefully, will be coming home, soon. A had colon/bowel surgery. May God bless A with a speedy and complete recovery and may He wrap His loving arms around both A and H, lift them up, encourage them and provide for their every need. In Jesus' name I pray this. Amen.

Arriving home, I was so exhausted that I actually had a half-hour nap. Then, got sorted around and did laundry. Not very exciting, but necessary!

Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day for me. Hopefully, you will have a great day tomorrow, too. Thank you for reading.

Until next time...

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Friendship, Support and More!

Another late night, another early morning. What can I say? Somehow my Lord is helping me through each day.

This morning was filled with the usual, working on the computer, calls, etc. Even a call from an out-of-town client, who is hoping to have their home sold, by the weekend. Time will tell.

In addition, personal chatting happened, both with local friends and out-of-town friends, so all in all, it was a busy day for me. Rewarding, to be sure.

Of course, Facebook (FB) helps. Between FB and e-mailing, life sure is a lot easier than it used to be! lol Seriously, I feel blessed having the communication tools we have in this era of my life.

And, to think...when I was in the first 'data processing' class in highschool, we were taught that no one would ever own a computer, because they filled whole buildings and time had to be rented from IBM. Well, that prediction was totally incorrect, but then, who expected the world to change so dramatically?

Yesterday's 88 degrees F (31.1 C) was hot to be sure, but today's lower temperature of 82 degrees F (27.8 C) seemed even hotter, due to being so much more humid, today! Hopefully, tomorrow will not be as humid. The heat, I can tolerate, but not the humidity!

I was so-o very happy today, when my neighbour/friend K called and let me know that the pool was getting cleaned out, today. Apparently, the lawn furniture and plants, etc. are pool-side, now. Hopefully, within the next few days, our pool will be ready to open. I cannot wait!

Not that I'm a swimmer, for until last year, I still found it hard to lift my right arm above my head and raise my head when I swim, due to neck problems. As you can imagine, this made swimming difficult, unless I was on my back. But praise God! Thank You, Jesus! You provided me last year, with greater mobility in my neck, shoulders and arm, so I was able to actually swim a length or two. Any/all improvement is gratefully accepted!

Still, what I like to do is exercise in the pool. Every summer, we have an aqua-fitness instructor who holds classes weekdays. One instructor complimented me, saying that I work out with an extremely hard workout. She even took some of the exercises I was doing and modified them, so most people could do them.

I float so well, that I don't need assistance to be even in the deep end of the pool. Although I do hurt later, I am able to do exercise that I cannot do outside of the pool. Like situps. No one knows better than me, that due to having Ankylosing Spondylitis (AS), a crippling disease in the Rheumatoid Arthritis family, I must keep moving or suffer the possibility of being wheelchair bound.

All in all, I am thankful for the measure of healing I have received over the years, through my Chiropractor, for without his help, I still would not be able to do even this amount of exercise. Lord, please bless Dr. Gemel. I pray many people can be helped by him.

Due to some computerized equipment that allowed Dr. Gemel to adjust high up near my cranium and low into the spine, like never before, I have more mobility. I may never be totally healed, from the result of being in a major collision years ago, but I am stronger and have more mobility, now. Lord, I cannot thank You, enough.

And, yes. I am looking forward to the pool being opened!

Tonight, I went to practice singing, to prepare for Bluesfest Idol 2010. My friend J, joined me. Later, my co-worker/realtor friend C, dropped by. Thank you, very much, for the support you have been showing me. I appreciate this, more than you know.

Well, since I must be up really early in the morning, I should bid you goodnight.

Until next time...

Monday, May 24, 2010

Gordon & His 'Wellies'...

Going to bed about 3:00 am, would usually mean I would be tired in the morning, but this morning, I awoke on my own, a little later than I normally would. It was easy. I never set the alarm!

Being a holiday, my plan was to take it easy. For most of the day, this was accomplished, but not for the whole day.

This morning, I watched some TV and read some of the book that Gordon's friend B, had given me when we had coffee together recently, in London, ON. The book is titled: An Irish Country Village, by Patrick Taylor.

Truly, I am enjoying the book. Whenever I read it, it brings back memories of being in N. Ireland. For some reason, a dog owned by one of the main characters enjoys escaping from home, finding locations where 'wellies' can be found, and brings one home, making it necessary for its owner to find where it came from and return it. For anyone who doesn't know, a 'wellie' is a Wellington boot.

To most people, this part of the story line wouldn't mean much, but to me, it does.

On our last visit to N. Ireland, we attended a wedding of one of my family members. While we were there, Gordon had his 60th birthday. My family threw him a surprise birthday party at a local restaurant. It was such a surprise that even I did not know about it!

Gordon received many beautiful birthday gifts. One of them is such a treasure. Gordon loved it; so do I. The gift is a collectible item with the name of 'Gordon', as issued from the manufacturer. It's a little sheep, with a black face.

Gordon is wearing an Irish sweater, complete with sheep dogs knitted on it, along with a matching hat. What makes Gordon truly Irish/British, is the green 'wellies' he's wearing. He's so cute. Hopefully, I can include a photo of him for you to see.

Today, was the first time I could think about and look at little Gordon, without crying, for every time I look at him, I think of my Gordon. Oh oh, see now, there I go, again. Tears are welling up. Lord, help me, please.

This afternoon, I got caught in the downtown traffic jam, both coming and going to the house. Today, it seemed like half the city celebrated Windsor's birthday, plus it was Victoria Day, so partying was happening, everywhere.

Still, I managed to clean two (2) more windows and their blinds. Hopefully, I'll be done the work there, soon!

Arriving home, I found a message on my machine from my friend W. Both she and I are members of our creative writing group. Apparently, we were having our meeting today, even though it was a holiday! I rushed, showered, ate and arrived late, as I had to once again cross town!

I had thought about going to practice music, for Bluesfest Idol 2010, but by the time I got gas for my vehicle and did another errand, I arrived home exhausted.

Sleep well. Hopefully, I will, too.

Until next time...

Sunday, May 23, 2010


Last night's sleep was wonderful and relaxing. I went to bed close to 2:00 am, but that was better than what I've been experiencing, lately. Thank You, Lord!

My Lord's day is always a great day! Waking up about 8:00 am, I thought about sleeping in a little longer, but could not go back to sleep. So, about 8:15 am, I got up.

Since I didn't have to rush around first thing this morning, I made a cup of coffee (this is unusual for me!). French Vanilla Cappuccino, actually. Mmmm...good stuff! I had time to check e-mail and update on Facebook, this morning, before preparing to leave for church.

Worship, was wonderful, today. I especially enjoyed today's music. It's funny, but my Pastor spoke about some of the stuff I had been writing about, recently. Talk about being on the same page!

After church, I managed to see my daughter P, for a few minutes. Then, I called a potential buyer, who happens to live near my house; the person actually called me the other day and suggested that although they didn't want to meet for a traditional-type listing presentation meeting, they did want me to come for coffee one day. Today was the day!

J & J made me a delicious cup of tea. We visited, got to know each other and discussed many things, including the fact that J had been a Realtor many years ago. Our conversation was stimulating. I believe I need to hear more of their world travels, for work and pleasure! Seriously, it was a meeting that was unusual, but really nice.

Afterwards, I attended an open house on a property that a client had enquired to me about. We'll see what happens, here.

Then, on I went to the cemetary. The weather today, was warmer than I expected. Although I felt overdressed for the temperature generally, I felt rather comfortable when I sat on my lawn chair at Gordon's graveside.

After visiting at Gordon's grave, of course with the usual tears, talking and praying, I pulled some weeds. Actually, Gordon's grave only had a couple of small weeds, because I had been keeping them under control as the grass grew where only dirt had previously been.

However, a nearby grave was a different story. Since the grave had recently been opened, dirt had been covered with grass seed and topped with stuff to allow the grass to grow without the seed blowing away or getting eaten by birds. The hay-like covering didn't stop weeds from growing. Some were close to a foot high.

I felt terrible seeing this. After all, if anyone who loved the person had visited the grave, I am sure they would have removed the weeds, since they were the only thing visibly growing. It made me sad to think that the person probably had not had anyone come to their graveside, since their burial.

Actually, I thought of that with Gordon, too. I wonder if anyone, other than me, has visited Gordon's grave, at all, ever, since his burial. I suppose I will not ever know, until I am in heaven, ask and find out the truth. However, I doubt it. I believe I am the only person who has visited Gordon's grave. To me, this is sad.

Anyway, as I was leaving, I picked out about half the weeds on the other person's grave. My hands were full, so I had to leave the rest. Hopefully, someone else will take pity on the situation and complete the task.

By 4:00 pm, I was worshipping once more, but this time with Community Bible Church. A few weeks ago, I had taken my friend B with me, one Sunday. As I've mentioned previously, I try to be supportive of this new church plant, even though I have my own church family. B loved the group, the Pastor's preaching/teaching and has been worshipping there, ever since.

Today, after the service, we all drove over to Sandwich Baptist Church, as they were kind enough to lend the use of their church for the baptisms happening, today. Some people call this church Sandwich First Baptist Church, while others call it First Sandwich Baptist Church. Whatever you want to call it, I call it a wonderful church.

The history of this church is phenomenal. It was built in 1820 and was the first church built in the area. This is not the main reason for it's fame, though. No, the real reason for it's fame and history, is because it participated as part of the Underground Railway, during the time of Slavery in the USA.

Many black families, if they checked on their heritage, would find that their ancestors were brought to this church, hidden below the main level, sheltered and relocated to areas further inland, away from the border. This was necessary, due to the fact that bounty hunters were known to cross into Canada, grab slaves and take them back to the USA.

My friend B had her daughter M and two of her children with her. In addition, our mutual friend J and I was there. It makes my heart sing, when I see someone become baptized, for I know that they truly love Jesus Christ. After all, God told us in His Word, that we are to repent and be baptized; not be baptized and at some point in your life, repent. No, God's Word is clear that we must understand what baptism is about and have the relationship with our Lord, before becoming baptized. Read Acts 2:38...

In any case, no matter what anyone thinks about baptism, I know I've done okay, myself. How do I know? I've been double-dipped: once as an infant, when I had no clue as to what this was about and certainly had not consented and once again, as an adult, when I knew exactly why I wanted to be baptized. In obedience to God's Word. Now, my friend B has been double-dipped, too! Praise God! Thank You, Jesus!

Later, my friend J came to my home. Since I had extra steak, potatoes and veggies, we shared an instant replay (leftovers to you who may not understand!). Other than this, all I had to do was make more caesar salad, because J brought in dessert: Cappuccino Frozen Yogurt; mmmm...

Lord, you truly blessed me, today. Thank You for this. I may not always be happy with the condition of my life, but I'm blessed and I know it.

Until next time...

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Truly Blessed!

Last night, I got to bed just before 3:00 am and slept like a log.

Still, I was up fairly early. There was a lot for me to do, today. Made some calls. I had some shopping to do; got it done! And, I went to the house to continue spring cleaning. Yes, I cleaned for a couple of hours, meaning I cleaned two (2) windows and the blinds on each window.

Thrilling, wouldn't you say?! lol No, it isn't really, but it is a necessary evil, as I call it! The worst part is that with working and cleaning at the house, it doesn't leave me with energy to do my own spring cleaning at home. Oh well, I suppose it doesn't really matter, in the whole scheme of things, for the work at home won't run off. It will be there waiting for me, no matter how long it takes me to get around to it. (Don't you just love those round-to-its?) lol

Tonight, I had dinner guests, once again.

The last time my co-worker/realtor friend C was here, was for a business meeting with a mortgage broker and another co-worker/realtor friend. My neighbour/friend K was also with us. Well, that day, when C used the men's room, the dimmer switch broke.

So, since that day, I have had no light in my bathroom. Today was the day C was going to change the switch for me. Unfortunately, the new switch is not as deep as the old switch was, so I must get some longer screws before the job can be completed. However, I am grateful that while the wires are visible due to the switch and plate cover not being secured, I at least have light, now! Praise God! Thank You, Jesus! And, thank you C. I feel blessed.

Knowing C was going to be here, I decided it would be nice to have dinner, together. Of course, this meant that I had to invite K, as well. lol!!

We feasted on caesar salad, steak, broccoli and baked potatoes that I made Irish-style. Well, actually, I just call it done Irish-style, not knowing how people eat baked potatoes, in Ireland. The reason I call it that, is because in Ireland there is a potatoe-style they call champ, which is mashed potatoes with onion in it. So, when I make baked potato (not in the microwave, but in the oven or on the bbq) wrapped in foil and baked with butter and onion inside, I call it Irish-style! It's delicious. You'll have to try it, if you haven't, already!

Oh dear, I almost forgot to mention that we diabetics should not be proud of this, but we finished our meal with a slice of coconut cream pie. Is your mouth watering? It was tasty!

Tonight, I did something I really should not have done. In addition to feasting on this huge meal, I had a glass of wine. Something I do not usually have. C enjoys wine with his supper, so he brought a bottle of Baby Duck. I hadn't seen a bottle of that, since before my Mom died; she liked Baby Duck wine.

Due to the fact that I am diabetic and my liver has been affected from the Ankylosing Spondylitis (AS) creating inflammation, I don't usually indulge in alcoholic beverages. That, and the fact that I really am not a drinker, it was really out of character for me. In fact, my wine glasses are rarely used and are collecting dust in the top of one of my cabinets. K went home and brought over three (3) glasses, so we could share a glass, together. lol

Later, I chatted with a friend that I hadn't chatted with, for quite a while. I truly enjoyed our conversation.

My whole day was good. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that I felt truly blessed, today. Praise God! Thank You, Jesus!

Until next time...

Friday, May 21, 2010

Time Always Runs Out...

Last night, I finally climbed into bed about 5:15 am; maybe I should have said, this morning! No, I didn't sleep all day. In fact, I was up before 8:00 am. Am I tired? You bet! Would I like more sleep? Of course! Will I get it, tonight? Who knows? Only God knows, for sure.

Getting going when I am tired like this, is difficult, but not impossible. As per usual, I did what I needed to do. However, this morning, I did feel rather down, still. Oh well, I know I just have to hang in there and trust God; He will see me through this trial.

Later in the afternoon, I did some errands, plus I went shopping to pick up some dessert, for tonight. Yes, I had company for supper!

Previously, my friend J suggested we get together tonight; she wanted to bring pizza for dinner. I made the salad and provided dessert. So, we did!

J arrived about 5:30 pm or shortly after. The table was set and ready, as was the salad. We enjoyed a wonderful supper, together! Thank you J, for suggesting this and bringing the pizza with you; it was a wonderful and tasty idea and meal.

Our fellowship time was wonderful, too. An evening of girl-time! We enjoyed much conversation. In addition, we discussed potential plans for a dinner for the Christian Singles' Cafe group, to be held at my church, in November. Laugh; go ahead! It's still spring. That's okay. No harm in being prepared!

While J has recently obtained a computer for use at home and is now e-mailing, she has not yet become comfortable enough with internet to use Facebook (FB). So, I showed her my FB site. Hopefully, J will decide to join the rest of us, soon!

In an entry a few days ago, I mentioned that I hoped to watch a movie with J and we did. We watched Dear John. As I mentioned previously, I thought it was a wonderful movie, filled with multiple examples of selfless love. J enjoyed the movie as much as I did. Thank You, Lord for all you provide for us.

If you haven't yet watched Dear John, please make sure you see it. Hopefully, you will enjoy it as much as we did.

While I really don't want to tell of the story line, to ruin it for you, I will say that it was an especially heartwarming film, with a happy ending. In fact, I will say the ending is much different than what you might expect, based on the beginning of the movie.

One line in the movie I liked said something like: the problem with time is that eventually, time always runs out. Sort of like life.

For sure, Gordon's time ran out. Sometimes, I wish it had been my time that ran out and not his, but I know this wasn't the plan God had for us. No matter what, God's will is always done.

In Dear John, just as in real life, God works in mysterious ways. While I don't quite know how He does it, God seems to be able to make some good come out of horrible times and experiences in our lives.

In fact, God tells us in Romans 8:28, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose."

This is how I know that because I love God, He will make something good come out of all this pain, suffering and sorrow in my life. Praise God! Thank You, Jesus! I know I just have to be patient, for He will do so, in His time, not my time.

Now, if I can just get some sleep, I'll be an even more happy camper! Since it is almost midnight, I'll bid you goodnight.

Until next time...

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Hearts Desire!

This morning, I managed to get moving fairly early. I just wish my nights were a little longer!

However, today was filled with phone call after phone call. Both for work and with friends and family.

My friend A, called me again, today. Once again, we prayed together, with special emphasis on a problem that plagues most blended families. While some may call it teenage woes with a step-child, we both agreed that mostly, the child in question needs to be saved. So, we prayed to that end and are trusting God for a positive response, for we know that He wishes none should perish.

For some reason, I felt very lonely, today. Don't ask me why, for I truly do not know. Why is it that one day, I can feel almost normal again, then another day, I feel like a basket case over losing Gordon. Father, when will this pain end?

I thought of my family in Ireland and decided to make some calls. For some reason, I feel very content, when I'm there. I love it. It feels like home, to me. It's not, for I was born in Canada. Still, when I am there, I feel like I belong there. When I think of being there, it lifts my spirits.

My cousin H and I enjoyed a lengthy conversation. We have a lot in common. Especially now that we are both widows. She is truly a blessed woman, for she has a wonderful support system of close-knit family that love her and support her, especially through her grief.

In addition, I enjoyed conversation with H's daughter A. A and her husband R are a lovely couple. They seem like they were meant for each other; I'm grateful they have a good marriage. Of course, they have their hands full with their two children, with their youngest being only four (4) months old!

This might sound silly, but I love listening to them, when they speak. Not just my family. But everyone there.

On one visit, I worshipped one Sunday at the church where my great-grandparents were married. It was shocking to see the church was crowded, for I had worshipped at another local church the Sunday previous and it was almost empty. The usher had to ask people to make room for me. I thanked him. Several people turned to me and quietly said, "I love your accent!" I quietly chucked and replied, "I love yours, too!" We all shared a giggle.

Both H and A asked me if I would be able to come for another visit. I assured them both that I will. I've been holding off making any major decisions, financial or otherwise, for I have been advised from many people that I should wait a year before making any serious decisions. Apparently, grief has influenced many people in the past. So, I decided right after Gordon died, that I would take the advice given and try to not make any major decisions.

Although, I did almost go to Florida, last January. But, this is not quite a major trip, in comparison to travelling to Europe.

Besides, my life is very full at the moment. I've been busier with work; hopefully, this will continue. Although, I'm not quite sure how our already disastrous Windsor real estate market will be affected by the new HST, beginning July 1st. Some say people won't really be affected much, but considering that many everyday goods and services we use will be taxed at rates between 5-13%, I believe we'll just have to wait and see how people are truly affected.

While the purchase of real estate may not be drastically affected, reality is that people only have so much expendable income. When some of that income gets used to pay a new tax, it may mean that people will have less flexibility in making major purchase decisions, like making a move to another home. Time will tell.

After prayer and Bible study, I did some shopping. Later, I went to practice singing, for there is only about two (2) weeks left, before I must compete in the Bluesfest Idol 2010 quarter-final contest. The top twenty-four (24) people will move on into the semi-final contest about a week later.

Believe me, there are many talented people participating. The competition is great. I may be somewhat talented, but I certainly am not a young, vibrant entertainer. Still, if God's will is for me to perform at the finals, during Bluesfest 2010, then it will happen. As I have mentioned in previous entries, I am praying God's will is for this, for in my heart of hearts, I would really like to honour Him and sing my rewritten lyrical version of Sarah McLachlin's song: Angel.

The last song I sang tonight was Angel. Believe it or not, total strangers came up to me and praised my efforts, as I was preparing to leave.

Father, thank You, for helping me, every day. I could not make it through this horrible life, without You. You mean everything to me.

Jesus loves me. He loves you, too. Always remember that, "whosoever calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved." Romans 10:13

Until next time...

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Provision, Friendship and Support...

Campbell Baptist's 50+ Group, lunch in the fellowship room, May 19, 2010.

After another night of minimal sleep, I made myself get up and do what I needed to do. Before I could do anything else, I had to make sure I got some real estate work done. Phew! Did it! Praise God! Thank You, Jesus!

In addition, since today I was scheduled to participate with my church's 50+ group for our monthly lunch gathering, I had to prepare for this, too. Some months, we have more of a supper-type meal, but this month was salads, sandwiches, plus beverages and desserts, of course. So, I made sandwiches.

Upon arriving at church, I was shocked to see repairmen working on the electrical pole outside the church. Upon entering, I found out why. There was no power.

After searching for a flashlight and finding one, we began setting up candles, so we could proceed with our luncheon.

Isn't it amazing that God provided, even before we knew we needed him to provide for us? It would have been a disaster, had our luncheon been scheduled as a hot meal, as we've had in the past! After all, we would have absolutely required electricity. It was a blessing that today's meal was scheduled (months ago) as a cold presentation. Praise God! Thank You, Jesus! You always seem to know our needs, before we do!

Just as we were working on setting up candles, the power came on! What a blessing! Once again, we thank You, Father!

I was glad to see my friend W was in attendance, for she is recovering from having surgery about two weeks ago, in Toronto. She's actually looking wonderful. Thank You Father, for bringing W through her surgery and providing healing for her! We pray that it is Your will to continue providing healing, for W.

W had forgotten to bring her camera. And, since I had mine in my purse, I agreed to take the photos, today. After I'm finished writing this entry, I will e-mail the photos to W. If I have a CD available and if I can manage to get it done, I will make a CD for her, as well.

Since there was a lot of food left over, I brought some home with me. Guess what I had for supper?!

I must admit, coming home to an empty apartment, is still rather upsetting. While I try to not think about it, there are times when I can't help but think about it. After all, I am alone.

My co-worker/realtor friend L, whose work I took over while she was visiting her parents and family in Taiwan, dropped by for a quick visit. It was kind of L to bring me a gift of 'tea' from Taiwan. Thank you, L! I appreciated receiving your tasty gift. Hopefully, you'll visit and enjoy some, with me.

After L left, I finished watching a movie. Truly, I found Lady Sings the Blues, rather depressing. I probably shouldn't have watched it. Really, I didn't need anything else to contribute to feeling low, today. Hindsight is always perfect, isn't it?!

Why was I feeling rather low? Well, I sat at the back of the room, today. I felt it would be easier to get group shots and I felt I wouldn't disturb people much, this way. This meant that I could see everyone in the room. Every table seemed to have married couples, seated together. While I am happy for them, it seemed to serve as a reminder to me of my loss.

Let's face it, Gordon was only sixty-two (62), when he died. Rather young, compared to the majority of seniors, in attendance. We have people in their ninties (90's), who have been recently married!

And, there I was. Alone.

Before I forget, I want to thank Pastor B, from Community Bible Church, for the encouraging e-mail I received from him, this morning. I appreciate your friendship and support.

May God bless each of you readers and friends, now and always.

Until next time...

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Some Work, Some Play!

Friends J & C, outside Tecumseh Roadhouse after Lynnie's Bluesfest practice.

Well, this was quite a day! Busy, busy.

This morning, I had plenty of work to keep me busy, so I rushed and managed to get everything accomplished that I needed to. Praise God! Thank You, Jesus!

My co-worker/Realtor friend C was having some work done on one of his cars, so I picked him up and together, we made our way to Red Lobster, for lunch. There, we met my neighbour/friend K, for our lunch to celebrate C's birthday. Happy Birthday, C!

I believe I can speak for all three of us, when I say that we all seemed to enjoy our time together, today. Lots of good fun, laughs and of course, a delicious meal.

Afterwards, I dropped C off at his mechanic's, to pick up his car. Then, I made my way to S. Windsor, to meet with M, the Mortgage Broker who attended the lunch meeting at my home, last week.

We discussed business, clients I had referred to her and some other stuff. I seem to get along well with M. She's a hard worker. I like this in a person. I should like her! After all, in the past, when I worked not only as a Realtor, but also as a Mortgage Broker, I hired M and helped give her basic training, to begin her career.

Ah, that was in a time, when Gordon and I worked together doing mortgages. Brings back memories!

Early this evening, my friend J called me at home. She wanted to know if I was going to Tecumseh Roadhouse to practice singing for Bluesfest Idol 2010. I told her I thought I should, since the quarter-final contest is in about three (3) weeks and I'm still not sure what to sing. J surprised me by saying she would go, tonight.

This shocked me, but I was happy J was there. I had already eaten, but she hadn't, so J dined while I sang!

To my surprise, my co-worker/Realtor friend C showed up, too! How shocking! Usually, I am there by myself, with no one to give me feedback on which music was better/worse.

Thank you, J & C! You both really made my night. I appreciate your support.

The photo above is of J & C, outside Tecumseh Roadhouse. It turned out a bit dark, but then, it was dark outside!

Oh well, tomorrow is another day! I suppose I should get a move on. Especially since I must send a fax and do some other things, before I head to bed.

Goodnight! Sleep tight! Don't let the bedbugs bite!

Until next time...

Monday, May 17, 2010

Yet I Will Trust...

One day, I'd like to wake up after having only three (3) hours of sleep and feel rested. Unfortunately, it hasn't happened, yet.

Today, was my usual work-at-home day. Calls, computer work, etc. Just the usual stuff. Nothing out of the ordinary.

However, my co-worker/realtor friend H's husband A, is in hospital. Hopefully, I'm not repeating myself. A had emergency bowel surgery. Being no longer young, this is a very dangerous surgery for A to have. Please pray for him, H and their family. Thank you. May God bless you.

Yesterday, I mentioned I watched a second movie. It was a wonderful movie.

Shockingly, it was not only a love story/tragedy, but contained a story line where the main two characters show selfless love. Some oldie-style movies were made like this, but I cannot recall a movie made recently that was as heartbreaking and heartwarming as this one was.

No, I don't want to tell you the story, or anything more about the characters, for you need to watch this for yourselves. One day, I will talk about it, for it amazed me that this wasn't a Christian movie, but a secular one. It blew me away. In fact, when my friend J comes Friday night for dinner, I plan to watch it with her, for she has not seen this movie.

Selfless acts of love. When was the last time you saw this in real life?

I know. You want to know what the name of this movie is. It's called, Dear John. It was made this year. What's nice also, is the music in the movie is wonderful, too.

Seriously, what begins as a typical scenario, soon changes into a more complicated story line, with twists and turns that lead to an outcome very different from what one might expect. As I mentioned earlier, the part that surprised me was the fact that there was not just one selfless act of love, but indeed, more than that. Sorry, I truly do not want to give it away.

Please watch it, if you have the chance. If you're like me, you'll want to see it more than once. Remember, the movie is called, Dear John.

Have you ever done a selfless act of love? Have you ever done anything you thought was the right thing to do, even though you knew it would change your life? Ever had to pay a price, for doing what was right? I have.

The result was persecution. I know. God told us to consider it all JOY. That's easier said than done. I certainly haven't received any kind of reward, here on earth. On the contrary, it only brought me pain and sorrow. Not to worry though, for I know God won't forget this, when I see Him in heaven.

I know that I did the right thing, at the time. Whenever I feel sad or down about the result, I recall what the Bible says in Job 13:15, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him..."

Until next time...

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Love and Priority of Needs...

Once again, I woke up feeling rather tired. However, today was my Lord's day, so I got myself up, did what I had to do and got myself to church, to worship.

My friend B sat next to me, both during worship and later, during our missions fund-raiser BBQ luncheon. It's actually very nice, sharing a meal with others and not having to eat, alone. In addition, it's a real bonus to be able to help sponsor those who are going to be working on a missions trip, this summer.

The luncheon provided time to fellowship with some other friends, too.

W was there with her family. Actually, I was surprised to see her, today. Although, she is recovering well from her surgery and looks great! Praise God! Thank You, Jesus!

A was there with her family, as well. You may recall that a couple of days ago, A's van was broken into while she walked her one (1) year old through Malden Park and her purse that was hidden under a seat, was stolen. Here's an update: a woman found A's purse in a nearby park, called her and returned A's purse to her. Minus any money, but all her ID and other important items were still with the purse. Praise God! Thank You, Jesus!

What wonderful news from my friends! God is good.

Afterwards, I met with my co-worker/realtor friend C, who had returned home after a weekend away. We spoke about our business plan for the week. Also, about a lunch with my friend K, to celebrate C's birthday. The date, time and place were changed. Oh yes, before I forget, it was really nice being served tea and a sweet treat. Thank you, C! I appreciate your hospitality!

Since I was close to the cemetary, I made my way to Gordon's grave. It's hard to believe, but grass is almost totally covering his grave, now. Since the weather was warm and nice, I set up a lawn chair and sat there for a while. Of course, if anyone saw me or heard me, they might think I was strange, talking and singing to myself, but it truly wasn't to myself, but to God and Gordon. Even though I feel awful once I've arrived there, I just cannot seem to stay away. Yes, once more, I cried most of the way home.

Once home, I watched two (2) movies. One, I will talk about another time, because it is enough to speak about one movie, today.

I watched, 'Leap Year'. I've seen the movie, before. However, I watched it again, because it was a good movie and I felt I needed something to cheer me up. Thinking about, talking about or seeing Ireland, usually gives me a lift. While I enjoy Europe in general, I especially enjoy UK and Ireland. Of course, Ireland is special to me, for it is such a beautiful place. For me, truly a gift from God.

The movie itself, is a romance-comedy. This is not what sticks out in my mind, when I think of the movie. I don't want to spoil the movie for you, if you haven't seen it, yet. So, I won't tell you the story-line. However, there is one concept the movie promotes that reminds me of Gordon's love for me.

While in his earlier life, he may have screwed up at times. Our relationship may have been on-again/off-again for a time. However, when we finally married, there could not have been a better husband. He truly loved me.

Gordon always put my needs ahead of his own. This measure of love comes out in the movie. After all, when we love, we do tend to think of the other person, first.

Even the Bible promotes this concept. Many Christians have heard about JOY, meaning:

Jesus comes first, then
Others come next, and
Yourself, coming last.

One example that comes foremost in my mind, was when we lived in a waterfront home on Riverside Dr. E., in Windsor.

Not long after we bought the property, we had flooding in the area that the Windsor Star said was the worst in 25 years. And, they had a photo on the front page of the paper of a flooded abandoned vehicle, immediately in front of our home! What an experience that was!

Gordon was on his way home from work. It was raining. Some people may have thought the flooding was caused by rain, but I know it wasn't. If ever you saw or used a kiddie pool, with rings that you blow up, you'll know that to empty it, you might lift up one side; the water then overflows the other side and you drain the pool this way.

Well, that's the best way I can describe what happened. I was on the telephone, while seated so I could look out my patio doors onto the river/lake. All of a sudden, it looked like the lake tilted. Sort of like what I just described to you about the kiddie pool. It looked like it was lifted up. The water began to roll in. Before I could even describe it to the person I was on the phone with, the water came rolling over our breakwall, flooding properties in our area, including our home. Within a matter of seconds, we went from having no water, other than some rain, to being flooded out. Literally within seconds, the water level rose up my patio door, so high, I was surprised the door didn't collapse. It held.

We had two pumps going. Gordon brought home a third pump. My brothers and friends helped bail water from our furnace/storage area, to no avail. After they left, our lights began to flicker.

Gordon insisted we leave; he didn't want us being electrocuted. I wanted to pack up a few things. He refused to allow me to do this. Instead, we put our two elderly (now deceased) baby boy pussy cats into their carriers and Gordon rushed me out to our vehicle, parked nearby in a safer area. He then returned into our home, because he knew there were some things I did not want to leave behind and wouldn't allow me to re-enter our home.

He not only showed me that he loved me by doing this, but he showed me that he put my life and needs ahead of his own.

People can say what they like. Not everyone likes everything about everybody. But, I can say with all honesty, that Gordon would have laid down his life for me.

How do I know this is true love? Jesus said in John 15:12-13, "This is My commandment, that you love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends."

Jesus did this for me and for all who trust in Him, for their salvation. He laid down His life for me...and you, if you're trusting in Him, for your salvation.

Love, nothing more beautiful. Nothing more heartbreaking. Nothing more important. Other than Jesus.

Until next time...

Saturday, May 15, 2010


Last night, I was so-o exhausted, I could hardly keep my eyes open, even shortly after writing my blog entry, so I went to bed, fairly early. At least, for me. Once again, there I was, lying in bed. Awake. Couldn't sleep. After about an hour, I got up and stayed up, until about 2:30 am. Then, I finally got to sleep! Even though my sleep was broken, I felt like I slept well.

This morning, I made contact with a couple clients, read the paper and generally, took it easy. What a great morning!

In the afternoon, I decided I should really head over to the house. So, I did. Due to my physical conditions, I only stayed about two (2) hours, again. That's about as long as I can tolerate doing physical labour, even with taking periodic breaks. Still, I managed to get three (3) more windows and blinds, cleaned. Thank You, Lord! I couldn't do it without You.

On the way home, I took Traumeel, a natural anti-inflammatory and upon arriving home, I took asprin. I am not the kind of person to take heavy-duty pain medication or prescription medicines. Did that. Suffered the side effects. No more. Now, I rely on great quality vitamins and more natural products. Only occasionally, do I even take asprin. Today, was one of those days.

Upon arriving home, I had a short visit with my neighbour/friend K. This coming Monday, we were scheduled to go to lunch with my co-worker/realtor friend C, whose birthday is today. Happy Birthday, C! C is out of town for the weekend. K informed me that Monday is not good for her after all, so we're hoping to change C's birthday lunch to Tuesday, instead. Hopefully, this will be fine with C; time will tell.

Just before leaving K's, she informed me that she had made Shepherd's Pie for supper and planned to give me some. Even though I tried to resist, I left with a plate of food. There's just no arguing with K! I must say, supper was delicious! Thank you, K! I'm truly blessed to have you as my friend. Especially, since you are such a good cook! :-))

Relaxing, I watched a movie; one that I've seen many times. Every time I watch it, I am reminded how a few months ago, a friend of mine made a comment that no one was ever going to put them in a cage. At the time this was said, I really couldn't understand why this remark was made. After seeing it in the movie, it struck me that the person was afraid of something. Just like one of the characters in the movie.

In my opinion, we all have cages in life. Some, created through fear, some through decisions we've made, whether good or bad. Untimately, the end is the same. Cages. They hold us back from fulfilling dreams.

Of course, the movie ends happily; the couple realizes they love each other and the final scene is of them kissing. Why is it that we enjoy watching movies with happy endings? I can only speak for myself, but I believe that I enjoy happy endings in movies, because it is heartwarming and fulfilling to see that happiness and love can triumph. Unlike my life. That's why it appeals to me, so very much.

In my life, every time I thought I was going to have a happy ending, it turned out the relationship was disasterous.

Of course, I still feel that my life has been just one big trial. And, it truly has been. However, I know that no matter what is planned for my life, here on earth, my life will have a happy ending. Not necessarily here on earth, but for sure later, in my afterlife.

I know this, because God promised me. His Word tells me that He loves me, has provided for me and will help me overcome this life and all it's trials. All I had to do and yes, I've done it, is trust in God's only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, for my salvation. It's simple. It was free to me, for I never had to pay a price for it. Nor will you. Just do it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Isaiah 43:1-3 tells us, "...Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name. You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers, thy shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the Lord your God..."

God wrote that for me and for you, if you belong to Him. I belong to Him. He redeemed me. He can redeem you, too. Trust in Jesus.

Until next time...

Friday, May 14, 2010


It was after 3:30 am when I finally decided to not look at the clock, again. The alarm went off at 7:15 am. It was a short night again, to say the least. Truly, I feel myself becoming more and more tired, all the time. Oh well, maybe I'll get a great sleep, tonight.

Before the day began, I knew it would be a hard day for me, physically. Especially after driving to London, ON, yesterday. It's difficult for me to sit for lengthy periods of time; in fact, I'm not really supposed to do that. But, today was another one of those days when I had to do what I had to do, because I had to do it!

While yesterday's physically demanding time happened out of necessity, on short notice, today's had been preplanned. As a realtor, in order to maintain my licencing, I must participate with continuing education. The requirement is a minimum of twenty-four (24) credit hours of education, in every two (2) year cycle. While most of the education can be selected by me, there is one mandatory course: RECO Update, worth six (6) credits. Today was the day I was scheduled for the course. Praise God, I won't have to do this course again, for two years!

This meant sitting for practically a whole day. Not in a comfy recliner chair, nor is there an option of finding better supporting seating. It truly is difficult for me, for my neck and back. By the time I left at the end of the day, I could hardly walk and my pain level was HIGH.

God takes care of me, though. He provided for me throughout the day. He made sure I got home, okay. He always seems to know my needs before I even know my needs. Praise God! Thank You, Jesus!

My friend A called me, this evening. She had some disturbing news. Apparently, she had visited Malden Park, with her one year old daughter, today. They went for a walk, as they have a common habit of doing.

Upon returning to her van, she found the window smashed. Her purse, that had been stashed under a seat, was stolen. My goodness. While this is the first time this happened at this particular park, it is the second time her vehicle was broken into and her purse, stolen. However, this time, it will cost a small fortune to repair damage, by replacing the window.

The last time this happened, A was fortunate to find her purse dropped at her front door, the following morning. Minus cash, but at least her ID, etc. was there. We prayed that this same thing will happen, this time. Please pray that A's personal things, including ID, etc. will be returned to her. Please pray the Holy Spirit will convict the thief of their sin. May God save this person. May God bless you, for praying.

Actually, it isn't far-fetched to think she may have her purse, ID, etc. returned to her. Years ago, when I worked as a driver for Canada Post, I used to find all kinds of things in mail boxes. It was common to find grass clippings, bottle caps, bottles, garbage, used condoms, wallets and purses. Once, I even found a young child in a mail box. Yes, you read correctly. His older brothers had deposited him, there. This actually happened more than once, until the office moved the mail box to a different location.

Anything with ID was returned to the owner. Hopefully, this will be the case for A. Hopefully, she won't have to go through a horrible ordeal to replace her personal items, for it can truly become a nightmare. Not to mention the fact that her identity could be stolen and not just her ID. Again, thank you for your prayer, regarding this problem.

Tonight, I really should have gone to practice some music, but I truly am exhausted, so I didn't go.

In fact, my friend J called me and invited me to supper at her home, but I took a raincheck, instead.

Hopefully, God will bless me tonight, with a good sleep. I know that grief and depression can cause sleeping problems and am positive that is what's wrong with me. It seems that no matter how tired I am, once I get into bed, my eyes become wide-awake once more. Usually, I begin to cry. This probably makes it worse, but I can't seem to stop this from happening.

I know God loves me. I know I'm blessed. I also know I hate my life the way it is. Still, there's not much I can do about it. Except pray. And pray, I do.

Hopefully, one day, He will heal my life and restore it, just as He did Job's. That time cannot come soon enough, for me. Still, His His time. Until then, I just have to trust Him.

Until next time...

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Just As We Are...

When I awoke this morning, I was tired. Probably, because I had woken up about every hour through the night!

Still, I got myself up, ready to go and even packed a picnic lunch for my daughter P, my grandson S and myself. Once they arrived at my home, we all climbed into my van, stopped for snacks and coffee for P and we were off to London, ON.

When my daughter P was pregnant with S, she recognized there was a problem with her pregnancy. Her ob/gyn confirmed that S had a problem with his heart rate, just around Christmas time that year. At the time, all P could think about was when she lost her daughter, K and refused to allow S to be born early by cesarean section on Dec. 30th, for that was the anniversary date of K's death. Instead, S was born Dec. 31st. Yes, he is a New Year's Eve baby!

The problem was that S's heart rate in the womb was more than double what it should have been. It was recognized that he could not have survived the birthing process. After he was born, his heart rate was still devastatingly high and was diagnosed with Super Ventricular Tachycardia (SVT) with evidence of Wolff Parkinson White Syndrome.

Try as they did, S's heartrate would not drop to normal, so eventually, he was transported to London, ON, where a heart specialist eventually administered a drug that is usually only given to adults, for none others had worked. His heart rate eventually reduced to a more normal rate.

He's too young yet, but eventually, he will have to have heart surgery. In the meantime, P must take S to London, ON for checkups and tests for his heart.

Today's tests and results were good. He's fine, for now. P has become quite knowledgeable and proficient at using a stethoscope and checking S's heart.

Praise God! Thank You, Jesus! Not just for bringing S through thus far, but also for providing for P, through this.

Usually, P drives to London, without adult company or assistance. However, she was experiencing some car troubles recently, so I volunteered to drive them, today.

Last night, I phoned Gordon's friend B, who lives in St. Thomas. Whenever he travels to or through Windsor, he usually calls or stops by, if I'm home. So, I thought I'd return the favour.

B met me at Tim Horton's on Wellington Rd. just south of Commissioner's Rd. He with his hot chocolate, donuts and cookie and me with my french vanilla cappuccino and cookie, shared about an hour and a half of great conversation.

B had a book for me. I had a book from my friend J, in addition to a card and some Traumeel I had previously promised him. Thank you, B for making the effort, even with your bad hip, to visit with me while P and S were at the hospital. As you know, I regularly pray for you, not just for healing, but also for your salvation.

To and from London, S occupied himself with his portable computer games. P and I enjoyed wonderful conversation. P admitted some things to me that had happened when we travelled together, when she was younger. I admitted, I already knew. Yes, we laughed, together. Praise God! Thank You, Jesus!

All in all, today should have been a great day and truly was. Until I got home, that is. For some reason, just as we arrived home, I recalled recently finding in the pocket of the driver's side door, three (3) pieces of paper with Gordon's writing on them. Each one was inscribed with positive reinforcement statements:

* I am intelligent
* I can control my temper
* I will give others responsibility for their lives

On the surface, this seems like a real positive thing to find, but it bummed me out when I found them and again today, when I recalled finding these pieces of paper.

Not only did these little notes remind me of my loss, but it also reminded me of how Gordon was depressed. He had great reason to be, so please don't think that I don't understand, for I do, really.

I not only miss him with all my being, but I feel so very horrible that I couldn't help him. I just wasn't enough.

That's me. Never quite good enough. Not for some family members, not for some friends and not for Gordon. It breaks my heart, for I've spent my whole life loving others. Especially, Gordon. I just wish I could have done something to have helped him.

Lord, help me, please. I can't seem to deal with this loss in my life. Every time I think I'm doing better, something happens that reminds me that I am not, really.

What I am truly grateful for, is that I never had to be 'good enough' for God. I am truly grateful that He provided for me, from even before I was born. I am truly grateful that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8); that while I was yet a sinner, Christ died for me. Read about this yourself, in your Bible.

Christ also died for you. If you don't already know Him and He, you, I pray that you will come to trust in Jesus, for your salvation.

Our lives, here on earth, are relatively short. Compared to eternity, that is. What's most important isn't what happens here on earth, but what will happen later, when our lives end. You can know where you're going. You can spend eternity in heaven, with God. Trust in Jesus. It's that simple.

I'm not perfect. Neither was Gordon. While people and the world expects this of us, God does not. He loved us and still loves us, just as we are. Praise God! Thank You, Jesus!

Until next time...

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


Last night's sleep was short, but sweeter than it has been for a while now. Still, I really didn't feel like getting up. Unfortunately, I didn't have a choice!

As per usual, I did work from home, today. Of course, I had a few calls and made a few calls today, too.

My friend A, called. We chatted about her day and about good things and trials in her life. And mine, too. We prayed together, before we hung up. What a blessing she is to me! I pray I can always be a blessing to her, too. Lord, I am truly grateful for my friend, who loves me, cares for me and is like a sister to me. Please bless her, always.

Later in the afternoon, my neighbour/friend K and I attended a management meeting, held in our party room. Truly, today was not the best of days for me to have attended a meeting such as this one. No, I didn't speak up much, but felt like I wanted to (lol)!

Needing to be across town to show my home to a prospective buyer, I made my way in rush hour traffic. Phew! It's a good thing Windsor is not like downtown Toronto, Brampton, or Mississauga areas! Actually, it's fairly easy getting around Windsor, except for construction zones that have popped up, lately.

My co-worker/realtor friend C met me at the property. We discussed work and other important stuff, before the buyer arrived. Time will tell if there is interest in the property.

After the buyer left, my daughter P and her boyfriend K arrived. They brought my grandson S, with them. Before Christmas, K and my grandson D had removed the rear seats and bench from my van, as I had planned to travel to Florida and had hoped to try 'camping' with my van, as a friend had suggested. Well, it hadn't happened, because my knee had given out on me again, and I had needed two (2) canes, just to walk around my home. Actually, I suppose I could say it was a blessing this happened, for it seemed that the weather in Florida was horrible and cold!

K, P and I managed to re-install my seats and bench and store all the stuff that I was carrying around, safely. Thank You, Lord! Now, I don't have to rely on my co-worker/friend C to drive all our clients when we show property!

In addition, I'll be able to drive to London tomorrow and actually carry passengers!

Since it is my co-worker/realtor friend C's birthday on Saturday, I offered to take him to lunch. Unfortunately, he has plans for the weekend. Hmmm...this made my next offer easy. I offered to drive to Detroit on Monday, so we could have lunch at Mexican Town Restaurant. Of course, my neighbour/friend K will come with us. So, it will be almost like having a mini-party! :-))

In case I neglected to mention this, I just want to say how happy I am that our antenna person, here in my building, was able to finally pick up Detroit's channel 4 (WDIV) signal for us. The unusual thing about this, is that it should really be a digital signal, but it's not. It's coming through as an analog signal, so we don't need to use the digital receiver box. Weird! But, good! Thank you, so very much! For the first time in a long time, I can watch/record shows that I have missed receiving at home, since the USA went digital.

Now, I can say that I am happy using the antenna for my television signal. Receiving a minimum of twenty-two stations, from Toronto, ON to Toledo, Ohio eliminates the need for cable or satellite systems! After all, how much TV can one person watch?!

Oops, I almost forgot to mention that when I returned home, I found a bag hanging from my doorhandle, containing a still-warm meal and dessert. Yup, it was from my neighbour/friend K. She left a note with it, encouraging me and reminding me that God loves me and so does she. Thank you, K. You are an amazing woman. Thank You Lord, for my friend K. I feel so very blessed, in so many ways. Please bless her, now and always.

It's amazing to me how God always seems to provide for me. Especially with the little things in life. When God helps with big things, it is easy to see, but it takes real awareness to recognize the little things, for sometimes they are easily overlooked. I do appreciate all God does for me.

I've been praying for wisdom and guidance concerning some issues in my life. Hopefully, it won't be long before I have His answer. Until then, I'll just wait.

May God bless you, now and always.

Until next time...

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Family + 1 More!

Lord, if there is a way for me to sleep better, please make a way for me. Last night, I was up until after 4:30 am. Knowing I couldn't sleep, at first I tried the usual things, like reading my Bible, to relax me. Nope; didn't work.

Finally, I decided to make good use of my time, for I knew I was hosting a business luncheon for my co-worker/realtor friends C and M, plus a mortgage broker, M. So, about 4:30 am, I set the table. Actually, I set it for five people, for my neighbour/friend K, was to join us. Believe me, I would rather have been sawing logs. Even though I finally drifted off early this morning, I was up at the usual time.

Mortgage broker M arrived first. She didn't come empty-handed, but came bearing a box filled with tasty delights for dessert. Then, C and M, plus K arrived at the same time. It wasn't long after introductions were made, that I said grace and we began to enjoy our lunch, together. At first, I was concerned that K would be bored to tears with all our 'business' talk, but she seemed to be quite interested and later told me that she enjoyed our time, together.

Even though I served the dessert I had planned, the addition of M's tasty delights were a temptation no one could resist. M, thank you for your kindness and delicious treats! Just remember that the next time you come to my home, you MUST come empty-handed, no matter how you feel about this.

About 12:30 pm, just as we were munching and discussing business, my phone rang. It was my daughter, P. She gave me news I had been anticipating, waiting on baited breath. Her sister, my eldest daughter B, gave birth to her baby.

My granddaughter, who will be named A, was born about 12:10 pm and weighed 6 lbs. 11 oz. Wow! She weighed exactly the same as her Mom did, when she was born!

For a fleeting moment, it brought back memories for me of when B was born. While even then, I knew the marriage was in trouble, I recall being so-o very happy B was born.

She had been a beautiful blonde, with big blue eyes. I recall gazing upon her, while gently holding her in my arms, thinking about how much I loved her. And, even though God wasn't first and foremost in my life at that time, I recall thanking Him, for B. I even recall thanking God aloud, saying how happy I was that I finally had someone in my life to love, who would always love me back. How wrong I had been. :-(

It was a concern to me that B was overdue. To be honest, while I was not worried, I was concerned, for in the past, P had a problem. December 30/1998, after complaining to her doctor about unusual pain, P experienced a final placental abruption, hemorrhaged, almost died herself as her infant daughter K, died. P was full-term. K was delivered dead, later in the day.

Not a good experience, to say the least.

Even though I have been blessed with seven wonderful blood-related grandsons through my two daughters, until now, K was my only blood-related granddaughter. Because Gordon and I were away on vacation when this occurred, K was cremated by the time we returned home, so we never got to see her or hold her.

To be honest, I don't know if I will ever get to see or hold A. B and I have had an on-again/off-again relationship, being estranged for a few years, until recent conversations. Time will tell. If it is part of God's plan for my life, it will happen. I'm praying so.

Still, I am relieved that B is okay. After all, she is not as young as she once was; B will turn 39 later this year. In addition, B has a heart murmur. This was her 7th pregnancy. While B is happy to finally have a baby daughter, poor A will have to contend with 4 older brothers! :-))

In any case, no matter what the future holds, I am grateful to God for my newest baby granddaughter and for allowing B to deliver her, safely. Praise God! Thank You, Jesus! May God bless my daughter B, with a quick healing.

May God heal my daughter P's broken heart, for she still and probably always will mourn the loss of her beloved daughter, K. May God bless her with a loving relationship with her newly-acquired niece, A.

As with all my grandchildren and great-grandchildren, I pray that A will come to know Jesus as her Lord and Saviour, at the earliest age. May God bless her with a lifetime of good health, happiness and love.

Until next time...

Monday, May 10, 2010

7 Months & More Firsts...

My friend George of Tioga George fame, my retired on-line friend who rv's fulltime (currently in Mexico) was kind enough to contact me by e-mail, giving me detailed instructions on how to add a video into my blog. I was so-o happy! I thought I was going to be able to add a youtube video into my blog entry entitled: V-E Day 65th Anniversary.

There must be something wrong with my settings, for I tried to do this several times, but it just wouldn't work. If anyone has an idea what's wrong, please e-mail me: ; believe me, I'll be happy to hear from you! :-))

Today felt like a non-accomplishment day. Oh, I had a lot to do and managed to find time to get 'stuff' done, but I just feel like I didn't accomplish much. I probably shouldn't say that, because I usually do accomplish what I set out to do. It's just that I know I have a lot on my plate to do and just cannot seem to get it all accomplished.

This afternoon, my neighbour/friend K visited for a short time. It's always nice spending time with K, for she's a lovely, loving person. We enjoyed some quality-time together, watching a short DVD about Roadtrek vans. K had not heard of them, until I mentioned that I was considering purchasing an older one, that I felt was suitable for me. She was pleasantly surprised at what Roadtrek vans offer.

Before shipping it to Europe, I would certainly want to get used to the vehicle, by doing some travelling, here at home, first. Ooooo...what a hardship, eh?! :-)) Seriously, since I am not yet ready to do the Europe trip with it yet, I am wondering if it is too soon to be purchasing one, at this time. I know that if God means this for me, it will happen; if He doesn't, it won't. So, I'm not going to worry about it. For sure, I'll be praying about this.

This afternoon, I actually thought about not attending my Creative Writing class, at my church. It has been so very long since I attended, due to me participating with the grief-counselling, previously. Then, our facilitator N had to cancel a few classes. Consequently, I believe today's class would be my first of 2010.

It was a good thing I went. Upon arriving at church, I found our small group huddled by the entrance, waiting for me to arrive. Apparently, I was the only person with a key and security code access, tonight. Wow! That was a close call. I hate to think what would have happened, had I decided to stay home. Thank You, Lord, for guiding me and leading me to attend tonight, after all!

We had a wonderful, fulfilling session, tonight. When we meet in two weeks, it will be my turn to submit something I've written. Since I haven't written anything since Gordon died, except my blog entries, I suppose I should get moving and write something! When I finally do write something other than my blog entry, it will be another 'first', since Gordon's death.

In addition, N asked me if I would lead a class regarding writing a blog. This was shocking, for most people are writing books. Still, I agreed to do it. N wasn't sure when he wants this and said he would e-mail me with a more complete guideline of what he's looking for. Until I know more, I suppose I should just be thinking about what's involved in what I've been doing. After all, when I do this, it will be another 'first' in my life, for I've never done anything like this, before.

My brother G's blog: Disabled vs Government seems to be doing well. As I've mentioned previously, G is a double-amputee, is on dialysis and is losing his eyesight, all due to diabetes. While his computer typing, spelling and other English skills do not really do his blog justice (probably due more to his physical limitations than lack of skill, especially since he can hardly see/read what he is writing), the content is usually good. In fact, he now has people stopping him on the street telling him they read his blog! Good for you, G! I'm proud of your efforts. Keep up the good work!

Talking about 'good work', I think I shoud mention another accomplishment of mine. Some people might think this is silly, but to me, it shows that I am moving forward through my grief. Today, for the first time in about seven and a half (7 1/2) months, I actually did the puzzles found in the Windsor Star. Wow! Another 'first'.

Laugh. Go ahead. Laugh. If it weren't so heartbreaking to me, I would probably laugh right along with you.

Before Gordon collapsed, Oct. 2/09 and was hospitalized, we had a routine. When reading the Windsor Star, he would do the Crossword puzzle and time himself, doing it. Believe it or not, Gordon could do those whole puzzles in about five (5) minutes, or less. Sometimes, even about three (3) minutes. Wow! Was he good at that!

Usually, I had trouble doing Crossword puzzles. But, truthfully, since I knew Gordon loved doing them, I rarely worked on them, myself. Except on Saturday, when the weekend edition included a huge puzzle, in addition to the regular puzzle. Even so, he managed to complete the larger puzzle in a matter of minutes, also.

Daily, I would do the Cryptoquote and the Sudoku puzzles. Gordon could not do these. Really, I was glad, for I enjoyed solving these puzzles. Still, had Gordon liked to do them, I would have gladly left them for him to complete.

After Gordon was hospitalized, he was unconscious and never regained consciousness. No more puzzles for him. No more hearing he loved me, either. No saying 'goodbye', even. It breaks my heart just thinking about it.

So, every day, when I would read the paper, I could no longer bring myself to do any of the puzzles. I didn't even try. Instead, I tore out the puzzle page daily and kept them. Can you imagine! I currently have about seven and one-half months worth of puzzle pages in my possession.

Well, today I finally made myself tackle one page. Yes, I completed the Cryptoquote, Sudoku and even the Crossword puzzle. All within a matter of a few minutes. Even if it seems rather silly and there's no value in accomplishing this, Gordon would be proud of me, I'm sure. Just another 'first', since his death. It's exactly seven (7) months ago today, that my Gordon died. Part of me died then, too.

If I had a choice of accomplishing completing puzzles or having my Gordon back with me, the choice would be simple. Gordon, I would choose you, any day. You may not have been a perfect person, but then again, who is? I loved you then. I love you, now. I'll love you, always.

Until next time...