Tuesday, April 6, 2010


There are times when I experience delayed reactions. Not too often, but once in a while. Today, was one of those days.

Yesterday, I felt like I was 'calming down' after a stressful week. Then, as I previously mentioned, I attended a Christian fund-raiser dinner for Far East Broadcasting Canada. While there, I began feeling stressed, once again. As I mentioned last evening, this was another first for me, without my husband, Gordon.

It may not seem like much to you, but to me, once I got ready for bed, I began to feel worse and worse. After all, in the last eight days, five of them were stressful firsts. Even though I managed fine day by day, I think it all caught up with me.

In early morning, we had a severe thunderstorm. My usual habit would be to get up, shut any/all windows. Okay, I admit it. I don't like thunderstorms. One of my grandmothers had been struck by lightning while seated near a closed window. So, I've certainly never liked having to be near a window or door, even when closed, but certainly not open ones. My bedroom window was slightly open.

Instead of getting up and closing my window, I just left the window open and prayed that God would let me be struck by lightning and take me home. Isn't that awful?! I'm not sure what's worse: feeling like this, or admitting it to anyone?! Hey! At least I'm being honest.

The reality is that today, I just felt totally overwhelmed. I believe I just experienced too much sorrow and sadness over the past eight days. And, it caught up with me. Lord, help me, please.

While some people feel I am a pillar of strength, I know that the truth is that I must rely on God to help me, daily. Sometimes, minute by minute. The reality is that I am human and not a robot. I'm like anyone else who would find themselves living the life I have been living.

No, I'm not a basket case. I'm just someone who is feeling the effects of loss and feeling grief-depression.

Not to sound confusing, but I don't believe it would be a terrible thing for me to be taken home to heaven. God says that there is a time to be born and a time to die. Death is part of life. In addition, God's Word, the Bible, tells us how wonderful heaven will be. How could any saved Christian not look forward to this?! Even if my life was wonderful, which it is not, I would be looking forward to heaven. Please don't confuse this with desperation and/or suicide. I'm not suicidal. And, I'm not desperate. It would hurt my Lord, too much for me to ever hurt myself; I would never do that, especially since I am trusting in Him. I'm just convinced that this life, here on earth, has nothing good in store for me. Believe me, I'm looking forward to being in heaven with Jesus, when God decides it is my time.

Anyway, tonight I feel improved. How could I not, after visiting with my friend L, this evening. If you are my friend on Facebook, you'll know that she invited me over for a visit. We enjoyed tea, fruit, delicious low-sugar treats and great fellowship time, together. L had read that this year the Easter bunny did not come to me, so she made up a lovely easter bag for me. The homemade sugarless chocolate bark was delicious! Thank you, L. I hope you enjoy watching my DVD: The Phantom of the Opera.

At the moment, I'm watching, 'American Idol'. No, I did not spend this evening with son K and family, for they had plans for this evening; although I did visit with C for a few moments. My friend J is recording, 'The Biggest Loser' for me, so I'm grateful. Thank you, J.

Hopefully, tonight I'll sleep better. When I sleep well, I usually have a good day. How about you? Are you like this? When you have little or broken sleep, does stress affect you? Or, am I unusual?

Until next time...