Last night, I just could not sleep; well, that is until early morning! Then, I really didn't want to get up. I did, anyway.
Today was the day that I planned on finishing up gathering my income tax info, for both me and Gordon. It's been such a trial, just thinking and looking at the forms, etc. for his last tax submission. Not to mention that there is a death form and possibly other stuff I have to do in addition to what would be normally submitted for him. Besides, it's not just the first one for me to do for him, since his death. It is also his... final.. submission.
It may sound silly, but every time I think of filing his final income tax submission, I feel like it's another part of him, leaving. Over. Done. Gone.
It's for this reason that I decided to take our income tax info to a tax preparer. I just cannot bring myself to do it, this year, knowing it's Gordon's last. It was hard enough just collecting and organizing the info for his and my taxes.
With God's help, I managed to get through my part and took everything to the person who will be submitting for me. Thank You, Father, for helping me get through this heartbreaking ordeal.
Now, the question will be...do I owe tax, or not?! Since I don't know what tax will be payable for 'death tax', if any, I really cannot say. It'll be a slice, to say the least. I should know, soon. Thank You, Father, for helping me through this trial, once again.
In yesterday's entry, I mentioned that my Dad didn't really love me or show me love, as a child. I did not say this to cry 'woe is me'. On the contrary, it was merely a statement of fact. I came to terms with this many years ago. And, I forgave him.
After rededicating my life to the Lord, I read God's Word, the Bible. If you haven't read it, you should; especially the New Testatment.
God tells us He wants us to be obedient to Him. Many times, in many ways, He tells us to forgive others.
Have you ever prayed the Lord's Prayer, ..."forgive us our trespasses as we forgive...". In other words, we pray to God to forgive us as we forgive others. Hmmm... The reverse of this is sort of like saying, don't forgive us if we don't forgive. Hmmm... Scary thought, isn't it?!
For sure, my life has been filled with many people that I've had to forgive. And, not just my Dad, either.
Some people don't feel it is important to be obedient to God. Unfortunately, they will probably suffer for eternity, because most unforgiving people I have met have been unsaved. Most of the saved people that I've discussed this with, agree that God commanded us to forgive, so we must do it. And, we do.
In my opinion, most people not walking in the spirit, but who are of the world, tend to be unforgiving. Society seems to teach this. Walk away. Don't have anything to do with that person. Hurt them, in return. I call this, 'Opposite World'. The reason is because it's opposite to what God would have us do.
It seems to me that I've met many people who believe that people who choose to forgive others are weak, stupid, brainless or self-motivated to receive some benefit. Actually, anyone who makes an effort to forgive someone who has hurt them, will find it isn't as easy as just saying the words. Not to mention that most people won't even try to say the words. No. Most people would rather hate the person, than forgive them.
It's hard to forgive someone. It doesn't come naturally. It's against our humanness. We are only able to do this, once the Holy Spirit has convicted us and we've come to grips with the fact that we must do this.
God tells us that when we forgive someone, the forgiveness is not really for the person who did the hurting. It's really for you, the person doing the forgiving. God's Word tells us that forgiveness frees us from the bondage of unforgiveness. Bondage. Sort of like slavery. Being a slave to sin.
The Bible tells us that if we don't forgive, we will be tormented.
Isn't that what's really happening, when someone doesn't want to forgive? They usually are tormented; sometimes for the rest of their lives. If you feel hate towards someone, I believe you need to pray about forgiving the person who hurt you. Like I have had to, many times in my life. Know that you are not alone.
Then, there's another reason why it is difficult to forgive people. Often times, society in general, because it doesn't seem acceptable to forgive someone, turns against the person who has done the forgiving. Scripturally, this is called, 'persecution'.
Christians all over the world are being persecuted for their faith, for many reasons; not just for forgiveness, but sometimes just for being a Christian. Even to the point of death. Here, in N. America, it seems that sometimes we experience what I would call a more minor type of persecution. Usually, friends or family, or society in general will turn their backs to the person who has done the forgiving.
God tells us that when this happens to us, we are blessed. In Matthew 5:10, Jesus says, "Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven".
God could not have said it any clearer. Now, the question is, how do you live your life? As a forgiver or an unforgiver? I've already made my choice. Now, the choice is yours.
Until next time...