Friday, April 30, 2010

Happy Birthday, Mom M.!

After about three hours of sleep, I woke up and had trouble going back to sleep. Ahhh... What am I going to do with me? Eventually, I drifted off, after refusing to look at the clock, once again. Still, morning came early; at least it felt that way!

Gordon's friend B, called. I hadn't heard from him in quite a while. This was unusual, for either I hear from him, or my friend J, does. B is awaiting hip-replacement surgery and I thought possibly he had his surgery earlier than expected; but, no. He hadn't; he's still waiting and hoping to get an early call from the hospital since he's on the cancellation list. Actually, I'm shocked that he has had to wait this long, because he lives in St. Thomas. This is close to London, where he will be having his surgery. Hopefully, he won't have to wait too much longer!

Later, I met with my co-worker/realtor friend C. Together, we spoke with a client, giving information that I had done research for and gathered more info. Afterwards, we shared fellowship time and a meal at a nearby restaurant (my treat): Fenton's, on Walker Rd., here in Windsor. We discussed our client, his needs and other business.

C likes Fenton's and goes there, regularly. This was only the second time I had been there and only the first time I had eaten there, for on my first visit, I only had tea. I must admit, the food was excellent! I told C that my friend V, has a daughter J, who previously worked at Fenton's, because she is daughter-in-law of the owner.

Maybe it was because I had been thinking/talking about J, but on my way back home to do more work, I dropped in on my friend V, just for a short time. V has always told me to do this, but I rarely do, even though we've known each other for about twenty-seven (27) years. To my surprise, she told me that J is working at Fenton's again and probably made our food for us. Gee, if I had known that, I would have said, 'hello'. Sorry, J. Next time!

Of course, once home, in addition to doing the work I needed to do, I heard from my co-worker/realtor friend L, who yesterday returned from Taiwan. We reviewed information regarding the work I did for her, exchanged e-mails and important stuff. Hopefully, work in progress will be completed, soon. Welcome home, L!

For supper, I decided to have something 'spicy' and recalled that the last time I bought some Indian food (no I don't home cook it!), I had frozen leftovers. So, I defrosted and reheated, tonight. That's really difficult!! lol In addition, I made rice to complete the meal. Delicious! No, I didn't pig out and eat it all; there's even enough for tomorrow's supper!

A Facebook (fb) friend commented one day that life shouldn't be about surviving, it should be more about dancing in the rain.

Well, it didn't rain, today. In fact, the weather was absolutely gorgeous. Clear, sunny and went up to a high of 82 degrees F (about 27 degrees C).

Of course, this is not what my friend on fb meant. Her reference was directed to coping with life's trials.

I wish I could say that I am dancing in the rain, but at the moment, I cannot say this is true. I must admit that I feel like I am still just surviving life and it's trials.

That's not to say that I don't have happy times, for I do. It's hard to explain what I mean. The only thing I can say, is that while I am still grieving, I just don't feel like my life is going well. I'm sure others think it is, but I just feel like I'm living in limbo.

While I am once again single; I don't feel like I am. Besides, who wants to be? Not me! No, I'm not looking for another mate, for I am not convinced that I will ever again have a soulmate, like I had with Gordon.

Yet, I'm not married, either. Gordon's gone. He'll never be back. I just feel like it is a life sentence to be left behind. No love. No companionship. No life.

I've come to the conclusion that anyone who thinks or says it is easy to just get on with your life after losing your soulmate, is either delusional or lying. The truth is, it's hard. It's horrible. It's devastating at times. And, it's lonely.

While I am thankful I had time with my Gordon and am thankful I will see him again in heaven, God's promise doesn't stop my heart from breaking.

Today, I must be extra thankful, though. For today, is the first time in recent years that Gordon will spend his Mom's birthday with her. They must be celebrating in heaven. Happy Birthday, Mom! One day I'll be there with you and Gordon. Know that I love you and miss you.


Until next time...