Friday, March 19, 2010

Weak? Strong?

Sleep wasn't a problem last night. However, I had a very upset stomach, today; hopefully, I'm not coming down with whatever son K experienced, this past Tuesday!

Due to not feeling well, I never went out of my home, today. Even though I wasn't really feeling very well, I managed to get a lot accomplished.

In addition to what I usually do, I spent some time on the phone, speaking with my brother G. As you know, he recently began blogging; G's blog: Disabled vs Government is on my blog list. He needed some help in getting his blog site organized somewhat. It may not look different, yet. But, eventually you will be able to notice differences. When I am able to go and visit him, I'll be able to set up his site for him, even better.

Since I wasn't going to go out feeling the way I was, I also found time to update the labels on my blog entries. This was something I've been meaning to do for quite a while, but knowing it would be very time-consuming, I kept putting it off. Today was the perfect day. Yes, I completed the task!

My friend J, recently loaned me a book to read: No Longer Alone, by Joan Winmill Brown. Over the past few days, I've been reading it. If I wasn't grieving, I would say that I thought this book was really good reading, especially for someone who is not yet a believer in Jesus Christ. Actually, it is a rather inspiring story of her life and how she came to Christ. I'm grateful to have read it; today, I finished it.

While I enjoyed the book, I found it also broke my heart. If you've read her story or will read it, you will/have notice(d) that her husband becomes ill. Joan prays for her husband. God answers her prayer in a positive way; he is healed. Praise God! Thank You, Jesus! I'm happy for them.

What broke my heart, is exactly what I mentioned in yesterday's blog entry. Why didn't God heal my Gordon? He could have, for nothing is impossible for Him. He choose not to. This breaks my heart, every time I think of it. Lord, help me, please.

I know His will is always done. I know there is a time to be born and a time to die. It was Gordon's time to die. I know this. But, why? God could have healed Gordon and allowed us to grow old together. To worship Him together, in spirit and truth. To be obedient to His word, travel and spread the gospel message, as we're commanded to do and had done in the past. What happened?

Many times, I've heard from people that God tests us. I know this; the Bible tells me so. I know God loves me; that He wouldn't hurt me for the world, because I am one of His children. I'm supposed to be a great testimony for Christ. I thought I was. Until this happened.

Of course, being Christian doesn't mean that I'm perfect. It does mean that I'm forgiven, for past, present and future sin. It means that I will be able to stand before God and He will be able to look upon me, for I will be a clean vessel, with no sin. God cannot look upon sin. This is why we must all come to Christ and be saved. Saved from an eternity in hell. Saved to be able to spend eternity in Heaven with God.

The only thing I can think of, is that since God told us that we must comfort others, we will have to suffer ourselves, in order to be comforted. I will suffer; I know this. After all, He did tell us that the rain will fall on the just and the unjust; in otherwords, everyone will have problems in life. In 2 Corinthians 3-4, God tells us, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

I also know that I will never understand God's plan, until I go to heaven. His ways are not our ways. I know this, for if they were, Gordon would have been healed. Forgive me, Father. It sounds like I'm not trusting in You. I am, though. You know this. It's just so heartbreaking to experience such loss.

God has already had me helping others, in my life. Comforting those who I could help comfort. I truly believe that this has to be one of the reasons that Gordon was taken from me. Now, all I need to do is hang on, until God heals my brokenness. Please make it soon, Father!

In the book, Joan remarked something similar to what I've said about myself, previously. She said, "I am a weak woman, but I have a strong God." Amen to that, sister!

Until next time...