Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Preparation, Love and Support...

Of course, I did the usual work for the day. What can I say? No one else will do it for me! lol

In addition, I baked and decorated a cake for friends who will be joining me for dinner at my home on Friday, to celebrate their birthdays. Wow! This is a busy time of year for birthdays! :-)

I'm glad I baked it early, because I just had a call from a client and will be extremely busy, tomorrow.

It's a good thing I took courses years ago, in cake decorating; I know that once the cake is iced and decorated it will keep well for several days, as long as it is completely sealed with icing, allowing no air to touch the cake, itself. It's marble cake; it should taste yummy!

It's evening, now. I've heard that Canada beat Russia in the hockey game and Canada obtained several medals, in today's Olympic games. Yea Canada! Good show! Congratulations to all who worked so hard!

As like most recent days, I found a time when that sadness that just will not leave me, overcame me. I realize that I should not be so hard on myself, but as a Christian, sometimes I erroneously feel that I should be perfect and not grieve my husband's death. Actually, since I am only human, I know that I should and am grieving. I just keep asking God to help me through this horrible feeling; He does. The trouble is, I want it over, NOW! You know what God's like; everything is in His time, not ours.

I can see that I'm making my way through the grieving process. In case you aren't aware, there are 7 stages of grief:

1) Shock and denial.
2) Pain and guilt.
3) Anger and bargaining.
4) Depression, reflection and loneliness.
5) The upward turn.
6) Reconstruction and working through.
7) Acceptance and hope.

While people generally don't move precisely from one stage to another, because the progression is usually like a sliding pattern, moving back and forth, between stages, until reaching acceptance and hope, I can safely say I am about halfway through.

Like many other days, I spent some time, paralyzed with depression. Tears, tears and more tears, rolling down my face even when I didn't feel I was crying. My grief counsellor tells me that I need to concentrate on grieving and not try to suppress it, because if I do try to suppress it, it will linger on for a very long time. So, I have been trying to allow myself to grieve and to not suppress it, like I thought I had been doing. Truly, I do not want this horrid feeling to continue on for even a second longer than it must.

It's good that I can recognize my need. To anyone I've hurt during this process, I apologize; I wouldn't hurt any of you, ever...on purpose. I am thankful for my good friends and church family, who have stood by me through this heartbreaking and gut-wrenching time. Thank you, for your love and support. Hopefully, one day I will be able to look back and just recall this time, like a bad dream.

I'd like each of you, my friends, to know that I love you...

Sleep well, friends. May God bless you, richly.

Until next time...