Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Love, Again?

The highlight of my day was not work or home life, but at church. Our 'over 50's' group met, today for lunch, like we usually do once a month. With February being 'love' month, this was the theme.

I had been asked to participate in the entertainment portion of our gathering, so I did. Being asked to sing is an honour. Today, was a little bit different, however. You see, rather than being a serious-type situation, I had been asked to participate, along with others, in a fun-type comedy situation. 'Campbell's Got Talent', was born.

Being asked to sing, I was told to choose any secular song that the 'audience' would recognize. With the 'love' theme, I had thought about singing Whitney Houston's: I Will Always Love You. The lyrics aren't what I would call a true love song, because it's written from the perspective of a broken-hearted woman, who only wants the best for the man she loves. Sort of like me. Here are some of the lyrics:

If I
Should stay
I would only be in your way
So, I'll go
But, I know
I'll think of you every step
Of the way...

That is all I am taking with me
So, goodbye
Please don't cry
We both know I'm not what you
You need

I hope life treats you kind
And, I hope you have all you've dreamed of
And I wish you joy and happiness
But, above all this
I wish you love

And, I will always love you...

Aren't those heartbreaking, but lovely/loving lyrics of someone who feels they must let go of the person they love? Someone like me, who must say 'goodbye' to my love. He's gone, but I still feel like I'm holding onto him. I am trying hard to let go.

In the end, I didn't feel I could sing the song, without breaking down and I didn't want to feel foolish. You see, this 'love' theme is really hard on me. It's not easy losing someone you love. In my grief counselling group, Pastor C has said that it is always hard losing someone we love, but losing a spouse or child is the worst. I must admit that I agree. This has proven to be harder than any other trial or loss in my life. Truly.

Instead, I sang (well, at least part of) Karen Carpenter's, ' I'll Say Goodbye to Love'. Since I already quoted some lyrics, I don't think I'll quote more, tonight; possibly another time.

The only people who knew what was happening was we participants, who did a variety of acts supposedly in competition, while the judges decided if we were 'good', or not. The rest of the people in attendance had no idea what was happening, until it was finally revealed. All the participants that had talent, displayed it, whether it was playing the piano, juggling, reciting, or singing, like I did. Each one of us who were good was 'gonged' by the three judges, who claimed that we were not good enough material to be sent on to Hollywood. Then, came into the scene, a participant who sang off key, couldn't keep the tune, forgot words, was shy, etc.

I think you are getting the picture; someone who was of no talent participated...and WON! It was a fun time; I believe everyone enjoyed it.

Seated next to me was a couple who were our guest speakers. They were recently married; last summer. Both had been married, previously; both had been widowed.

They spoke of their love for each other and how they fell in love, how grateful they were for another chance at happiness, etc. But, they also spoke about the heartbreak of being widowed. Both agreed, being widowed had been the worst trial of their lives and tried to explain it to all. I had to contain myself from crying; only a few tears spilled out. I looked over a friend who had been widowed last year as well; more tears flowed, there.

While it was good to hear what they had to say, I must admit I was reminded that I cannot imagine getting through this, ever. Never mind, ever having another relationship. Then again, nothing is impossible for God.

Until next time...