Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Improvement?

If I am sounding like a broken record, I apologize. I am so very tired; I wish I could get a full night's sleep.

About 8:00 am this morning, my older brother B, called. He and his girlfriend P, had hoped to come to visit, but decided to wait until the weather is better. I couldn't blame them, for the drive from Guelph to Windsor is not the nicest, especially driving between London and Chatham, if the weather isn't good. Hopefully, I'll see them, soon.

Being up and running, I decided to work on preparing the paperwork I needed for today. Praise God, it didn't take too long to put it together, because I also had to prepare for having guests for lunch. Ooooeeee! Talk about being in a rush! Believe it or not, I was able to get everything ready in time to leave for my work appointment!

My co-worker/friend C and my realtor/friend M, joined me for lunch, here at home. It's actually nice having guests for a meal, for it gets pretty lonely being here alone all the time. Besides, it's the only time I eat at the table at home, any more.Thank you, for joining me. Hopefully, you enjoyed our time together, as much as I did.

After cleaning up, I found myself out and about, once again. In my travels, I shopped for more supplies to make a large salad that will be served after a funeral at church, tomorrow. A church-sister's adult daughter, died.

I am not looking forward to attending the funeral tomorrow, but I am available and I feel I must. Actually, I felt badly that while I was able to visit another church-sister and her family, yesterday at a funeral home, I wasn't able to attend today's funeral, due to not being able to change my morning appointment. I do feel it is important to be supportive of my church family; I'm thankful they were supportive of me, when Gordon died.

It's weird, really. One minute I feel like my head is still in a fog; the next minute, I feel like the fog is lifting. Still, this sadness is still with me, most of the time.

While sharing lunch, M made some comments to both C and I about grief. It was apparent to me that she hasn't got a clue about what either C or I am going through. That's okay. I realize that some people just don't understand. Still, I feel badly for C, for they are friends and he spends time with M, regularly. As you know, C lost his wife last spring. He also attends grief counselling, where I do.

It was during our conversation at lunchtime that I began feeling the wave of sadness come over me, again. Because I was busy in the afternoon, I thought it would fade away, but it hasn't. Sometimes, I just wish God had taken me home, instead of Gordon, for there are times when I just feel like I have not much purpose, anymore. Why am I here, Lord?

I know it's God's will and His will is always done. Still, it doesn't change the pain and sorrow I feel. However, I am glad that it is coming and going now, in waves, rather than feeling like this all the time. So, I suppose it is an improvement.

Well, it's close to bedtime and I really need to get working on preparing for tomorrow, so I must bid you, 'farewell'.


Until next time...