Thursday, January 28, 2010

Tears and Chuckles!

This morning was filled with telephone calls. In fact, I really had to rush in order to pick up my realtor/friend M, in time for us to arrive at the Caboto Club on Tecumseh Rd. at Parent Ave., for noon. She wasn't too happy, because she had hoped we'd arrive early, but it couldn't be helped. Truthfully, with all my rushing, I was happy to arrive five minutes early, the way we did!

Around this time every year, our real estate board brings in a motivational speaker whose job it is to encourage us and motivate us, during a luncheon meeting. I'd seen this person in the past; he is a good speaker. Our friends that we usually sit with at meetings like this, saved seats for us; thank you! It's always nice to be able to have a visit with cronies that we don't often get to see. All in all, I thought it was worth attending.

Hopefully, the Downtown Mission was blessed by all the donations we realtors brought with us, for we take every opportunity to help our community.

Back at home in the late afteroon, I decided to watch Rick Steves' Europe. If you haven't been able to watch this programme, look for it on PBS. Or, look at your local library for his VCR or DVD recordings.

Today's programme was on Edinburgh. Actually, I had seen it previously. Gordon and I had visited Glasgow and had hoped to visit Edinburgh one day, but it never happened. When this programme aired the last time I saw it, I cried throughout the programme, knowing that Gordon and I would never visit Edinburgh, now that he's dead. Today, I didn't cry, but still felt sad.

On my way to my grief counselling support group, I stopped at my Chiropractor's office to pick up the Traumeel tablets that finally arrived, late this afternoon. Praise God! Not just because I needed more, but also because Gordon's friend B, who lives near London, may be visiting a friend in Windsor this weekend and I had promised to give him some of these wonderful natural anti-inflammatory/analgesic tablets to help him with his pain. Now, I'm ready for when he calls.

Our support meeting was a good one, tonight. Well, at least it was for me, since I didn't cry throughout the whole meeting, like I did last week. Tonight, I only cried through most of the meeting.

I cannot help it. It's not just my own grief. I also feel badly hearing from other people about their grief. Our facilitator is wonderful, too. She is a very caring pastor, who truly cares about others. You can feel it.

Hopefully, I'll reach the point where I don't cry at all. She says that it's because being a widow is so new and fresh to me. I feel like it's because of this, plus the fact that my 'cup' has been full for a long time and is now spilling over, with Gordon's death just being the icing on the cake. I've had a lifetime of pain, suffering and sorrow; I just cannot deal with any more. God promised me that He would never give me more than I can handle, but every time I tell Him I cannot handle any more, I receive more to deal with. I'm overwhelmed with grief, pain, sorrow and suffering.

I know God has a plan for my life; I trust Him, that He is in control. I know He's stretching me and molding me into the person He wants me to be. He's the potter and I'm the clay. It's just that when you go through the refiner's fire, it isn't pleasant for we humans. I'm just grateful that He's with me and promised that when I go through the fire, I will not be burned. Even if I feel like I am.

Afterwards, five of us went to the nearby Tim Horton's at N. Service Rd. & Central Ave., for refreshments and fellowship. It felt so good to be able to laugh. I cannot remember when I last laughed that hard! I thought I was going to cry, because I was laughing so hard! Especially hearing about my friend W's experience at a theatre, involving a man sitting behind her. I'm sorry! I cannot tell you what she did, but I can tell you that it must have taken a lot of gumption to even tell us about what happened! Can you hear me laughing, just writing about this, on a non-informative level? LOL LOL LOL ;-))

I'll try to not laugh too hard; it might disturb me getting to sleep! I should sign off and bid you a good night (chuckle chuckle). Sleep well.

Until next time...